metrogirl Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I didn't expect anyone to understand me. Even if college is a fresh start sooner or later people will rip in your past to find out who you are and when that time comes they will stay away from me. The only thing I can tell is: "Oh you know, I stole and lied, and I was the greates loser in school. I had no friends and I am a weirdo." Oh yeah, they are certainly going to love me! Beside that, since I have never had any friend, why would I get one in college? Without any "friend experience" how would I know what being a friend means...? I know, that sounds weird but it is the truth! No, I don't think much would change... I don't think the college kids are sitting around waiting for the next new person to come in so they can dig up their past. Besides I'm sure you wouldn't be the only one there that has a dark past. There are a great number of people that have done things in their past that they are not proud of but it's what we learned from it that makes all the difference. In terms of meeting new people, you aren't the only one that is scared to meet new people. What about the dozens of shy kids that are scared to make the first move? You aren't alone hon...... Link to comment
AllDarkness Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 I know a lot of people who completely changed who they were when they got to college. Shy people who didn't have many friends and didn't seem to like anything turned into some of the most outgoing people. You can do it too, if you want to. So they just, "poof", changed? I have never heard about them... answers in bold Well, you have to judge a person in some way. Why else would we be asking about their past? Maybe it is just me but if someone told me that he killed two people when he was a teen...I would stay away from him. And I know that it is probably wrong and whatever you want to call it... It comes naturally? I don't think so...if it was so easy why are so many friendships broken? I don't think the college kids are sitting around waiting for the next new person to come in so they can dig up their past. Besides I'm sure you wouldn't be the only one there that has a dark past. There are a great number of people that have done things in their past that they are not proud of but it's what we learned from it that makes all the difference. In terms of meeting new people, you aren't the only one that is scared to meet new people. What about the dozens of shy kids that are scared to make the first move? You aren't alone hon...... How would get to know a person if you didn't know about what he/she had done before? The past determines their personality... Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 So they just, "poof", changed? I have never heard about them... It's only as easy or difficult it as you make it. There is one kid in particular I knew in HS. He was kind of strange (at least that's how people perceived him). He never talked to anybody, was a real outsider, etc. Saw him a few years later. He looked pretty much the same but had a much better haircut and decent clothes. That's not what made him look better though. He was smiling, outgoing, talking to everybody, and confident. I talked to him for a while and he got into different clubs at college and met a lot of people. He acknowledge how he was before and said he just decided he'd had enough of being who he was. He wanted more out of life, he wanted to enjoy it more...so he did. Link to comment
LonelyMoondancer Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 I've been keeping tabs on this thread and just thought I'd say, I feel like you're making a little progress AllDarkness. You're more willing to accept suggestions and kinder in your responses. It's definitely possible for you to change your outlook or at least feel better- not in a poof as you suggested, but slowly and steadily. You can definitely do this. You've got so many great people helping you out, please stay strong. I've think about this everyday, and I don't have the greatest advice to give right now as I'm going through some tough stuff right now too, but I really hope you'll feel better. Take care. Link to comment
ceez Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 hello alldarkness, it sounds like your coming along pretty well. I would definitely try out college and I think a lot of people feel the same as you not knowing where they fit in or if they ever will or if they'll ever make something of themselves. you can't waste your life wondering what complete strangers think of you, they won't care unless they know you. don't know if you believe it or not but you've made friends on this post. its good you go out for walks, you might want to get involved in some groups you're interested in, maybe a poetry club or something. I know most people may think I'm weird for writing this but what you said about jumping into the water as the sun was sitting sounded like beautiful poetry and someone wrote that committing suicide takes a lot more guts than introducing yourself to a stranger, they were 100% correct(I know I've tried twice). well, you can't say know one cares anymore, members have been posting since I think it was September right? I would like to hear at least one of your stories, when ever you start and you hit wall and want to trash your masterpiece set it aside and come back to it later. Edger Allen Poe didn't become famous until after his early death, a lot of people actually thought his writings were very strange. by the way I'm so glade you didn't kill yourself, I tried helping someone else on this website and after not hearing from him for about a week I cried all night. you have a bright and beautiful person inside you. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 For what it's worth kiddo, I have actually taken a real liking to you. And I'm not one of those people that just likes everyone. I even logged in from home cause I was thinking about you and wanted to know how you were feeling, and I like almost never log on from home. Seriously. I think the moral of the story is, if the Scorpion likes you, there will probably be a lot of other people in the world that will, too. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 See, AllDarkness no one has given up on you here. You still have the regular posters checking in on this thread and talking to you. There is truly something about you that we have taken a liking to. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 ^ I agree with two of the better posters on this forum. Link to comment
AllDarkness Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 It's only as easy or difficult it as you make it. There is one kid in particular I knew in HS. He was kind of strange (at least that's how people perceived him). He never talked to anybody, was a real outsider, etc. Saw him a few years later. He looked pretty much the same but had a much better haircut and decent clothes. That's not what made him look better though. He was smiling, outgoing, talking to everybody, and confident. I talked to him for a while and he got into different clubs at college and met a lot of people. He acknowledge how he was before and said he just decided he'd had enough of being who he was. He wanted more out of life, he wanted to enjoy it more...so he did. Well, a guy with such a talent for just changing...wish I had his talent. No - again- what they learn from their past, and where the choose to go from there determines their personality. Youth is about learning to function in the world. You can't strap on a pair of ice skates & go win Olympic skating...you have to fall A LOT of times before you can even circle the rink. What you are saying is akin to saying that because a 12 month old can't walk- he will never walk. It simply isn't so. Would you say a 5 year old who bites a friend is destined to become a cannibal? Of course you wouldn't...why are you so determined to define who you are going to BE based on choices you made in your past? Because I can't see myself be any different. I can't see how I could change. I can't see myself be these things that all of you people describe. A successful person? A happy person? In my head there is only me and what I am now and what I was. There is no memory of the future... I've been keeping tabs on this thread and just thought I'd say, I feel like you're making a little progress AllDarkness. You're more willing to accept suggestions and kinder in your responses. It's definitely possible for you to change your outlook or at least feel better- not in a poof as you suggested, but slowly and steadily. You can definitely do this. You've got so many great people helping you out, please stay strong. I've think about this everyday, and I don't have the greatest advice to give right now as I'm going through some tough stuff right now too, but I really hope you'll feel better. Take care. Maybe it is a slow process...a very very slow process... hello alldarkness, it sounds like your coming along pretty well. I would definitely try out college and I think a lot of people feel the same as you not knowing where they fit in or if they ever will or if they'll ever make something of themselves. you can't waste your life wondering what complete strangers think of you, they won't care unless they know you. don't know if you believe it or not but you've made friends on this post. its good you go out for walks, you might want to get involved in some groups you're interested in, maybe a poetry club or something. I know most people may think I'm weird for writing this but what you said about jumping into the water as the sun was sitting sounded like beautiful poetry and someone wrote that committing suicide takes a lot more guts than introducing yourself to a stranger, they were 100% correct(I know I've tried twice). well, you can't say know one cares anymore, members have been posting since I think it was September right? I would like to hear at least one of your stories, when ever you start and you hit wall and want to trash your masterpiece set it aside and come back to it later. Edger Allen Poe didn't become famous until after his early death, a lot of people actually thought his writings were very strange. by the way I'm so glade you didn't kill yourself, I tried helping someone else on this website and after not hearing from him for about a week I cried all night. you have a bright and beautiful person inside you. Maybe they won't care but it is better than people disliking me. I know I am just repeating myself but I still don't understand why anyone would be my friend...I am NOT a person you like. Life has taught me that. People has taught me that...I AM A WEIRDO. I have always been that. And now, I know a lot of people say the same: "I am a weirdo too!" Well, NO YOU ARE NOT! A weirdo is NOT a person who got friends and a life! So stop trying convince me that all you people are weirdos because you are not! None of you have met me. You don't know what I really am! A pathetic loser... Taking your own life is a lot tougher than approaching a stranger? Why is that? Dead means that you don't feel anything which is better than feeling pain! Ok, so maybe some of you care but for what reason? You don't know how I am in real life you only has this idea of who this person is. In your mind you might have some guy like your...brother, an old friend or something...but I'll bet that if any of you met me in real life you would consider me a person you want to stay away from... For what it's worth kiddo, I have actually taken a real liking to you. And I'm not one of those people that just likes everyone. I even logged in from home cause I was thinking about you and wanted to know how you were feeling, and I like almost never log on from home. Seriously. I think the moral of the story is, if the Scorpion likes you, there will probably be a lot of other people in the world that will, too. Not in real life! See, AllDarkness no one has given up on you here. You still have the regular posters checking in on this thread and talking to you. There is truly something about you that we have taken a liking to. What is that? I can't think of anything to like! I am loser, I have no friends, I am a person with a negative mind, I have no life, and I want to die...? Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 OK so, what exactly is it about you that makes you so weird that no one would like you? Link to comment
AllDarkness Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 OK so, what exactly is it about you that makes you so weird that no one would like you? That nobody understands my choices...? Every choice I make, everything I say...IS WRONG! And when you don't understand it...you don't want to deal with it... Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 That nobody understands my choices...? Every choice I make, everything I say...IS WRONG! And when you don't understand it...you don't want to deal with it... Choices about what exactly? Just because someone has a different opinionthan you does not make you wrong and them right, or vice versa. Link to comment
AllDarkness Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 Choices about what exactly? Just because someone has a different opinionthan you does not make you wrong and them right, or vice versa. Obviously they are! It doesn't matter what choices...they are in the past... Link to comment
doityourself Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 AllDarkness, What you need to realize is that weve all made mistakes and we all live to regret them. You can ask any person on here and they will have something in thier closets. Dont let what you did in the past made the person you are today. Just by writing back in forth with you I know that you have a big heart and your aching inside. I feel like your finally taking some of the things on here and believing that you can make a differance with yourself you can make yourself feel better. Keep that going, try not to the dark side override so much. Wake up saying Im going to feel happy today. College would be great for you, first it would get you out of the house and give you something to do. Next it will give you the oppurtuntity to make friends, I know you say that you cant make friends, but I made more in college than in high school. Im shy dont talk much in public, give it a chance. Im glad your having good days, and just like scorpion I logg on sometimes just to see if youve posted. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Obviously they are! It doesn't matter what choices...they are in the past... If they are in the past and don't matter, what do they have to do with everyone thinking you're weird and no one liking you. Scorpion likes you, and Scorpion doesn't like many people. Scorpion is also a dork and referring to herself in third person....anyway.... I'm trying to help you sweetie, and the more detail you give, the better my advice and help can be. Remember you are welcome to PM me anytime with anything you don't want to be public knowledge. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Ok, so maybe some of you care but for what reason? You don't know how I am in real life you only has this idea of who this person is. In your mind you might have some guy like your...brother, an old friend or something...but I'll bet that if any of you met me in real life you would consider me a person you want to stay away from... Why, because you have it fixed in your mind that no one cared in the real world so no one here should care? I'm a firm believer that every person deserves compassion, happiness, and a chance at life. I see a very unhappy person that obviously has been hurt by many people growing up but it doesn't have to be like that anymore. You don't want to be hated and judged anymore than we want to hate you or judge you. Work with us. You have a band of supporters here that want to help you. We would like for nothing more than to see you come out of the dark hole you have buried yourself in and flourish. You have way more to offer than you think you do. Link to comment
ayekasong Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Ok, so maybe some of you care but for what reason? You don't know how I am in real life you only has this idea of who this person is. In your mind you might have some guy like your...brother, an old friend or something...but I'll bet that if any of you met me in real life you would consider me a person you want to stay away from... I personally care because I see so many parallels between my own past and what you are telling us about your situation here. So much of what you write resonates with what has happened to me. And I know that so much of what you are going through is painful...but that it can get better. And yes, it can be a painfully slow process, but you can completely turn your life around if you are determined to do so. I would say that I've finally started getting a handle on my life and my own personal issues - and it has been a long, slow journey for me, but I am getting to where I want to be. I know you can do it, too, and that is why I care. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Please try to calm down as you seem so distressed. I would love to help you feel better just tell me what to do.. Christina x Link to comment
jc123 Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 to the o.p. alldarkness. is there any light? Link to comment
Jelina Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 I can completely relate to you, I went through a very long period in my life where I had no one, no friends or family. My family would make fun of me for being anti-social. I have always been the black sheep of my family and no matter what I did everything I did was wrong to everyone besides me. Although the constant harassment from people stopped when I left high school, I still had trouble getting along with people and saw everything in my life as a curse. I felt that everything that happened that was bad was supposed to happen to me because that's who I became, it's who I was. I hated everyone and I hated my own life. I would pray to die and I ate things and did things that were bad for my health. Then eventually I realized that I had basically adopted negativity, it became normal, my depression actually became comforting. I realized that no matter what happened during the day the only thing that I'd remember were the negative events. I hope that one day you realize that even though you can't change the way other people think, or some of the things you've done in the past, you can leave it in the past, move forward and try to think positively and see the good in life. You might think there is no good in your life, no good people no good things but it's actually in your control. You choose who your friends are and you can go out to places, even by yourself and just enjoy life. And even though you might not have a good day or many, just remember that there is still tomorrow and no one has a good day everyday. Link to comment
ceez Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Maybe it is a slow process...a very very slow process... Ok, so maybe some of you care but for what reason? You don't know how I am in real life you only has this idea of who this person is. In your mind you might have some guy like your...brother, an old friend or something...but I'll bet that if any of you met me in real life you would consider me a person you want to stay away from... Not in real life! This is real life, there are real people on here posting. Its just like texting or sending someone an email and trust me if you were close enough to meet with some of the people posting I know they would, I would and what exactly do you think makes you weird, could you give us some examples, I'm pretty sure someone on here would do the same things. college is a lot different than high school too, in my orientation class there was a guy who dressed in all black with a trench coat gloves and those high boots w/ the straps around them, we all just started talking with out giving it a second thought and he was very nice. I used to be anti social myself, then in my first year of college it was so easy to find someone to talk to in class or in the student lounges. yes it may be a slow process but you have to start some where. Link to comment
doityourself Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 I care, I think if we didnt care we wouldnt be here trying to tell you that your life is worth living you just have to give it a chance. It may not all be smelly roses but it can be and have what you want if you work hard enough to get it. I dont think your weird, nothing youve said has made me feel or think of you any differant. Your just confused and trying to find your way, we all go through with that emotion some time in our lives. Some struggle more than others. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Where you at homie? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Just checking in to see how you are doing today. Link to comment
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