I hate you all!

[doityourself]

Happy late Birthday Darkness

 

I still follow your post, just at a lose as to anything I can add. Im just starting to enjoy life at 32, and may not completely understand what you go through I do know what its like to suffer.

 

I think you are head strong on nothing that is going to work. I think youve made up your mind to quit trying. Well....

 

Nothing will work if you dont give it a try. You will always feel miserable, you will not make friends unless you reach out. It took me a long time to realize this, I wasted so much time wondering and worrying that I missed out on alot. Im still missing out, because the depression sometimes doesnt let me open my eyes to anything but missery, to self hate, to failure.

 

If I keep thinking along those lines, like Ill never be anything or have anything then Im wasting what little energy I do have shaping my life into my own little pity party.

 

Keep working at it. Hope your birthday was awesome. Did you get a cake?

[AllDarkness]

I am not celebrating my birthday anymore. Heck, haven't done that for some years now. I could not and still cannot see what there is to celebrate. I never asked to be born! Why celebrate something you never wanted!??

 

I can turn on the TV on see all the social norms that we have. At least in my country. There are lot of things you are suppose to do at a certain age. And if you haven't done them, you are a loser! That's it. Young people are supposed to do stupid things like partying all night and getting drunk all the time. People who focus on their studies are considered persons without a life. They are not admired but considered mentally diseased. Something must be wrong with young people if they don't drink, smoke weed sometimes, and do stupid things, right?!

That is the social norm in my country...whether it is different in the US I don't know.

 

 

Hmf I remember that even the military did not want me. In this country (don't know about other countries) all male people are called up for military service. We are all supposed to go through some health-tests or something in order to find out whether we are capable of taking a military education or something like that. The results of the tests was like:

 

1) You are physically in horrible shape.

2) Your weight is too low

3) Something wrong with your knees

4) Somthing wrong with your back

5) Your sight is too bad (hope you understand what I mean)

6) You are mentally too weak

7) The IQ tests was as low as it could get without having suspicious about cheating in it (I got the lowest of those who wasn't accused of cheating)

 

This just confirmed that I was a useless individual. I am even too stupid too almost get into military!!! Even Steven King said that stupid people could always get into military service. Obviously this proves that I am more stupid than stupid(!)

[Jeen]

If you read "Steven King" you can't be stupid!

 

Today intelligence is not only measured on IQ tests anymore! We can be puppets pulled around by strings if we want to be like ever one els. You don't, that is what is making it sow hard for you, don't give in you have came this far, you are your own person with a will of your own, don't bring yourself down in life you do deserve more.

 

Remember happiness comes from within oneself!

[hockeyboy]

Hey man, you still come on here? How are things?

[AllDarkness]

Hey man, you still come on here? How are things?

 

No, not really. I am useless. I now know it. There is no future for me. The world hates me. Everybody who meets me will be that way. They will avoid me. They will whisper behind my back. And eventually they will hate me. That is the way I am supposed to be. It's destiny.

 

You know, I took a walk (about 10 km) and went to a park where I sat down on a bench in front a lake. There is a nearby High School and College so students often come to this place when taking a rest from school. They all have a future of some sort...but I have nothing. I still feel like wanting to disappear. I wish that somebody else could take my place in the world because I know I don't deserve it. I don't think I am supposed to exist because I am useless to this world. And somehow, I have always known that it is the truth. I am probably going to die by some deadly disease. Nature always finds away to exterminate the weak ones from the world.

[BellaDonna]

AllDarkness, I am glad to see that you are still coming to enotalone. But I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling any better.

 

There is a nearby High School and College so students often come to this place when taking a rest from school

 

I know at one point you posted that you were thinking about college for yourself too. Are you still looking into it?