Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[periwinkle00]

I asked myself the reason why I wanted to call you. "Is it because I miss you?" The answer was yes. Until the answer is "Because I want to see how you are doing", it wouldn't be wise to call..and it sucks!!

[lioness726]

Ya know, I probably should post this whole situation somewhere else but I think I just need to vent. I like venting to "you" because it's not really you and I like being able to blame my problems on this fake "you".

 

You hurt me so now you can be my fake punching bag.

 

I f***ed up. Because of you and how you had hurt me, I got myself into a pretty bad situation. I thought I was doing right by me because I thought I was leading myself into a situation with a new man that was familiar to what you did to me. Unfortunately, I didn't even give him a chance or talk to him. I didn't communicate and I freaked out. I reacted rashly and I really should not have, especially since I was drinking. I ended things with him and I think I hurt him. Ugh.

 

He's my friend and has been for many years now. One night after having a night out, we came back to his place (as we had done a million times in the past), but this time we ended up having sex. It ended up not being a one time thing. I was loving all the times we spent together and I always had a blast with him. Sex, kissing, everything was great. There was chemistry and passion. This went on for a month and a half. But the thing is, I started to realize that I had feelings for him and I freaked out, ended it late the other night (yeah, I was intoxicated), and told him I couldn't do it because I didn't want to get hurt, realized I liked him, and I knew it was purely physical for him. Stupid me though- I said this all through text messaging, after his bartending shift of 11 hours, and he was apparently already in a foul mood. Problem is, he didn't deny my accusation that it was just physical for him. He responded very shortly and even gave me a hurtful jab at the end of, "It was fun, though." He's not that type of guy to say something like that- it stung badly. I know he was pissed because he also posted something on Instagram of him looking quite furious with the caption "I am not one for bulls**t tonight."

 

I cried my little eyes out that night. I think I cried more that night than the night you told me you didn't love me...

 

I don't know how to feel about all this. I feel like I messed up big time. I didn't want to end things with him, but I was scared. I probably should have given him a chance to talk and had an adult conversation about what he and I were doing. Instead, I acted like a child and ripped the rug right out from under him. Worse, he's my friend. I care about him aside from what had transpired between us. I think that's also why I started to develop feelings for him... Honestly, I think I always had those feelings. They were just never acted out upon. Everyone thinks he really does have feelings for me, but I just really hurt him that night and he didn't want to deal with my bulls**t. I don't know. I just know that I messed up. I hurt him and I may have shot myself in the foot.

 

Because of my fear of getting hurt again- and my own fear of having feelings for someone again- I lashed out. It was stupid and I know I owe him an apology. I just didn't want to go through all the crap I went through with you- again. But I should have given him more credit than that. He's not you.

 

I think I may have to put on my big girl pants and reach out to him and tell him that I want to talk to him in person- that I owe him an apology and he deserves one in person. I don't know if he'll want to see me, though. I don't know if he'll answer my call or text. I don't know any of this, but I guess all I can do is try. I know if it was me- I would give him that chance. But that's me. I only hope he will be just as forgiving.

 

I'm not sure how he feels about me and it's possible it really was all just sex and fun to him- but I also know that we were friends before all this and he does care. This is the guy that hiked to the top of a hill on my birthday with me, with a bottle of wine after his bartending shift. It was super late in the night and he still followed along with all of my silly shenanigans and watched the sunrise with me. So maybe, there's something. Maybe. Not always- but I feel if I talk to him in person and that really IS the case, at least I'll know for certain, I'll have my closure, and we can move on.

 

I may not be happy with that scenario, but if that's how it's supposed to be- then so it shall be.

 

I wish the ghost of what you had done to me wasn't still haunting me. But, apparently it is. Otherwise, I may have been smarter. Screw you, man.

[Hazyillusions]

Do u think us talking is a good idea. We're always so back n forth, maybe it's time to cut you off for good. I guess the fact I still have feelings makes things harder. Maybe this is subconsciously a distraction tactic. Maybe it's none of that. This has nothing to do with E anymore; its just about us and how we can't walk away.

[Hazyillusions]

Erik. I don't want to think about you with the same supercharged emotions. It's all done and you know what? This acceptance isn't tormenting me as much anymore.

[crazyfast]

I miss you so much, I miss you being really cuddly and miss how you worried about me when I was heading home on the bus, you insisted that I had to call you when I got home, no matter the time. Please please please make contact with me and tell me something I really want to hear, tell me you're not seeing you know who anymore and that you wish things can be different between us, tell me you don't want it to be that way. I love you so much.

 

I want you to know that I will never ever turn into the person I used to be, I am a changed man, I honestly don't even feel like questioning you and accusing you anymore. I can see clearly now.

[jane4221]

Today was awful. got a new passport and i have to fill out my next of kin. My next of kin has always been you...who is it now? The wee man is crying for home and his Daddy. Something inside me is in such incredible pain and all I want is for you to hug me. I wish you could see how senseless this is. We should be together. Our family should be together. I know you are crying too. I miss you so much I can practically taste you in the air around me. Please, please, please come back to me. Come back honey.

[sophi3]

i dont hate you. i hope that somehow you understand that im not contacting you because im not ready to be your friend yet. i hope you dont hate me either.

[hrdcore1337]

I'm sure your moving with your life the way you want to.

 

Your busy at work as usual and say you don't have the time for anyone.

 

That's fine, but I'm out, because regardless if you say that you love me,

 

you don't mean it if you don't wanna make time for me.

 

Best of luck to you with your endeavours.

[chamachama]

Ugh....I miss you today. Dammit. I want to reply to your text so bad but when I think about the horrible things that you said to me their really is no going back. What kind of man would I be if I ever spoke to you again? It would be one thing if that was the only time you had done that. But it wasn't and this time it was so screwed up that you left basically no room for anything but erasing you completely from my life like you never even existed. I'm sorry that you did that and it sucks because I know you're missing me too and I know I was a great boyfriend to you. Patient, fun, passionate and I did love you... But you left me basically no options. You self destructed again. And that's how this ends...

[jane4221]

Please come home honey

[Hazyillusions]

I look forward to the day when I feel complete apathy when I think of you and just remember you as someone from the past. I'm sure I'll get there in time. It's just a struggle right now that's all.

[Hazyillusions]

I love you Erik. I deeply love you. Hope you don't completely forget me.

[kwt]

I dont hate you now, but sometimes I still wanna say " you" in your face, especially when you left me all this guilt I am feeling right now even though it's been 4.5 months since you dump me.

I may have been overreacted at some situations, been a drama queen as you loved to call me. Now I look back I do realize I may have overreacted at the stuff that I bickered to you about. But I did it because you made me feel at that time, that I could be sure of. you never made me feel secured, about us and about myself. When I said how I feel about sth you did, I am the

I did love you very much, I cared about you deeply, maybe that is why I come off as needy or bickering or "controlling" because I was trying to improve how things work between us. Did I regret talking to you about phone problems? sometimes I did, because I found this is when things start to not work for us, and sometimes, I asked myself did you really play that often, but there are few occasions which I rmb hard that I was pissed that you are on your phone for so long when I could be spending my time doing sth else or be with my friends or family. But what if I never said anything about it, at a point, we would have to realize that we are so bad at communicating at each other we will eventually fall apart.

You are my first boyfriend, the first guy that I loved other than my dad. You sweep me off the feet that night when I first met you, and you got me fall for you. I never ran a relationship, so I dont know what to expect, except from my friends.

I dont love you anymore, I got a new life now, and you seemed to too. you probably will forget me, since we were only together for 8 months and in the end you probably just found me or rmb me as this crazy bickering dramatic .

There are up and downs in relationships, even though during the downs I decided to stay and put an effort in it to make it work because I loved you. You decided to get up and leave.

I know I prob see you more in the future, because yes I climb now but I didnt start it because of you. There's even a time I question whether I should start it because you have been doing it. In the end I did and I am glad, because it's becaus of climbing and the people I met there that helped me get back on with my life. I still cry sometimes but most of the time I am happy.

Last year when I met you, it felt like destiny because if I hadnt done this or been there beforehand, there's no way I would have met you that night. after you dumped me, I stop believing in destiny. But now if I hadnt met you, I wouldnt start climbing. life's funny.

thank you for the 8 months I spent with you. There are moments that you made me cry so hard and even depressed. There are moments that made me smile. there are embarassing things I did that I cringed whenever I look back. But thank you for making me realize my flaws and now that I know what they are, I've been working on them. and also thank you for making me stronger.

[Hazyillusions]

What's passed is past. I need to keep telling myself that.

[kwt]

And one more thing: please learn to be more appreciative!!!!

[hrdcore1337]

Not sure what you are up to nowadays.

 

Possibly with another guy, possibly just going with the flow.

 

Todays been a hard day mentally, with thoughts of you with another man creeping in my mind but,

 

that's life.

 

Ill deal with it.

[kz91]

Nothing's changed with you, you're still the same person who hurt me the most.

 

Always will be.

[hrdcore1337]

I'm trying so hard to delete you from facebook but I can't.

 

Everyday it keeps getting a little easier, but it's gonna be hard.

 

Enjoy yourself, without me.

[Kimcwell]

Did you really just send me the "hope you are well" text after nearly a year of complete silence? I'll tell you this, I'm so well that I deleted it and do not plan on responding.

[Hazyillusions]

Today I was out and passed one of the streets we used to walk a lot down. I remembered how you once 'dipped' me backwards by that busy intersection ( one of those spontaneous things you used to do) and how I giggled and how somebody gasped in their car and how we laughed. You were so much fun! I loved how you would pick me up and how easily you lifted me on top of you while crossing busy streets. Hahaha bet those girls were jealous of me. You made me really happy E, I loved how you would dance randomly and how damn confident and charismatic you were. Remember how I once dared you to stand up in a crowded restaurant and just sing? You didn't hesitate one bit LOL. And you're not much of a singer so it made me wish I had that self assurance.

 

 

Anyway, what really I wanted to say was that those thoughts made me smile really big. I wasn't sad, I'm making progress!

 

P.S thanks for loosening me up. You embarassed me a lot, but MY GOD did I enjoy every minute of it!

[IAmFCA]

Coach asked about you, as you haven't responded to him either. I told him I was advised not to call you, that you would interpret that as me wanting to sleep with you. It's a bit frustrating, having everything reduced down to this single dynamic. It feels vulgar. But also I see his point.

 

So I don't call you. I feel strongly that i should or shouldn't, both.

 

It's annoying. Maybe I'll write you.

 

Xmas card?

 

Hmm.

[Hazyillusions]

Going overseas tonight. Just wanted to say Merry Christmas E.

I think about you daily, though it's no longer every few seconds so things aren't as painful now. I feel a lot more liberated. I miss you, hope 2014 proves to be productive and unforgettable. I love you.

[young]

i was upset when we were saying goodbye because deep down i still love you, and it was an immature way to try and make me feel better by getting your feelings down. i'm sorry...

[periwinkle00]

Seriously? You can't even give me a "happy birthday" on facebook on my birthday? I'm hoping you just weren't on yesterday. I actually messaged you on your birthday. That was the only time that I did. I can't believe it.

[periwinkle00]

You say you feel uncomfortable posting on my wall. You didn't even have to go to my wall to wish me happy birthday. What the f*ck? I messaged you back asking why you feel uncomfortable. I don't even know if you'll get the message. You seem to only see messages if they're sent while you're online. What have we become? Life sucks.