Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[toolovehim]

I don't know what to say, did you do it and said that in purpose?

[Tind]

Hi I am sitting here alone thinking of texting you asking you to come keep me company and take me to my niece bridal shower... Knowing you you would ignore me

[Tind]

I am tempted to see if you text me on mothers day if you didn't I would be devastated

[Tind]

Why is it when ever I post here I end up texting him

[hopelessincan]

I just snooped your facebook. We were never friends there, and maybe ... oh probably was a good thing. Cause then you'd actually know if I blocked you and probably call me childish. Cause I've blocked you a few times the last few weeks. To stop myself. I never friended your friends and family when they would ask, cause it felt odd to me.

 

Three weeks today since we've spoken. Well no since we texted, and you weren't enough of a man to talk on the phone or answer my questions. I suspect its eating you up though. You're an emotional man. I get we are done, though it hurts that you haven't checked in with me. Just knowing everything that's going on. It hurts. A lot.

Four weeks and two days since you lost it on me.

 

I was busy all day today with drama yet again. It doesn't make me emotional or a bad person that I want to help people you know. It doesn't make me a bad person that I feel deeply about those I care about. Yeah its bad that I let others pain affect me, but it is what it is. And you suck for not seeing where my stress was coming from.

 

Anyhow.... it take three weeks they say to break a habit...so heres to hoping.

[sunshine34]

I am feeling like I'm going backwards today.. I wish u were here. I wish Ud contact me, I wish Ud fight for me, I miss u

[toolovehim]

Time to go

[sunshine34]

So depressed today, even though it's terrible and I even think the emotional stress is making my lymph nodes swollen, I think this pain will hopefully cleanse u from my system. I looked at some cards I kept from you and it made me cry for hours , but it was helpful bc your words were never quite beautiful or inspiring.. Never even had a simple I love you or more than a parahraph

[sunshine34]

feeling sick and while looking for medicine I stumbled accross a bag with things of our past in it that I had honestly forgotten about.. Now I know and understand why you hated the memory box.Positive feelings mixed with longing for you hit me like a hurricane. I had forgotten about the photo album you got for me and had engraved with the picture of us from thanksgiving on the front... I found the camera that was never developed too.. I'm debating between taking it wherever I go next and finsihing the camera/getting it developed or throwing it away. I thought of sending you the second set of pictures with your clothes whenever I send them, I still think taht might be anice thing to do ecen if you don't appreciate it now, maybe you can look back later on fondly on the good things we had.. I found a card about how we weathered the storm together and that it was our journey, no one else would understand.. It bothered me when u broke that, when you let your friends into our world. i think subconsciously, or consciously, i am more affected now and for the near future because last year we moved into our place , our home at this very day. I keep having flashbacks, and I can't tell if they are healing or harmful. I am miserable in my life now and it triggers me to run to you.. But I know you wouldn't be there, I know you have forgotten me and I am dead to you. Doesn't make it hurt any less. Finding a facebook active was so painful that I can't bear to imagine looking at it again.. seeing you moved on and I think that fear is keeping me away from you. Whichis a good thing, because I know how heartless and ruthless you can be. I know deep down that you would be horrid to me as if the silent rejection wasn't enough I can only imagine if you had responded how cruel it would have been. something along the lines of you are nothing to me and my new gf wouldn't approve of me talking to you.

[toolovehim]

let it go, let it go

[treesandbees]

I miss you, think of you all the time, hope you are well, happy, sorry I am not how you wanted and sorry you couldn't put me first when it counted.

[hopelessincan]

hey.......

[hopelessincan]

You're not worth crying over. Sure, you've got it all together..errr I mean you want to think you do....but you're not everything. Best I've ever had for sure...but at the end...not so much. So now my brain needs to get in sync with my head...logic...logic needs to win now.

[JJMong]

How could you invite all my friends to your birthday party where I was living until just few weeks ago?? you are an worthless .

[sunshine34]

I'm caught in between bargaining and depression.. Which means soon I should be over this, but this part is the hard part. I think of you more now instead of less, I feel sad and alone. I break down and feel helpless.

[sunshine34]

i keep finding things that remind me of you everywhere and I hate it.. found a moet bottle cap in my purse, how old is that and how is it still there? I keep thinking what did you do with the memory box? I have strong urges to talk to you.. I hate this. I hate all of it. I want to forget you. You don't deserve to be in my thoughts the way that you are

[sunshine34]

The serious urges are happening again, the ones that make me contemplate messaging you that I miss u and I want to see u.. Knowing I'll be blocked and I'll send you an email where I'm probably blocked at this point too. I need to be logical and realize a) you don't care and don't want to hear from me b) if u wanted to talk to me, if u could ever see where I was coming from you would know where to find me but your pride always comes first. I feel so heartbroken and stuck

[sunshine34]

i am psycho... legt think today I went off my rocker...went so far into the bargaining phase that I convinced myself the breakup was ALL my fault and that if I wanted you back I could have you in the future. So i went on this mental tangent where I would print the pictures from the camera, put them in the album, leave a note finally burn the Dvd and send with your stuff... as if you wanted a gesture from me, as if just bc i broke up with you its all my fault. I know our situation is bizarre, but at the end of it you more rejected and left me than teh other way around. you are the one that ended our conversation with " please i'm begging you never contact me again, forget me." bc you wanted me out of your life so badly. then I decided to reactivate facebook so I could look at your page, well just the profile picture pretty much bc we aren't friends and its very hidden/private but I am hurt and confused by it.. the picutre is just you, the same one I recognized from before which made me feel slightly less dumb for practically willing to throw myself at you and ignore everyhting you ever said mean to me and basically saying go away forever, but i did find something hurtful that is bringing me back to the anger phase. the last time yu posted a picture in mobile uploads was a year ago..... as in you had fb when we were together which is utterly confusing because not only did i not see it on your phone and you never used it, btu you never came up no matter how i stalked.. i wonder if you secretly had it and hid it.. which makes me wonder if you were cheating on me none of that should matter, I shouldm't care. and if you were thinking of me half as much as I am thinking of you, you would contact me.... you saw that I emailed you, even if i was drunk which in my craziness i also convincend myself was like the otehr time we broke up briefly and you said you thought i just didnt want you to respond. no, if you missed me like i miss you, you would email me after seeing i miss you. you would have also remembered that i post on this forum and read to see how much ive been struggling and miss you and reach out. but none of those things happened. that is my answer, i dont need to make some huge romanitc gesture jst because i broke up with oyu, i broke up with you because you were neglecting me and obvioulsy didnt care about me which is clear form the fact that you stil haven't said one word to me and seem to be absoultely okay. abso ing lutely fine while i sit here scheming and stalking a facebook page. i stilll cant delete that dvd bc I STILL WANT YOU TO HAVE IT. I AM MENTALLY INSANE

[hopelessincan]

well... hello again. This is so not fun. Wish I could just put my feelings in a box and ignore them. It's right messed up that I just want you to come crawling back. Funny how the things we loved about each other were so amazing...and the things we disliked about each other were so significant huh? They really weren't a big deal.

 

But we've both got issues..apparently stronger than any feelings we may or may not have. Wish we had met earlier in life.

 

Cant live with you, cant live without you. Damned proud I haven't even tried to talk to you. I just want to run away. Kinda thought you would have, but guess that's my sign. Wonder if youre thinking of me.

[treesandbees]

I was right, damn..that hurts.. all this time couldn't I have known this right from the start why now, it just brings up lots of painful feelings.

[Anothero]

I have my fault, I know I have them, maybe I was too needy and insecure sometimes because of me, because of our situation because of your lack of communication. I know I got jealous and you didn't like it even if I had all the reason to be... It wasn't bad but I am human and it hurt especially when I was so far from you.

I can understand why you did it and it was the best solution mainly for your but so for us. Maybe we could have fix stuff, maybe you just lost your feelings. You know I could have dig to the death if I knew you wanted to cross the earth. This is the past and we won't be US anymore but today I cried. I cried but not like I cried before, I cried because I think I have the strenght to let you go. Yes I love you and I will probably have always some feelings for you because of what we shared.But because I love you I accepted your choice and let you be happy without me. Yes I miss you and feel so lonely when I know you don't think of me as you used to but I lived without you and fortunately (I guess) I will do it again.

I really wish you the best, alone or with the one you choose. Even with all your defaults, you are amazing ! Je t'aime.

[sunshine34]

i am throwing myself a breadcrumb in hopes that it helps me through this hump rather than sending me spiraling down the hill.. I've had these urges about things to do when I send your stuff.. things to include, things to say, my thoughts have run the gambit from zero nothing at all to everything and the kitchen sink. I've decided to allow myself to think of a letter, things I would say.. and let it marinate. I am not allowed to send this package until before I move away, which is going to be at least another month so taht gives me time to heal and face everything. If i still feel that I should include a letter in a month , I will, and if not, I won't. Today although sad, I do feel some sort of release of feeling. After stalking your fb as much as I could, I feel a release of that demon, no more curiosity. There's relaly only one more platform I worry about and that is if I download whatsapp on my phone again bc i remember you having a disturbing very "look at me im single" status and picture , but I don't feel the need to download it tonight. And part of me hoeps you jsut don't come up.. even though part of me knows you will because we used to tlak on there. The radio played some songs about heartbreak that allowed me to let out my emotions.. I do still love you and I'm not over you, I do long for you, but I'm not getting you back. Because that isn't up to me. That's up toyou and your lack of action has made it clear you want no part of me in your life. The stark silence and the knifes of you saying "I BEG YOU to NEVER contact me again and to forget me". still stings. Today was a fairytale came on and I remembered all the happiness and hopefulness I had for you, but instead of being so upset and wounded that I lost it, I felt hopeful for the first time since I met you, that I would have that again. That someday, when I'm ready, that will be called into my life and I will be exicted about someone the same way I was with you. It was sad to think of our first "I love you" how perfect everything was with us.. and how that will never be recretaed.. I opened myself up so much to you. but at the same time, our story played out, and even if it was cosmically beautiful in the beginning, it was tragic heartbreak in the end and diving fast towards deconstructive our entire last 5 mos of our relationship. So I'd rather have a slow start and a beautiful ending than what we had. and maybe we didn't spend enugh time getting to know each other before we fell into a relationship, before we realized how different our communication skills were. NO matter how much I loved you and had this deep connection with you, it was always hindered by our inability to communicate and understand each other. For more than the most part I felt that I Was the only one trying to rectify us and you never worked with me. I really wanted us to see a therapist and you didn't. I wonder if that is beacuse you know that you were manipulating me and if we saw a therapist, I'd find that out too.

[burningred]

You could have at least just told me you dont want to hear from me anymore than make me look desperate by texting you so many messages. What ever happened to you, what turned you into that monster? How can you not give at least a little respect to someone you once love so much? Why?

[Idagirl]

After another violent fight its been 3 weeks since he moved out and 3 days no contact. Sadness has turned to just plain pissed off. I've never been in a abusive relationship before this one. He told me how beautiful I am one minute and then stupid and fat the next. He seemed to always turn everything around and make it my fault. I've never had self asteem issues. Now...its hard to look anyone in the eye and I feel worthless and weak. Time to rebuild!

[sunshine34]

It seems like it's

Always the 2 week mark that gets me.. It's approaching and I've had these strong spurts to reach out it's as if I think I have a superpower to make u want me and need me and all I have to do is reach out.. Then I remember the phone works 2 ways and u ignored me, u don't care and u want me to move on . I don't want someone I have to make love me, I'm awesome and I deserve better . Doesn't matter that I still care for you, I'm noy desperate and I don't need u, I'm fine without u ad u were a ty bf