Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[bumblebee]

I wonder if you even miss me at all.

[Roka]

It's been a while since we've spoke. I'm still getting over the anger of what I have experienced with you. There was always a sense that I was not good enough. That somehow you were the depiction, personification of perfection. This is complete rubbish. I struggled with you, stood by you after your affair, and came back too many times to count.For someone who doesn't deserve it. How quickly you can change, to recycle, then toss out a person. My personal struggles have needed patience, and compassion. Not your judgements. I sit here with the pain of what's gone while I continually watch you walk away with a smile. This time is for me now, I think of you not with pain anymore but almost pity. How weak you really are to use people, to try and fill that never ending void in you. Trust me, if you send another message of missing me after continually discarding me, you will hear words more foul than can be imagined at this point. I relinquish my role as your doormat, I will give my love to people who appreciate and reciprocate. The hardest part is accepting not that it's over, but you were a complete façade....

[Skeptic76]

It's not my job to support you anymore. I pay my child support each and every month and that's the extent of my obligation to you. For YEARS I carried the entire relationship. Full-time job, bulk of the housework and thank God the kids had me so that at least one parent was involved and hands-on. You are like a spoiled child now that your free ride is gone and you want to punish me with your vindictiveness. You have the nerve to say I'm not giving you enough money and I need to look for better employment when you refuse to get a job?! You are selfish and lazy and I should just feel sorry for you, but you continue to poke and prod and attempt to disrupt my life. Move on! Let go already! I REFUSE to ever sink to your level or even give you the satisfaction of seeing that your endless self-pity turned toward me in the form of anger and spite has any effect. I will stay on the high road of civility and post on message boards with my rants...but deep inside I'm glad you're in so much pain. It's the consequence of your blind rage and it's what you deserve. With any luck you'll see your behavior for the disgusting, shameful disgrace that it truly is once the pain gets bad enough. Then perhaps you can make a change for the positive and ease the burden that your sickness is to EVERYONE around you. So if you're suffering, I'm happy for you, do it until you're done you sick, pathetic, senseless shell of a woman.

[micro]

Remember, your not the only one facing this dilemma. I am facing it for this few months too. But my case, the girls don't usually go other guys. That's all for I know. The girl prefer being alone etc.

 

Sniperz, thank you for support, I hope that you are right

 

I'm sorry that you are in same situation.

 

Unfortunately my case is little bit complicated.

We have been broken up for 10 months. Officially I was dumper, but wouldn't look at that with "black and white eyes".

 

All the time I was trying to reconcile...doing what I have learnt.. combination of NC and LC, trying to keep her interest in me as a man.

Sometimes I event was thinking that was progressing.

 

Eventually she sent me clear SMS not to disturb her because she is in relationship.

 

It sucks...

[sniperz]

Sniperz, thank you for support, I hope that you are right

 

I'm sorry that you are in same situation.

 

Unfortunately my case is little bit complicated.

We have been broken up for 10 months. Officially I was dumper, but wouldn't look at that with "black and white eyes".

 

All the time I was trying to reconcile...doing what I have learnt.. combination of NC and LC, trying to keep her interest in me as a man.

Sometimes I event was thinking that was progressing.

 

Eventually she sent me clear SMS not to disturb her because she is in relationship.

 

It sucks...

 

In this world, all I can say is love hurts. It has to whether be it a good or bad one. I did NC for few weeks and broke it few times to contact. It didn't go well. We need to change , improve better.

 

Yes. Mine is where she and I had a long hours of talk then ask never call again or she'll change her phone number. It made me not even dare to call. I respect her decision. But it's going to be hard for me.

 

From mails to phone calls, I see a few hints of how she wished who I was. But I hope there's a second chance but if not, then it could be her loss entirely. She really loved me I heard from friends. Hey... So your not alone but it sucks we're facing this heart ache all alone or so.

[micro]

Snipers, my friend continue to work on yourself, and when the time comes show her your old one, even improved. In the meantime NC...Maybe its not over for you two.

Wish you luck!

[t1lersm0m1]

I truly believe in my heart that you did me a favor breaking up with me. I'm hurt, and I think of you daily, but once I'm healed and move on, I will thank you. Your insecurity caused us so many problems. I would say something jokingly and you would take it seriously and then ignore me. Or when I said I love you, you would say "Don't."

 

I googled rebound relationships. The one article was amazing, as it really hit home. After we consumated our relationship you idealized me. You said I brought you back to life, and I made you want to be a better man. You wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. Constantly telling me how amazing I was. I told you not to put me on a pedestal because it's a long fall, but you didnt' listen. Then I let my guard down, showed you my vulnerable side. Our relationship was doomed from the start, as you still wanted M, but that doesn't make the pain hurt any less.

 

I'm an amazing woman, and I know one day you'll realize what you had, and that you were a fool to push me away. I don't wish anything bad for you, but you truly made a terrible mistake, and the end of our relationship is YOUR loss, not mine. I am learning and growing from our breakup, and some other incredible guy is going to benefit from my emotionall growth.

 

I have so much more to say, but that's all for now.

 

I know you think of me. We knew each other six months and were together 4.5. I'm going to be hard to forget. I selfishly hope you compare other women to me when you start dating again. I'm sure it will be inevitable. You told me I was the best lover you had ever been with. I didn't dig for that compliment, you offered it freely. It's going to be hard to top the best. I hope other women pale in comparison to me.

 

I know one day I'll wish you happiness. Deep down inside I do now, but I also feel selfish. That will change with time, as I heal.

 

Take care. You were my best friend. I love you.

[t1lersm0m1]

There's so many things I want to say and I know I shouldn't/can't. I'm so strong, but I'm so weak.

 

The day you broke up with me, you said you wished I had answered my phone two nights earlier. Two days later I asked what that would have changed, and you said "I don't know." I know you have doubts, this break up came from out of the blue.

 

There's so much I want to say and change, but I can't/won't. I know chances are I will never get another chance with you. But if there is to be any hope, I have to give you your space and work on MY issues, and hope and pray that you are working on yours. I tried so hard to help you, but I can't fix you or change you. Only you can do that. Maybe six months or a year will go by and you won't change at all.

 

I hope I'm not giving myself false hope. I feel so helpless. And I'm angry..angry that you can tell me one day you love me, then five days later break up with me. That gives me hope as well, because you didn't have time to fall out of love with me. If we were together for years and you spent a year unhappy with me and then broke up, I could understand. But this break up came out of the blue. I understand, but I don't understand.

 

Love sucks.

[Thebest13]

Well today I ran upon her social media account via a mutual friend who retweeted something she said. I didn't click on her profile though. Rough now I have thoughts. I still think of her everyday. how do I get over this. HELP NEEDED

[t1lersm0m1]

Well today I ran upon her social media account via a mutual friend who retweeted something she said. I didn't click on her profile though. Rough now I have thoughts. I still think of her everyday. how do I get over this. HELP NEEDED

 

The only thing that will help is time. I'm only one month post breakup and I still think of him daily. It seems I dream of him 3-4 nights a week. They are always dreams of us being together. I'm sure that it's my subconscience mind telling me my desires, but I sure as heck wish I could dream of us fighting or hating each other instead. that might help.

 

I was only in a six month relationship (with a six week breakup in between) but we were so connected emotionally. I swear it feels like no one else on earth could have had the connection we had, or could feel the pain I feel now. But I know that's not true.

 

Keep busy, stay in NC, and have fun with your life. I'm doing that. The weekends are hardest for me as I dont work weekends and just have too darn much time on my hands.

[Cons]

Ive missed you for quite awhile now, last week it actually started to make me upset.

 

All I wanted from you was a bit of priority now and again, not all the time, I know your life a bit now but somehow it has become ok to not see me or be with me or even contact me regularly.

 

I noticed all the changes and talked to you at first, then I started getting arsey about it and now I find myself without you, missing you and wondering what I did to make you stop showing interest and effort.

 

I made mistakes sure but I cant stop hearing things you said to me and how your actions haven't matched up to the sentiment, how can I be the best thing to happen to you since your mother died but you only want to see me once every 2 weeks? How can you be crazy about me but cancel 80% of the arrangements that have been made since early August?

 

Real life happens and some things I understand 100% but somewhere along the line you gave up and stopped trying, you watched me struggle and knew that this would happen, its too one sided and I need encouragement and support also, that's what a relationship is, effort and struggle but working together.

 

Take care Captain, I thought you were the one x

[micro]

My greatest love,

 

I miss you very much.

I can't believe how we spoiled something special that was so promising.

Remember, everyone was talking that we were perfect couple, they were sure that we would get merry. Some people were even jealous on strength of our love, remember that.

I was also positive that we would spend life together.

 

I still remember our trips, me kindly joking with you, you giving me the strength....

I remember our long talks....mobile phone was "cooking" my head of so long talk...but we couldn't stop.

 

I remember our morning coffees near the river, and your smile on gently sun...

 

Now all this is gone...

[NoIdea2013]

You're back with your ex 3 weeks after we split up. The same ex who you said couldn't make you happy like i did. The same ex who pestered you all throughout our relationship. The same ex who I was completely secure about, I understood you were friends.

 

You broke up with me a week before my birthday. Days before a family event I had to face alone, humiliated.

 

I loved you completely. I loved every aspect of you and accepted everything.

 

I've lost my best friend.

[Crazyabouther]

I don't know how to even begin to explain how deeply hurt I am by your actions. It cut me to shreds.

 

Yes, I made mistakes but for you to go and sleep with somebody else so quickly after the break up, which should never have happened is the most gut wrenching thing you could do to anybody. How could you? And still tell me that you love me. Is this some sort of sick and twisted joke?

 

I resent you so much for this and can't believe I wanted you back after hearing the news above. What was I thinking? Did you not think of what we had? Did you think it was some sick game to her revenge against me for whatever you were feeling? Is this fun for you?

 

I don't know what else to say to you. Yes, I am supposed to forgive you despite how disgusting your behaviour. And that I have done. It still hurts either way.

[t1lersm0m1]

Today's my birthday. I planned on doing NC from the start and contacting you in December for your birthday, but in the back of my mind I hoped you would contact me today.

 

I didn't think of you as much this morning when I was getting ready for work. Probably because my phone is blowing up with facebook posts wishing me a happy birthday. I'm sure tomorrow will go back to sucking.

 

I truly felt like your dirty little secret. I had to guilt you into accepting my friend request. Then it was sort of understood that I could never tag you in any posts because you were "private" and didn't want people knowing your business. Our last weekend together you went to T's football game. While you were getting ready I said "Do you want me to go?" You said "You can, but you have to shake a leg." I said "that's not what I asked, do YOU want me to go?" And you said "No, I wasn't going to ask you." I asked the next day why you didnt' want me there, and you said in case your wife was there, you didn't want to cause a problem. Meanwhile, she has her bf around your kids and at functions all of the time. You cared more about her feelings than mine.

 

When you invited me to dinner after I got back from TN, I thought I was going to get to meet your Mom. I only realized after I got there that you only invited me because your mom had gone home already. But you introduced me to both kids, and I hung out with you and T a few times. We went to dinner, we bowled, we stayed in watching movies with him.

 

When we first started dating, I told you I wait a while to introduce men to my son. You said you wish M did that. But you introduced me to T about a month after we met. So you were angry she had her bf around your sons, but you introduced me to T way too soon. I didn't even want you to meet my T when you did, about two months in, but you bought a battery for my car and I felt bad not taking you to my house to install it. You offered to buy the tool you needed somewhere and install it at a store, but I felt bad so I took you to my home and introduced you to T.

 

Hindsight is 20/20. It truly is. That doesn't make it hurt any less, but it makes so much sense now.

 

Although I know I was your rebound, I still in my heart feel like what we had was real. I have to stop devoting so much time thinking of you. I can't change anything, as the only one I can control is me. I am completely powerless, except in helping myself and changing the behaviors that I despise.

 

In the end this will be your loss. I'm working on myself, and I've lost 12 pounds through eating healthy/exercise since we broke up. I have weight loss goals. Another 20 pounds by the time I go on vacation for Thanksgiving. And at least 50 pounds total by spring. I'm going to be a knockout and you're going to be alone. If you meet someone else, she wont' be as good to you as I was. I don't wish bad things on you, but I know I'm going to be hard to beat.

[young]

we started as friends with benefits and it was great. then we got more serious, and i lost my identity because we saw each other so often that i started putting my life on hold. i became so dependent on you for my happiness that you felt pressured and obligated, until you decided to dump me. not only that but you desperately tried to be friends afterwards, which was so confusing and painful. i should have shown you indifference from the second you said you want to see other people. now i've finally started NC 2 months after the breakup, after you've tried to contact me to 'see how i'm doing'. you contact me less and less, almost like you're trying to keep that hole in your heart filled with me until you can find someone else. i need to show you that i'm moving on, that i can stand on my own two feet... but i just want to hold you in my arms and have your love. i feel such an emotional attachment to you and it hurts just to write about it. sometimes i'm happy and it's getting better, but sometimes i'm so extremely sad. i'm sure time will heal this, but god i've never mourned so long over a girl. you said the spark was gone, and that you didn't want to have to work on our relationship, you wanted it to just 'work'. you mean you started thinking it's not worth it, that you wanted to sleep with others, because i was boring and too emotional. i tried to explain that it was my drug use and stagnation in life, both of which i've fixed, but whatever i say you seem to see as a pathetic attempt to get you back. you think i'm worried about not having a girl to sleep with, but i'm mourning because of the emotional bond that's been broken. i've been getting laid, but what we had felt so much deeper to me. what sucks is our sex was becoming crappy. i fell for you so hard, and you fell out. what a lesson this was. you were the sweetest girl i've ever had the pleasure of dating, and the most painful one to see go. until i can feel ok with talking about how you're seeing someone else, i don't think i'll talk to you. i feel differently about you every day. i'm glad i haven't responded, but sometimes i think i should have said something. but when i say something i end up regretting what i said. my confidence towards you is so low, and until it comes back up, i don't think we should talk.

 

i will control my emotions better in my future relationships,

i will not compromise so much to the point that my life stagnates,

i will love some activity with a passion rather than someone, since the pain sets me back so much when i'm dumped.

you were the first girl to ever dump me, and i'm the first person you've ever dumped, and my ego is huge, and has never felt so deflated.

i will be patient, strong, reliable, funny, caring.

i will be the person i was when you met me, but smarter.

thanks for the good times, and i'm sorry for the bad.

[t1lersm0m1]

When I told Heather you broke up with me, she didn't sympathize with me or ask what happened. Her reply was "He wasn't right for you."

 

She's the only person that knew at least 90% of what went on in our relationship. My other friends knew mostly the good times, and a few friends knew about your insecurity. I even told two of my friends through IM or email "Once he works on his self-esteem he'll be perfect for me." That's code for, "Once he changes he'll be perfect for me." My other friend Heather came in from Florida for Becky's wedding, and the first thing I told her about you was "He has no backbone." I later told her you were great, you took me to NYC to see Phantom, and we were going to DC for three nights, and we had a great time together. Her reply was "That's all great, but that's not what you told me, you told me he has no backbone. That was the first thing you told me when describing him."

 

So much food for thought.

[t1lersm0m1]

Nearly two hours ago someone texted me Happy birthday leigh from an unknown number. I replied two minutes later that I got a new phone this summer and don't know who this is. The person has yet to reply. I know not everyone looks at their phone that quickly, but I am imagining in my head that it's you texting from a ghost number, that you are thinking of me today but don't want to reach out because I acted crazy after the break up.

 

I'm quite sure that's not the case, but deep down it's nice to think it is.

[dwaldie]

We came into each others lives as friends, became best friends. You were married to a mentally abusive man that made you feel so many bad things about yourself and you didn't know how to get out. I promised you I would show you how wrong he was because what I saw was someone totally different. Over the first 3 years I did that as friends then something changed and we started something so much more. We confessed a love for each other, you said I was the best thing that has happened to you except your 3 beautiful daughters. Before it became serious you gave me the chance to fall in love with your daughters. You saw how close we became, how they came to me, how they thought about me. You asked me to be a father to them to make up for what their father was, and when you saw that I truly loved them as my own you asked me to wait for you and them promising to leave your husband so we could have a life together as a family.

Three years later I am still waiting but now more alone then ever before. when it became tough, when your abusive husband confronted me at our daughters football game where we never expected him to be he said the most horrible things about you as a person, as a mother and as a wife. You told me the things he has said to you over the years, our girls tell me what he says about you behind your back but now I get to here them myself from his lips to my ears. That night I stood up for you, the first person that has, not even your parents and brother has. He asked me to stay out of his daughters lives, I said no, only you could do that. He said you were useless, a worthless mother, an awful wife and a liar, all things you have always been since he met you. I asked him why he would marry you then. I walked away that night, I was going to walk home to clear my head and put everything into perspective. You picked me up part way home and our two youngest couldn't stop crying. Court felt so guilty because she felt it was all her fault, it wasn't and we both know it. She wished she didn't come to me and when I asked she said she wouldn't have gone to anyone because I am all she had. I am the one that convinced her to go to counseling, she didn't want to go because of all the threats she has heard about counseling from her dad. Our youngest sat in the back of the car with me holding me and not letting go, crying her heart out. She heard what her dad said, they both did and they knew you were the only one that could stop their father from taking me away from them. When you said nothing Court looking right at you said to me "Mom is too drunk to care". That is the day you took away my daughters, the ones you asked me to love as my own all because it was the easiest on you, you didn't care about anyone but yourself.

Since then we have had no time together because when we have a rare day ff together you always have an excuse as to why you can't come to see me, 25 minutes in the car is just to much effort to make time for us. You claimed to love me, miss me when we are apart, long for time together, but when it comes time to make it happen you are full of excuses. That isn't love. Yesterday we had the first time we could have had together, a day just us, the first in 4 1/2 months and you couldn't give me more then a couple of hours because you had chores to do. You had Sunday and the girls could have helped, you had Monday and Tuesday morning to do them, but you chose to leave them for the only time we had together.

You have left me feeling used, unloved, not wanted, and not desirable. All I have ever wanted from you was the same effort I put forth, the same love I gave to you, and for you to keep your promise of leaving your abusive husband. Yesterday you proved what I mean to you, I just wished you would have been honest about it and not lied to me for how long it has been since you stopped loving me.

[periwinkle00]

Well, you've been online a few times, and you still haven't even looked at the simple link i sent you. Is facebook just not detecting it..did you look at it through hotmail instead? I don't know. I know that's the last time I send you a link. I don't send them often, but when I do, it would be nice if you at least looked at it...and responded, actually.

 

Your facebook relationship status still says that you're in a relationship. We have been apart now for a year, but it's been 10 months since I have seen you and kissed you. Meanwhile, you have a dating site profile, which you know I have seen, that says you are single and looking for marriage. Did you ever consider what this mix up would do to me? I guess I lose either way. If your facebook said you were single, I would be sad too. It's funny that you link your dating profile to your facebook profile, and you facebook profile says that you are in a relationship. Did you do this on purpose? I seriously don't understand.

[FindingClarity]

Just I miss you, and if you contacted me at this moment thats all it would take to have me back again...because I love you. Something I want to say to you again so much, but which I presume you will never want to hear.

[Melting]

So many questions.... No answers will I ever have

[Notagoodninja]

I hate you with every fiber of my being...

I just hope you get punished in this life...

[lioness726]

I simply can't understand what happened. I mean, we seemed to be so perfectly meshed and our compatibility felt so real and amazing to me. We had this awesome connection, this familiarity that I know you felt too. At least at one point. Then, a month before we broke up you started to become distant. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong and looking back, I know I didn't do anything wrong. It's almost as if you stopped trying. Something felt like it had broken within you. Did you just get bored? Did you really lose interest that easily? I find those things so hard to comprehend. Did you know that some of your friends told me they thought I was the one for you? They watched us together and saw how much we had in common, we were so in sync. What went wrong? You knew you were being distant and kind of a jerk because one night you apologized for everything and wished you were a better boyfriend. Then after that you were being so sweet as if you knew I didn't deserve that treatment.

 

Then a week later, you made that comment about how you were never going to get married. I had to confront you about that because it's something I wanted at some point in my future. That big, heavy discussion. Sometimes I wish it never happened and we'd still be together. But who am I kidding? It needed to happen. In the past, I would have kept my mouth shut and then years would go by and then all the sh** would hit the fan. I didn't want to repeat my past mistakes. You do realize, I wasn't asking for a ring. It's more like a "where do you see yourself in the next few years" thing. Did you feel too much pressure? You told me you didn't love me (well, your words exactly were "I don't feel as deeply as you do"). But it seriously felt like you did. Even your close friend said, "He hasn't said it? Oh honey, trust me, he does." I believed her. Do you remember when you said (more than once) in quick passing, "Love ya babe"? Were those accidents? A habitual thing from your previous relationship? I mean, possibly... but I'm pretty good about NOT saying that if I don't feel that way. Even if I was so used to saying it to others in my past. So wouldn't you? Wouldn't anyone?

 

I remember that month before our breakup you woke up one morning after a party and you were in a severely foul mood. The first words out of your mouth when you woke up was, "Wow, my ex looked like sh**!" Then you proceeded to yell at me for having the dogs in the bed. You didn't thank me for getting us home safely or undressing your passed out drunk a**. Not a peep of "Hey, baby thank you for all of that. I'm sorry I passed out on the front lawn of the party." You then started to act like I had done something wrong and you began to tear me down. Then you said, "I don't know. I feel like we haven't been connecting as much lately." That caught me off guard because I thought we were. I hadn't changed. I knew you were unhappy with yourself. I felt you pulling away and not trying as much. I felt like our lack of connection was because you were pulling away- it was all on your end. I noticed that you started acting that way after I wrote a blog about the fact that I was in love with you and how important you were to me. You started distancing yourself when it was apparent that I was enamored by you. Why?

 

You told me the second time, when I came back into your life that you were actually ready to have a girlfriend. I don't think you were. I think you lied to yourself and honestly convinced yourself that was the case because you didn't want to lose me again. But really, I think you're still broken from your ex. I know you don't want to be with her but you can barely even be in the same room with her. And I'm sorry, but she's a part of your core group of friends. For goodness sake, she's a bridesmaid in your best friend's wedding and you're one of the groomsmen! I know you're still angry with her. There's a lot of unresolved emotions and issues that you have inside of yourself. And as much as I wished my love for you and being with me would resolve that, it won't. You really have to do that on your own. And I know I said it that night but, "If you're not over her, you'll never be into me". No matter how amazing I am to you. No matter how wonderfully we get along. I guess you can't appreciate something amazing when you can't even recognize it. Not when you're caught up with your own bullsh** in your head. And the craziest part is... you're the one who ended it with her! You couldn't handle all the craziness from her and the fights. I heard the stories. So you left. She even tried to get you back and you wouldn't let it happen. But you're still so scarred. I should have known.

 

Ya know, one of the reasons I valued us so much is because I've had many boyfriends and had gone out on many dates. And you know what? I never had the connection with any of them that I had with you. Finding that kind of connection is rare and when I found it, I wanted to hold onto it and do everything in my power to keep the relationship alive. I was single for quite awhile so I met a lot of men. Do you know how HARD it is to find someone you're that compatible with? I don't think you do. You don't have a clue. You didn't go out dating and trying to meet someone after you and your ex broke up. You had casual sexual relationships with two girls that you've had that type of relationship with before. You didn't want a relationship at all. You were not actively seeking someone and you knew you could not give anyone what they needed because of how messed up you were. Then there I was, and you couldn't resist trying to get to know me. You pursued me and I kind of fell into your lap. You didn't know what you were doing but you knew that you couldn't walk away from me.

 

The night we ended, hours prior to that we were hanging out like we always did. Playing video games, you were calling me babe, asking me to refill your tea, smacking my butt. We hung out like that for FOUR hours! We were supposed to "talk" but I guessed that you just wanted things to blow over and have it all go back to normal. But you apparently had already made the decision to end things. You even said, "I don't want to do this and I thought that maybe I could just let things blow over, be together, and continue on like we have... but then I'd be an even bigger jerk if I did that." What the hell was that about??

 

It's been three weeks now. My best friend just saw you. I heard you seem fine. That our breakup hasn't effected you at all. You even asked how I was doing and if I was still sending out resumes. You even knew the story about how I broke my foot (which I did 2 days after we broke up). I hope this breakup hits you. You chose to lose me and I was amazing to you. I never asked you to change, I supported you... WE were actually quite amazing together. You believed in me, supported me, got angry when people were mean to me. You even said to me one night (albeit drunkenly) "How come we don't have a dysfunctional relationship like I did with all my other exes?" And you kissed me and looked so enamored by me. What happened to that? How did that go away so easily?

 

I haven't deleted you off of Facebook because I'm not strong enough to do that yet. So, I'm sure you think all is fine between us and you haven't lost me. Although I know that once you realize this whole NC thing is NOT temporary and you really have lost me, you will be devastated. You'll be angry at me. And maybe you'll actually mourn me. I know this in my gut. I feel like right now you're just "giving me my space" and eventually things will be cool and we will be friends. Nope. Sorry. And luckily for me, I will never drunkenly call or text you. I'm physically incapable of contacting you. Luckily that's how I work. My pride exceeds my desire to be near you. And honestly, I don't want to talk to you or be near you like this. I know you still want me in your life. I still can't believe you asked me to still send you things I wrote! Sorry dude, but when you lose me, you lose all of me. You don't get to enjoy things that are apart of me. Things I do or achieve. I'm a whole package and you don't get to only choose parts.

 

Sometimes I wish you would realize the horrible mistake you've made, realize you really do love me, and say "F*** it. I'm an idiot and I'm a little screwed up, but I can't let this go. I can't let her go." But honestly, how can I forgive someone who hurt me so much? Who made it so easy to walk away. And how could I trust that's how you really feel and you won't just chicken out later and do it all again? You've already proven to me TWICE that you are confused. One minute you seem so sure, the next you're saying something different. The funny thing is, I really do think you'll regret this later. But by then, I hope I'm over you. I hate this pain you've given me and I haven't felt this hurt in 9 years. I've had other boyfriends during that time but none ever touched me as deeply as you did. I thought you were the one. And it really felt like we were on the road to that. You really felt like the shoe that fit perfectly and I opened up completely to you and let you in. You actually made me feel safe for doing that. My friends and family all loved you. They saw something very real between us. My sister who is horrible and incredibly bi***y, (and always has something awful to say or point out), she even saw that you were crazy about me. But... I think something is broken inside you. I'm not sure you know how to love. Or can love. One of the reasons I thought you were the one was because our relationship was so healthy. It was easy to communicate with you and it was just so smooth. We had passion too. Is that also why you didn't feel love for me? Because there wasn't drama, fights, yelling, and pain? A relationship with all that is unhealthy and tainted. I guess we sometimes have a harder time letting go of the tainted relationships and actually accepting the healthy ones. I think that's a sign of not being ready for something real. I guess maybe you weren't. Such a shame because I was.

 

I guess that's all for now. And by the way, why the hell are you sending me requests in Candy Crush? I really find it interesting that you download and start playing that game AFTER we break up. Knowing I was such an addict and playing it all the time, you never did before when we were together. You played all of your other games. I mean, I never asked you to start playing either. But still... I find the timing all too curious. Did you download it because it's a connection to me? That you can still send me requests and it's this weird link you can still have with me? You also NEVER went on Facebook before and now suddenly you're putting up statuses about needing a life in Candy Crush or about the weather? I wonder if you're holding back your pain and there's more things going on about me inside that head of yours than you even realize...

 

By they way, I wish I never fell in love with you. You tricked me. I thought you were healthy, happy, and ready for something amazing. But I guess you're not.

And p.s. I'm really hot and I know you're still incredibly attracted to me. Just think of the new guy that gets to partake in me and enjoy that. You always loved my boobs and talked about how amazing they are. Guess what? You don't get to touch them ever again. But- some other guy can.

[Melting]

I miss you