Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[IAmFCA]

Dang B will i ever stop writing you mail? I wrote you again today admitting to my own emotional distance while encouraging you to step out of yours. I may send you one yet, sometime, don't know when, certainly not while the topic is still so hot for me. WTH.

 

And, oh yeah, I wonder what team your J will play on next year. Obviously at school but also... ? B/c yes, C is rounding up. So, it looks like the sidelines again, like last year. Perhaps another meeting like the one that caused to break NC last year, you and me there on the sidelines with S, A and C orbiting somewhere. Wish you could have another training session with her. She is blossoming into the sport nicely.

 

Before I send you anything, I had better remember that you are in a world of hurt right now, which you are. The only folks who liked your fb pic are an old/current? flame in your former city and a old guy friend who always is on fb. Nobody from A's world. Which means but for the one, nobody from your home town. Nobody. I think that means you made the big break, and I congratulate you for it. World of hurt though. So, my letter to you? Probably not welcome.

 

Its funny. You and I both spent a lot of time in the wrong paradigm. A was your primary, and I was your fallback. Actually, you never accepted this ranking, you always felt I was first in a world of firsts. But this year, before I broke with you, I realized I was your primary, and A was your fallback. Without me, you were left with A, and you were left to figure out whether that worked for you. We knew already that it didnt, but you could never tell, because I gave you happiness. Without me, where was the happiness? Maybe all A ever was was your safety net after discovering the first A wasnt going to work out. That makes A#2 the world's longest on/off rebound, and that makes me, um A#3? I think if I were really mean I would send you a AAA membership. OMG i crack myself up. Funny. I cant remember if you know Kid Creole and the Coconuts? I think not. They have a song for you, including the part when he says "Im just talking 'bout the As." YEah, okay so since P you have been in kind of rough way, nothing really falling into place interpersonally. Iraq was hard, manning up to be a dad to two girls who dont need you, thats hard. Admitting to yourself that you are not the dream you hoped, thats hard. You sat on my balcony last year and just writhed in pain at our own inadequacy. Man up big man.

 

Well, anyway, in my new space, I am not allowed to call you. I am not allowed to do alot of things, and calling you is one of them. For all you know, I have spat on your future and burned your past. It still is easy, as it always has been, to have a conversation with you, on any topic, as I was today about immunoneuropsychology. Also about the plane I saw on my way to the beach -- old, huh? And kind of stubby. Is that the sort of thing you would rent? Was I really so much luckier than I have been able to appreciate? I had no clue that the autopilot and all that was, well all that. It is just what was.

 

Almost just deleted all of this, because I am done talking and wish I never did. You bore me now. All hot air and hot action like cotton candy, just wimpy cardboard underneath. And you are no wimp either, drop a man twice your size if you need to, but you are wimpy until you grow an inside as strong as your outside. Its a fine line between sharing my generous self with you and calling you an immature, irresponsible, limp reed of a man. Your body may be strong B, so very very strong, but after P, after A, after the second A, you have grown weak. It is time to man up, shed your cloak, and be naked before the world. Otherwise, even you will become bored with you.

 

And my righteousness is not lost on me. I have been drinking the weak syrum right along with you. I have become beyond bored with myself. I guess we both were due for a round in the washing machine to get us ready for whatever is next.

[Alone Now]

Stay strong ITIC! You can, will and MUST beat this! It sounds a little like your looking for that validation from him. You don't need it! You only need to keep moving forward!

 

The AAA comment was hysterical, but if you were to do it, you're casting a net out to him. You will find a MAN worthy of sharing your generous self with, but this isn't the guy for that. Find a guy who will stand tall even in his own darkest hour, a man who will be with you through the fun, the pain, the over the top good times and even the boring nights of reading books in separate chairs. A man that you can tell anything to and be comforted in knowing that the words didn't fall on deaf ears. Find that man who waits and watches and helps you grow. The true definition of a man is one who can own responsibility for failures, who does not blame his past for his future and one who remembers how to treat a lady like a queen, a man who wants to share all of life experiences from running on the sand to attending church with his lady. One who looks at your daughter in amazement and invites you to be involved in activities while you invite him into yours. A man who has his own ideals and hobbies and doesn't require you to partake in them all. A man that you could share kitchen duties with from cooking to cleaning and laughing the entire time. This doesn't have to me a romantic interest just yet, but it certainly can't be B for your own good. That, ITIC, is a man.

[Pbpunisher]

This is the first night in ten months we've not said good night to one another. I've tried so hard to be patient waiting for the affection and emotional intimacy that never really came. When I shared my feelings and asked you if you could provide more affection and emotion you got angry. Is it really to much that the man you say you love ask you to recipocate love, be the first now and then to initiate affection? I really miss you but I know this is not want I want in a relationship. I need and deserve more.

[Robin2904]

Its funny because no longer am I sitting here crying over you. That's a good thing. Though now I'm sitting here crying over someone else, I never ever thought that would happen. And so I'm not here crying over you right now, not totally convinced I'm over you. But someone else left a new scar on my heart, funny because it was such a short amount of time but I became enamored with him to a degree I never imagined I would be. Never could imagine myself being captivated by someone aside from you. But I was, and I guess he wasn't and you can see how well that ended.

 

In a way I guess I would rather be sitting here crying over him them you. Though it still hurts, nothing and I mean NOTHING was as painful as out breakup and trying to get over you. That was a mountain, this is just a small, yet bumpy hill. It sucks that the hill had come come so soon after climbing that exhausting mountain which I was still worn out from, but I'll get to the valley eventually, some day....maybe....

[annaevangeline]

I really miss you but I know this is not want I want in a relationship. I need and deserve more.

 

I know just how you feel.

[swans]

I'm sick and tired of trying to read your multiple daily visits on my tumblr. Your anonymous question.

If it was something worth reading I wouldn't need to read anything. You'd man up and text me, email me, call me, whatever.

I must accept that you will never ever change. And you don't miss me, you're visiting my tumblr because we were in each other's lives and now we're not and you're curious. Simply curious. And that's all I can read.

[todayisrough]

I miss you a lot right now. How we laughed and chatted every day all day long. Do you not miss me at all? Was I not important to you? We wanted to be with each other.. Was it all a lie?

[Alone Now]

MW contacted me just now and it took everything I had not to return his text. I'm trying to focus on work and it seems he knows the worst possible time to contact me. I have to be stronger darn it! I will not contact him no matter what. He is a poison to me and I lost a job over him.

 

J sent me a very sweet card in the mail today thanking me for the Mother's Finest concert trip. He is such a sweet gentleman. I need to spend more time thinking of my friend J and not the addiction to MW.

 

Not a word from NG other then a quick "Hi, how are you" email. I didn't answer because I still need to focus on me!

 

I will have a fun summer with J, I know I will!

[Robin2904]

I said what I had to say to you, wrote you a message online to get my feeling out. I knew you wouldn't reply. You're a coward, It really pains me how I was starting to fall for you and you basically played me and used me like a fool. Its really messed up how you used me and I blame myself because I let you. I was in a vulnerable place after M, I didn't see you coming at all. You were the last thing I expected but for the short time you were in my life you did change me and brought something different out in me. I guess in a way I am greatful for that. But then you disappeared on me with out so much as a goodbye or an explanation. Trying not to let it hurt but it did. So I guess you heard what I had to say and you're not even going to say anything. I admit I saw that coming, just as I saw you hurting me the first day we met coming. I should have listened to the voice inside my head.

 

And the it comes to M...I knew I wasn't totally over you and that was reassured tonight when I accidentally found you on Instagram and yet again saw the picture of you and your new girl. It was posted over a month ago but I'm gonna go on an assumption and assume you're still together. If I was over you that wouldn't have hurt but It still did.

 

I guess I'm feeling doubaly rejected tonight. By two people. One who I had loved for a long time who broke my heart in so many ways, and one who unexpectedly came into my life and I began to trust and fall for too fast. That's irony I guess. I've been so guarded with my heart since M, never let anyone even a little bit in. And then I dropped my guard for a minute, let someone in in ways I never thought I would and they wound up walking out of my life with out so much as a good bye. Makes me never want to trust again.

[RougeQueen]

Goddamn I hate not being able to sleep. That's when I think about you. Had a few realizations and thoughts about you today that made my heart twitch a little. But after the initial shock of these thoughts I let them go and accepted them as just one more thing to add to the rubbish heap that was our relationship. I finally deleted your number from my phone. That's more a symbolic gesture than anything because if I really try I can pull it out of my mind. Which i won't. Anyway, it helped to sever any link that is still left between us even more. At least in my mind, which is really all that matters. As the days go by there is less and less chance of you contacting me. I find that to be bittersweet. More sweet than bitter though, mind you. My longing for you to do so is fading along with my memories of you. Day by day. I still miss aspects of you but I've come to the realization that there is someone out there for me who isn't just a few positive aspects, but the whole glorious picture. I'm still not to the point where I can wish good fortune and happiness on you but that day is coming and I'm sure it's closer than I think. Sometimes I still hope that you will keep failing at life but that too is passing and most times I find its halfhearted and more out of habit than real emotion. Some day soon you will be nothing more than a lesson learned and a spring board along the way that helped me boost myself to the awesome woman I'm becoming. I'm caring less and less if you ever see me all in shape and sexy again because honestly, sugar butt, what you think no longer matters as much as it once did. I can say now that I don't really care what or who you're doing anymore. It has no impact on my life so therefore is not important. I won't lie and say I don't think about it from time to time but when I do it's in an almost offhand manner. So I guess what I'm saying is that I think I'm just about ready to let everything about you go completely. Not quite yet, but I'm almost there. Maybe we'll see each other again someday. But of we don't, well, that won't be so bad either.

[IAmFCA]

b

 

I saw yesterday the group that was set up at your expense and that you're a member, and I don't know what that means. it is clear that something is up and maybe you are a member so you can hear the ranting about you?so the 4 of you can have a group chat?

 

so I'm here to say I'm sorry. when I saw what had been done, seemingly to intentionally hurt you and by someone I know you loved deeply,I tried to feel bad for you. I couldn't, then. I admit I thought, well, you likely earned it, pal. but now, I can say I'm sorry, good luck with your progress, and please find something to learn.

 

I want to send you the bit about love addiction, but I won't, our not yet.

[Alone Now]

b

 

I saw yesterday the group that was set up at your expense and that you're a member, and I don't know what that means. it is clear that something is up and maybe you are a member so you can hear the ranting about you?so the 4 of you can have a group chat?

 

so I'm here to say I'm sorry. when I saw what had been done, seemingly to intentionally hurt you and by someone I know you loved deeply,I tried to feel bad for you. I couldn't, then. I admit I thought, well, you likely earned it, pal. but now, I can say I'm sorry, good luck with your progress, and please find something to learn.

 

I want to send you the bit about love addiction, but I won't, our not yet.

 

ITIC, please learn to learn about yourself! Not b! He is your drug of choice. You shouldn't have to apologize to him for anything. And as I see it, he is baiting you without you even knowing it. Such a shame for you ITIC. You will never get over him it appears and you deserve so much better. You write of wanting to send b letters and articles in an attempt to help him. He is the one with the emotional shortcomings. He is the one who knows that you are stalking him in a sense. He is LOVING it, I bet.

 

You seem to flip a switch when it comes to b. You are either filled with rage, which is good. Or filled with pity, which is dangerous. What would happen if b came back to you? Would you welcome him with open arms as though nothing ever happened?

 

According to the pm, there is no one to compare to b. And that no one else would have spent time on a phone with you. Did you ask anyone else? Did you try calling someone else?

 

You are really lost on b. Addicted to him. Sadly, you will always belong to him and all those other guys, good guys, will never be allowed to love you the way your deserve.

[Mike80]

Ive gotten to the point where I dont dwell on you during the day.

 

but here I am, at 2AM, once again, fixated on you. Im not sure if I even miss you....I just wonder what youre doing, who youre with, are you smiling, are you laughing, are you crying, are you sad, do you ever think about me/us, do you even care anymore, etc....I wonder all these things, yet strangely, I DO NOT want to know! Im not ready to know anything about you....I dont know if I ever will be. Was April 2nd the last time Ill ever have heard your voice? Was March 27th the last time Ill ever have seen your pretty face? These thoughts keep me up at night, and Im sick of it. Just want this to end already.

[IAmFCA]

AN

 

We dont apologize because the other person deserves an apology. We apologize as a gift to ourselves... I had some uncharitable thoughts about how B is being targeted by someone else who he hurt, and I am sorry I thought them and have let it all go. That is all. Also, B has no idea I thought of him at all. He is not baiting, posting pictures, sending messages, we have had no contact at all nor has he been putting up public posts of any kind.

 

I dont feel rage towards him, I have been blissfully free of anger this year, whereas I felt anger towards him last year. I can tell the difference, and I dont want to feel rage. Anger characterizes a part of me, it would be a symptom of being as vulnerable and involved as feeling love. I might feel pity, and that is something you are right to point out - I know that he has to do some work and he has told me before that my emotional intelligence helps him in ways he that surprised him, so I do have that instinct of wanting to give him information. But, importantly, I do not act on it. I have had no contact with him whatsoever. He needs to get over me and I him if either of us is to do the work that will make us fit for a relationship with ourselves and anyone else. I dont know if he is doing it and I admit I hope he is, but I do know its not my job or my problem. I have empathy for the challenge ahead of him, as he has isolated himself pretty badly.

 

I think I mentioned to you that others were on the phone with me as well, I know that B is not the only person who would support me in the ways that he has. He is the only one who would go ghost in the ways that he has. I got that and that is why he doesnt have me anymore. The only things that made B an "only" for me are that I can enjoy his company for an extended period of time, and his general set of exemplary skills. The quality of our conversation is higher than with others; we would talk about policy, values, right and wrong. B and I are not together because of his inability to be with anyone, and my self-destructive ability to choose that trait in someone else. With my other friends, we are not together because we are not well-suited intellectually or values-wise or in some other way.

 

So, what would I do if B were to present himself? Well, it depends? How long from now? In what setting? What are his intentions? I would listen. He is not evil, he is flawed. He is dangerous to me, so long as I let him be, but not because that is his intention. I trust B for a few things. One way I can trust B is to respect my distance. He would not and will not present himself unless he has a serious reason to do it, so I would listen.

 

Again, this is the page where we post what we want to say to someone else, but we might just be letting out a fleeting emotion, or dumping something as if an exorcism. If you look at the first post for this thread, the OP was feeling lots of anger towards his ex and kept wanting to dump it on her, so he created this thread instead. In my case, I avoid thinking about myself by thinking about him instead, so I am teaching myself to think about myself. I will put a letter to B on here to anchor a thought, but it doesnt represent my whole experience.

 

Finally, anyone who is letting go, if they give their layers a voice, will discover that letting go is a spiral. We let go, then we feel something new, and we do it again. Its not rehashing the same ground, its letting go at different levels of intimacy. In the case of B, I am truly one of the few people who penetrated him emotionally, and the only person cause enough for him to stay in our town. I know that he is in pain, I know he has pulled away from everyone, and I know that I would be helpful to him, if I would choose to be his friend. He doesn't get to have me as a friend or a sounding board or a confidant, and that is my choice and the right choice. If I were to be with him now, it would be co-dependent, not healthy. I am letting go of all of that. By the time I see him again, and I will because our kids are in the same sports league, we will each have managed this crap without the other and be better for it.

 

I hope that makes sense? One reason on the NC thread I said I would stay off ENA for awhile is to break the whole entire thought pattern.

 

I wasn't going to post this here, but then I thought - well - it may be helpful in some way. I will be off line for this weekend though.

[einsteins_girl]

If you ever feel the urge to call me - or email me - or reach out in any way, I want you to know you can.

 

It's been a long time.

 

Just sayin'.

[periwinkle00]

It's been over a week since we've spoken. I told you to tell your complaints to a diary, last time I talked to you. Maybe you took note. I guess I don't want to talk to you if that's all you're going to do. You know, I don't know what this hold is you have on me. What's going on? Ever since I met you, the relationship had been a bit "off". Maybe I just like that kind of person..someone as messed up as me, only messed up in a compatible way with me..or is it..

 

It's draining to think about you. It's draining to think of you in a romantic way. I just want to move on with my life, and see what comes my way. Just shove off. You're like a parasite. Just fall off already.

[todayisrough]

HA! I feel amazing today! I am happy and without you! I think you are loosing your hold over me! Your friend messaged me this morning and literally asked me zillions of questions.. It didn't have an effect on me like it would have a month ago... I would've been thinking about what to answer and what he meant by saying this and that and how i should come accross as happy! Now I just am!

[El3216]

Went on my first hike since we broke up.. I've never been with out you so naturally I'm thinking about you the entire time. I thought about texting u this but decided it wasn't worth breaking nc for because it wouldn't mean anything to you.

[Blue_Skirt]

I guess you had hoped that I would send you an e-mail for your birthday 2 days ago. Well I didn’t, and you don’t have to send me one next month on my birthday. I am so done with you! Go and live your own life and be happy!

[periwinkle00]

So, I think it's finally time to be open to relationships with women. I have neglected that part of my life, always ending up with male partners. I haven't had much experience with women. I look forward to meditation group next week at the LGBT centre. There's one thing I know, I was not going to leave this life without ever having a girlfriend, so I suppose we're not meant to be, at least right now...and while my rational mind knows that, I guess my emotions get the better of me. I love you, and you hurt me so much by your actions. You still haven't called me back, but maybe that's for the better.

[figmentations]

I wish you still cared about me. Every day my stupid illusions that we'll be together again get fainter and fainter and so do the ones that we'll ever talk. This is truly the end. I still love you.

[theface71]

So which part of unconditional love don't you understand?

[monbebe]

Mon bebe it was so good to see your face for the 1st time after the breakup this morning.

I finished packing everything and left your place in 15mins, acting like I've already moved on.

You never know how so much I've missed you and how so much I wanted to hug you.

I couldn't stop myself bursting into tears after leaving there with big smile.

Je t'aime.

[Looking up]

Well it's Mother's Day. I and the little guy always made it special for you. There was a lot of things I did for you to make you feel special. And to be frank there was nothing in return from you. I'm staring to realize this now with the time we are apart now.

 

I was just a stepping stone for you. Help you advance your courier. And once you got there you left me. Wow totally used me and put me though emotional hell.

 

I trusted you with my heart. Made me think we were going to be together for ever.

 

You put up your walls and made me think I was doing. Something wrong. But all along it was you.

 

You started to see someone we were planning our wedding.

 

So you left me making it seem like it was all my fault. But as time goes by the truth is coming out. It was you that did wrong. The way you acted was very selfish on your side. Just so you didn't like a *****.

 

You hurt a lot of people in my family You started to spread lies about me just to save your pride and make people feel sorry for you.

 

Anyways happy Mother's Day. To be honest you are not a mother. A mother has a heart

[lonelysoul234]

I am writing this letter to you because I feel that things are better on paper than in my head. Some of what I say, perhaps all of it, you will already know. I feel that I would like to be sure you know. With it all said, perhaps it will no longer rattle around in my head and in my heart, and perhaps it will answer some questions for you too.

Firstly, I forgive you for ending things. I was upset, and angry, for a while and did the best to keep it to myself, use it as a reason to change, grow and become a better person and I feel like I have done that. The end was a shock because I had made so many plans, learning Swedish, looking at moving to Stockholm with you, and a few other things that probably are not worth mentioning now. Before you went home for xmas I thought we were heading forward . It is still a little hard to accept that you are gone, and sometimes feels like a bad dream. I understand now that it was not a rash decision, that you had not been happy for a long time and I think this stems from a few things. One, the answer to a question you once asked me (which I will get to) and my mood (stress, sadness) making you feel unwanted.

Secondly, last summer when you asked what I wanted from us, and I said for us ‘to be together for as long as we were happy’, this was not meant to be non-commital. I was just nervous, which was immature. I have never regretted anything as much as saying that. Especially as over the next few months I realised that the real answer, which I should have said, was to be with you forever. Which is how I felt on the 13th of January, and if I was to be completely honest with myself and you, is still what I want, even though you don’t.

 

I feel as if I have made you regret our relationship, that it was a waste of your time, that it was never going to go anywhere. I guess it is the nature of an adult relationship that we cannot predict the future and sometimes things change, but I want you to know I always loved you and would have done for the rest of our lives had things continued.

 

Thirdly, I want to thank you for perhaps the happiest 2.5 years of my life. I never really knew what love was until I met you. I still get flashbacks all the time of our trips, your smile, the feel of your fingers curled up in my hand. So many memories that although are hard now, will make me smile again one day. I still have all your stuff in a bag and will keep it. I wont ever bin it. And the brain picture is in my room.

 

This letter is not an attempt to get you back. You cannot make someone feel something that they don’t, even if they felt it once. It is more for you to know that you chose to leave someone who really did love you and wanted to marry you, live with you and build a life together. To tell you that there are many wonderful people in the world and you will find one who feels like I did, and that he will add to your happiness. I am sorry that because of the way things have been, you have felt that you could not come to me when things have been hard for you, and no matter how much it would have hurt me, I could have dealt with it because I loved you. If there is one thing about me that I can be proud of is that I fight for what I love.

 

No matter how hard things have been, I will always want the best for you. I have spent the last few months trying to move on, to see you as a friend only. I will accept that this is something that I cannot force myself to do, and will occur with time, and maybe never completely. I want us to get along and I hope that will continue regardless of this letter. I do not wish for you to feel awkward about things. I can only be honest with myself and you. Perhaps it is a weakness on my part to need to say all this, but perhaps some bravery too, and what you deserve. As you already know the last few months have not been easy for me, but I will not go into depth on that one, suffice to say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and a heart cannot ache forever.

 

Anyway, as for me, I will be going away in a few weeks and perhaps that will give me the distance I need to take that extra step. Ill be okay. So never worry about me. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger x