Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[periwinkle00]

I did it. I messaged him on facebook. He hasn't checked yet. So, yes, I unblocked him too. He posted a picture from his plentyoffish account so I went and checked that. He's been on in the last 30 days and has changed his status to single, and that he is looking for longterm. I'm going to be sick. Maybe that was just his way of moving on. ****. Why did I do that.

[Alone Now]

I did it. I messaged him on facebook. He hasn't checked yet. So, yes, I unblocked him too. He posted a picture from his plentyoffish account so I went and checked that. He's been on in the last 30 days and has changed his status to single, and that he is looking for longterm. I'm going to be sick. Maybe that was just his way of moving on. ****. Why did I do that.

 

Because like most of us on enot you aren't completely over him. It is an interesting thing that we all claim to be healing but we also keep checking our friends facebook and thinking about inviting them out to dinner or a show or something that we would consider interaction. Even if we don't invite their interaction, the thought that we are engaged in thinking about asking them is a strong indicator that none of us are over our ex's.

 

Worst thing I did pw was to go out on a date with a new guy last night. It was entirely too early and even though I appreciated the attention that I recieved from him, I knew in my heart that it was way too soon. My brain said it would be a great distraction and help me to move on and it did the exact opposite though I would have denied it while I was on the date.

[Alone Now]

I can't sleep. I feel like I have used the new guy to make me try and completely forget MW. It didn't work I swore I was over MW and I don't think I am after reading other posts here. I don't want anything to do with MW, this is quite true. But I think I slipped backwards by rushing into a new thing with a new guy. I wish I had taken my own advice and not gone out with the new guy. I should have stayed at home and chatted with GF. At least with GF I know what I am getting.

 

Am I so shallow that I need to have some one new so quickly? Was the attention paid to me that intoxicating? I feel like I have made a major mistake. I SHOULD HAVE NOT GONE OUT WITH THE NEW GUY! What a fool I am.

[pandorasbox1]

I keep thinking about the way we met and came in contact and I cant help but think that fate had a hand in it all.. Even though im sure I even believe in fate. We were everything we wanted in another person and I hate that you still cant see it and that you let me go so easily. I think part of you knows you'll never find what you had in me. And I hope that one day soon you come to realize it. I hope that you dont realize it too late because as it stands, i want you in my life and Im not sure I will a few months down the line.

 

Men keep telling what a catch I am and how many men would crawl a 1000 miles on their hands and knees just to be with me. They say I embody everything a man ever wants in a woman... So why couldnt you see it? Why did you neglect me the way you did? Why did you take me for granted the way you did? You never realized what you had and part of me thinks you never will until you start dating again which could be years from now. I know you... I know how you like to get over a relationship by envisioning the other person as a monster that you were lucky to get away from.

 

The worst part is, you still hold all the power even though you left me... You should be the one crawling back and begging me to come back... not the other way around. I hate that you seem so happy, like I meant nothing. But if I know like I think I do... You're putting up a front and havent really dealt with anything. I know the reality of the situation takes a long time to hit you and right now, I hope it hits you hard. Im sad, Im angry, I hate but love you at the same time....

 

Here's to me walking away from you...

[IAmFCA]

I can't sleep. I feel like I have used the new guy to make me try and completely forget MW. It didn't work I swore I was over MW and I don't think I am after reading other posts here. I don't want anything to do with MW, this is quite true. But I think I slipped backwards by rushing into a new thing with a new guy. I wish I had taken my own advice and not gone out with the new guy. I should have stayed at home and chatted with GF. At least with GF I know what I am getting.

 

Am I so shallow that I need to have some one new so quickly? Was the attention paid to me that intoxicating? I feel like I have made a major mistake. I SHOULD HAVE NOT GONE OUT WITH THE NEW GUY! What a fool I am.

 

AN, all you did was go on one date. what is the big deal? why would one date be enough to change your path? if getting attention seems to be the thing, maybe spend some time not communicating with anyone?

[Alone Now]

AN, all you did was go on one date. what is the big deal? why would one date be enough to change your path? if getting attention seems to be the thing, maybe spend some time not communicating with anyone?

 

I would absolutely agree with you ITIC but it just seems like I was ready to date a new guy and now I am wondering if it was the right thing to do and now I see that the attention paid to me was a lack of my own self esteem. It was the worst thing I could have done and while the kiss was wanted, in retrospect it was terribly wrong. Another ecan'er said that it would possibly drive me back to MW, but I don't think it is case. But I think I went too fast. It was only a month since the on-again off-again relationship with MW ended. My fear is that I am following a path of having to be with someone because it seems secure and I don't have to be alone.

 

It has been a long night of talking to myself and trying to not cry. I wanted to call GF but he knew I was on a date. It might not bothered him but it bothers me. Why did I make the choice to go out with a new guy so soon? I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I am just confused as to why when men pay attention to me, I get entirely caught up in it and follow the path of wanting to learn more about the new guy and why did I convince myself that I liked the guy when in reality it was only the attention paid to me?

[Alone Now]

It has been a long night. Gratefully I only have one class to teach.

[IAmFCA]

AN

 

I am going to make a suggestion. This thread is traditionally for ENAers to write posts that are directed at their "ex", and only at their "ex", so people are free to post whatever rant, musing, passing memory, whine, or whatever, without having the burden of having to make sure it is comprehensible to anyone but themselves.

 

I regret that I engaged with you in this forum, just because this isnt the spot. Granted, sometimes we will read each other's posts and put up a supportive message, but we refrain from engaging in a conversation.

 

I have some ideas for you to consider. Rather than post them here, I will wait to see if you start a thread of your own inviting ENAers to offer feedback. On here, I will leave it alone, so this thread can return to being a safe place for one-way conversations, including for you. You might welcome this spot as a place where you yourself are safe to talk to MW, GF, or new guy directly, knowing this is a judgment-free, explanation-free zone. Whatever we say here might not even represent the full spectrum of how we feel, and often doesn't. Who cares? Its just a place to get past a moment or record a thought and move on.

 

I will be back on ENA in about 15 hours and will look to see if there is a new thread for you. Good luck!

[beaton]

It's been 12 days since I resolved not to contact you. I havent heard from you either.

I'm so stressed out over work. This is one of those times when I would have called you, and I would have just fought every attempt you made to comfort me despite the fact that I want comfort. I'm sorry for those times.

 

I've noticed that I need a person who sees me in a positive light even when everything else is falling apart. I'm currently "seeing" a guy who I can turn to when my work/family gets overwhelming. I've noticed the pattern. I need a guy. I need comfort and encouragement from another person. I can't just comfort/encourage myself. Yet I pull away.

 

I know that this is unhealthy. I'm glad now that you ended it when you did, because I need to break this pattern of always needing someone. I place unhealthy strain on people when I seek comfort but refuse to be comforted, yet keep seeking comfort. How can you feel good in a relationship where you feel like you're constantly expected to have the right thing to say? I believe it's called an insecure attachment style.

 

Anyway, I'm really sorry. The only time I felt like you were doing that to me was near the end. You called me worrying about your cousin and nothing I said seemed to help, and you got annoyed at me for not saying the right thing. I got a taste of how you must have felt dealing with me.

 

 

I'm sorry for that.

[Bunney]

After 5 days of NC I broke it today. I messaged him on facebook about something that happened, and I wanted to have a talk I guess (on skype). He said its too early to skype and to tell him on FB instead.

He said he cares about me more than anyone in the world but that he can't be together with me. Then I asked him to be honest, if he's talking to someone else. He replied that he isn't, and that he doesn't want to be with any girl atm.

 

We ended up catching up some and updating eachother on our lives. Somehow.. I feel a lot better now (even better than yesterday), I don't feel as abandoned. Those 5 days of NC have given me some clarity, and tbh I'm not sure I would take him back at this point. I feel like I can move on properly now.

[Kimcwell]

Well it's official. I can move to GA! Not that it matters now, grrr...

[kz91]

Is it a crime that I still love you?

[Starapple30]

I told you tonight not to contact me, I coud hear in your voice that you had already detached and moved on, whats the point of trying to stay friends.

God why did this have to happen, we are both good people, whats the harm.

I dont know if ill ever be able to be friends with you, im terrified to one day hear youre dating someone, terrified.

[mrmbreak]

E, You texted me after two months of nc. I deleted your contact info so I wouldn't be tempted. But, Everyday for the last two months I hoped you would contact me. Everyday I think about you, and wish I was still apart of your life. Everyday I wanted you to contact me, and everyday I would think of what I would say to you if you ever did. Now I don't know what to do. Honestly I still love you, and I hope you still know that. I still love you even after you hurt me. I would do anything for you to want to be with me again. When I think of responding, I want to tell you how much you hurt me, how depressed I got, how much I miss you. My brain says to ignore you, after-all, you wanted me to stay out of your life. My heart wants me to beg you to feel the way I thought you used to feel about me. God I feel so stupid.

 

Even when I read this thread, I hoped that I would somehow see a post by you wishing I would contact you.

 

You used to tell me about your exes who were still in love with you, but how I was different, how your feelings for me were different. I guess I'm just another guy who fell in love with you. I know you moved on months before it was over between us. I always thought if I kept trying it would end like a romantic movie, you would come to your senses. You really were the most important thing to me, I question now whether I meant anything at all to you.

 

Before nc you acted like I was a problem in your life, another stresser. Why are you contacting me? I want it to mean something, that you want me back. But I know you are just bored.

 

God you make me so weak.

[Chalk]

Today I feel in pain. I miss you. When I went to stay with my friend earlier this we I was reminiscing about how we got together. I loved you & it really hurt that you fell out of love with me. I miss you. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be (whatever that was). I really miss you and it hurts. I sometimes don't know what hurts but it just does. X

[Starapple30]

didnt know i could feel so much pain, to know that you won't rub my back to help me fall asleep, to know you don't/won't love me anymore. I miss you horribly, if only you could experience this pain.

[kz91]

You're not around and you're still managing to hurt me.

[midphoenix]

I miss you and Dylan still, why did you have to hurt me the way you did? Why were you never honest with me?Why did you tell me I saved your life when it was all lies and bs?

[bubble16]

ahh it's like an addiction. i REALLY REALLY WANT TO CALL YOU. but i know nothing good will come from it. but i really want to. i can't shake it. what do drug addicts do?! will i EVER get over this?!

[Chalk]

I miss you, I really want to see you. Even though you are moving on without me and don't care about me. I miss you even though you don't love me and ever saw a future with me. I miss you. I miss you. You'll not let yourself miss me. It's tough.

[Kimcwell]

I refuse to spend my life preparing for the hurricane when the forecast calls for spring showers ~ me

[heartbrokengir]

This is interesting. I actually thought about breaking NC... but what for? It's just a thought not an action

[jaded123]

A,

Once again, I am sorry I said such hurtful things to you and made you feel so unhappy. I never left you, never, never, never. I remember looking at rings with my mom, and the expectation of that time, is such a happy memory.

 

Today, for the first time since I've known you, I feel a genuine loss of self esteem. I feel like despising you for leaving me...but when I realize how happy you are now, with someone else, I feel that I really didn't have much to offer to the world and you were right to leave anyway. The person who are with, is better looking, happier and will probably accomplish more things in his life than I ever will. I didn't want to accept that out of misplaced pride...but I do accept it now. You ended up with a better person than me. I accept it. And for the first time also, I do genuinely wish I had never ever met you...knowing and losing you was losing sight again after knowing what it was to see for a day. I just miss you so much, all the time and I'm in the dark all the time now, with no hope, esteem or future that I can realistically imagine for myself.

-H

 

Edit: NO ! I won't give up, I won't break! I WON'T. YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME.

[jaded123]

A,

You should know: I'd never be with you again, if for some godforsaken reason you ever wanted to get back together. Never, not after what you have put me through. Not now, not after this much pain, for this long. I did NOT deserve this, unless it is something I did in a past life. Everyone has a breaking point. I'd rather wallow in my darkness but regain a shred of dignity/pride than be with you again. It's entirely theoretical since that will never be an option or happen again anyway but at least I regain some control and respect by deciding this on my own.

H

[jaded123]

A,

By the way, one last thing: I know how much you tried. All the efforts you made, to come to my place, to find places to go, to cancelling things to spend time with me, to doing everything you did. I made a lot of efforts too, to the best of my ability, given the projects/work I was doing at that time. And your efforts were noticed, and they worked. I remember every single thing you did. All of it. Im not some sort unappreciative person that you maybe think I was.

 

But you have to accept responsibility too, for not giving me one sign to assuage my deep insecurities as a result of your involvement with your cult and the emotional dilution I feared (and somewhat observed). You could have given me a unmistakable overt sign but in the end, when I truly needed it, you never did. Why do you think I pretended to leave you ? Just to get that sign. Just once.

 

Even at the very end, our last meeting when you said goodbye, you made me wait 45 minutes at the cafe (!). And that wasn't the only time. Why would you treat someone that shabbily ? It was little things like that, that over time really got to me. Accepting expensive presents from another guy when you were going out with me and telling me about it too ? How do you think that makes, not just me, but any human being feel ? Although, I still never ever left you, I still always loved you but you can understand how that can build up certain resentments over time, on top of the problems I had - but was willing to get over - with the techniques used by your cult in the first place. I tried too. In the end, I even gave up work to try to win you back but to no avail. If you only knew how hard I tried, 90% of the efforts were thrown away, because my hands were tied. Only so much I could actually say, right ?

-H

//the 3 hours waiting (not even sitting but standing below) at your center later and the cold shoulders later on, that's maybe understandable since you had moved on, but did you really have to hug that guy in front me that way ? In front of me..that night ? I am still pained by it, I don't even want to believe that you - of all people, you - were capable of treating anyone like that.