Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Jaded Too]

Day 8 of not talking to you. Feeling a little yuck this morning. I dreamt about you, but the dreams were just me realizing that the guy I fell in love with really wasn't who you are. I want THAT guy, the one I thought you were....not you. It's sad, but its the reality of this. You aren't him, never were and never will be. Maybe THAT guy will find his way into my life when I'm healed and ready for him. I hope you manage not to fake your way through the honeymoon phase of another relationship; I feel sorry for the next girl. You're all lies.

[blueplanet22]

see you have got yourself on the same dating website as me (annoying) but that you are saying your looking for a long term relationship, what a friggin joke, really, you cannot handle a full on LT commitment but the circle keeps going so you'll reel another one in and then dump her when she believes your promises of love and relationshi(t) talk.

 

You are an idiot and a hypocrite.

[Ggii]

I hope you still think of me, because I hate to admit it but I still think of you. Why didn't you just have the guts to break up with me, it would have saved me a lot of months wasted on you. Didn't you care about me at all? What did you tell your friends, because one of them was disliking all my pictures on facebook? Did you tell them the truth, about how you said to me once that you've found my friend more attractive than me? And that I was still mad about that, even though you said it when you were drunk? Or did you tell them a lie, about me cheating. You were always so afraid I would cheat on you, you didn't believe me when your uncle told you he had seen me kssing some guy. I never did. He was messing with you. All these questions are tormenting me. And every year I see you on th birthday of my friend and her family and it is killing me to see you, knowing you don't want to talk to me. When I see a photo of you on Facebook and some girl that looks like me (although I know she is not your girlfriend), I'm depressed for a whole day. The thought of you with somebody else makes me nauxious, even though we broke up more than over a year ago. I want you back. Why do you still have e-mails from me (but not the angry ones) in your mailbox. Why did you create facebook after I did? Why didn't you want to sort things out, when I asked you? Why did it took you 3 days to reply: "No I don't want that. Sorry."

Why did you say sorry? You barely say sorry, only when you feel really guilty and bad. I still love you. I miss you. I miss us.

[cheriex333]

Well today is day 8 of NC

 

You called 6 times yesterday from two different phones. I guessed the other number was yours bc they were all within the span of 30 minutes.

I lied and told my family you were on a trip to cali bc I didn't feel like dealing with questions. One of my fam members txted you to say hi and I guess ask when you're coming back. You txted to ask me how long you're suppose to be in cali for and I didn't reply. I suppose I could have...but what's the point? I really don't care if my family finds out we broke up, they would eventually anyways.

 

I must admit it felt kind of good to see your missed calls. Although I felt sad that you had nothing else to say except in reference to your imaginary stay out of state.

Last nite was a lot of fun with my friends and catching up, talking/venting about stupid exes. All my girl and guy friends thought you're an idiot. Why make such a big deal out of a few thousand bucks, seriously!

[Moonchill]

Go ahead and be mad. It's like your addicted to me and throwing tantrums because now you're in a detox. I'm not giving you one single dose of myself to you anymore. I'm not going to get dragged into this obviously fcked up cocktail of our issues. It would be a dysfunctional relationship.

 

Hurt people hurt people. You know it's true.

 

Why do I feel guilty about not letting me dragged down along with you?

 

Fck you, stupid heart.

[Coconut Twin]

Yes you're still in my head but in a haha! Getting over you kinda way.. These Chinese happy pills (herbal) are working wonders!!

 

'I'm flying..' (Eric Bana in the film Chopper)

[im_the_undead]

wish u would call me. i hate dreaming about u.............................. i regret calling u.. it's like you won. fml

luckily i don't miss u that much

[Moonchill]

This suits what I want to say to you and our situation perfectly :

 

Damien Rice- Volcano

 

Don't hold yourself like that

cause You'll hurt your knees

well I kissed your mouth, and back

But that's all I need

Don't build your world around

Volcanoes melt you down

 

And what I am to you is not real

What I am to you, you do not need

What I am to you is not what you mean to me

You give me miles and miles of mountains

And I'll ask for the sea

 

Don't throw yourself like that

In front of me

I kissed your mouth, your back

Is that all you need?

Don't drag my love around

Volcanoes melt me down

 

What I am to you is not real

What I am to you, you do not need

What I am to you is not what you mean to me

You give me miles and miles of mountains

And I'll ask for the sea

 

What I give to you is just what I'm going through

This is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding

what I really need is what makes me bleed

But like a new disease, Lord, she's still too young to treat

Volcanoes melt you down

She's still too young +what iam to you+you do not need+is not real

I kissed your mouth

You do not need me

 

This, my love, leans on me just like a rootless tree

You really do not have any idea...

[Jaded Too]

OH, geez!! WHY am I in tears tonight? I haven't slowed down all week, maybe that's why. I'm telling myself that I'm crying from exhaustion, not because of you. I'm not sure what good it does to try to convince myself though.

 

I turned down that date, it would have just made me feel worse. He was 23, for God's sake. I'm pretty aware of his intentions. The emotional roller coaster is such a crazy one. I was thinking...yeah, I'll show him who can bounce back fastest. Ha, that was temporary. I'm not ready to bounce back just yet. Although I am going to dinner next Friday with an ex, but I've made it perfectly clear that its just a friendly dinner. We only lasted about 6 weeks (way before you) and for good reason. I can't stand to be around him for long, he grinds my nerves.

 

I wish I could just talk to you; you've been my best friend for a year and a half. Why did you make things so weird? Tonight is just tough, thinking of all the good that is gone. Tomorrow will be better. I haven't felt this way since our last talk, so I know its temporary. (sigh) good night.

[Theankh]

This might be a little unconventional but... this is to the man I had a long-distance emotional affair with for two months.

 

 

I'm not over you. I guess I won't be for a while, but I don't feel like crying about it anymore, I just get a pain in my chest when I think about how happy you (briefly) made me.

 

I deleted the text and call apps we downloaded to use together. I don't know if you'll even realise - I guess unless you try to contact me then you won't, and since you haven't been speaking to me for a couple of days now, it seems unlikely. I just needed to get rid of the temptation to contact you - it hurts more to try and get in touch and be ignored, than it does to just not be speaking.

 

I suppose you might notice when I don't post on the forum we're both on. I deleted it out of my bookmarks to avoid the temptation to browse. I don't want to see you posting about every day stuff, knowing that you're not talking to me. That pretty much gets rid of all the ways we could contact each other. I guess you have my actual number, but texting me from overseas is hardly cheap, and therefore unlikely.

 

Part of me hopes that, if my home situation does explode in my face - and it feels like it could go either way right now - then I could go back to the forum, post about my break-up and hope that you'd get in touch. I have no idea if you would, and I suspect not. So I don't really know if I would.

 

In some ways, you've done me a huge favour by deciding things were getting too serious for you. I was so happy that I was distracted from my actual life problems. At least now that you're not around, I can start to focus on why I'm so unhappy, why I even let you get to me in the first place.

[soybeans]

Every time I start to feel myself letting go, something inside of me goes off and I hold on to you a little bit more. I don't want to let go completely. Even if I wanted to, I wake up every single day and you're the first thing on my mind.

 

What I'm actually holding on to....? Memories. The old you. Or the illusion of you, I guess.

 

I keep feeling like you might reach out but you never do.

[Yeul]

You broke my heart. You broke me. You complete ass.

 

I want to yell and scream at you, tell you what you did, and show you what you lost.

 

You gave up and walked away because you were too weak. You couldn't be a man. You couldn't be strong.

 

But, for some reason... I just want you to contact me... I just want to know if it was real or not.. for you.. Was it real for you..?

[Moonchill]

"Help" says the tiny little voice in my head I'd love to ignore.. "help, I've got too much emotions to deal with"

 

Now you gave me what I wished for. No contact. And it takes a couple of days of no contact to feel this painfull hole in my world. I miss you but I won't reach out. I want to reach out but it would be pure egocentric of me to do so . I want to .. but I won't..

 

Been a while since I've been the dumper and no it does not feel like I am empowered at all! It's hard! It's fcking hard to let go of a possibility so soon.

It's so sad how this turned out to be so.. tragic.. in such a short time. It's just.. absurd you know.

 

Absurd how much pain and crazy behaviour I triggered with you.

It's just..

 

Too much to bare for me you know.

 

You put so much hope in me. Saying "finally there's a girl who is sweet to me, finally I can make something work" After all your failed relationships that hurt you, that you wanted to cover with .. me..

 

That's just wwaaayy too much pressure for me. It's not the pressure you put on me. It's the pressure I put on myself to force myself into feeling more for you than I do and... not disspoint you. Can't you see how scary all that pressure is for me?

 

I want to say so much to you! I want to explain my behaviour to you! I know you crave for an explanation but on the other hand..

I'm afraid you won't be open to such a story from me.

 

I'm just in a inner battle. It's a waste of my energy. I've made a decision. I should stick with it for both our sakes but..

 

It is very very very difficult to me.

[Melting]

Wow what a weekend..... again, you have blown my life away.

 

Now, I just have to see your face for a year and then your off overseas.

 

With every word that you speak, all I hear is negative....... Just don't speak anymore ok?

[Theankh]

The message you sent me today really just helped cement my decision not to get in touch.

 

And I can't lie. I get some satisfaction from knowing that I could read it on my email but to you it'll look like I haven't received it, because I'm never logging back on to that forum unless I end up single.

 

You basically ignored the fact that I apologised and told me I hurt you by being impersonal. Never mind that the whole reason I was impersonal was because since you ended things you've shut me out and talked to me with polite indifference. Never mind that it was in response to you sending me a mass message to inform me I was no longer your valentine, instead of something personal. Never mind that YOU are the one who didn't even respond to two of my texts about how upset I was until I sent one apologising for being emotional - at which point you told me it was good to express myself.

 

I'm glad I'm not ending my relationship for you. It might end anyway for other reasons, but I'm starting to see how little you know me, and how dramatic and painful it would have been to try and have you in my life.

[cheriex333]

I want to txt you back SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO friggin bad.

 

I got baptized today! My close friends were there, but I was a little sad that you weren't. I wish you were there during such a big event in my spiritual life, something I had been wanting to do for so long.

Also went to go get my left ear cartiladge pierced. I don't know why I did it...figured it looks edgy so why not. I miss you so much today. Probably that sucky date last nite made me think of you more.

The guy was 30m late, didn't offer to pay for the movie (first date) and was just lame in general. I had ZERO attraction and all I wanted to do was get drunk and go home and sleep.

I wonder if you miss me and think of me right now. I was really hoping you'd call me to congrats about my baptism. Did you even see me online streaming? I need God to help me get through this tough time bc I am so not myself. This is much much much harder than I thought it would be. I want to move on yet I want you back. I wish you would go to therapy and fix your issues.

 

I don't even know if it was me who broke up with you or if it was mutual. I think I suggested it and you agreed. Sigh...I was not a bad gf, why couldn't you see all the things I did right? You didn't appreciate me anymore and you and I both knew it. I always loved you and did not focus on your faults (and you had a loooot of annoying habits).

 

I wish God would send me someone good for me. I feel so sad, hopeless, and depressed.

[Jaded Too]

Well, I was waiting for that text. I know we have to finalize the 'getting your things' back phase. Did it suck that I didn't respond for two and a half hours? I hope so. And how was the indifference for you? And telling you that, NO you couldn't come by tonight...that you'd have to do it when I wasn't home as we discussed the day of the break up? And you forgot you left your pants at my house?? Funny, that was all you seemed to remember the last we spoke...you getting your pants back. One response from me, dry and to the point. That's all you get. And then you say nevermind, you're going out of town and will get your things when you get back? Do you think you have all of the control?? Hmm, I shouldn't be surprised. Not really. It's all manipulation. I'm glad I didn't respond to your second message. The problem for you is, I've stepped far back enough to realize this exactly for what it is.

 

I've boxed all of your things neatly. I tried not to be vindictive, but I cut just the tiniest 2 strings in the crotch of your favorite pants. It did begin to unravel just a tad, but I quickly folded them back up and put them neatly back in the box. I really couldn't help myself. Geez, so juvenile of me. I don't feel so bad about it though; it was trivial compared to what you've done to me. I hope you're on a date when you realize that you have a big hole in your crotch, it would serve you right.

 

I can't wait for you to try to control how this exchange goes down this week. I'm ready for ya big boy.

[brandnewday47]

I just woke up from a dream (or nightmare?) of a big party at my friends house. As he left for a smoke, you gave him a kiss that was distinctly yours. Now I dread going into work running into either one of you.

[cheriex333]

Day 10 of NC

 

I dream about you every night and cannot sleep well. You suck!

[blueplanet22]

Nothing to say.....

 

{{{smiles to oneself}}}

[Moonchill]

Ok the roles are switching. Now I am the addict going through rehab. Yes I miss you . I miss you , I miss you, I miss you. I have this sudden craving. Ok it's not that sudden. I put down how everything has been in a word doc and. Well I want to send this to you so bad!!! Even after all of this. But I know it would send the wrong message to do so now. So I must be patient. To give it to you when the time is right. But when will the time ever be right? Are we doomed to have a very wrong timing ? I mean I... *&^%%& this craving for you. I.. should I let you go?

 

Now I must go through this difficult process all over again. I'm just like you, I'm not good at letting go. I'm afraid you will deal with this like you've always done and... find a rebound. It's your freedom to find a rebound. You've never been single for a long time. Will you be single now? Will you wait for me till I'm ready? Will I ever be ready to have a relationshipship with you again after both our trust has been damaged in each other...

 

I thought I was pretecting my energy. My peace of mind. But this.. is also costing me a lot of energy and is sure as hll not good for my peace of mind.

How egocentric of me to think that way. Ok now most of the people who do read this will think I'm a crazy person asking a lot of questions to herself that won't be answered now. Just.. AHHHHHRRRWGHIHOJoijo. Ok

[lalalollipops]

For the longest time, all I could see before me was you. Nothing else fell even in the periphery.

Now I am waiting for sb to truly stir me the way you did.

It bothers me sometimes that my heart does not feel the way it did before...

That kisses from others do not linger, but fall flat.

That I don't really have that enthusiasm to try, to dive in, to taste life... Like I once did long ago.

 

Once bitten, twice shy they say?

 

Am not saying all this cos I'm sad over you (I've been over you for months). Not saying this cos I'm sad over what happened (after everything, things just feel like a big lie), or over the demise of us (was inevitable really. I should have noticed all the big red flags).

Just thinking I guess.

 

Cya.

[lalalollipops]

I read a segment of a poem recently and it really stuck with me.

 

It's the heart, afraid of breaking

That never learns to dance

It's the dream, afraid of waking

That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken

Who cannot seem to give

And the soul, afraid of dying

That never learns to live

 

If I push myself hard enough, I will fly eventually right?

Fear and uneasiness will completely fade soon.

 

Perhaps.

[cheriex333]

I feel such disdain when I think of you...which is pretty much constantly still. The thought of you makes me sick and I want to gag. You ignorant, ungrateful, unhappy, critical, son of a beee*****tch.

[cheriex333]

Okay well I broke NC but not TRULY bc it had to do with my family member and it was an answer to a question (although not pressing), but I don't like involving my family in my relationships (esp failed ones). And the question was like from 2 days ago so I figured okay, should be civil bc I still need to get my stuff back. We have to at least arrange that, even if we don't see eachother face to face. I'm not sure if that msg even went through bc he did mention he was going to close out his old phone account and just use the one from work.

I feel really annoyed at everyone and everything and I think men are stupid idiots!! There are NO GREAT MEN! I'm beginning to give up on online dating too...too interview-like. I want to go on a tropical vacation, or just go somewhere FAR from here. Far from everyone and every annoying person. My family's issues are also taking a toll on me and I wish I could just escape somewhere else. I wish I was rich enough to afford my own place in the city near work.