Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[nanana]

I really, really, really miss you. I know you probably don't care, but things are really bad for me right now. I could really do with a hug, or just a chat. You always knew how to make me laugh.

 

You are all angry and cold with me. I keep thinking maybe it's because there are still feelings there, but realistically I know it has more to do with you wanting me to just go away. I think you really dislike me, and I can't blame you. I really dislike myself too! I've been a complete * * * * * . I see reminders of you EVERY day, and it hurts to realise what I've lost. I'm staying with my family at the moment, back in my old bedroom, and even that just makes me always think of you. So much happened in this room, both good and bad, but I miss all those nights we spent on the pull-out bed just watching movies, playing music to each other, eating a LOT of food despite being two of the skinniest people going.

 

I know it all went horribly wrong at the end there, but you were SO perfect for me. It kills me that I'll never kiss you again, I'll never hear you say 'I love you' before I go to sleep, I'll never know if you miss me. That last night we spent together, you were insisting that we ARE right for each other, even though we're splitting up. But I've behaved in such a silly way since then, you probably don't even feel that's true anymore, do you?

 

I so badly want to hear you do. I've got this little dream that maybe, after we've both matured, dated other people, lived life, we'll realise that nobody else is right. That despite all our differences and all the drama, we're finally ready to make it work. There's part of me that still believes that's what is meant to happen.

 

You know I said I dated other boys in those 4 months we were apart? Well, I never told you this, but with each of those dates, I never once even kissed any of them. Each time I made an excuse to go home early, and then I'd go to bed crying my eyes out because being around another boy just made me miss you even more. I don't click with them like I clicked with you.

 

I wanted to tell you that, but everyone insisted I had to play hard to get if I wanted you back. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not very good at hard to get when it comes to you! Haha. Comments about other boys were just petty attempts to make you jealous, so I could try and figure out how you felt about me... didn't work very well, did it?

 

I'm still in love with you, and beating myself up every second of the day for ruining things, even though all my friends and family tell me that it was you that destroyed things.

 

When we were seeing each other in summer, you were cruel to me whenever your friends were around. It hurt enough for me to actually need to block it out as much as possible. That's how badly I want to believe that you've always still loved me; I repress the moments that you proved you don't. But it just popped up... Our closeness really has been broken, hasn't it? You've done so many cold things to someone who adored you.

 

We're total opposites. You forget the things you've done to hurt me, but remember the stupid things I've said. Whereas I constantly focus on the bad things I've said, and forget the things you've done to hurt me. In some ways I'd rather blame myself than face up to the fact that you probably didn't care about me. Even just thinking of those bad things now is making me feel all angry and incredibly hurt, not only that you did them, but that you'll forget them and never even feel guilty.

 

So you go ahead and feel justified in treating me like crap, I'm glad I've always been nice.

 

You're doing the right thing in leaving me alone; I WILL get over you.

[Carus]

You're doing the right thing in leaving me alone; I WILL get over you.

Ditto^^*

 

Since we never talk or see each other anymore, have a good Xmas/NY hun....wherever you are*

 

8)

[MasterPo]

It is very early. I should be asleep but I cannot. A dream came to me and it was real and troubling. Dreams about you have been rare even when we were together and this one broke my heart while I slept. So. Maybe it should be viewed as a sign and finding you should be the priority. Too much time has passed and it wouldn't be worth the effort. Everyday my heart forgets a little of you enough that many times I only see your figure in my mind and nothing is clear, just a hazy image.

 

I'm beyond hope and rage at this point, I counsel my heart to forgive and forget but it is stubborn and I feel I will be on this emotional sandbar for a bit longer.

 

The dream was about my jacket, you were asleep on my bed and using it as a blanket. I carefully removed it when I found you, replacing it with a thick comforter and I smiled as you snuggled deep within its warmth. I remember watching you sleep and then rolling off the couch and falling asleep on the ground, I did not want to wake you.

 

When I woke a few minutes ago, I sat in the darkness my face wet and my nose runny. I miss you so much. I stood by the window and watched the fog roll accross the big meadow and wondered where you were and what you were doing. I thought of him and surprisingly enough, I did not hate him even if he is a weasel #$#$#. I did not hate, only hoped that he was treating you well or as well as a weasel $#$# can treat a woman.

 

As I was leaving my room I was surprised to see the jacket in the dream behind the door, I suppose it has been there since our breakup but the door was seldom closed. I picked it up and held it tight, inhaling what I imagine was your scent. Yes, it was still there that apple stuff you use for shampoo, sharp and brisk. As I turned the faded light caught a shiny sliver of hair - your hair, I gently kissed it and put the jacket back on the hook. I miss you but I will get better.

 

It was only a dream.

[Mich62]

I hope you are ******* hurting too... it's so painful

[marsbars]

Note to ex:

I hear you are not doing very well. What are you doing to help yourself? Do you think of me? Miss me? Have regrets? Why did you give up on us in the first place? So many questions that you are unable to answer. I am torn between moving on and waiting (not so patiently) to be with you...

Are you planning to reach out to me on Christmas? We have so many xmas memories together ... putting up the tree; cooking a turkey together; gift exchanges; romantic cards and words. Hard to let go ...

[Jewels7]

I would have done anything for you. I would have moved accross the world to be with you, I would have died for you. Did you ever care? Did you ever love me? Now you have moved all the way on the other side of the country, and act like nothing is wrong. That I didn't exist. That you didn't ask me to marry you. How could you have slept with all those other people? Did you ever think about me while you were with them? Did you not care what you were doing to me? Do you still not care? Do you not have a heart?! You lied to me about everything. From the very beginning. I know how you lied to me about your ex, I know how much you lied to me about the pot, the stealing. Was it really so hard to be honest? Why couldn't you have just told me? I was so good to you. But you chose sex and pot and ******* XBox friends over me. I was the one here for you through everything. Do you not realize what a good thing you lost? Obviously you don't by the way you seem to have gotten on with your life. I wish one day you would realize it. That you would hurt the way you hurt me. You destroyed me. Did you ever ******* love me? Or was that just a lie too. I deserve so much better than you. I know I do. I will find that person one day. He will be a good person. He will actually have morals...and I will be so thankful that that person wasn't you.

[Irial]

The end of day 2 of NC is coming, and I feel ok. I still keep on wondering if you will ever contact me again yourself, if you will ever miss me. I wonder if you even think about me. Many say yes, you of course do, but I don't believe them. I know you and I know how good you are at being distracted. I feel I will just be another box in your attic, a few memories kept there, like your two previous girlfriends. I will be put on their same level when they were just so much worse than I was, to you. They both somewhat cheated on you and they were mean * * * * * es, while I was always nice and I was honest and fair. I so didn't deserve this. In a way, I am doing things I wouldn't have done otherwise, so I am somewhat glad about myself. However, I didn't deserve all this pain either way.

I still find myself hoping that one of these days you realize what you lost, and what you just threw away as if it meant nothing. After all it must have meant nothing to you by now, or you wouldn't have done this to us. It takes so long to build a relationship like the one we had, it takes courage and effort. We had it all, and you threw it away. I think you just don't care. And I'm sure your friend is there telling you that you did good, while he's just faking when he talks to me. We had it all, and it was just not enough for you. You need a girlfriend who agrees with you about everything in life, basically your twin. One who always acts the way you would, one who always thinks the way you would. Otherwise you'll just throw her away like you did with me. With your previous girls, when we were just friends, I saw the reasons to break up right there. With me, though, I don't see it. You ruined our friendship of years, our relationship, and your very image to my eyes.

Here I see flashes of our first months together and I can't imagine this was the end of something so special. You were the end of it.

I miss you. I can't believe you did this to us. I don't think I can forgive you for doing it, although I can pretend that I have or just stop caring about it. You missed out on so much we could have, and that's damn shame. I just hope you realize that, later in life maybe.

 

I miss you a lot. All of you.

[Yostina]

Could you look me in the eye, and tell me that you're happy now?

[piruru]

I miss you. Like an addict, I crave you.

 

I want to see you next month. I want us to keep our promise and travel together.

 

Those places you said you'd take me and that you wanted to go with me... please keep your promise.

 

It doesn't have to be now, just... one day. I want to take you up on everything.

 

I'm all "ME ME ME", aren't I? That's why you left me. I'll try not to be like that from now on.

 

I respect your wishes by being NC -- please respect mine.

 

I miss you.

 

I still miss you.

 

So damned much.

 

Please feel my heart. It is calling for you.

[Robin2904]

I'm an idiot. I just am. I was starting to get over you, starting to move on with my life. Why did I let you creep back in?

 

For the last week and a half it almost felt like old times. Almost. It went from awkward silence on the phone, to an old comfortable routine, to exchanging 'I love you's' all over again. I must have lost my mind. I really must have. I needed to remind myself that we CAN and WILL never be again. Ever!!

 

Its funny to me how you asked me permission to go to the club last night. Why? Obviously you wanted to. Why would you ask me? I think that's when it hit me. WE ARE EXES!!!! Why in the world did I forget that? Funny how this is -the same EXACT situation that made me go NC last month!! Obviouslly the club is where you wanted to be or you wouldn't have brought it up. Don't think you can have it both ways- you can't.

 

Its my fault. It really is. So that was when I regained my sanity. When you said 'If I go to the club tonight would it hurt our changes of getting back together?' Oh NOW you actually WANT to get back together??? You had MONTHS buddy MONTHS to initiate us getting back together- it took me going NC for 3 weeks for you to realize 'I want this girl back'? Well guess what TOO LATE!!!!! So I said how I felt. I said there is no US. There will NEVER be an US. I will NOT tell you its okay to do anything. Its all on YOU. Be a man for ONCE, make your own choices. Were not going to get back together, so use that information to make your own choices.

 

I can't believe I actually WANTED an us again! * * * is wrong with me?? I HATE YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

But yet here I am crying about things. And now that I know you won't call anymore, that we are done, I sit here and feel sad. God I'm pathetic. I really am. But I won't call you or reach out to you. You made your choice. Your the pathetic one.

[Cheetarah]

I can't believe you're MARRIED. Married!! You!! How, huh, what? No, really. How did you manage not to intentionally sabotage this relationship like every other one you've had?

 

Ah, shoot. I hope you're happy. I hope she's a good woman. Don't have any kids yet, ok? You can't even keep up with a dog.

[iBroken]

To my summer fling "ex";

 

I will admit it was weird seeing you last night but I'm glad it wasn't awkward and there was no animosity between us. Having you hold me while we danced, tell me that I smelled good and that you miss me kinda caught me off guard to be honest. When we were dancing, I could tell you wanted to kiss me. You made it very obvious by moving your face closer and closer to mine as you stared at me. You probably would have too had I not called you out on it with a simple "What do you think you are doing?" I might have kissed you if I wasnt 100% sober and if I didnt have strep throat. But I also didnt give in because I cant open that can of worms with you.

 

I deleted your number as a p.s. And im not quite sure that I could go back to where we were or even try again. You didn't ask, but you kept looking into my eye as we were dancing with that look you had when we were together - when you were falling for me. When we left the restaurant after the bar, you said you would see me soon and kissed my cheek. A couple of my friends think that I should give you a chance if you really are interested but I dunno. I like my single life. I have a couple of prospects in the works and I dunno. Im not sure I wanna give them up.

 

You know where to find me if you are as interested as you acted last night. But I cant promise you that you will find what you are looking for. But nonetheless, It was good seeing you again. That cute smile and feeling you against me.

 

But I do have to say im not feeling the hair. Go back to the faux hawk please

[prada]

Hey i really loved you. You were perfect. Hope you have a merry Xmas and a HAppy new year. Even though you broke my heart, i still wish the best for you! You are always on my mind. xoxo And i hope the next time i see you (if ever) i can look at you and smile, rather than look away like i never saw you. For a while you were my happiness and you made my life worth living. SO all the best in the future. xoxo

[hear_her_roar]

You have NO idea how mad I will be if you start dating that random girl you met at the bar so quickly after our breakup. She's not even of age and we both know you'd just be settling with ANOTHER girl you have no emotional connection to whatsoever. I won't be jealous, because now I know what a lackluster partner you are... but I will be offended, and I don't really know why.

 

Also, we're not friends and we're never going to be friends. You're a crappy person and other than as a boyfriend, I have no use for you. You have no idea how to navigate a friendship with anyone and you ALWAYS complained about every single one of your friends behind their backs to me - why would you think I would willingly subject myself to that?

 

STOP BEING SO SCARED OF FEELING THINGS. What kind of person spends their whole life looking for certain things in a partner, then runs away when they finally find it? Did you really think falling in love for the first time in years and being close to someone for the first time in years would mean that you didn't have to deal with all of the other things in your life that you constantly ignore? And furthermore, dumping me and running away from the girl you had "big, scary FEELINGS" for won't make all of the bad feelings go away. They're going to resurface again, but tnext time you probably won't be with someone as loving and understanding as me to help you through it.

 

Nickelback sucks, the songs you wrote suck, your voice sucks, and you have stupid hair. Stop thinking you're the best thing since sliced bread. Oh, and you have an ugly car and dress like a square so I'd have to say that NO, I don't miss you. Stop asking.

 

And don't be condescending to me every time you find out that something good happens or that my life is going well. I know it may come as a shock to you, but it took me very little time to stop pining after you. You have no idea how annoyed I get when you seem genuinely surprised not to find me crying my eyes out over your sorry butt.

 

And by the way, your friends and family all said and still say that you didn't deserve me and that I was the best girl you'd ever dated. And yeah, when you dumped me, tons of your close friends put a lot of effort into consoling me. Wonder why you don't see them anymore? I never breathed a bad word about you and never will outside of this forum, but they saw a crappy boyfriend dumping an awesome girl and chose their side.

 

Suck it.

[chewy21]

Almost a year and a half since I wrote to you. A little pathetic that I'm revisiting this exercise almost a year and a half after I stopped, but I suppose the holidays this year are bringing you to mind.

 

I don't really know what to say. I still miss you sometimes, but I can never quite tell if it's really you that I miss or if I just miss the intimacy that came with our relationship. I don't have a refuge anymore, but I also don't have the burden of having someone to please or worry about or keep happy in my decision making. I don't have to worry if visiting my family is going to make you freak out and wanna leave, or just cause me to travel alone, worrying the whole time that you might somehow resent me for going. It's nice, but it's not at the same time.

 

Would you even appreciate anything I'm saying here? Probably not. You've moved on, made a new life for yourself. You gave a guy you'd known for (maybe) a year something you denied me after three: marriage. A promise to stay together forever, when you can't possibly be sure you'll keep that promise. You're still broken. You still need to work on you. But, in all honesty, I still hope that he's able to give you what you need. I hope you're not just masking it all or pushing it aside to make your life the fairy tale you want it to be. Because if that's the case, it will end up very different than you'd like it to. You'll just get to that point one day and shut down, like you did with me. And it'll be horrible for him to lose everything, even though it wasn't his fault and he tried his hardest to accommodate you. It's a cliche, but it's true: you can't really love someone else until you love yourself. I hope you love yourself, because even without the depression, your guilt over what you did to me may still be dragging along behind you. And, though I wish it weren't so, I can't say I don't wish that on you. You completely destroyed my life. Driving home from Nac tonight, I just started examining everything, and it's like I'm living in an alternate universe. This strange timeline, some weird "what if" that I would never have guessed would be the case two years ago, has me driving to my mom's house in Greg's truck the week before christmas. I'm not excited about the gift I'm getting you. I'm not trying to schedule a trip to Buna and Orange to see your family while working in trips to go see mine as well. I'm not worried about getting off work at Staples to see these plans through. I'm not sharing a bed with my love, huddling together to fight the cold not because we have to, but because we turned off the heat and wanted an excuse to cuddle. No, I'm typing on a state of the art computer that my job afforded me, sitting on the end of a twin bed in a trailer house in the middle of nowhere, typing to the memory of someone I have every right to hate. And I'm not insulting you... of course not. I'm opening up to you the same way I always did.

 

What have I learned? Well, I learned that even though it ended, I truly loved you as much as I'm capable of loving another person. There's not a person alive, family or otherwise, that could have put me through what you did and still have me wish them well. Anyone else would have earned my undying hatred and wrath for the rest of my days. But not you. You were far too precious to me for any of that. The worst I can do is my lack of care and communication. I can't bring myself to hate you, or even to hope your new marriage fails. Sure, outwardly I'd be boisterous about it to my friends, because that's what someone does when they're cast aside for someone else. They gloat when it doesn't work out. And outwardly, I would. Inwardly, though, I'd feel bad for you, and I'd hope that your life would rebound afterward. That's how I know I loved you. And if I were still in love with you, I'd not only wish those things, I'd actively be trying to make them happen for you. But, like I said, my lack of desire to help you is the worst thing I can bring myself to do to your memory.

 

So, I'll end this now. Who knows when I'll get the urge to write you again? I don't. You seem to enter and exit my thoughts on a pretty sporadic basis. I'm not sure that this time won't be the last, but just in case it is, here are three thoughts I'll leave you with:

 

**** you for what you did to me.

Thank you for your love and our time together.

I sincerely hope your life continues to get better.

 

Eternally,

Chewy

[nanana]

It just dawned on me and I remembered, when you first dumped me I used to write really long angry hurt notes for you and then throw them away before sending. Obviously you never saw them but I had so much bottled up anger towards you that I felt the need to do it quite often. Where the hell did that anger go?! I feel none of it now. Just sadness that I'll never see you again and above all, that you seem to hate me. Your messages were rude and then you ignored me. I know I was pretty desperate there for a little while, but will you ever remember the good stuff? Is there anything I can do?

 

I feel sad all the time that you hate me now. I honestly do. I want to know if you still love me, or if you still believe we are right for each other, but I guess not after how I acted. I'd do anything to take all those clingy messages back, but I didn't deserve the hostility I got from you. I think you expect me to apologise for saying you seemed emotionless, but I only spoke the truth. I can feel myself falling out of love with you finally.

 

Where did all that love go? Please stop hating me. Or being indifferent to me. Please just love me like you used to.

[piruru]

Please be friends with me. Please see what I see. I don't want to lose you in my life forever. You are too precious to me. You may hate me or think I'm crazy but you know what? I still care about you and love you like a babo.

 

I know I am not that important to you but please don't forget me.

 

(my lack of self worth disgusts me, just like it disgusts you.)

[marsbars]

Christmas time *sigh*

Miss you and hoping that you are starting to get some clarity. I'm not sure why you needed to wait until you were in a crisis to start dealing with unresolved issues.

I'm frustrated today. You feel a lack of connection. Isn't communication a necessary ingredient for connecting?

You asked for space. I'm giving it to you. But I miss you Babe like crazy!!

[Irial]

Day 3 of NC. I miss you as always. Long days out are the worst, especially when there's a lot of free time in-between classes. I hate being out of my house when I have all that time to deal with and nothing to do there. I finally took my physics exam, can you believe it? I was so afraid of doing it, and I was sure I would fail, but guess what? I got 25/30. That's above 8! I did great. I can't believe I did so well, myself. I answered to all the questions the right way, and I didn't make a fool out of myself. I'm really not that bad after all. I wish you asked me about my day, I wish you wanted to know all this. I wish you wanted to know all of me and what is going on for me, but I know you don't. I wish everything was different and I truly feel like breaking the NC just to say hi and chat, but I won't do it. I know that'd be wrong, because I have to wait for YOU to break NC, if you care to talk to me, or it'll just make everything worse for me. You say you want to figure out if you really want me, I think I'm not sticking around for that. We can be friends later on, when things have calmed down, but I think that's all I can say for now. I know you'll never want me back, even though I hear all these people saying their ex wants them back and contacted them and whatnot. It's just not happening for me. It's a real pity it isn't, because now I have so much more to share and to offer, and I bet you do too. You did miss out on a lot, by deciding not to give us another chance, and I did too. Unfortunately I never had a choice.

I got a nice haircut, I'm sure you'd love it. But yeah, I doubt you'd care to see it as things are now. I'm sure if you met me you couldn't bear to stay away from me and tell me what you told me just through IMs, because you care about me.

 

All I can do is give myself time, and hope this pain leaves me. I hope you will want to talk to me again, I really do. You were my best friend..

 

I miss you a whole lot.

[iwannarun]

I had this dream last night...we weren't together. But you did hug me, and you called me beautiful, and I didn't want to wake up. We haven't hugged in two months now...I get hugs from other people once in awhile, but it's just not the same!

I miss you. I love you. I just want to talk to you.

 

But I'm okay.

[Robin2904]

This sucks. Starting this NC thing all over again just sucks so bad. I wish I never picked up the phone to you that night and broke NC. It was so easy to do that. I don't think I'll ever forget that night. How it was awkward at first, and how the small talk made things odd. And then how you conpared us to that friggin Taylor Swift song. I couldn't believe that. You said 'Its just like the song- we small talk' and then you said something that literally stabbed me like a knife. You said you heard that song and it made you cry because 'you go back to December all the time'. December was SOOOO special for us wasn't it? This was OUR friggin month!!! When I heard that song all I could think about was how December held SO much meaning to me because of us- and to know you thought the same thing....killed me.

 

UGH I was doing SO good before that night! I was actually starting to get on with things. Now look at me. Right back to where I started. UGH!!

 

Only difference is this time your not even trying to contact me. That really urks me, but probably for the best. Just go on with your life. I'll do the same. I'm way better off with out you.

 

I think I need to take your sister and her boyfriend off of my facebook though. It hurts too much to see how happy they are, how in love they are- after 4 years together, and how we fell apart after not even a year. Kills me. It kills me that New Years is next week and that would have been our one year. What a friggin joke!! I wish I never made the choice to go see you last year, I wish this wasn't such a special month for us. I can't wait for January to come!!!!

[Starrgrl]

Do you miss me?

 

I don't particularly miss you much.

[AloneAgain19]

Hey...I see you talking to your previous ex...even though its only been 6 days, romantic or not, hope everything is going well...My moms Christmas present and my stuff are still at your house...Drop it off when you can. Did you really mean it when you said "pretty much what you said" after I said all those heartfelt things in my goodbye? I guess Ill see you in 4 weeks at school.

[Irial]

Day 4 NC.. I won't be breaking NC, today either. Just gotta keep telling myself that. It is perfectly reasonable that if you want me back or care about me, it is not ME who should approach you. I can't change how you feel, I can change myself for the best and live my life to the fullest. If you come back to me, that will be a plus. If not, well, that's a real pity but I'll survive. You are but a tiny dot in this huge universe and I am sure there is so much to learn that I won't even have time to think about you later on, once I've moved on a bit more. I think you are not contacting me because you are trying to give me time to heal, which I haven't asked for but I have still gone NC (although not officially, I am in fact not contacting you). I think even if you were doing this for me, if you missed me a lot and wanted to be friends a lot, you'd talk to me even to know how I'm doing. And that thought will keep me from breaking NC at least for the next month or so. Chances are, you WILL think about me at least a few times during the holidays. I was supposed to be there with you, after all. We've spent new year together for the past 3 years (as a couple, 5 if you include friends time!), so it's a thing we simply share. If you manage to forget me, I suppose you didn't care about me to begin with. Forgetting me is actually not possible unless you are senile, so I don't really mean THAT. I just mean that you probably will not be thinking of me most of the time. But that you are able to not think about me EVER, that'd be weird. It'd hurt me to see it happen, BUT if that's what you need to 1) realize you want me back 2) be happy in your life, I am glad to accept it. Even if you never want me back, I just wish you cared about me. Genuinely. When you left me, you said you do care about me and you love me in a way. But right now, you are not attempting to contact me, and I know that's for the best so far. I just wish you gave a sign that you do care about me as a person. We could be the greatest friends out there if we just gave it a try, but I need to heal for a while now. After this, I am sure we could be great. I don't want or need a boyfriend right now, not even you. I would just be happy to know that a person I like a lot is part of my life still, and on good terms. You have not disappeared, I have plenty of ways to contact you. But I just won't do it, because it's your turn to show you care. I know I've repeated the same things all over again a bunch of times, but this is what I'd tell you if we could speak. Probably I wouldn't, I'd act like all is great and have fun. But inside, if I had to be honest, I'd think all this. If I didn't think it was absolutely wrong to tell you, I'd tell you word by word. Not that I love you, not that I miss you, simply that I wish you were here and part of my life.

I had ANOTHER dream about you, and I wonder when that will stop coming to haunt me. I hate dreams of reconciliation and I have had 3 so far. They crush me when I wake up, and I HATE it. I am trying to keep myself on the right track for recovery, but if those damn dreams keep on giving me these bad feelings that's all harder than it could be. I know you aren't dreaming about me, that is okay.

 

Love you, miss you. Wish I had been able to do something to fix this before it was too late.

[newbeginning1]

I do love you, you know I do..... Im crying while I type this. Months later and Im still clinging on to the hope that one day you'll change, the hope Ive been clinging onto for over a year now. I know you miss me but not how I miss you. It was a mistake to stay with you the other night, waking up next to you again just reminded me how much I miss what we had together. You moved on much quicker than I am able to. I guess thats because youve had a lot more time to think about everything and were more prepared.

 

Im tired of feeling this way. I know that if we hadnt contacted each other since I moved out, Id be a lot further into the recovery process than I am now.

 

Why dont you want me? What did I do wrong? How can you only want me as a friend and why cant you see a future with me by your side?

 

Im not going to contact you now but I know you'll contact me at some point. I dont want to, but I know that every time I get a message on my phone I will be hoping it will be you. What Ive got to remember is that youve let me down so many times and its all my fault......... yeah, my fault for expecting you to change. I blame myself for not having the ability to accept change, accept rejection and not being able to move on. I do miss you, I do love you and I guess I always will but I have to accept that you will never change your feelings for me. I still dont understand though, if you loved me as much as you said you did, why werent you prepared to work through it all?

 

Im sorry that I couldnt be the one that made you truly happy, thats all I ever wanted to do. I would have been by your side until the end. Please take care. I love you X