Don't know what to do

[Dinka]

Dump this a**. Yes, it will hurt losing him right now and it will hurt a lot, and we'll probably see a lot more posts about how you want to break NC. But years down the line, you will look back and say, "What the heck was I THINKING?"

[Arabella314]

Thanks for all the advice. I guess I needed to hear it from strangers instead of my close friends who have never liked him since the beginning because they say I'm too pretty for him Anyway, I've decided that I'm going to tell him I need to get away from him for a while. Clear my head up & think about what I want.

[miami]

"Anyway, I've decided that I'm going to tell him I need to get away from him for a while. "

**********************************************************

 

A while? Really?

 

Ok, you definitley are going to need to get the support of your friends and family for this one. Your spine is not fully developed yet so you'll have to borrow theirs.

 

First, put down the box of Haagen Daaz and call your girlfriends. Tell them what you are going through and what really happened. I know you don't want to hear the "I told you so" but you SERIOULSY need their support right now because you are behaving like a clueless teen.

 

Second- tell your parents what happened. Why? Because they are the only people on this planet that truly love you and will provide you with additional support. Also, by telling them what happened, we both know that all the stupid little fantasies floating in your head about having some kind of life with him will be decimated. There will be NO CHANCE, and I mean NO CHANCE of reconcilation down the road. If your parents have half a brain and an iota of concern for your well-being, they will ensure this loser never gets a shot at making your life miserable again.

 

That's the last of my 2-cents....good luck.

[backsplash]

Wow. Is that all you think you deserve? Sorry to be harsh, but my advice is to get yourself out of that relationship. if you are finding it hard to leave him, start slowly by making new friends, going out with them maybe once a week, counseling if you need it...keep doing things for YOURSELF until you are ready to move on to something better. You surely don;t need to live in distrust of a person who is supposed to be committed and loyal to you.

[SunniDee]

You want to get away for a while? That's nonsense talk. You are hoping he will change if you leave for a while and try to "scare him" into changing. And then you will take him back so fast at the first sign of half a**ed change that everyone who watches heads will spin. This is not going to work. One, because he has seen what he can get away with. He dumps on you with lack of respect and decency, and you still continue to welcome him into your life. You're being an flat out doormat girl, a nice cushy one he can dump all over and not have to take care of.

 

Two, he's a manipulator. He will do whatever he needs to to secure his "safety blanket" (that's you by the way). And safety blanket is putting it nicely by how he's treating you. He may "change" for a while to get you to come crawling back....but it will all be an act. Read this sentence for me. Aloud if it makes it sink in better:

 

HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU.

 

Did you read it? People who love another do not treat them with one iota of this kind of disrespect. And he has NO REMORSE.

 

And really, I'm curious as to what you thought making him break up with her was going to do if you didn't put your foot down and deny them the luxury of being "just friends". You started to stand up for yourself....but you did it half a**ed and didn't follow through, so you basically accomplished NOTHING.

 

This man will not change. Taking time away will only make him miss using you to have his cake and eat it too, not actually making him feel bad about what he has done. You are 20 years old and have only been with this one man your entire teenage years. Hate to sound harsh, but by 20 it's time to pull your bum out from your rear quarters and start thinking like an adult who wants to make rational and good choices for themselves.

 

Good luck. He can only continue to hurt you if YOU allow him to

[lady00]

Well, getting away for "a while" is a start. I hope that during the time apart you realize that someone who has done these things to you cannot be trusted and will not change.

[odile]

Thanks for all the advice. I guess I needed to hear it from strangers instead of my close friends who have never liked him since the beginning because they say I'm too pretty for him Anyway, I've decided that I'm going to tell him I need to get away from him for a while. Clear my head up & think about what I want.

 

Arabella, it is SO good to hear you say this.

It's a step in the right direction.

 

Take the advice that's been given here: let your parents and your friends know what's been going on.

You will need their help and support to shake this guy.

 

Do not be ashamed.

You're not to blame for falling for the wrong guy.

Don't beat yourself up over it-- it could happen to anyone.

The only mistake you've made was to stay with him, but now is your chance to turn that around.

 

It's going to be a struggle to get out of his trap.

If he does not walk away easily, do not confuse this as being a sign of his love.

 

Having those close to you know what's been going on will help them to intercept the attempts that he will make to hold on to you/i.e., his doormat/back-up/ego-feeder.

 

And remember, his poor treatment of you was not because you deserved it-- it's because he is sick.

You deserve better, and once you are completely free of this toxic man, you will slowly begin to realise exactly how short you've been selling yourself.