Girls:How important is it that you're referred to as beautiful in order to feel good about yourself?

[RedWingsFan]

Here's one male's perspective...

 

To me, beautiful is a strong word, and I rarely find what I deem a truly beautiful woman (in the physical sense). It's timeless and, no matter the fashion, the woman can be deemed beautiful. Think of Marilyn Monroe. Being born beautiful is hitting the genetic lottery. Pretty, to me, is 'pleasant to look at.' I never use this word. It's just too vague of a word to me.

 

Cute, however, is my preference. There's personality behind her look. Maybe it's the unique way she tilts her head, her smile when she laughs, dimples, etc. There's more of a personal meaning behind the word cute. It's these details that make a woman attractive to me.

 

So, to those of you worrying about 'not being beautiful,' please don't fret!

[Laura11111]

I'm not convinced that being "beautiful" is all this it's cracked up to be. Yes, it feels nice to look good but there's so much more to people than looks.

 

Keep in mind, beautiful people don't look beautiful all of the time. They get used and dumped like everyone else. They fail tests, embaress themselves, get fired, etc. Some people don't take beautiful people seriously because they think they're dumb. When it comes to relationships, being beautiful can be harmful. For example, having a beautiful partner may increase jealousy and insecurity. Also, I think people tend date beautiful people longer, even when they know it's not going to work out, because they like that they're beautiful.

[hers]

I'm not convinced that being "beautiful" is all this it's cracked up to be. Yes, it feels nice to look good but there's so much more to people than looks.

 

Keep in mind, beautiful people don't look beautiful all of the time. They get used and dumped like everyone else. They fail tests, embaress themselves, get fired, etc. Some people don't take beautiful people seriously because they think they're dumb. When it comes to relationships, being beautiful can be harmful. For example, having a beautiful partner may increase jealousy and insecurity. Also, I think people tend date beautiful people longer, even when they know it's not going to work out, because they like that they're beautiful.

 

yeah i know it's a lot more than just looks. i'm just saying sometimes, i like to be called that. just as a boost sometimes. it doesn't happen often, if ever at all. it'd be nice to get it sometimes. not all the time.

[Laura11111]

yeah i know it's a lot more than just looks. i'm just saying sometimes, i like to be called that. just as a boost sometimes. it doesn't happen often, if ever at all. it'd be nice to get it sometimes. not all the time.

 

Yeah...I hear ya.

Sometimes, if I'm feeling ugly, I do something a little different with my hair or make-up and I feel better. Put on a dress and heels or jewelry for no reason and go out with your friends. Paint your nails. You may get some compliments

[hers]

Yeah...I hear ya.

Sometimes, if I'm feeling ugly, I do something a little different with my hair or make-up and I feel better. Put on a dress and heels or jewelry for no reason and go out with your friends. Paint your nails. You may get some compliments

 

i do this a lot. i walk dogs for a living so i often am dressed very tomboyish and comfortable (shorts and tank top and flip flops) and look sweaty. i like to put on my cute sundresses and go places. i feel naked without earrings. but i dont get a lot of compliments. at least not from strangers or anything like that. friends will tell me i look nice and all of that but i dont know, i'm craving that guy attention i guess.

[shellykeli]

I think most, if not all, people have a different view of themselves. The mirror is not kind to them in their eyes.

 

At the risk of sounding cliche, I will tell you that beauty is only skin deep. You may not like your nose - or your ears, or your hips, or your arms, etc. but someone out there finds you beautiful, and it's not just your parents. A male friend of mine has said that he finds that the physical flaws a woman doesn't like about herself are the most interesting. Interesting is beautiful.

 

I have ugly days and plain days; we all do. Ultimately, your character and intelligence count. Someone with a healthy curiosity about the world around them, a kind heart, and confidence stands out more than a centerfold-worthy body (it'd be nice, sure, but it won't matter if there's nothing going on upstairs).

 

You have to believe you're beautiful, then it will shine for everyone else to see.

[hers]

thank you for this. i very much like this outlook.

[LBP]

I am not one of those people that would ever be referred to as beautiful. I know this. I am sometimes referred to as cute, but very rarely pretty, and never beautiful. I wonder if this should have a bearing on how I feel about myself.

 

If nothing else, I think that this thread, and your posts, are rather lovely.

[hers]

Thank you for that. That's very nice of you to say.

[greywolf]

Hers, my ex isn't that pretty, but when I first met her I thought she looked different and unique, and I was drawn to her.

[FortunateOne]

Beauty is to be experienced in person. No two dimensional photo will ever project the inner beauty within us. Take my example, I'm not asthetically pleasing due to a cystic acne scars from my teens; yet, when I walk into a room I command a lot of attention and respect. The confidence that radiates from my inner beauty is what most folks say leaves a positive impression on them. This is a reason I don't like Internet dating since the true beauty is trivialized by the hords of superficial competitors. This is why I do very well with attracting real women in person versus a distant media as the Internet. The funny thing is that nature has the last laugh since outer beauty fades with age.

[hers]

Beauty is to be experienced in person. No two dimensional photo will ever project the inner beauty within us. Take my example, I'm not asthetically pleasing due to a cystic acne scars from my teens; yet, when I walk into a room I command a lot of attention and respect. The confidence that radiates from my inner beauty is what most folks say leaves a positive impression on them. This is a reason I don't like Internet dating since the true beauty is trivialized by the hords of superficial competitors. This is why I do very well with attracting real women in person versus a distant media as the Internet. The funny thing is that nature has the last laugh since outer beauty fades with age.

 

i know what you mean for sure. i'm not sure how one commands respect and attention by walking into a room, but it'd be nice to have it, i'm sure! even though i know beauty is completely subjective and that looks fade and that it speaks nothing of my personality, sometimes it's nice to be called it. not all the time. just sometimes.

[D_Lish]

I personally couldnt give a crap what others think about me....

Nobodies opinions of me, matter not one iota.....Im ME, like it or lump it - I couldnt care less.

 

I feel pretty good and have enough confidence, without people having to affirm Im worthy.

 

And if Im not in a relationship, I dont think it's because Im not worthy of one.....LOL!!!!!!

 

More to life than having some man in tow.....and MEN ARE NOT, the sole source of happiness.

 

Although a few would obviously, rather die than not have one....

[Sparkly Eyes]

I have been struggling with my looks for a long long time. And I guess I need to be told I'm pretty or beautiful to feel good about myself. I was very rarely called beautiful, more pretty or sexy...I don't care what word they use, the way they say it and if they actually mean it is important for me. On internet you don't know and you have to rely on words.

 

I obsess about my appearance A LOT, and just recently I tried to come to peace with myself and told myself that I am not anything special and I better accept it and try to live with it. Stupid I know but I can't get myself to believe the opposite and although some people do tell me I am pretty/gorgeous or whatever, I tend to not believe them.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I find myself more beautiful now than I did when I was younger; I like the way I look most of the time (although not others). I kind of see the individual bits more. I suppose I've heard things over the years, and now I know some of my good points. I guess it's all about listening and looking.

 

• I love that my hair is so thick and strong and cascades - it's a good feature.
  
• I love that I have green eyes, and when I wear the right make-up I have eyes like a cat; I love that when I laugh or am happy, they look sparkling and mischievous
  
• I love that I have looked after my skin since I was 12 all over - and that my body skin glows like the inside of a pearl and is satin to the touch.
  
• I love that I have really fabulous cheekbones - my profile is to die for, lol.
  
• I love that I always smell gorgeous
  
• I love that I have dimples when I smile
  
• I love that I have a rosebud mouth
  
• I love my va va voom curves
  
• I love that I'm naturally pretty hairless
  

 

I know that sounds vain, but sometimes I think you have got to appreciate your great points. Hersmudders, I think you've got such strength and humour, I love your attitude and I think (in the pics I have seen), you are really rather beautiful! It's just about recognising your awesomeness and understanding its potential...

[dangletsbang]

I've always had a problem with taking compliments, regardless of if I thought I was ugly, pretty, plain, etc. I used to be ridiculously insecure and never got attention from the opposite sex..EVER.

 

Two years ago I lost 50lbs. This is when I started getting attention from the opposite sex.."OMG, you are SO pretty.." etc. I hated those compliments..they just felt fake..like I had to be skinny and tan to be pretty. It made me feel worse about myself to be called pretty and beautiful by those same people who didn't look twice when I was 50 pounds heavier..it just felt so superficial..

 

now that i'm with my current boyfriend..I know what it feels like to truly feel beautiful..I can take two hours to dress up for a night out on the town..but he tells me i'm beautiful when we wake up in the morning..when my hair is going 45 different ways..my left over make up is smeared..bad a$$ morning breath x 235425..I feel prettier than I ever have in my whole life..for some odd..odd reason.

 

I just feel that beauty is over rated. Inner beauty will radiate from within and make that person beautiful to me. Sure, a girl can be physically attractive..but what her personality is like is what would determine if she's really 'beautiful' to me or not. What people do with themselves is what makes them beautiful to me..

 

like you, for instance..

 

Your love for animals makes you shine..you are SUCH a good person..and that conquers physical beauty any day. [which I think you're physically beautiful, anyway, your tattoos are awesome..and i'm jealous of your calf muscles.]

[dragon lady]

I don't look for validation because it doesn't help me. I've been told I'm beautiful by all of my exes and I still don't believe it. Unless my skin is great and my weight is low, I feel pretty terrible about my appearance, which is about 90% of the time. It didn't help that everyone in my group of friends growing up were always stunning. I only fit in because I was outgoing and fun. I don't even have that going for me anymore.

 

These days most of the comments I receive about my appearance come from strangers. This especially does nothing for me. I went out yesterday and some old dude went "mmm...mmm...mmm" (like how you would look at a tasty piece of food) and then he winked at me. I didn't feel good about that. I felt disgusted.

 

In order for me to feel good about myself physically, I'm going to have to work hard on my appearance. The problem is that I don't have the money right now to get my teeth fixed, my hair done or get a new clothes. So, until I can afford it I'm going to be feeling rather homely.

[hers]

I personally couldnt give a crap what others think about me....

Nobodies opinions of me, matter not one iota.....Im ME, like it or lump it - I couldnt care less.

 

I feel pretty good and have enough confidence, without people having to affirm Im worthy.

 

And if Im not in a relationship, I dont think it's because Im not worthy of one.....LOL!!!!!!

 

More to life than having some man in tow.....and MEN ARE NOT, the sole source of happiness.

 

Although a few would obviously, rather die than not have one....

 

That's actually not what I was getting at whatsoever with this thread.

[hers]

Thank you for your thoughts, everyone. I don't always look at myself and think I'm ugly. And though I get compliments from strangers (much like the ones dragon lady said she gets), they don't help b/c I have a hunch that they'll say that stuff to anyone with a vagina and not to someone b/c they're beautiful.

 

I can make myself feel pretty in frumpy clothes and in nice clothes, but some days I don't hit that mark. And other days, I just want a little validation b/c it's nice to get sometimes.

[dragon lady]

I can make myself feel pretty in frumpy clothes and in nice clothes, but some days I don't hit that mark. And other days, I just want a little validation b/c it's nice to get sometimes.

 

This is totally understandable. You are entitled to feel this way. I think that when you meet the right guy, you will receive this validation and it will be genuine. You already have a relatively healthy attitude toward your appearance and I don't think this is too much to ask for.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Thank you for your thoughts, everyone. I don't always look at myself and think I'm ugly. And though I get compliments from strangers (much like the ones dragon lady said she gets), they don't help b/c I have a hunch that they'll say that stuff to anyone with a vagina and not to someone b/c they're beautiful.

 

I can make myself feel pretty in frumpy clothes and in nice clothes, but some days I don't hit that mark. And other days, I just want a little validation b/c it's nice to get sometimes.

 

I understand hers... but here is a thought. It is the same thing I am trying to do... let's accept ourselves the way we are, accept not everybody is not gonna think we are beautiful and that we don't even care to get a compliment or not..BUT try somewhat hard to work with what we have got,lose a little weight and get to a better shape, try to use some make up and get our hair done, this way we would feel better about our appearance because we know at least we have not been lazy and we tried to be as good looking as we can...I think hard feelings would be less if we do this.

 

Am I making any sense?

[hers]

Yea you make sense. I don't feel that losing weight would make me feel prettier. I don't mind my weight at all (well, most days--i mind my thighs most of the time but I accept them as they are, the big tree trunks attached to my legs). Earrings make me feel pretty so I always wear them. I do what I can to feel better about ymself and I have good days more than I have bad ones, so it's not a big preoccupation in my life. That's a good thing I think!

[Sparkly Eyes]

That's great...I am mostly lazy, I dont get my hair done as much which makes a huge difference in my looks and I really need to lose some weights but I can't stop eating foods that I love.. oh and I'm with you on the thigh thing.. I absolutely hate my thighs, they are just very big for my figure,no way to get rid of them tho,effing genetics...

[hers]

My thgihs are genetic too. Every woman in my family has them and no amount of working out has made them smaller for me so I gave up!

 

I love my food...that's why I don't mind my weight. I like eating what I eat, so I'm ok if it keeps me a little bigger. I think my shape is cute and although my weight is considered overweight by medical standards, I carry most of it in my thighs, so my stomach and such is actually cute, in my opinion.

[Sparkly Eyes]

That's great. You seem mostly happy with who you are and that's all that matters. I wish I could be like that.