Girls:How important is it that you're referred to as beautiful in order to feel good about yourself?

[hers]

I am mostly happy with who I am. I just have off days sometimes. And sometimes I just want validation from others.

[thejigsup]

When I was younger I was called cute or pretty. As I have aged I am called very attractive. I think I've gotten better looking as I have aged. If there is something about myself I don't like, (and I mean that I don't like it, not someone else), I fix it. If I feel the need to lose weight, I lose it. I've had my teeth capped, I use self-tanner daily (I've never sun-bathed, so I have no wrinkles on my face), and I always dress well. These things are done for me, not for anyone else. What matters is what we think of ourselves, not what others think of us. I just recently went on a diet (I realized I was getting beyond curvy) and have lost over 20 pounds in the last month. I'm a good dieter if I feel it's important. Remember, it's what we feel that should motivate us, not what others feel about us.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I am mostly happy with who I am. I just have off days sometimes. And sometimes I just want validation from others.

 

I can honestly tell you that I haven't met a person who didn't base some of their opinion of themselves off of others.

 

We are social creatures. We like to be validated from time to time and you shouldn't feel that that makes you insecure.

 

Anyone who says they "don't need validation" is either lying or has never been without it.

[COtuner]

It's nice to hear that I'm beautiful occasionally, if it's sincere. I don't need to hear it to feel good about myself, but it definitely helps me feel good in general. I hear it a lot from total strangers, means more to me to hear it from someone I care about like a BF, friend or close colleague.

 

Sometimes life beats me down so much that something simply like that can mean a lot - like there's something that hasn't been taken away from me.

[greywolf]

I can honestly tell you that I haven't met a person who didn't base some of their opinion of themselves off of others.

 

We are social creatures. We like to be validated from time to time and you shouldn't feel that that makes you insecure.

 

Anyone who says they "don't need validation" is either lying or has never been without it.

 

This is true. Most people at least want their partners to find them attractive.

[grymoire]

Hers in all your photos you look really casual... I mean, there is no make-up, fancy shoes or clothes. Is that how you are in real life?

[hers]

Yes I dress very casually. I do like to wear sundresses a lot, and even when I do wear makeup, it's light and not too noticeable. I don't believe that makeup makes a person beautiful though so I don't wear a lot of it.

[Jpo]

I can honestly tell you that I haven't met a person who didn't base some of their opinion of themselves off of others.

 

We are social creatures. We like to be validated from time to time and you shouldn't feel that that makes you insecure.

 

Anyone who says they "don't need validation" is either lying or has never been without it.

 

I 100% agree with you on that. In fact, it is nearly impossible to go through life without seeking others validation in some form, whether it is because they are assessing your worth for a job, or as a friend/partner. It is good to be confident enough to not let it bring you down, because you know there is someone out there that will "validate" you, but saying or even striving to not need it at all is just ridiculous IMO.

 

I would give you rep, but it says I cannot give you more.

[Jpo]

I 100% agree with you on that. In fact, it is nearly impossible to go through life without seeking others validation in some form, whether it is because they are assessing your worth for a job, or as a friend/partner. It is good to be confident enough to not let it bring you down, because you know there is someone out there that will "validate" you, but saying or even striving to not need it at all is just ridiculous IMO.

 

I would give you rep, but it says I cannot give you more.

 

I just wanted to add a bit to what I just wrote. I think, instead of not caring what people think, you ought to just be yourself, knowing that some people will hate you and some people will love you. Try to put more stock in the opinions of those you love you and set aside those of the ones who dislike you or are indifferent.

 

What you do not want to do is let the opinions of others control your life, where your search for approval negatively effects your way of being. Sometimes you just are not someone's type, and it really isn't anything to worry about.

 

The worst thing you can do though, in my opinion, is don the attitude of not caring what anyone thinks. Not only is it nearly or actually impossible, but is a sad and lonely life. It is best to accept people's opinions with moderation and equanimity.

 

Cliche I know, and waaay easier said than done. But true, I think. If only I could follow my own advice. XD

[jengh]

Alright, stop the pity party

I've seen you in person and I've seen 948343 photos of you and I've seen a bunch of your sister (that will be relevant in a sec)

I think you are beautiful, both on the inside and out. Something about you just radiates and if I didn't know better, I would think you're the most confident of girls. I've never noticed anything wrong with your nose (which is something I generally notice). I think you have great features (and boobs haha). You have a nice shape and a great face. Not to mention, you're smart and funny. Total package, and any guy who can't see that is a freaking moron.

If it makes you feel any better, I think you look a lot like your sister, who is very pretty.

 

I understand how you feel though. Completely. Before Will, I felt like the most unattractive person alive. My confidence was just in the gutter. And, you know... that's the thing.... I wasn't getting attention (except from randoms who just wanted to get in my pants) so in turn, I felt ugly... but now, I do get called beautiful and it does make a difference because I think, "well, at least someone sees it".

 

The "I'm pretty" in the mirror thing never worked for me either. I always called my bluff after saying it a couple of times...then rolled my eyes and walked away, embarrassed.

 

Seriously though...don't get yourself down about this. I know it's hard going so long being single. It's a big downer on your self confidence. But, as hard as it may be, try to feel beautiful from within... whether it means getting a new outfit, getting a pedicure and wearing cute sandals (maybe branching out from the flip flops), putting a bit of makeup on.... sometimes, when I'm at my lowest, I get dressed up, do my hair and makeup and put on a pair of heels...even if I'm just going to the grocery store, I feel prettier.

[hers]

Oh jenn, you've gotta be tired of hearing this stuff from me by now! I was sorta hoping you wouldn't see this thread b/c I whine about it to you too much!

 

It's just a need for validation. That's all really. To know I "still got it" like they say. I know I have it. Most days. It's just nice to hear it from someone else sometimes instead of your friends or yourself. That's all.

[Sparkly Eyes]

ok... my bf once was talking about his ex and said she was gorgeous..he very very rarely used this word for me, maybe like once. Pretty is not in his vocabulary I guess, he either says you look good or you look beautiful...Is gorgeous better or beautiful? I felt a bit jealous I have to admit...

[hers]

I think gorgeous is better than beautiful, which is better than pretty. But that's just me. Others even on this thred have said they don't think my words of beauty are on different levels and that many are interchangeable.

[jengh]

I think gorgeous is better than beautiful, which is better than pretty. But that's just me. Others even on this thred have said they don't think my words of beauty are on different levels and that many are interchangeable.

 

Eh, I'm like you... I don't really think they're interchangeable... While I do like getting compliments, when someone says I'm cute.. I can't help but feel kind of sad because I'm not "gorgeous" or "beautiful".

 

To me.

Gorgeous>beautiful>pretty>cute

And then, sexy is just on its own level somewhere.

 

I met a guy once who told me my friend was cute but I was sexy. I asked him what the difference was... he told me she was cute in the high school cheerleader sort of way, but I was sexy in the adult, seductive way... that always kind of stuck with me.

[greywolf]

Eh, I'm like you... I don't really think they're interchangeable... While I do like getting compliments, when someone says I'm cute.. I can't help but feel kind of sad because I'm not "gorgeous" or "beautiful".

 

To me.

Gorgeous>beautiful>pretty>cute

And then, sexy is just on its own level somewhere.

 

I met a guy once who told me my friend was cute but I was sexy. I asked him what the difference was... he told me she was cute in the high school cheerleader sort of way, but I was sexy in the adult, seductive way... that always kind of stuck with me.

 

Yeah, I agree.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I have the same feeling. I dunno! We girls think about many trivial things all the time, analyzing every little thing. Most guys can be the ugliest alive and still think they are stunning...if only we could be like that. I literally told my ex things that I thought were his appearance flaws and he could not care less, he was like I don't worry about them... If he told me anything I would just be so sad possibly could not continue having sex...

[hers]

I don't remember who last called me sexy but I loved it. My ex said it I think. I ate that up! He said it like I was physically perfect for him. Loved it.

[penelope13]

Thank you for your thoughts, everyone. I don't always look at myself and think I'm ugly. And though I get compliments from strangers (much like the ones dragon lady said she gets), they don't help b/c I have a hunch that they'll say that stuff to anyone with a vagina and not to someone b/c they're beautiful.

 

I can make myself feel pretty in frumpy clothes and in nice clothes, but some days I don't hit that mark. And other days, I just want a little validation b/c it's nice to get sometimes.

 

'Beautiful' is such an undefined word. or better: everyone has their own personal definition of the word, not just in the physical department, but more so on the emotional connotations that you personally associate with it.

 

The underlined part in your quote is what struck me most on your thread: although you claim you want from time to time validation from a stranger in your perception of your beauty, even when you get it, you do not consider it validation, because you assume it is not given out of sincerity.

 

For me this seems to be a clear sign, that this is more about your frame of mind and how you perceive yourself than if you get called 'beautiful' by some random person on the street.

 

I claim (please correct me if I am wrong) that on different days, depending on how you feel yourself, 'beautiful' means different things to you and thus hearing being called so from a stranger has a different effect on you.

 

If you are feeling good about yourself, you are happy to receive compliments and you take them us such. However when you are down, and someone calls you beautiful, it doesn't do anything for you, since you assume they say it to just anybody.

 

Maybe try to understand what emotions/ emotional needs you associate with 'feeling beautiful' and being called beautiful dependent on your state of mind.

[Miss Firecracker]

I have the same feeling. I dunno! We girls think about many trivial things all the time, analyzing every little thing. Most guys can be the ugliest alive and still think they are stunning...if only we could be like that. I literally told my ex things that I thought were his appearance flaws and he could not care less, he was like I don't worry about them... If he told me anything I would just be so sad possibly could not continue having sex...

 

Why did you tell him something that would have devastated you?

 

It's a good thing I don't depend on people to say I'm beautiful to feel good about myself. I just plucked a gray hair from my nose.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Why did you tell him something that would have devastated you?

 

It's a good thing I don't depend on people to say I'm beautiful to feel good about myself. I just plucked a gray hair from my nose.

 

I told him about HIS flaws, he never said anything about mine, oh no once he did but he was just pointing something out, didn't say in a bad way... I dunno why I told him, one was because I wanted him to lose weight a bit, the other we were just having fun with it now that I say it sounds strange but he would make fun of himself and I would go along with it, don't worry he would not worry even a little bit about anything, just laugh them off.

[hers]

Penelope: what I'm talking about in the part you underlined are cat calls. They're not compliments to me. It's guys in the car next to me who can't really see me but still hit on me. Or construction workers who yell things at me. That's not flattering to me. It's annoying.

 

If I got compliments from, say, someone in the store who came up to me and said it like I was human instead of like I was a piece of meat, then I'd feel it sincere. But cat calls aren't sincere and I'm sure others would agree.

 

I do understand what you're saying about frame of mind but I don't think we meant the same thing.

[itsallgrand]

 

It's a good thing I don't depend on people to say I'm beautiful to feel good about myself. I just plucked a gray hair from my nose.

 

lol. Miss F, you never fail to make me smile sitting behind this computer.

[LolaBella]

I thought every woman got called 'beautiful' when they go out. I know men often describe me as that, beautiful, as well as cute, pretty, sexy, and everything else. I never thought anything of it since the word beautiful is often thrown around so much. I figure they tell that to every woman they are hitting on.

 

To the OP, I've been called beautiful plenty of times by men, family members (I used to be told I could be a model when I was really really skinny) and it's really not that big of a deal. I'm still single, and it really hasn't benefitted me in anyway. I don't know, it gets kinda boring afterawhile, like yeah, you think I'm beautiful big deal. I still get treated like everybody else and I even face rejection from some guys. The guys that I really like are usually taken or not interested in me.

[Chickenjuice]

hersmudders: about the cat calls... you absolutely correct, it is disrespectful. All the gross noises, lip smacking, howls, **** like that are not real compliments. This crap happens to women under 30, simply because they look young and sexy. It pretty much stops when you get to be over 30, even if you are still hot. Looks and stares are just honest, and still happen if you are over 30 and good looking.

 

But the sexual harassment is disrespectful, ****ing tiresome, and thankfully it stops once you look like you're mature enough to not take crap from idiots anymore. I'm still great looking at 38, but I don't get sexually harrassed by strangers anymore, thank goodness.

[Seraphim]

A very wise man told me that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" Your beauty is subjective. If your SO thinks you are a beauty then you ARE.