Question for women 30 and up - men who lie about their age on match.com

[rapunzel]

This is a question for women who use dating sites to meet guys, specifically link removed.

 

If a man lied about his age in order to meet you, presumably a younger woman, would it immediately turn you off?

 

My ex is on link removed. He turned 50 in July and his stated match age is 44. His desired age range for women is 35-42. And incidentally he does not want children.

 

I just wonder how this works. Does he tell his dates before he meets them, after he meets them, or does he just continue the lie? He is very good looking, in amazing shape, intelligent and does look young for his age but why would a guy think that lying is a good idea? He told me many times he was having a mid life crisis...

 

I would be turned off by a guy who did this but it's so hard for women approaching 40, or 40+ to meet normal, attractive men that he probably thinks he can get away with it and he probably is right.

 

Just curious as to the female opinion out there. If you met him, and even though he was good looking, talented and charming, would you continue to date him after you learned that he was actually 50 years old but lied so he could meet you?

[annie24]

that is, assuming he does tell! Both Cindy and John McCain lied about their ages and neither found out until they were at the county clerk's, applying for a marriage license. i would feel betrayed, for sure, but it may not be a dealbreaker, depending on how long we have been dating.

[rapunzel]

that is, assuming he does tell! Both Cindy and John McCain lied about their ages and neither found out until they were at the county clerk's, applying for a marriage license. i would feel betrayed, for sure, but it may not be a dealbreaker, depending on how long we have been dating.

 

Right, they have a 17 year age difference and she said she was OLDER than her real age and he of course, said he was younger. And now she's with this elderly man and she is still an attractive woman. I don't get it.

 

I am 48 and I look good for my age but I know one of the reasons my ex dumped me is because of my age. He wants a sweet younger thing.

 

I perused link removed last night and found a 72 year old surgeon (who is loaded based on the town he lives in) who says he is 68 but then in his ad divulges he is actually 72. He has a specific age range of 35-49 and says that he won't even respond to women outside of this age range. I find that laughable and it is perhaps an extreme example but it is so common and frankly, disheartening to women in my age group.

 

Would you not wonder if you found out his REAL age after dating, and perhaps falling for him....that if he would lie about something so BASIC as his age, that he would lie about something else? Does it not say something about his character?

[mca1975]

the poor guy most probably didnt think anyone would be interested in him if he said his real age, so he told a white lie. Its not liek he said he was 21 and really he's 40! No big deal. But yeh, I would expect him to come clean if and when he met someone he really liked, he most probably would do - because then they would have met him and got to like him and then his age won't really matter - however, saying that, not wanting kids is a big thing and it would be best to honest about that from the start.

[mca1975]

Men like younger woman. They want a good body.

[rapunzel]

I don't know. It irks me that so many men (especially on link removed) won't even consider women within a few years of their REAL age.

 

And it is the RARE man that will even consider a woman even slightly older. It's not fair but it's just the way it is I suppose.

 

Women want a good body too. I have a decent body, my ex's body is probably considered better by society's standards as he is tall and thin and muscular. I am 5'2" 102 pounds, can swim a mile, do 100 jumping jacks and exercise 5 days a week. I am obviously taking my ex's actions personally but it is hard not too.

[savignon]

There are millions of women in your age group and therefore it's not "personal". I think if a guy or girl is good-looking and charming and successful and all that, they can get away with a bit more than the average Joe for sure. But, leave it to 'em....

You could say "I don't date guys that have to pretend or lie to get women and who aren't secure with their age" and it would be nothing "personal" to him...it would be to all men who do that.

I know it hurts but it's more about him and what he wants when you look at it from his point of view.....not about you.

[annie24]

hm. i mean, i am not 30 yet, but will be there soon. most of the men i have met online, like let's say if a man is 33, he'll put 25-35 as his desired age range to date. but i guess as they get older, maybe they are not as willing to date a woman their age? oh well. that's too bad, especially as how i know lots of women in their 50s who look like knockouts!

[Capricorn3]

To me it would be a definite deal breaker as I don't take kindly to being lied to, betrayed and made to look like a fool. If he can lie about something so simple such as age, it makes one wonder what else he lies about.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If a man is so insecure about his age that he has to lie about it then he is not the man for me. If he can lie about his age, what else would he lie about. I have known people who lie about their age or treat their age as a big secret...those people tend to have lots of insecurities and tend to be selfish and self-involved. Someone lying or covering up their age is a big red flag to me because it usually comes hand in hand with other character defects. As for the example of John McCain and his wife...since they both lied about their age then it is a perfect match..two dishonest people. I don't feel sorry for her at all...she got the sugar daddy she wanted.

[rapunzel]

hm. i mean, i am not 30 yet, but will be there soon. most of the men i have met online, like let's say if a man is 33, he'll put 25-35 as his desired age range to date. but i guess as they get older, maybe they are not as willing to date a woman their age? oh well. that's too bad, especially as how i know lots of women in their 50s who look like knockouts!

 

Yes, from my experience the whole age thing starts to change and becomes a big issue after the age of 40 and it gets worse from there. Many guys 45+ start their age range up to 20 years younger and in the online dating world, they seem to think they are entitled to women at least 7-15 years younger. So they just rule out all the women in my age group who are trying to find partners.

 

Obviously a guy who was 32 would not want to date a 12 or 16 year old. But many, many men in their 40's and 50's would happily date a 25 year old. What they would have in common is beyond me.

 

For men in their 40s who suddenly decide they want children, obviously they have to date younger women but my ex writes "probably not" in his ad about wanting children. Perhaps there are single women who are 35 or so who want a family and would date him, thinking he might change his mind if they "clicked" ...but when they found out he was 50 I wonder if this would be a deal breaker.

[rapunzel]

If a man is so insecure about his age that he has to lie about it then he is not the man for me. If he can lie about his age, what else would he lie about. I have known people who lie about their age or treat their age as a big secret...those people tend to have lots of insecurities and tend to be selfish and self-involved. Someone lying or covering up their age is a big red flag to me because it usually comes hand in hand with other character defects. As for the example of John McCain and his wife...since they both lied about their age then it is a perfect match..two dishonest people. I don't feel sorry for her at all...she got the sugar daddy she wanted.

 

I hope I get to this point about this man, I really hope I do. I know he is insecure (clearly if he feels he has to lie about his age - doesn't he know ANYONE, people that he knows, can go on line and see this?) and he's been having this midlife crisis since I met him two years ago. He is VERY self involved and he has used the word "selfish" to describe himself to me (as in, "am I really a selfish person?" - I think HIS ex told him this).

 

Well, reportedly Cindy was the one with all the money so John got himself a sugar momma. She has had her share of troubles despite having billions and marrying a powerful, older man.

[Batya33]

I declined to meet men who lied about their age (I was great on google and a few men tripped themselves up on the phone), men who put the wrong age in the search function but the right one in the profile text (to come up in younger women's searches), and men who "confessed" right away. Other friends of mine were a bit more lenient - one married a guy who lied by one year (to me a lie is a lie). For me it was a question of values/ethics -- I very often wouldn't have had an issue with the actual age but I did with the lie.

 

My two favorite stories about lying about age.

 

Me (on a first phone call) "Well, the problem I've had with online profiles is the men who lie about their age".

Him (pause). Oh, um... what age did I put?

 

And the other was the guy who bragged about how his ex-wife's father was famous and then said during another part of the conversation that his ex was a dozen years younger than he was. So I found the dad on google, then did a search for the wife with that last name and found her birthdate.

[InBruges]

one married a guy who lied by one year (to me a lie is a lie).

 

That sounds even worse than lying by ten years. At least with the latter, one could argue there's a point to it. The people that lie for no real reason are truly frightening.

[rapunzel]

I don't know, I would understand lying by a year more than lying by 5 to 10 years. Lying by a year is definitely obviously still a LIE but it seems like more of a little white lie. Like if you were turning 40 but you still wanted to be 39 (as if you could possibly stave off the inevitable). I personally would not lie about my age, why bother, I would have to fess up and THAT would look bad (in my opinion.) But SO many people (including women, I hear) feel compelled to lie as our society is so ageist and the odds are stacked against women over 40 in trying to find a partner.

 

It still doesn't make any sense to lie period about one's age, height or weight but i would be more apt to forgive an omission of one year then someone who is lying by a much larger gap so he can meet younger women.

[savignon]

This was my experience with age-related dating....one was that I had a roomate who was just gorgeous but lacked other skills (thought she was going to electrocute herself if she didn't take the batteries out of the TV remote and thought Oceans 11 was a series of movies and that there had been an Oceans 1, 2, etc.--just some of tons of examples) She was soooo pretty though that none of this mattered. She was in her late 30s but would lie about her age and felt really justified in that because age didn't matter to HER. I asked her, "But what if it matters to the GUY and you're making the choice for them that it's not important? Don't you think they'd be offended by that? That you're the one deciding without their input that age is of no importance?" Naturally she couldn't even follow the question... but I'm telling you most guys didn't care. So, more power to her...it's of no consequence to me how many guys she can get as I'm only worried about my own love life.

Second one was I met a guy online who lied about his age. It was the WORST date I ever went on b/c we had nothing to talk about and when he mentioned one year that he was in High School I immediately started to try and do the math b/c I was only in diapers at that time. He was like, "Ah, I see you're on to me about my age"....it was miserable and we had gone for coffee and didn't even order any...I was outta there. Very uncomfortable.

It has to do with insecurity. They want someone to believe they're younger and they want to be able to "get" a younger person. Why on earth would that be important unless they're trying to impress others (who frankly don't give a **** b/c they're mostly concerned about their OWN lives...not how impressive or shallow or bountiful or pitiful someone else's life is)

[rapunzel]

So the wife was NOT a dozen years younger I take it?

 

What is funny is the number of ads where a guy will come up in a search as a certain age. His ad will state he is 45 but inside his ad, he will say something like "actually, I am 52 but everyone thinks I am 45 and I look and act so much younger than my real age."

 

My ex has a defunct ad on another dating site....that does state his real age. He placed it when he was 46 (before I knew him) and his age range was 26 - 40. You would have to really dig to find it as it is old but it is still there...I found it! The other way to find someone's real age is to do link removed or one of the people search engines and usually the age there is accurate.

[Batya33]

Well he was a dozen years older than his ex but that made him older than he told me he was.

 

I did the free birthday searches, people finder type searches and if I knew where they went to college, those kinds of searches (I usually had a friend who could do an alumni search, or a link removed search). Of course someone could go to college earlier in life or later in life but it was a pretty good way of checking. Most of the online dating I did was after age 34 and I figured since I was honest about my age (which put me at a disadvantage) they should be, too.

[rapunzel]

In my ex's defunct ad on another site (link removed), he states in his ad that at 46, seeking women 26-40, he "feels, looks and acts much younger than my chronological age would indicate!".

 

It's sad how ageist our society is that people feel compelled to do this, to justify their age to make it more appealing, to lie about their age and to rule out people of a certain age as being "too old". It's just the way it is.

[savignon]

It's sad how ageist our society is that people feel compelled to do this, to justify their age to make it more appealing, to lie about their age and to rule out people of a certain age as being "too old". It's just the way it is.

Do not blame this on "society"....your ex lies b/c he's insecure. Period. He wants to have a younger girlfriend so he can feel younger.

It does not mean that no man is going to date you or that "people have to lie" to fit in to society. It's not "the way it is".....

Like with my roomate, the guys who didn't care that she had lied or didn't care b/c they liked her enough --didn't care....so who is the rest of society to care?? "There's a lid for every pot", as they say!

My point is to not take this incident with your ex and become dejected about your age, dating or society in general...it will only make you bitter and resentful and not appreciate your age, wisdom, experience and beauty---all qualities that will make you attractive at any age!!!

[rapunzel]

Thank you savignon. You are right. There is, I hope, a man out there for me who will appreciate my age and not rule me out as "too old".

 

I don't blame it on society, but you have to admit, we are an age-obsessed culture. Aging is not revered but feared. Plastic/cosmetic surgery is one the fastest growing segments of the health care industry. Why? Because the culture celebrates youth, young skin, young firm bodies.

 

I have always looked very young and people usually think I'm in my late 30's but in the last year I have really started to notice the aging process. It's tough to take but the alternative is a box in the ground so I know I need to celebrate my relative youth!

[D_Lish]

Used to make me feel sick when I had older guys mail me. Guys who were in their fifties and sixties...

 

Wouldnt have been so bad if they had looked good for their ages, but they were ageing men and you could see they were. What made them think Id reply is beyond me....and Im early 30's....

[InBruges]

What made them think Id reply is beyond me....and Im early 30's....

 

Maybe they were rich and thought that would do it?

 

How to spot a rich guy:

 

image removed

[Cognitive_Canine]

hm. i mean, i am not 30 yet, but will be there soon. most of the men i have met online, like let's say if a man is 33, he'll put 25-35 as his desired age range to date. but i guess as they get older, maybe they are not as willing to date a woman their age? oh well. that's too bad, especially as how i know lots of women in their 50s who look like knockouts!

 

Probably why those guys are still single. They care too much about youth when they aren't youthful themselves.

 

Why lie?

 

The only reason you would lie is to keep people from writing you off due to your age. But, then you'll just end up dating an ignorant judgmental person who can't even accept someone based on their age and regardless of how young they look and feel.

[rapunzel]

 

 

Yup, when a young beautiful woman is with a much older unattractive man, he is usually quite wealthy.