InvisibleOne Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Ok, so my boyfriend of 6 weeks (started dating exclusively around July 8 ) sent the following message to a woman on link removed on July 28: (name), I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for you to call me. On Friday night I was stepping out of my car, dropped my cell phone as another vehicle was pulling up beside me. The vehicle accidentally ran over my cell crushing it. I had both of your numbers in my cell. I tried a redial on my house phone but for some reason, I couldn't redial anybody that had called me. I don't know where you work or live so I had no way of contacting you. My replace phone was ordered yesterday and when it arrives I was told that I could transfer my stored numbers by placing the sim card in the new one. (name), YOU KNOW that we were really beginning to connect and know each other. YOU KNOW how excited I was with us going out on our first date. We talked that Friday night and was going to confirm the time and location but you had to check or confirm the whereabouts of your daughter and we would talk later. (name) you met me and should know that I am sincere. Please call me at home tonight. (his name) Total BS. He was with me that night just like every other night. Anyways guys, I'm totally confused at this point. 6 weeks may sound too short but we practically live in each other's house. He has keys to my house and I have his. I even introduced him to my mom this past weekend (yeah stupid, I know). I'm so devastated at this point. Can anyone advice how to confront him when he comes back tonite? I really want to write back to this woman and tell her how much of a jerk he is. Please help, thanks. Link to comment
mmike Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 I don;t follow all the details..HOW did you know exactly what he wrote to her? You seem to have accomplished the impossible! Link to comment
InvisibleOne Posted August 12, 2009 Author Share Posted August 12, 2009 I don;t follow all the details..HOW did you know exactly what he wrote to her? You seem to have accomplished the impossible! He gave me his password at some point to "show that he's sincere" with me. We have had a couple of rough nights recently and just out of curiosity I just decided to check out the status on his profile. That's where we met by the way. Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 If it were me, i would tell her. Met this guy on plenty of fish, and we had been together 6 months. Last week i saw he has an active profile and he lied and said he wasnt talking to anyone. 4 days later, he happens to put up a new profile pic and admitted he was talking to one girl, but hasnt met her. These guys have no morals. Definitely confront him. He is a jerk too! Link to comment
karvala Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Well first off, it sounded like total BS, so I wasn't at all surprised when you said that it was, and I doubt this other woman will be taken in either unless she's rather gullible. Your bf made the most common mistake when lying of way too much explanation; an innocent person wouldn't have even written half of that. Given that your bf is so bad at lying, but doesn't realise it, you can count on initial denial from him when you confront him with it. I don't think he'll keep up the defence for very long, though, so I would also expect an admission, followed by a rather implausibly invented excuse such as that it was all a joke, or he was writing on behalf of a friend, or some such nonsense. Don't believe a word of it. Before you confront him, though, you must have a goal in mind. Whether it's an apology, a specific change in behaviour, or just an agreement that the relationship is over, you must call the shots here. Don't just confront him, and then wait for him to decide what will happen next, or you'll be left feeling less than satisfied. Link to comment
InvisibleOne Posted August 12, 2009 Author Share Posted August 12, 2009 Oh that chick is smart though. Her response to his stupid email was that she wishes him well in his future searchings which means she haS NO further interest whatsoever. Honestly I don't want to break up with him. Before seeing this horrible email, he was the best thing ever. But now I don't know. I'm not sure if an apology will help either. I feel so betrayed. Link to comment
InvisibleOne Posted August 12, 2009 Author Share Posted August 12, 2009 Given that your bf is so bad at lying, but doesn't realise it, you can count on initial denial from him when you confront him with it. I don't think he'll keep up the defence for very long, though, so I would also expect an admission, followed by a rather implausibly invented excuse such as that it was all a joke, or he was writing on behalf of a friend, or some such nonsense. Don't believe a word of it. Wow, how did you know? He will probably end up by saying it was his "secretary who's responsible for maintaining his private affairs" who sent the email and he will then proceed to make a fake call to his secretary warning her not to do that again. I know his routine. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 he sounds like a douchebag, plain and simple, lol. i mean, that email is so pathetic. if some guy wrote that to me, i would not be wooed at all. i mean, i'm guessing this girl he dated wasn't that interested, or maybe she met someone else. in any case, here he is, such a drama king. i would take back the key from him and go and meet someone new on link removed. Link to comment
savignon Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 You know his routine well enough to think he'll lie and at the same time think he's the best thing ever? You think the other girl is "smart"....then what do you think of yourself? You think the fact that he was "only into you" for 4 out of 6 weeks makes him "the best thing ever"? You've had a "couple of rough nights" IN ADDITION to this and you've only been seeing each other for 6 weeks? You seem to expect lies and defensiveness after a mere month and a half (part of which he was pursuing at least one other girl)....if that's the "best ever" and you don't want to break up with him, I'm not sure what I can offer you besides best wishes for thick skin. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 I'd ask for my key back. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I'm sure he'll drum up a good story to cover his tracks, but I think you've seen all that you need to see here. I know that I could never trust someone again, if that happened to me. I would hold my head high, and walk away, you deserve better than this. All the best... Link to comment
catfeeder Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Why are you even investing the time and energy to care about such a liar? What would it take for you to be done with this guy? In your corner. Link to comment
RedWingsFan Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Get your keys back. ...what else will he be dishonest about? Or are you willing to have trust issues with him in the future? Link to comment
Sunflour Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Take the lessons you've learned (like not moving too fast, and not giving a guy keys to your place before you really know who he is), and move on. This guy is a liar and not worth your time. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I would end it unless somehow the email was sent before you became exclusive and somehow a glitch made it show up now. But if it's clear that it was sent when you think it was I would just tell him that since he is trying to meet other people on link removed you two are not on the same wavelength and should not continue seeing each other. Then, change your locks. Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Follow this advice and definitely change the locks. I know its not easy, because you want so bad to believe him, but once the trust has been shattered there is no getting it back. Link to comment
Casey13 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Although you present a valid immediate issue here I see other issues here that are even more disturbing then your complaint. For starters I don't understand how a guy who you've been dating for 6 weeks has the keys to your house and had to prove to you that he is sincere by giving away his passwords. Then he goes and clearly tries to cheat on you. I think you may have moved things too quickly with a guy who you really don't know all that much, at least on an intimate relationship level. Anyways, that's not imortant now, it clearly came out that he's a player, liar and an aspiring cheater. What more do you need to know? Ditch him before he hurts you or gives you an STD/STI Link to comment
happylady Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I am sorry for your situation. I am even more sorry that you think a guy who lies and cheats on you (for which you have hard evidence for) is the best thing that has ever happened to you I am sure no matter what is said here your mind is made up for what you are going to do which is stay with him. Even so i will say this to you anyway, learn to love yourself before you love someone else. When your esteem is high you dont tolerate as much. I can say this because my esteem was very low once too and I understand how you feel. It took me about 3 years by myself to figure out how much I have and how to appreciate things on my own. When you are with someone you dont need to be with, but want to be with then you will truly be happy. You do deserve better then this guy for sure. I hope everything works out for you Link to comment
InvisibleOne Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 Does it matter that he has not gone back on match since July 28? I'm... just wondering. I did not bring this up last nite. I was too upset. Anyhow, he mentioned that he wants to take me meet his mom and family in NC this coming weekend. He seemed very excited about that. Any thoughts on all this? I feel like giving him a 2nd chance after we discuss and hopefully he'll be smart enough to confess/apologize. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 meanwhile, while you are pining over him, he was sending love emails to some other woman begging her to give him another chance. do you really think this guy is the best you can do?? Link to comment
savignon Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I am also sad for you that this is the best you think you can do. Love yourself and someone who can love you will follow. It seems you'll learn this the hard way as you don't seem the problem here at all, don't have the guts to confront him and want to continue on with him. Someone deserves a "second chance" when you have indication that you can trust them and know that they respect you. A six week relationship where he's already sought out one other girl that you know about, is not "second chance" worthy. My aunt once passed on a story of hers where a woman friend told her, "You can take your pain now, or you can take your pain later".....sometimes those are our choices. Link to comment
happylady Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 "You can take your pain now, or you can take your pain later" Wow that is very deep and smart quote! I am def going to add that to my favs Link to comment
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