Why are some people are so rude on this site!!!

[avman]

Sorry for my ignorance but what is baiting?

 

Trying to entice someone to reply in a hostile manner. Following them around on their posts making snide comments. Things like that.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Sorry for my ignorance but what is baiting?

 

When you say things to try and get them to break the rules.

 

It's a passive aggressive way to get the other person in trouble.

[Qut81]

As you can see, there are multiple sides to any story.

 

Lucabrasi you have your take on it. Others have quite different perspectives.

 

That's what it is all about.

 

Yea, I understand now.

[jahur]

Sorry for my ignorance but what is baiting?

 

 

antaganising, winding up etc........ a most horrid thing i used to have six brothers who did that to me, not that im a victim.

[jahur]

And that wasn't my intent.

 

Sometimes people get stuck into thinking they have to put up with crap. Just look at some of the threads posted by people in abusive relationships. If someone's feeling persecuted, picked on or singled out in a negative way, they sometimes forget they have the ultimate power -- to remove themselves from the situation, either temporarily or permanently.

 

totally cleared up! thats how it should be xxxx

[Lucabrasi]

Avamn, I don't mean that people should dictate who posts in their thread or what kind of advice they give. I get that. I'm asking if it is reasonable that a person leave it at one post of advice instead of starting an argument about it. They are free to say whatever (within the forum rules of course), but is it productive to keep prodding? If a poster feels that another poster is becoming redundant and continually "attacking".

[Sn0man]

I've been on this site for a long time, and have rarely seen posts that i'd consider 'rude'.

 

I see a lot of people here talking about 'tough love', and I agree that sometimes that is exactly what a poster needs. Other times they'll need to be given examples (shared experiences) and yet other times they'll just need a kind word or two.

 

Someone here said it's hard to read the context in which something is said, being that it's in type. I agree. However, when you really read a post you often just 'know' how to respond - and it doesn't always call for a dose of reality.

 

I'm certainly guilty of taking the tough love approach, but i'll only do it when I don't think that any other form of advice will make my point. Most people don't like to hear the stone cold truth, but more often than not it's exactly what they need...especially when they've had plenty of sugar coated replies and keep asking the same questions over and over...then it's time to pull out the proverbial 2x4.

 

Overall, this forum has some of the most considerate posters i've seen - and if occasionally giving someone a swift kick in the rear earns them being called 'rude' then so be it.

[shes2smart]

totally cleared up! thats how it should be xxxx

 

Is this where we hug and sing "Kumbaya"?

[jahur]

Is this where we hug and sing "Kumbaya"?

 

ooh yeah!!!!

[Red Fox]

I think it's rare to find something that is really rude, however I do see a little bit of what I would consider unhelpful posts. An example might be something like this.

 

The original poster states "I got quite drunk when out last night, and lost my wallet. I was drunk and didn't notice it was gone until this morning. What should I do?"

 

Someone might reply "Don't get drunk again, I hope you learned your lesson."

 

While it's not rude, I don't think it's really helpful. The person I think now clearly understands already that they lost their wallet as a result of getting drunk and they with hindsight realise it was a bad choice! Pointing out to them what they probably already know and offering them nothing more than effectively saying you did wrong don't do it again I don't think benefits people much. It's quite possibly true and you could call it tough love but in some circumstances it seems to be very pointless.

 

A good reply in this example I think might say something like the following. "Get on to your bank and cancel your debit and credit cards as soon as possible. Explain all the circumstances to your bank who will advise on what happens next say if someone has used your card fraudulently. File a loss report with the police, and so on"

 

In my view posts that are unhelpful in a way like that are not that uncommon. I do think the mods are good at spotting the rude posts and dealing with them. You can't do anything about what I might describe as an unhelpful post because just because it might be unhelpful that doesn't mean it's necessarily rude. Also views like this are subjective, and everyone's opinion differs as to what is rude, helpful and unhelpful. I do think we do have some genuine good advice given out scatted in with the unhelpful which makes this site great!

[jahur]

not a bad example but surely a reaction (above in bold) would emerge a couple of posts later, isnt that slightly nit picking???

[XxJustMexX]

I think it's rare to find something that is really rude, however I do see a little bit of what I would consider unhelpful posts. An example might be something like this.

 

The original poster states "I got quite drunk when out last night, and lost my wallet. I was drunk and didn't notice it was gone until this morning. What should I do?"

 

Someone might reply "Don't get drunk again, I hope you learned your lesson."

 

While it's not rude, I don't think it's really helpful.

 

Very true. That's what I meant in my other post when I said a lot of people come here to be "high and mighty" only to give advice that doesn't help other people, but to make themselves feel better about themselves. That's the only explanation for these kinds of posts. The "what you did was stupid, don't do it again" posts are definitely coming from people that need to go around telling others of their mistakes for pure self gratification and that's what I believe is not needed here.

[Qut81]

antaganising, winding up etc........ a most horrid thing i used to have six brothers who did that to me, not that im a victim.

 

Six brothers? Mommy and Daddy were surely busy. lol

 

Sometimes ppl just need to take a break from the site if it gets to be too much. Thats what I do every so often. Especially since Im in a very sensitive period in my life.

[greywolf]

Sadly, the moderators are usually the ones doing it, so there is no filter or 3rd party reviewing threads.

 

I find this a little ironic. This is a thread complaining about how people are rude here and then we go bash the mods. Nice.

[avman]

Avamn, I don't mean that people should dictate who posts in their thread or what kind of advice they give. I get that. I'm asking if it is reasonable that a person leave it at one post of advice instead of starting an argument about it. They are free to say whatever (within the forum rules of course), but is it productive to keep prodding? If a poster feels that another poster is becoming redundant and continually "attacking".

 

Again though, this is a matter of perspective. If someone posts an opinion, the OP counters it, then the person posts a response - that's the way it is supposed to work. If you're going to get into a "you're wrong - no YOU'RE wrong" debate with people then you will have a lot of back and forth.

[Day_Walker]

I am weary of people who claim that something is rude or that a person acted rudely. A person cannot control the responses that they are going to get on this forum or any other. A person has to realize that by posting on a public forum negative comments are a real and definite possibility.

 

This need to control other people's reactions says something about them. If they are seeking advice in a more controlled environment then they should seek out an alternative forum which will be better suited towards them.

[Red Fox]

not a bad example but surely a reaction (above in bold) would emerge a couple of posts later, isnt that slightly nit picking???

 

I am sure that a constructive helpful reply would turn up eventually, but do you really need lots of people just telling you that you did wrong when you already know that?

 

This is not a criticism of the Mods, they are right to leave these sorts of posts that just say "you did that wrong" as long as the person posting them is not rude or flaming. I just think and this is just my personal opinion, that when replying to someone bear in mind they may already know what they did wasn't the best choice, and are actually after something constructive rather than just another post that tells them what they did was wrong. It's over and done now. You can't undo what has already happened.

[greywolf]

I think when we're hurting, we can be a lot more sensitive to stuff. Back when I was still hurting over my break-up, there were people that posted on my threads where I wondered how they could be so insensitive. When I go back and read those posts now, I realize it was great advice, they just didn't coddle me like how I wanted. lol

[Qut81]

I am sure that a constructive helpful reply would turn up eventually, but do you really need lots of people just telling you that you did wrong when you already know that?

 

This is not a criticism of the Mods, they are right to leave these sorts of posts that just say "you did that wrong" as long as the person posting them is not rude or flaming. I just think and this is just my personal opinion, that when replying to someone bear in mind they may already know what they did wasn't the best choice, and are actually after something constructive rather than just another post that tells them what they did was wrong. It's over and done now. You can't undo what has already happened.

 

I agree with this 1000%. Most of the time ppl know they are wrong. They are just trying to get advice on how to make it right.

[jahur]

Six brothers? Mommy and Daddy were surely busy. lol

 

Sometimes ppl just need to take a break from the site if it gets to be too much. Thats what I do every so often. Especially since Im in a very sensitive period in my life.

 

 

i didnt mention my sister, she was cool though! yes i believe it was those cold nights here in england that kept them busy!!!

[indierockgrl]

i have noticed that there are some people on this site that make a thread about a problem and get tons of advice... only to keep going back and forth.. wanting more and more advice on the same problem..... its frustrating because how can you give someone advice..... good advice... only to have them not listen.... and come back and ask for help again......... for the same thing...... sometimes you have to be a bit more blunt in order for them to poop or get off the pot, if you will........ that can lead to frustration from everyone......

[jahur]

I am sure that a constructive helpful reply would turn up eventually, but do you really need lots of people just telling you that you did wrong when you already know that?

 

This is not a criticism of the Mods, they are right to leave these sorts of posts that just say "you did that wrong" as long as the person posting them is not rude or flaming. I just think and this is just my personal opinion, that when replying to someone bear in mind they may already know what they did wasn't the best choice, and are actually after something constructive rather than just another post that tells them what they did was wrong. It's over and done now. You can't undo what has already happened.

 

 

i understand your horse door stable bolted, but inevetably your gonna get that no matter in life, and yes there is always one!! nice avatar btw!

[XxJustMexX]

I just think and this is just my personal opinion, that when replying to someone bear in mind they may already know what they did wasn't the best choice, and are actually after something constructive rather than just another post that tells them what they did was wrong. It's over and done now. You can't undo what has already happened.

 

I just think people stopped teaching their children that "If they can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"... Our society's going down the pooper.

[hockeyboy]

Well Plenty of Fish is a dating site hun... This place is called E NOT ALONE... People would assume it's a place to be consoled... not given attitude.

 

And yes, I see it too. But I'm the type to say something back if need be so it's all good.

 

I don't want to pick on you, but this post helps makes my point.

 

You don't want people to give you (or others) attitude, yet this post seems to be giving an attitude. Now, I could completely misunderstand because we cannot speak with tone of voice here etc...so just because I percieve something some way, doesn't mean it is. Obviously people here are in a wide spectrum of emotional levels...so every post is going to be read differently by different members.

 

I really think ENA does a great job for the most part and they provide you with multiple tools/ways to communicate if other members are being abusive. All in all, I'm not really sure what else mods can do to make this much better?

 

As adults (for those of us who are) we really should learn to communicate with people, regardless if we agree or disagree.

 

It's part of life.

[Lucabrasi]

with the wallet example, If someone posts "I got drunk and lost my wallet what should I do?" I wouldn't have a problem with one or two "don't get drunk" posts, it is a little /duh, but humorous kinda.

 

But a typical ENA response would be "Can you tell us why you got drunk? Do you have a family history, like are your parents alcoholics also? It sounds to me like you have some deep personal problems you need to work out with professional counseling. I would seek out professional help soon before you damage other people with your drinking problem."

 

thats an ENA response.