jahur Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 with the wallet example, If someone posts "I got drunk and lost my wallet what should I do?" I wouldn't have a problem with one or two "don't get drunk" posts, it is a little /duh, but humorous kinda. But a typical ENA response would be "Can you tell us why you got drunk? Do you have a family history, like are your parents alcoholics also? It sounds to me like you have some deep personal problems you need to work out with professional counseling. I would seek out professional help soon before you damage other people with your drinking problem." thats an ENA response. i actually would prefer to suggest at first the cancellation of cards etc, then go into the why and wheres, just imagine if they didnt cancel and was taken for everything they had, they would probably end up with a worse drink problem than before! Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 I'm not sure if it was the CAPS, or the "I'll say something back" part that made it sound like attitude but in no way did I mean to sound rude or anything hun... You're right, there's usually no way to tell by typing how someone is... but there are many out there where it's blatantly obvious when someone is being condescending and rude. After 100+ posts on this in the last hour I think this post is finally dying down. lol. Link to comment
jahur Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 After 100+ posts on this in the last hour I think this post is finally dying down. lol. yeah im getting cramp now, think ill blame the mods!!!! Link to comment
thistime Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 I think if someone comes here for advice, they need to be ready to face the harsh reality that someone might say something negative. But thats a risk you take on an open forum, peppered with many opinions. I myself have had some things posted in response that i didnt care for at the time..but upon reflection, made alot of sense and 'called me out' on the problem...lending itself to a new perspective and resolution! my philosophy??? -Dont ASK me if you dont want a straight answer... Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 I choose to be grateful for the countless helpful/good posts on ENA, rather then pay attention to the rude/abusive posts. Personally, I think the good far outweighs the bad. I also think the tools we are provided with are more then enough - You can block members - You can report a bad post - You can PM mods who are usually very quick to respond. Link to comment
Lucabrasi Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 i actually would prefer to suggest at first the cancellation of cards etc, then go into the why and wheres, just imagine if they didnt cancel and was taken for everything they had, they would probably end up with a worse drink problem than before! The point is that the why's dont matter at all. The problem is the lost wallet, counseling won't help that. Getting drunk is not wrong and it is against the forum rules to challenge someone's morals. Link to comment
greywolf Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 I'm not sure if it was the CAPS, or the "I'll say something back" part that made it sound like attitude but in no way did I mean to sound rude or anything hun... You're right, there's usually no way to tell by typing how someone is... but there are many out there where it's blatantly obvious when someone is being condescending and rude. After 100+ posts on this in the last hour I think this post is finally dying down. lol. I thought it was the 'hun' that made it sound like you had an attitude. lol Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 I thought it was the 'hun' that made it sound like you had an attitude. lol Yup. Subtle things can make a big difference in how someone reads things. Doesn't mean you have bad intentions...but can be perceived differently. Not that I was offended or care...but some people might... Link to comment
avman Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 The point is that the why's dont matter at all. The problem is the lost wallet, counseling won't help that. Getting drunk is not wrong and it is against the forum rules to challenge someone's morals. That is merely your opinion. It does not make your opinion a fact. People are allowed to state opinions, including those that disagree with yours. Link to comment
jahur Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 The point is that the why's dont matter at all. The problem is the lost wallet, counseling won't help that. Getting drunk is not wrong and it is against the forum rules to challenge someone's morals. sorry i thought you stated and i quote: But a typical ENA response would be "Can you tell us why you got drunk? Do you have a family history, like are your parents alcoholics also? It sounds to me like you have some deep personal problems you need to work out with professional counseling. I would seek out professional help soon before you damage other people with your drinking problem." thats an ENA response all i was stating is get your cards and personal effects sorted then get down to the nitty gritty! jahur Link to comment
Lucabrasi Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 That is merely your opinion. It does not make your opinion a fact. People are allowed to state opinions, including those that disagree with yours. What is merely my opinion? Link to comment
avman Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 That the other points to the person's story don't matter. That drinking isn't wrong. And that it's against the rules to challenge morals. Those are your opinions. Link to comment
Lucabrasi Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 That the other points to the person's story don't matter. That drinking isn't wrong. And that it's against the rules to challenge morals. Those are your opinions. You mean, this opinion? Members are required to avoid imposing their morals, beliefs, etc. onto others members. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 You mean, this opinion? Imposing... not stating. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 What is merely my opinion? .......................... Link to comment
Lucabrasi Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 Imposing... not stating. you've got to be kidding me Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 you've got to be kidding me Imposing your moral beliefs is telling a pregnant woman that she'll commit a sin if she has an abortion. (I've heard worse, actually) Stating them is telling her that she should look at other options. We rarely ever have a problem telling the difference. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 you've got to be kidding me I'm not sure what your questioning? The difference between the two? Link to comment
avman Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 No, we're not kidding you. Stating your own beliefs is fine. Nobody would be able to post if they couldn't do this. Disagreeing with others is fine. Imposing refers to trying to "convert" someone. This rule came up more to combat prostelytizing and other efforts by people to try to preach religion or non-religion. It is worded more generally than that but that is where the particular guideline came from. Link to comment
avman Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 Imposing your moral beliefs is telling a pregnant woman that she'll commit a sin if she has an abortion. (I've heard worse, actually) Stating them is telling her that she should look at other options. We rarely ever have a problem telling the difference. Yes, what she said. Link to comment
Knead2Know Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 I like the premise of the site, which is an online community where people shouldn't feel they are alone in the world with their issues. That's a great thing, no one should feel alone... That being said, my recent observations are there does seem to be an increase in posts that are very judgemental and somewhat hostile in their responses, now to some degree that makes sense to me, why? Because most often when you read something that hits home it triggers all of your own issues around that topic, and sometimes those come out in responses. I don't really think it's about telling someone the truth, but more about someone working out their stuff in someone else's thread. I try to remember this and ignore or not engage those type of comments unless I feel it's gone to far and then I say something... I do think there is an inconsistent methodology to how things are moderated, but I'm sure that is because you cannot moderate everything on a site this size and can't catch everything, I'm sure the moderators here have lives and can't devote all their time to moderating or they would get nothing else done... All we can do is moderate ourselves, lead by example. I try to give insight and be empathetic where I can, and I try to postive, I also try to be honest when I think I'm coming off as harsh. Tough love is good, soemtimes you do need to spell it out very plainly, but there is a difference between that and being hostile or judgemental, we all need to remember that... The world is a very judgemental and sometimes harsh place, so it's bound to happen here all we can do is control ourselves and give the best advice we know how. I like to think most people here have good intentions and mean well.... That's my two cents, which in this economy and the falling value of the dollar means very little Link to comment
Lucabrasi Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 Imposing your moral beliefs is telling a pregnant woman that she'll commit a sin if she has an abortion. (I've heard worse, actually) Stating them is telling her that she should look at other options. We rarely ever have a problem telling the difference. No, telling her what to do (look at other options) is imposing. Stating your morals would be "If I were you, I would look at other options" HOWEVER, the thread is not about you, so it is irrelevant for you to state your morals, you seE? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 No, telling her what to do (look at other options) is imposing. Stating your morals would be "If I were you, I would look at other options" HOWEVER, the thread is not about you, so it is irrelevant for you to state your morals, you seE? In that case, it is irrelevant for you to state yours. Dictating who can say what isn't effective in the long run. Link to comment
Lucabrasi Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 In that case, it is irrelevant for you to state yours. Dictating who can say what isn't effective in the long run. are we talking about posting etiquette here or is this thread about your morals? Can you guys please put thought into your posts, this isn't an argument for the sake of arguing or acting like the king of ENA. It is plainly stated it is against the rules to impose your morals on others. So telling someone how they should proceed is not OK. Link to comment
greywolf Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 are we talking about posting etiquette here or is this thread about your morals? Can you guys please put thought into your posts, this isn't an argument for the sake of arguing or acting like the king of ENA. It is plainly stated it is against the rules to impose your morals on others. So telling someone how they should proceed is not OK. Isn't that what advice is? And are you not telling us what we should do right now? Link to comment
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