Qut81
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Photography thread
Qut81 replied to floating_away's topic in Poetry, Prose, Art & Photography's Topics
The last one taken at night is absolutely beautiful. Where is this? -
Day 3 You know, ppl go thru worse things than this. Some ppl are married for 20 yrs, get divorced, and have to see their ex's SO bc of kids etc. I am sad bc my ex of only 6 months, has a new gf 7 mos later? Actually, I honestly think he waited this long bc he wanted to make sure I got over it. However, he cant hold his life up for me. There is NO way we are getting back together, I made such a fool out of myself I wouldnt even want to show my face to his friends and family. IT IS OVER. Oh it takes a while but I do get back into reality. I am hot (not in a conceited way), smart, funny, no kids, great cook, and I can play the heck out of some video games. I am a catch and I may have some trust issues but Im so much better than this. I just found out last Sat he had someone else and I think I really needed a few days to freak out, cry, and get over it. Im going dancing tonight and who knows, maybe I will meet someone else. Like my friend said, his penis is not made of gold (the sex was amazing tho), he is not the greatest man on earth, I will live!!
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Day 2........
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Day 1....again.
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The Way Of The Wiseguy. Its a book based on the Donnie Brasco movie.
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I called him today. It wouldve been day 14. I cant do anything right. I was doing so good. I didnt check his myspace/facebook until today. Why am I doing this to myself? I hate myself so much....Im soooo angry. Anything sets me off these days. I dont know why God wont let me be happy.
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Good for you! Keep it up. Its amazing how one person can make you feel all of these things. Oh well, one day at a time. I went 2 months NC before so my goal this time is 3 months. Wish me luck!
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Day 7 Is it normal to go thru periods of happiness, saddness, and bitterness? Is this the acceptance process?
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yay!! Go you!
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Day 6 I keep thinking about him hanging/dating other ppl. But Ive learned to tell myself that its been 6 mos and its bound to happen. Then, I force myself to think of something else. Ive been doing everything suggested to get over him, including the gym. So far, its has been helping. Sometimes I get the urge to check his facebook/myspace but it only makes me feel worse. Ive been learning to let go little by little. Im getting happier little by little.
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Day 2 Its amazing that after only 2 days I feel better. I read my journal and thought back to when we were dating. It wasnt good from the start. I remembered yesterday how the first time I went to his house some girls flip flops were over there. There were so many red flags I missed. I just need to keep reminding myself of the bad times and all the red flags. I have this curse of only remembering the good times, even if there werent many.
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Day 1....Im gonna be strong this time.
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Freedom from You
Qut81 replied to Waiting4forever's topic in Poetry, Prose, Art & Photography's Topics
That was awesome. -
Thank you Tujna, I didnt send it. My friend also gave me some tuff love. She feels when I do this, I am hurting myself. She said that it makes her upset that I treat myself this way bc its like I dont feel Im worth better. She is right. Its getting rediculous and I need to focus my energy on other things.
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Thank you for saying that. I hope it is true.... I was thinking of sending this to counteract the "I miss you" email: "I have to apologize for sending that email. I am seeing someone and Im sure you are too, therefore, it was really inappropriate. I just sometimes think about how hard it was for you to stop communicating with M and how easy it is for you to stop talking to me. Even after we were together you still sent her messages on myspace and email, after we broke up you couldnt wait to see her again. I guess I have to realize that you just dont care about me like that. It hurts but its obvious you dont care about me or how Im doing, and thats ok. Thats life. I really just miss your sense of humor. "
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I guess its day 1 again since I emailed him yest, after 30 days NC. I dont know why I did that to myself. I shouldnt of emailed him. He never responded. I was doing fine now I cant stop crying. I have a mtg in 30 minutes and I cant stop crying. Why doesnt he care? He had such a hard time ending communication with M (the girl he dated before me) even when we were together he would send her messages on myspace and talked to her on the ph. He still talks to her to this day, however, he could care less about how Im doing. The only time he picked up the phone was when he wanted to have sex. So why did he make me his gf? If she meant so much to him why didnt he just be with her instead of me? I wouldve been much better off. I dont think Im strong enough to get over this. I just want God to take me, Ive seen enough in my life. All I see in the future is saddness. I would rather not be here to deal with anymore heartbreak and pain. I went out with a really nice guy last night and all I can do is cry and think about how he never emailed me back. What is wrong with me? We only dated 6 months and 4 months after the breakup I am still feeling this way. I dont know why I am surprised, its obvious that I am just an unlovable person. I need to realize that so I dont get hurt anymore. I need to guard myself and not let myself get attached to anyone else for this reason. What I really need is to pull myself together before this meeting.
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Day 30 I emailed him and said "I miss you". I dont know what my prob is, Im so * * * * ing stupid. Now I gave him the upper hand again.
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Its Qut81 not Gut81...lol. Thank you. I wont send it. Maybe I really just wanted a reason to talk to him. But Im doin a lot better emotionally with NC.
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Its Qut81 not Gut81...lol. Thank you. I wont send it. Maybe I really just wanted a reason to talk to him. But Im doin a lot better emotionally with NC.
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Day 16 I was thinking about writing him this email bc I was thinking this morning about something he said the last time. I have a quick question. You said that when we slept together 3 wks ago that we were just friends. That friends who sleep together are the same as regular friends. Being that we were in a relationship and you were friends with M (when you slept with her a wk before we became official) then that must mean you two were sleeping together, correct? Bc apparently, you sleep with all your female friends. Shouldnt send it huh?
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Isnt it funny how just a simple line in a movie can inspire you? Hang in there. It will get better. I went two months NC before he called. It does get easier. Just remember, if you break it, you will have to start all over and its not so easy the second time around. PS. I love Indiana Jones (except the latest one). My fav is the Temple of Doom.
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You are right! Everytime I contact him I get incredibly sad and down. Ive been happy the past couple of days so I def dont want to ruin that. So, dont give into those urges to call. We gotta stay strong!