ugly truth about women and 'alpha' males?

[Kantriakhor]

I need to be with a more dominant and aggressive personality. Is that alpha? Maybe.

 

I hope not, I do those very things yet am described by others as a beta, heh. Luckily my SO loves me as I am (and I her).

[InBruges]

Being with someone who could not stand up for himself and just * * * * * ed and whined at home about everything after the fact was a major issue for me. (just one example). I need to be with a more dominant and aggressive personality. Is that alpha? Maybe.

 

Depends a lot on the circumstances as to whether or not aggression and dominance can be considered alpha.

 

For instance, a guy may order a burrito at a Mexican restaurant and get an enchilada instead. If he doesn't say anything, it could be for one of two main reasons: 1) he's too passive and afraid of confrontation 2) he doesn't really care and only picks the battles that are important to him.

 

However, if your guy was whining after the fact, that probably indicates number 1.

 

Many alphas I see are overly aggressive and will confront anything and everything. This can be just as unhealthy as not confronting anything... possibly even more so.

[driftwood]

Do you think your wife may have cheated more than once?

 

The relationship was so bad for a number of years that yes, I think it's entirely possible.

[driftwood]

I don't mean this to come off as disrespectful but enough is enough, being a beta isn't the problem, the pity-party you're throwing, and the conclusions you're making about your wife based on scant evidence is.

 

I have some concerns which I already outlined and the guy said he screwed her. If you want to be dismissive, that's fine.

[driftwood]

I don't recall concluding anything. I am trying to find out if this is real, what I've read and observed. So far, it seems to be true that A: Attraction is uncontrollable and B: if the alpha senses that, makes a move, she'll submit and even enjoy it.

 

I ask again, why would a woman who has a 'hot man' advancing on her resist or care about her beta or even other alpha at home?

 

I never said I was never an alpha myself, or could not become one again or even haven't been in this relationship. I understand that role can change based on the group dynamics, etc. If I open myself up to a woman and show (after we're together and serious) her that I care, have feelings, don't want to dominate other men for ego reasons, etc, do I not become a beta in her eyes and then it just starts all over? The so called 'men' seem to always have this ridiculous act they put on where they cut other men down, and act like they are the only ones who know anything. Why would I want to be with a woman who wants a 'man' like that?

[driftwood]

Thank you, that was a helpful response!

[driftwood]

exACTly! this is the stuff this guy would throw in my face. he'd make comments. regarding dishonesty, ok, maybe not pound for pound more lies than any other type of person, I mean more ability to lie. more skill, quicker, faster, whatever, knows he can get away with it and has practised his lies.

[driftwood]

You don't even know your wife slept with the alpha.

 

all the symptoms were there. the lack of physical for me was there. what do I need a video tape for?

 

It's funny, I was recently reading how when women are caught cheating, they always deny deny deny, even when the man says "I have it on video tape".

[startinover]

Push back.

 

That's all you have to do.

 

Let me give you some examples. You're talking to someone and they say something that bothers you. GET LOUD. BE FIRM.

 

Ask em where they learned to talk to people. Tell em that behavior is digusting and vile. Make a scene! Show THEM who's boss. Then go cold on them. Wait for the apology. If it comes, tell em straight up to stop and to piss off. If they try to manipulate the situation, such as "this is how I treat everyone", tell them you won't tolerate it, and stand your ground. Don't talk to those people until the behavior CHANGES. If it continues, you should have no qualms about never speaking to them again. Eliminate the crap from your life!

 

Your natural instinct is to probably laugh things off. Why? Aren't you miserable afterwards? Don't you hate being glossed over? The first few times you stand firm, it will be scary as hell to both you and the other person/people. You may lose "friends", but eventually you can fill the void with people who actually do matter. You can fill the void with people who change their behavior. You will fill the void with people who KNOW and RESPECT the new you. Slowly, but surely, you'll realize what behavior is appropriate and inappropriate to you and few people will mess with you.

 

If someone pokes you or prods you intentionally, get LOUD. If someone forces you to do too many favors, tell them to do it themselves.

 

You may go overboard a few times. Big deal. Chances are, those people weren't friends to beginwith or won't be able to handle your new personality.

 

Look, I'm not saying start wars and physical fights but do some digging internally. We're lucky that in this society, violence is often avoided so being loud or firm sends a very powerful message. The idea here is to eventually find the middleground.

 

And when your new personality becomes second nature, eventually many more good things will come your way because your feelings will be appreciated much more often, and your new positive mindset will be free to find new challenges to work towards.

 

I'm not saying be cruel to your wife. I'm saying push back a bit. Start doing new things and show her you mean business. You may never end up with the relationship you wanted with this woman, but you may end up a lot happier in the long run.

 

I've started being this way recently and it has helped me in spades. I have a lot of work ahead of me, and I keep catching myself letting certain things slide, but I make mental notes of what to do next time, and I no longer feel like the pushover I used to be.

 

Sometimes therapy isn't really needed. Sometimes the people we are surrounded by push us into depression. Or more precisely, we allow ourselves to be pushed into depression, because we never had the tools or guidance to learn or know any better.

 

I hope others chime in with their own experiences, as one person's perspective is often not enough in cases like this. I know it took me a very long time, and a lot of terrible experiences, and caring friends for me to look inside enough to start making changes.

 

As sick as it sounds some people FEED off of nice people. They gravitate towards nice people because they know it will make themselves look better!

[driftwood]

Many alphas I see are overly aggressive and will confront anything and everything. This can be just as unhealthy as not confronting anything... possibly even more so.

 

the real alphas I've observed, like the guy in my OP, actually tend to be less confrontational. they will do that, but often it's more a habit of constantly cutting down other males around them, with humour so it looks innocent to the women, but the women buy it. they know women don't like confrontational assholes so they don't usually act like that. they are quite skilled.

[Lowconfidence]

OP, most males are aggressive. Most if given the chance would cheat on their wives/SO.

 

The only times I know where guys will back off are if they are related to you, are close friends with you, or are BETA guys themselves.

 

I don't know if I would use the term 'Alpha', because I seen weasles who cheat as well.

[live.ur.life]

Driftwood. We have to look at the facts and evidence of your accusings of your wife. She is 'innocent' until proven guilty. I understand that your friend testified that he slept with your wife, but did you get her side of the story? Did she get to testify? You're going on and on about 'alpha' males this and that, but what does that have to do with your wife cheating on you?

 

Aren't you the least bit concerned 'why' she cheated on you? At this point, you keep on talking about yourself and what you think about alpha males. You are not really asking for any advice. If your wife cheated on you, you have to find out why she did it. You can't keep assume that she did it because your macho friend is an 'alpha male'. You should stop letting those terms fog your light and get to the core of the problem. Did your wife have an affair? If she did, why? And lastly, if she did cheat on you, are you going to continue the marriage?

[startinover]

the real alphas I've observed, like the guy in my OP, actually tend to be less confrontational. they will do that, but often it's more a habit of constantly cutting down other males around them, with humour so it looks innocent to the women, but the women buy it. they know women don't like confrontational assholes so they don't usually act like that. they are quite skilled.

 

Forget that mindset. People may not like confrontations, but most, including the target of your confrontation, will usually cower a bit when hit with confrontation. And no matter how "skilled" a person is, a cold shock of your reality will probably send more than a few people reeling, and you will start to get more respect. Not from everyone, that's impossible, some will still joke or act like idiots, but who needs them? From the people that matter, you will earn points and respect.

[Nutz]

3rd times a charm...

 

If you want the link to this post you'll have to PM me since linking to other forums is no longer allowed.

 

 

 

Here's link removed that was dug up since the original posts the other day:

[Kantriakhor]

OP, most males are aggressive. Most if given the chance would cheat on their wives/SO.

 

That's just stereotyping and I find this very offensive to be judged based n my gender despite you saying "most".

[driftwood]

She denies it all. We're in counselling, so of course the 'why' is important.

[furious]

OP, most males are aggressive. Most if given the chance would cheat on their wives/SO.

 

What.....?

[diabolik]

The relationship was so bad for a number of years that yes, I think it's entirely possible.

Do you know for certain if the child/children is/are yours?

[driftwood]

Do you know for certain if the child/children is/are yours?

 

Affirmative.

[diabolik]

Affirmative.

Did you tell her you were going to have the kid(s) tested? That requires some serious cojones.

[Nutz]

Affirmative.

 

Is that a confirmation of a paternity test? Because that's the only way to be sure. Good news is they cost less than $100 these days. You can even get them online and have the results done via mail all without the mother knowing what's up.

[heloladies21]

That's just stereotyping and I find this very offensive to be judged based n my gender despite you saying "most".

Irrelevant. I could be offended by a bird making fun of me for not having wings, but it doesn't change the fact. My male friends represent a good cross section of the general population and most of them in fact would cheat on their SO.

 

Gender stereotypes exist for a reason, it's for the fact that men and women do think differently. If you arrive at a different conclusion based on your observations, then that's fine, but looking around me it seems pretty hard to miss

[furious]

My male friends represent a good cross section of the general population and most of them in fact would cheat on their SO.

 

Do your male friend even have SOs, or are they just a bunch of players? =;

 

Doesn't sound like a good cross section of the population to me.

[COtuner]

Depends a lot on the circumstances as to whether or not aggression and dominance can be considered alpha.

 

For instance, a guy may order a burrito at a Mexican restaurant and get an enchilada instead. If he doesn't say anything, it could be for one of two main reasons: 1) he's too passive and afraid of confrontation 2) he doesn't really care and only picks the battles that are important to him.

 

However, if your guy was whining after the fact, that probably indicates number 1.

 

Many alphas I see are overly aggressive and will confront anything and everything. This can be just as unhealthy as not confronting anything... possibly even more so.

 

Mmm.... since I'm usually the first to speak up, it would be nice to have a guy either beat me to the punch or standing up with me.... my last guy only was aggressive when trying to control me. He'd let the rest of the world walk all over him. I simply have no interest in that. I'm too alpha myself. The guy I've started seeing now just laughs and calls me "feisty" - much better

[Circe]

Irrelevant. I could be offended by a bird making fun of me for not having wings, but it doesn't change the fact. My male friends represent a good cross section of the general population and most of them in fact would cheat on their SO.

 

Gender stereotypes exist for a reason, it's for the fact that men and women do think differently. If you arrive at a different conclusion based on your observations, then that's fine, but looking around me it seems pretty hard to miss

 

You are saying "most" men will chose not to act with integrity. I think it's sad for you that you think that way about "most" of your sex.