I think I met a psycho

[amipushy]

Get a guy to answer his next call. It's more than likely that he will move on if he thinks you have a new bf. Creeps like that won't bother wasting their time on someone he knows is unavailable.

[stella74]

To begin, how can someone be labeled as a "stalker" or "crazy" just because he's wanting to have sex with someone he's attracted to? Why shame him if he's merely being honest? In other words, I basically agree with "Crazyaboutdogs." I know I'm playing Devil's Advocate here, but never once in this entire thread did I ever read that the OP slapped this guy's hand in effort to establish some boundaries other than the all-too-familiar escape tactic of avoidance. Did I miss something?

 

Re-read the OP. She wrote:

"this man called me back to back, nonstop, to the point that I had to turn off my cell phone. Three months have passed and he still calls me periodically, but I never pick up."

 

The man wants more than just sex. He's harassing her to the point she had to turn off her phone. He kept on calling her even though she wouldn't answer. That's the behavior of a stalker, IMHO.

 

Yes, she could tell him to stop calling her. But we don't know if she tried that or not.

[ProtestTheHero]

Ok, I have been the male in this situation (minus the weird parts) and when she didn't answer my first call I waited a day and tried again. When she didn't answer again, I quit calling. I think it's safe to assume after a period of time that it's not a coincidence that you keep getting her voicemail. This dude should have given up a long time ago...most normal guys would know that.

[natural]

I do not think that the OP was irresponsible or has a problem. Now a days it is very common for single (and sometimes commited) folks to exchange information in effort to cultivate a relationship/dating. This is not strange, off, or indicitive of someone having a problem or being irresponsible.

 

However, I do think it is important to also aknowledge who you are giving your number out to and this process of exchanging info is the luck of the draw. There will be good ones and there will be bad ones. Which this guy clearly is, jugding be his behavior - consisitently calling back to back all night, etc.

 

I think this incident should be viewed simply as a lesson learned....

[natural]

That's the first time I've read this figure of speech. Ha. I love it!

 

Thanks! I got it form my grandmother years ago.

[BronzedSkin123]

No, after I exchanged phone numbers with him, later that night he called me constantly, back to back, for a LOONG time. it was very late when he did this, like around 1 or 2am. I just turned my phone off eventually. I never had a guy be that persistent.

 

Thank god I did not meet him at a bar, no telling what the date would have ended up like

[Batya33]

To clarify, what would raise a red flag for me was that his focus was my looks -- if he approached me at a bookstore for example and struck up a conversation about a book I was reading that might be different as to whether I would give out my number. When men have approached me in a public place and paid me a compliment about my looks I have either walked away (depending on the look of the guy) or said a quick "thank you" and walked away. The type of guy I was most interested in would not approach me in that way.

[annie24]

I dunno it's been my experience that women will actually give the number most of the time. Doesn't mean they will answer or even give some guys the right one but i know a lot just give it.

 

If a good looking guy walked up to you and said "hey, I just had to come over here and tell you how incredibly cute I thought you were. I am in a huge hurry but want a chance to get to know you. Give me your number and I will call you."

 

would you guys really shoot him down?

 

no, i wouldn't shoot him down. if i was interested and thought he was cute too. i've had guys at a bar ask him out this way. i think it's really flattering!

 

anyways, he clearly should have gotten the hint when you didn't show up and didn't return his calls.

 

tell him you have herpes or something and maybe he'll go away. or just say, 'sorry, i'm married. my husband is a cage fighter with a bad temper. you'd better hang up right now!'

[alpha femme]

Actually, the easiest solution is simple. If/when he calls again, tell him:

 

"Your attention is unwelcome. I consider your calls to be a form of harassment. If you contact me again in any way, I will go to the police for an emergency restraining order. This information, including your phone number (and whatever info you know about him), has already been reported to them as a way to protect myself from you. If you would like any further information, call (local police station business line number)."

 

This will stop it, one way or another. Unfortunately, I know this after a former friend got a little stalkerish.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I think one problem was that she never actually turned him down on the night she was supposed to meet at the bar - I get the impression she just stood him up, and then never answered the phone.

[bulletproof]

How am I supposed to meet men?

 

By having interests in your life that put you in contact with friends and potential dates. Walking out of a store and randomly meeting people seems unsafe, and unlikely to turn into a relationship. I'm not saying it never happens, but you'll have a lot better chances if you actually invest some time into yourself and your social life.

[galaxy71]

Did you ever tell him in explicit terms that you were not interested in him? Did you ever tell him to stop calling you? I don't see that anywhere in any of your posts. I have to agree with another poster. It sounds like you initially rejected him by not showing up for the date and hoping that he would take the hint when you refused to pick up the phone.

[Scorpion Fury]

I've had a couple psychos like that. One I had one date with, wasn't feeling him and his bad breath, cut the date short and left. He kept contacting me and I kept telling him to leave me alone. Apparently "leave me alone" sounds like "I need a picture of your yucky crooked little penis!", so that's what I got in response to that. It was time to get rude. Then, a random text that said, "It's my birthday. Wish you liked me." More rudeness, then he finally got it and left me alone. Weirdo. Sometimes, you just have to be rude and blunt before someone gets it.

[NightLily]

Get a guy to answer his next call. It's more than likely that he will move on if he thinks you have a new bf. Creeps like that won't bother wasting their time on someone he knows is unavailable.

 

This is simply not true. I dated a guy for 5 months that began trying to get a friend of mine to strip on a webcam after she specifically said she had a boyfriend. I would say this guy falls into the category of major league creep. Probably not as severe as the guy I dealt with.. and if he is? dear god, I'm not leaving the house.

 

What you need to do before reporting him is answer the phone, and say "I want you to stop calling me. I have no interest in talking to you. Your advances are inappropriate, upsetting, and unwanted."

 

Be brutally honest so there is NO confusion. This will help with the police report if it gets that far.

[pinkelephant]

It's only harassment if he continues after he was asked to stop. So, ask him to stop and get the cops involved.

[amipushy]

This is simply not true. I dated a guy for 5 months that began trying to get a friend of mine to strip on a webcam after she specifically said she had a boyfriend. I would say this guy falls into the category of major league creep. Probably not as severe as the guy I dealt with.. and if he is? dear god, I'm not leaving the house.

 

What you need to do before reporting him is answer the phone, and say "I want you to stop calling me. I have no interest in talking to you. Your advances are inappropriate, upsetting, and unwanted."

 

Be brutally honest so there is NO confusion. This will help with the police report if it gets that far.

 

I think theres a difference between someone you dated not taking no for an answer than a stranger who is creeping you out.

 

And I have to say it worked for me when I was being harassed by a phone weirdo. One deep voice saying hello stopped weeks of silent calls and heavy breathing for me.

[NightLily]

I think theres a difference between someone you dated not taking no for an answer than a stranger who is creeping you out.

 

And I have to say it worked for me when I was being harassed by a phone weirdo. One deep voice saying hello stopped weeks of silent calls and heavy breathing for me.

 

It might work, but at this point it is probably just safer to be more direct.

[amipushy]

The problem is that when you have a creepy guy who might come out of anywhere at any time - its scary. You don't want to and shouldn't encourage any confrontation. Thats why I recommened the deep voice first.

 

I never did find out who mine was and I still wonder to this day who it was.

[BronzedSkin123]

By having interests in your life that put you in contact with friends and potential dates. Walking out of a store and randomly meeting people seems unsafe, and unlikely to turn into a relationship. I'm not saying it never happens, but you'll have a lot better chances if you actually invest some time into yourself and your social life.

 

 

I am not involved in any hobbies currently. I don't really meet any interesting guys at school. So the next thing is if I run into a guy that notices me and I think he's attractive and he asks me out, then I give him my number.

[BronzedSkin123]

Did you ever tell him in explicit terms that you were not interested in him? Did you ever tell him to stop calling you? I don't see that anywhere in any of your posts. I have to agree with another poster. It sounds like you initially rejected him by not showing up for the date and hoping that he would take the hint when you refused to pick up the phone.

 

No, I thought he would get the hint like most sane ppl. I'd never think that a guy would continue to call a girl who barely answers the phone after trying for 3 months.

[galaxy71]

No, I thought he would get the hint like most sane ppl. I'd never think that a guy would continue to call a girl who barely answers the phone after trying for 3 months.

 

Just send a text stating that you are not interested and that you request that he stop calling you. That's it. Yes, there are plenty of guys who are pushy, clueless about women and who have a hard time respecting boundaries. Than there are other guys who are believe that when some women don't return phone calls, they are playing hard to get. However nearly all these types of guys will get the hint if you tell them that you want them to stop calling, because you are not interested. What this guy did is not harassment since you never told him to knock it off.

 

I have to be honest. Do you really have to reject this guy by not showing up at the date and not picking up the phone when he tried to reschedule? I kind of feel sorry for the guy.