DontMindMe Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 i've never been able to look at peoples eyes i find it so uncomfertable and i often look aside or in the distance to the person i am talking to. i don't just mean the select phew who i don't really know i mean everyone, my close friends my family people who i have known my whole life i can't even look at my three year old sisters eyes, i don't know why though. i was on a bus a while back and the guy who i sat next to pointed out that i never look at anyones eyes we tried a staring contest but i just can't do it. i thought the guys was just being picky but then my dad and mum pointed it out and my friends did aswell. i have no idea why i do it though, i thought maybe it's because i'm shy but i'm not, not when i'm around my friends. would anyone have any advice on this or give me any ideas why, thanks. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 I think alot of people sometimes have this problem, me included. Maybe you just feel it's akward staring at them too long and don't know if you're doing that? Link to comment
DontMindMe Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 I think alot of people sometimes have this problem, me included. Maybe you just feel it's akward staring at them too long and don't know if you're doing that? yeah i was compleatly unaware that i was doing it until someone pointed it out, i try to avoid all eye contact though even a quick glance can make me uncomfertable. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Maybe check this article out. It could provide some insight and give you some help with trying to overcome the habit of not looking at peoples eyes. link removed I think with practise you can overcome it.. Try maybe looking into eyes for a while of people like your parents and siblings which you are comfy with. Then maybe move onto looking into close friends eyes. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Oh and I just read a really good tip: practise talking to yourself (as if you where speaking to someone else) in the mirror. Link to comment
DontMindMe Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 Maybe check this article out. It could provide some insight and give you some help with trying to overcome the habit of not looking at peoples eyes. link removed I think with practise you can overcome it.. Try maybe looking into eyes for a while of people like your parents and siblings which you are comfy with. Then maybe move onto looking into close friends eyes. Oh and I just read a really good tip: practise talking to yourself (as if you where speaking to someone else) in the mirror. thanks, i'll try see if it helps Link to comment
DontMindMe Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 i was told that it might have something to do with me being an introvert aparently that means not wanting to be around poeple which pretty much sums me up Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 i was told that it might have something to do with me being an introvert aparently that means not wanting to be around poeple which pretty much sums me up I'm a bit that way. I like going out to clubs, and all. But alot of times I'll draw back and I don't want to be with a huge group of people. I feel (once in a while) like they're more of a crowd vs being fun to hang with. I don't really like being that way to be honest. I feel like I have some social problems lol. But while looking up those articles on google I did come accross numorous sites which said not being able to maintain eye contact was related to Social Anxiety. I didn't want to make you think you have something (without it being a fact) so I didn't mention it. Only doctors diagnose that stuff. I figure that maybe it's just the fact that you've never done it, so it's a new/normal concept to you. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 intimacy issue? that's so odd. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 I'm not sure what your family background is, but in some cultures it's considered extremely rude to look people in the eyes. It's a sign of disrespect and intimidation. If it's not that,then you're probably just shy. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Do you find it intimidating? I'm the exact opposite: sometimes I have to remind myself not to make or keep contact as long as I do, so as not to throw out the wrong signals. Eyes give so much information as to where a person is at. But I don't want to come accross as trying to intimidate nor being more interested (with men) than I really mean. And yeah, many people see it as aggressive or rude, so don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. You could practice with your baby sister. Little kids aren't worried about this stuff. Try positively enforcing it by doing it when you are both having a good time; like when you are playing, take a look and give her a big goofy smile. Seeing her shining eyes will make you feel good. Link to comment
DontMindMe Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 I'm not sure what your family background is, but in some cultures it's considered extremely rude to look people in the eyes. It's a sign of disrespect and intimidation. If it's not that,then you're probably just shy. nah not that, possibly because i'm shy but i don't know how i can be shy around friends and family. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Well, sometimes when I'm having a self esteem issue day I find it hard to look people in the face.. Actually to even be around people. (E.g. the other day when I went out without any make up. I felt very conscious of myself and how I looked). Link to comment
DontMindMe Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 Do you find it intimidating? I'm the exact opposite: sometimes I have to remind myself not to make or keep contact as long as I do, so as not to throw out the wrong signals. Eyes give so much information as to where a person is at. But I don't want to come accross as trying to intimidate nor being more interested (with men) than I really mean. And yeah, many people see it as aggressive or rude, so don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. You could practice with your baby sister. Little kids aren't worried about this stuff. Try positively enforcing it by doing it when you are both having a good time; like when you are playing, take a look and give her a big goofy smile. Seeing her shining eyes will make you feel good. yes i do find it intimidating, sometimes i wounder what people are thinking when they look at me. yeah my little sister is always staring and at her age she has no embaressment, so i'm sure she wouldn't mind if i practiced looking at her eyes. i do mentouring for insecure and troubled students and in my training my teacher told me to look at their eyes to let them trust me more, i practiced with a friend and i managed about 10 secounds before i looked away so my friend told me to look at the ear lobe as it normally looks like your looking at their eyes, so i will when mentouring but normally i try look away from the face sometimes looking compleatly the different direction to the person i'm talking to. maybe it's just a confidense thing Link to comment
DontMindMe Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 Well, sometimes when I'm having a self esteem issue day I find it hard to look people in the face.. Actually to even be around people. (E.g. the other day when I went out without any make up. I felt very conscious of myself and how I looked). i'm often quit insecure around people i don't know, but normally i'll be fine and be confident. i get those sort of days too normally for small things like make-up or they way i'm dressed etc just little things that can effect how i feel and act. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 10 seconds is a long time. That's really good. And your friend is giving you good tips, it sounds like. Yeah, it is easier to trust and feel comfy when you feel you can look at someone's eyes, and do so in a way that isn't too much. I find it reassuring - not having to guess what a person may be feeling or want, because their eyes give me an idea of that. It does sound like a confidence in doing it thing, and the more you practice, the easier it will be. Myself, when I am avoiding all eye contact it is usually because I am feeling grumpy or sad. It's a way of telling people "stay away, caution" lol. So you might want to think about that - the more comfortable you are with regular eye contact, the more positive feedback you will get. It makes other people feel more at ease around you, and that takes some of the pressure off as far as feeling insecure. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 You'll appear to be looking into someone's eyes if you gaze at the center of the forehead. Another help might be to practice looking into people's eyes in photographs. Link to comment
Fedora Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Depending on how far you are away from the other person, you could also try practicing looking at their face by looking at their mouth. I remember i used to do this quite a bit when i was uncomfortable looking at their eyes. Once you are comfortable with that you can move up to the bridge of their nose/center of forehead. I do find that there are people out there that have a very aggressive stare even though they might not mean it. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I look at people's mouths, otherwise i can't understand what they're saying. Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I hate it when people stare at my mouth when I'm talking. it makes me feel like I have a big piece of spinach between my teeth or something. lol I used to know a girl who had ths is issue. She would never look AT me when speaking. She would always look above my head and I always thought she was loony. lol Link to comment
DontMindMe Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 You'll appear to be looking into someone's eyes if you gaze at the center of the forehead. Another help might be to practice looking into people's eyes in photographs. ok thanks Link to comment
DontMindMe Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 I hate it when people stare at my mouth when I'm talking. it makes me feel like I have a big piece of spinach between my teeth or something. lol I used to know a girl who had ths is issue. She would never look AT me when speaking. She would always look above my head and I always thought she was loony. lol haha right, i think alot of people have difficulty looking into peoples eyes Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I look at people's mouths, otherwise i can't understand what they're saying. Oh wow, that's what I do also. I rarely look in people's eyes when I talk to them. And I am not shy or an introvert. I thought I was the only one like this Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 People that avoid eye contact with others do it for two reasons 1- They are very passive and feel threatened by others and they suffer from low self esteem 2- More commonly they feel guilty about something and are afraid the person might "figure them out" by looking through their eyes and to their brain, such as thoughts of pedophilia for example. nope and nope, try again Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Sometimes people have these thoughts but they repress them because they feel so guilty about them and they cannot accept them. Which is the wrong approach because as you know it just makes the wound fester without healing. Sometimes they do, but these are not the only two reasons people cannot give eye contact. Link to comment
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