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Rape fantasy? Whats the deal?

anthony06

By anthony06
in Sex and Romance

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anthony06 Explorer

anthony06

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My gf loves to be, as she puts it, "dominated," i.e. have her hair pulled, butt slapped, etc. the 2 other guys she's been with have both been a-hole man- * * * * * * who totally don't respect women.

 

lately, She told me before that she has a rape fantasy. She's said that the fantasy doesn't involved actually being raped, just being forcefully seduced. like i should randomly just decided its time for business and go at it. so here's my problem that i'd love your input on...

 

i've tried to "force myself" on her in my own ways but she's pretty much just shut me down everytime. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Its confusing me haha. I have no problem taking charge in bed, its not like i can't "dominate" her. I just don't really know what exactly excites her about the rape fantasy and hence I cannot really fulfill it for her. I think my problem is that although I'm not a wimp, I was raised to be a total gentleman and nowadays, women seem to view that as a sign of weakness. Like maybe my problem is that I'm just not the right guy in her mind to fulfill this fantasy? Anyhoo, I would love to hear some women's take on the matter. Help me out, what things can I try? What are some do's and don'ts? Thanks a lot!

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anthony06 Explorer

anthony06

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i'm not really trying to fulfill her fantasy tho; just trying understand her mentality and what she likes so that i can be better in bed. ya know? i only told you guys about the fantasy in the hopes that someone on here knows more about this "preference"/fetish than i do.

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HouseKitten Contributor

HouseKitten

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She probably just needs to be in the mood for it before acting it out can turn her on.

 

This is what I was thinking it's not an actual rape after all and the chances are she'd still like to be feeling fresh, comfortable and in the mood, not for example when she's had a rough day, not washed her hair and is doing the dishes.

 

Also - are you absolutely sure when you say she shuts you down, that she's just not trying to 'resist' you in the scope of the fantasy? Perhaps you two should work out a safe word so she can let you know when she's really not up for it, and then if she doesn't say it you know she's only pushing you off because that's the way it should go! Some women get very passive when they're being dominated, others like to struggle a bit, she might be one of them.

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ScorpiGal83 Enthusiast

ScorpiGal83

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why don't you guys talk about how exactly you want to go about fulfilling her fantasy and have a code word for when she really means 'NO' and 'STOP', so you don't get confused.

 

ohh ok just realised HouseKitten already said it. But yeah, do it that way. But only if it's a fantasy she really wants fulfilled.

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EQD Collaborator

EQD

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ah... the most common and cliche female fantasy.

they just like to feel wanted, powerless, and sexy. blah blah blah...

talk more about what she likes in the idea of being playraped. take hints off that.

but if you arent comfortable with it then its not going to do either of you any good.

and there is nothing wrong with being a gentleman. not all women want ash-holes.

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BlissFullyMe Newbie

BlissFullyMe

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I think there needs to be a balance. Out of the bedroom you need to treat her like the goddess that she is and worship the ground she walks on...that being said, she probably has some confusion and doesnt want you to think differently of her if she gets, ahem "naughty" with you. You need to be serious and totally into it. Maybe some dirty talk or something like that. The thing to remember IMHO is that if shes being the "bottom" she has the control and its about her. You get to be the man, but you need to focus on her and just let it happen. I think it's better if it's spur of the moment and not forced or planned. Good luck!

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yellowcal Contributor

yellowcal

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I love nothing more than my guy coming up to me from behind, restraining my arms with one hand while he grabs me by the neck (Obviously not too hard) and forces me into the bedroom or anywhere we are at and basically has his way with me 'forcefully'.. I don't consider it a rape fantasy because i've been raped and that is traumatic but I love being dominated and I think most people confuse the two and consider the act of being dominated as "rape".

 

As for your girl, how about playing it up and getting her in the mood and then surprising her by taking advantage, don't just come up to her and force her right into sex. Play it out a bit, restrain her arms behind her and get playful with her. Grab her, throw her down on the bed and pull her clothes off but like I said play it out a bit.

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Tw3aks Newbie

Tw3aks

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a lot of girls have this fantasy. it's basically a dominance thing, not really rape. they want to be completely taken by a guy and 'forced' to do whatever even though they are actually willing to be forced.

 

I recently hooked up with a girl, and she loves being dominated and I mean in every way. She loves being almost choked out to the point of passing out, slapped with a belt, pretty much anything that shows dominance. Odd thing is she was raped, could there be a link?

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EQD Collaborator

EQD

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I recently hooked up with a girl, and she loves being dominated and I mean in every way. She loves being almost choked out to the point of passing out, slapped with a belt, pretty much anything that shows dominance. Odd thing is she was raped, could there be a link?

 

yes. its a common victim masochist behavior. reliving what caused them so much torment.. its almost like when people cut themselves. its calming in some way.

look up more on it.

children who have been raped and molested commonly go through this.

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Divine_Malice Apprentice

Divine_Malice

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You can't fulfill a fantasy that's why it's a fantasy. Stop trying. You'll probably just end up getting frustrated.

 

Untrue. I think that you can fulfill a fantasy, its just like fulfilling a dream. You just get what you need and do it. Communication like what scorpigal is saying V is the best. I know me and my guy have talked through what we wanted and the fantasy was fulfilled and then some! I think its very doable if you just know what the other wants and play it out. I know it has been for me!

 

why don't you guys talk about how exactly you want to go about fulfilling her fantasy and have a code word for when she really means 'NO' and 'STOP', so you don't get confused.

 

ohh ok just realised HouseKitten already said it. But yeah, do it that way. But only if it's a fantasy she really wants fulfilled.

very good advise. talk!!!!

 

I have this.

 

One day, just come from work, pick her up and carry her towards the bedroom (making out the whole way). Don't even make it to the bed and just end up on the floor in front of it (or on the stairs if you feel up to it).

 

 

And this is an amazing idea! would work good!

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Tw3aks Newbie

Tw3aks

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yes. its a common victim masochist behavior. reliving what caused them so much torment.. its almost like when people cut themselves. its calming in some way.

look up more on it.

children who have been raped and molested commonly go through this.

 

thanks for the information.

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