Ms Darcy Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I don't get why some people are making not so pleasant comments about this in regards to my maturity and wisdom. Seriously, is it that big of a deal that you have to be rude about it? And thank you Ms. Darcy. I really appreciate your input. You're welcome. Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted May 23, 2009 Author Share Posted May 23, 2009 I think the reason that people think you are not being wise is that you found him attractive and mature enough to crush on him and then when you found out his age assumed that your own instincts and judgment are faulty. Of course a couple of years can make a difference at that age and 19 year olds can be less mature than 22 but the only actual evidence you have right now is to the contrary. And on the basis of a birth-date you are going to turn him down - and that doesn't seem to be the action of someone thinking things through in a mature way. I see what you're saying. My attraction to him was almost purely physical and I'm feeling disappointed. I'm quite enjoying being single so I may be more eager to jump ship and not give things a shot than I would be at a different time in my life. I also find the way a person holds themselves is not necessarily indicative of who they actually are. It might be, but it isn't always. All I can do is get to know him and find out. Which leads me to... This thread wasn't supposed to be about whether or not I should date a guy younger than me, but rather how to sweetly bow out of an awkward dating situation. Ugh I need to go to sleep. Maybe I'll be more mature with some rest. Link to comment
Knotty Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Tell him he needs to get a permission note from his mommy for you to date him. I thought dating was to find out more about someone. Go out with him and when he shows the immaturity that you expect from a 19 year old, then give him that reason for no longer wanting to see him. If he doesn't show the immaturity then you will be happy. Link to comment
offplanet Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I can't see any reason not to tell him the real reason, that the age difference bothers you. Link to comment
savignon Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I don't get why some people are making not so pleasant comments about this in regards to my maturity and wisdom. Seriously, is it that big of a deal that you have to be rude about it? I don't think anyone has been 'unpleasant' ...just pointing out that since you're assuming some things about his life experience because of his age and since he seemed much older to you before, that you might reconsider how important the number is. Regardless of what others think, though, it's your decision ultimately and if age is a deal-breaker, then I think everyone agrees to just be honest about it. Some of the older posters on here know that you can still be immature or lacking in life experience at 30 or 40, so it seems a shame that he seemed interesting and attractive until you found out his age. There are a lot worse qualities a guy could have than being younger than you. If you found that my post was questioning your maturity, that was not my intention. I just see this guy being pretty genuine with you and you're making some assumptions about his life and maturity (which, to me is not the 'older, more mature' thing to do). Anyways, you certainly don't need to care what me or anyone else says....just an alternate perspective. I used to think the same way and found a great younger guy so I just don't want you to miss out That's all. Link to comment
lady00 Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 If, after really putting some thought into it, you feel as though you can't date him because of the beliefs you have about younger guys, their level of maturity, and their behavior, then I think what you should do is definitely just let him know that you are not interested. Don't beat around the bush. Just tell him the truth--that it's nothing personal and that you think he's a cool guy but you prefer to date older men. Link to comment
lady00 Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Oh and as for there being plenty of fish in the sea--definitely true, but why throw one back if he's a good fish? I would at least give it some thought before throwing him back simply due to age. But yeah, if you decide you're really not interested, I would be straight-forward and honest with him. And if he tries to get into some sort of conversation where he tries to convince you otherwise, gently remind him that you don't feel things would work out and leave it at that. Don't get into a situation in which you have to explain it because it might not be something you can explain. You can't always explain why one particular thing turns you off. Link to comment
servedcold Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Oh and as for there being plenty of fish in the sea--definitely true, but why throw one back if he's a good fish? There are indeed lots of fish in the sea, and lots of those fish are carp or other bottom feeders. There are few trophy marlins in the sea. Link to comment
DN Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 There are indeed lots of fish in the sea, and lots of those fish are carp or other bottom feeders. There are few trophy marlins in the sea.when you read the number of posts asking "why are all the good men taken" it appears you might be right. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 i think just because a guy is older doesn't mean he is more mature. my aesthetician was telling me she went on a date with a man in his 40s, a police officer no less, who talked the entire time about how he liked to go out on weekends and party and get hammered. i think some people just never get out of that stage, and some 19 year olds can be quite mature. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Out of curiosity, would you date a 19 year old? Link to comment
servedcold Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Out of curiosity, would you date a 19 year old? Sure, about to hop in the car and go cruise the skating rink right now! Oh... you meant annie... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Sure, about to hop in the car and go cruise the skating rink right now! Oh... you meant annie... LOL, that reminds me of a line in Dazed and Confused. Matt McCaughnahey says: "That's what I love about high school girls. I keep getting older and they stay the saame age." Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 I think some of you are being way too optimistic. How many people are with the same person they were with at the age of 19, ten years later? And if they are, how great is that relationship? It happens but not very often. Why? The amount you change in your twenties is MASSIVE. I don't feel like being a boy's growing experience. I'd rather be with a guy who has a better idea of what relationships are about. I don't want to make myself feel uncomfortable based on the itty bitty chance he'll end up being my soulmate. I don't seem to have a problem meeting men so I'm sure one of them will eventually be great. I'm not so desperate ("boohoo, why are all the good guys taken??"). I don't care if it takes me another, oh, five or ten years to find a great guy. I somehow doubt this guy is mysteriously A Spectacular Special One, one of whom I won't get the pleasure of meeting again in this lifetime. He's a 19 year old boy who probably has a lot of growing up to do (just as I do ..... so why would I care so much about finding a great guy when I can spend more time experiencing life as a single gal and growing up?). Link to comment
DN Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 How many people are with the same person they were with at the age of 19, ten years later? My cousin for one - she married him when she was 19 and they remained together for 47 years until she was widowed. Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 I knew someone would give an example. We all know someone who follows this criteria... but it's not common for a reason. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 How many people are with the same person they were with at the age of 19, ten years later? I am, and I'm married longer than you've been alive, lol. I can only say that the longer we're together, the better it gets. Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 LOL damn, this just isn't working in my favor. That's wonderful btw, I'm happy for you! Is it really that strange that I'm uncomfortable with the age difference?? I thought more people would be understanding but it seems not.... Maybe I am too old fashioned in this way of thinking. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 To answer your question, it's not unusual; for example, people put the preferred age range of their partners on dating sites. Link to comment
servedcold Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 LOL damn, this just isn't working in my favor. That's wonderful btw, I'm happy for you! Is it really that strange that I'm uncomfortable with the age difference?? I thought more people would be understanding but it seems not.... Maybe I am too old fashioned in this way of thinking. It's not strange that you are bothered by the age difference, just make sure you really feel that way because it's how you feel and not how you think you -should- feel. Here's some more food for thought... most people, in the entirety of their lives, are only lucky enough to meet 4-5 others who would make excellent lifetime partners, what if this guy was one of your 4-5 perfect matches? OK that wasn't quite fair, lol. Just playing devil's advocate. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I don't think that 3 years is such an age gap and therefore no big deal. I would say at least give him a chance. He may well surprise you. Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Here's some more food for thought... most people, in the entirety of their lives, are only lucky enough to meet 4-5 others who would make excellent lifetime partners, what if this guy was one of your 4-5 perfect matches? But aren't you kind of just grabbing that number out of your head randomly? And what if my 4-5 walks by me on the street and says hi and I just keep on walking because I'm late for work!! Or... if he happens to be in a bad mood one day and pisses me off and then I don't give him the chance because I think he's a jerk...! Or, what if he's really 80 years old and that is WAY out of my age limit?? What if he's married to the wrong woman but he's actually MY 4-5 and not hers? What if... lol Should I give every guy I meet a chance because he might be my 4-5? Link to comment
servedcold Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 But aren't you kind of just grabbing that number out of your head randomly? Noooo, of course not, it's completely scientific And what if my 4-5 walks by me on the street and says hi and I just keep on walking because I'm late for work!! Or... if he happens to be in a bad mood one day and pisses me off and then I don't give him the chance because I think he's a jerk...! Or, what if he's really 80 years old and that is WAY out of my age limit?? What if he's married to the wrong woman but he's actually MY 4-5 and not hers? What if... You better run out and marry this 19 y.o. guy then, because you have totally blown all your other chances! Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Did the scientists who came up with the 4-5 number work on a test to know if he's my 4-5? Because what if I marry this guy and then my 4-5 is like, the PRIEST or something!! I never realized love was so complicated... (and scientific) Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I never realized love was so complicated... It's not really, you're just making it so by over thinking and over analyzing, lol. It's really not complicated at all, lol. Link to comment
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