Shelby...as we know it.

[Catdancer]

I know, right..?

 

I thought we got over that back during the summer..I got bored..and then I got over it..

 

maybe this is just another boredom phase..? Idk..

 

Couples go through this quite a bit. The strong ones get through it. The cure is to do something together that you absolutely LOOVVEEE doing together. This will remind you of how much you do love and value each other.

[Perfect Dark]

I know, right..?

 

I thought we got over that back during the summer..I got bored..and then I got over it..

 

maybe this is just another boredom phase..? Idk..

 

Maybe you are seeing him too much.

[dangletsbang]

Couples go through this quite a bit. The strong ones get through it. The cure is to do something together that you absolutely LOOVVEEE doing together. This will remind you of how much you do love and value each other.

 

I want to work it out with hiim..but i'm curious about other guys too..but every time I try to take a break..he makes me feel soooo bad..I'm just confused.

[Perfect Dark]

19 is really young to settle down IMO.

[Catdancer]

Shelby...you're so young that it's normal to be curious about other guys. I couldnt be faithful to anyone until I was in my mid-20's. (says alot about me, huh?) lol But I was curious too. I wanted to date many guys and find the "type" of guy that I liked. I had the theory that I needed to "try on" different guys, per se, to find the characteristics in them that I wanted in a mate. I pretty much know what I like now. And I'm not talking about looks at all. I'm talking about personality, goals, morals, ethics, etc.

 

I'm not one to advise someone to get married and have babies at 19. To me, that just seems like it's too early. There is so much out there to do and see that to me, personally, I felt like I would limit myself and my options.

 

Maybe a break would be good for you guys, BUT if you do that be sure to tell him that you plan to date others so that he can do the same.

[dangletsbang]

That's the thing..I mean he is so perfect..I thought I was ready to settle down with him..but now i'm thinking i'm not. I am only 19..I just don't want to break his heart.

 

I know i'm being selfish..but what if I get out in the dating world and find out that he IS the one I want..but I ruined my chance because I wanted to be single..? I just need some space and time to think about it. He's just such a big part of my life I can't imagine life without him.

[dangletsbang]

There's a devil on my right shoulder..and an angel on my left.

 

Who is going to win..?

[Jd1983]

There's a devil on my right shoulder..and an angel on my left.

 

Who is going to win..?

 

I'm sorry that you're going through with this right now hun.

 

Maybe it's just a phase that you're going through right now. Surely, you are still young to be thinking about settling down.

 

I know how you're feeling right now, because I was the same way at one point. In the past few relationships, I would always lose feelings for the person I was with, and I would develop them for someone else. It's a horrible feeling.

 

The best solution to this would be to stop talking to this other person, and just see if your feelings will go away. Usually it works, but if temptation is too much to handle then it is best that you break things off with your bf before getting involved.

 

Nothing in life is guaranteed. I know how you may feel that you will never find someone who will be like him if you let things go, but there could also be someone more suitable for you in the long run.

 

Just give it some time and hang in there.

[dangletsbang]

This helped a lot..thank you.

[dangletsbang]

Trey and I are no longer together as of Saturday night..I could just feel the distance between us..I didn't want to hug or kiss him..the sex we had on friday night..just wasn't enjoyable at all. It didn't feel good..it was just repetitive motion..I only did it because he wanted to. There was no warmth in my touch..or a sparkle in his eyes at all this weekend. He is crushed. I woke up to 21 text messages and 31 missed phone calls...it's finally setting in to him.

 

I want so bad to just go back to him..but it's only because it's routine, right? Do I miss him truly..or miss him because i'm alone..?

 

Also, regarding the other guy..I feel like i'm pushing him away too..it's sad that I can see myself getting hurt by him..he's dangerous..but i'm so attracted. I know i'll get hurt if I get involved..but i've caused so much hurt lately..maybe I deserve it. He's playing games with my mind...but it's something new..even though it makes me feel like complete crap..it's something new..

 

I need time. I need space.

 

I cried myself to sleep last night..

 

I cried on the way to work.

[dangletsbang]

He keeps texting me like we're still together..."hey bebeee..."

 

and guy #2 won't even talk to me...maybe there's too much drama in my life for him to even want me.

 

awesome.

[metrogirl]

^^ I'm just going to be a mom here and say this.

 

Of course Trey is going to still text you like that because he misses you and is likely very confused about everything as are you.

 

Can I also just say that maybe now isn't the time to wonder if the other guy wants you. I think you need time to yourself to evaluate what you really want and need.

 

Mom talk done.

[dangletsbang]

^^ I'm just going to be a mom here and say this.

 

Of course Trey is going to still text you like that because he misses you and is likely very confused about everything as are you.

 

Can I also just say that maybe now isn't the time to wonder if the other guy wants you. I think you need time to yourself to evaluate what you really want and need.

 

Mom talk done.

 

I need it though, metro..

 

I want to have my space..and I want time to think..

 

but I can't even do NC..he texts, he calls, voice mails..i'm afraid he's gonna call my mom..

 

he seems better today..but i'm considering NC for a week or so..withdraw from everything and everyone but work..maybe that would be enough to know..if I want to be with him..or just be single.

[Doc Blaze]

I think you need you time right now..just time to think and really figure out things.. might takes days, months a a year who knows,, but dont rush things...take a step back and give yourself time to think

[metrogirl]

I need it though, metro..

 

I want to have my space..and I want time to think..

 

but I can't even do NC..he texts, he calls, voice mails..i'm afraid he's gonna call my mom..

 

he seems better today..but i'm considering NC for a week or so..withdraw from everything and everyone but work..maybe that would be enough to know..if I want to be with him..or just be single.

 

 

Well I don't doubt that he is confused and scared. Last week you were talking about how much you love him and love being with him and now he's been dealt a huge blow.

 

I think with you being so young, you are struggling with wanting to do the right thing and be with him but also craving the single life as to not miss out on things. I can relate and I understand, I mean once upon a time, I was 19 as well and very much like you.

 

Your answers are not going to come to you overnight and it's not fair to play with his heartstrings. If you are truly confused then the kindest thing you can do is be totally upfront with him and tell him that you don't think you are ready for a relationship. Don't go back and forth with him because that is going to damage him further. In the end if you finally decided that you wanted to be with him, he may not trust that you won't break his heart again.

 

Just something to think about.

[dangletsbang]

That's so true..he doesn't deserve that..he's been nothing but good to me..the least I can do is to be upfront with him and tell him I need more time..He expected me to make my decision over night..and I've tried to tell him..but it's like he won't take no for an answer. All he keeps saying is how he wants it to go back to how we were..but I can't make that happen. I love him..I just don't know what I want.

[dangletsbang]

I think you need you time right now..just time to think and really figure out things.. might takes days, months a a year who knows,, but dont rush things...take a step back and give yourself time to think

 

I know it's going to take time. I just wish I knew now. The more steps I take back to give myself time..the more I find myself missing him..and it's only been like a day and a half! It's stupid and i'm over it.

[Doc Blaze]

I know it's going to take time. I just wish I knew now. The more steps I take back to give myself time..the more I find myself missing him..and it's only been like a day and a half! It's stupid and i'm over it.

 

did you tell him you need a break or that your over ?

[dangletsbang]

did you tell him you need a break or that your over ?

 

that we were over..that I needed time and space. I didn't say 'break' because that's saying there's a possibility that we would get back together. I don't know if we will though, that's why I didn't leave him hanging.

[Catdancer]

Ok...Shelby. Not so long ago I needed time to get my head on straight too. Completely diff situation, but a tiny similar, so I'll compare. I had to be a little firm and say "I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to see you/talk to you/etc." and I left it at that. It took me at least a good week to figure out what I was feeling and figure out how to talk to my ex about it and how to relay what I was feeling without him getting mad. (as I said diff situ) I did not see him for a little over a week, I did not talk to him for a couple days at a time (we do have a son so we had to talk a little). He called me and invited me to dinner with him and our son. I wanted to go. But once I thought about it, the reason I wanted to go was to see my son. That was it. It wasnt fair to accept, so I declined. We eventually did have a really good talk and I was able to articulate exactly what I wanted and what I felt in a way that he understood and in a way that wasnt aggressive. BUT I had to be a little aggressive in order to get the time that I needed to think.

 

My son went to stay with his dad for 3 nights. Usually I am a basketcase when he is gone, but this time I made use of my time alone. I made lists. I compared what I want now vs what I want in a year. What I want for my son. How I feel now. How I felt a year ago. I tried to pick apart what in me had changed. And there is where I hit pay dirt. I have changed, he has stayed exactly the same. So, I have gone in one direction and he has stayed still. This means that we are at two different places and until we even up some more, we wont be able to work out. So that means that either I change or he changes. I feel good about the person that I am. So, if any changing is going to be done for us, it must be within him. I know what I want now. And I know what I need. And he knows this now.

 

My point is that relationships change and grow and if the people in them dont change and grow together, they grow apart.

[epicproportion]

My situation is not as intense as this one but perhaps it will shed some light on yours. I am in a new relationship and neither of us had been in one for awhile. We had only been dating for a few weeks when she got sick and for some reason started to distance herself from me. At one point I honestly felt that it was not going to last much longer which really hurt me as she is really special and I had started to wonder if I would ever find someone as amazing as her. But I digress, we decided that since we had seen each other everyday it was best to take a couple of days apart and remember who we were and see how things were when we were not up each others butts everyday. It was the best thing that could happen we had this time apart and realized that what we felt for each other was in fact real and not just a matter of convenient circumstance. Maybe taking a little time off from each other, probably more than a couple of days, is the best thing that the two of you can do. Stay in contact but lay off of the relationship talk and see what comes of it, no matter what you will discover what direction you should take.

[dangletsbang]

Thanks, hon..I really think this is the issue. We're with eachother 24/7..and i'm the type of person who needs 'me' time a lot..but i've ignored that issue because I love him so much. I need to give myself time to miss him I guess..and drop the issue of the other guy. I really don't need to focus on him.

[Jd1983]

I'm sorry...

 

I'm glad that you were being honest with him though. Just take as much time as you need to figure your feelings out. I think you were just overwhelmed with everything that was going on - moving in together, settling down. This can take a toll on anyone, especially wondering if you are truly ready to settle down.

 

I know that when I was your age, the last thing that was on my mind was getting a house and settling down with someone. In fact, all I was concerned about was having fun.

 

In regards to the other guy, I know how temptation can be like, but if you already have a gut feeling that he may end up hurting you, it's best that you not go towards that route.

 

The last thing you need right now is more confusion.

 

Take as much time as you need to figure out your feelings, and never go back into your relationship out of pity. If you do go back to Trey, make sure it's really want you want.

 

Hang in there sweetie.

[dangletsbang]

I officially weigh 140lbs.

 

and I just ate tortilla soup, half a sandwich, a cookie and a grande peppermint mocha from SB.

 

I am no longer eating today...or tomorrow..if I can help it.

 

 

[dangletsbang]

love love love.

 

My life is slowly getting back to normal and I started my diet today..just waiting on my diet pills to get here..pretty excited.

 

I'm starting to exercise again today too..thank jeebus.

 

People probably think i'm crazy..but Trey and I are back together..

 

I seriously have mental issues.