THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[northpickle]

I think about my past exes (before this latest traumatic relationship) and how I thought I would never get over them or ever stop loving them etc. Now I look back and think, "What was I thinking?"

 

They are just mere memories now. Sometimes i'm sad for what I thought could have been, but never actually was.

 

Every single one of us will make it through this.

 

Hi there, I know you're right. I've been there before and I'll do it again! It's just so hard because last time I got my heart broken the ex moved to another country about 3 months after we split, and he pretty much cut me off straight away, although we worked together. This time the ex still wants to be friends and I've had to say no It's like I can almost reach out and touch him but I can't have him the way I want. I'm a lot less broken but I still miss and love him the same.

[HoliPoli]

Remember that if your aim is to get back with your ex you're gonna have to (in theory) be friends or at least pretend to him that's all you want. You have to make them think that you completely agree with the breakup and that you're fine and moving on faster than they are and that you could care less what they do or who they date. You have to act happy and positive and be or pretend to be busy.

 

I know its lying and deceitful and it seems so wrong! The NC period makes them miss you and think of you and the good times you shared (ONLY IF THERE'S A REAL CHANCE OF RECONCILIATION.)

 

Answer texts or emails hours later or at night so he sees them first thing in the morning before he starts his busy day. Return calls the next day or when he's at work when he can't answer and leave a voice mail. If he's the one that contacted you in the first place then not being able to know what you have to say will make him think about you even more - remember this is all IN THEORY. It's possible, though not guaranteed, that by pushing him away he is going to become more interested.

 

I mean it all makes sense in theory, but who knows right? There's no timeline of how long it'll take and there's even a chance that you won't even want him back once you've healed.

 

The BEST advice I can give anyone is to pretend not to care. Oh and less is more. Just say you were busy. Never offer up why or what you were doing because it gives off an aura of mystery.

[carrie8484]

DAY13

I hate him

but i still really miss him

 

[HoliPoli]

I wish you the best Carrie

[lonelyheart2]

day 24 = I swear this making them curious as to what you are doing is backfiring on me...I reeeeeeeeeeeeally want to know what he's doing!

[HoliPoli]

day 24 = I swear this making them curious as to what you are doing is backfiring on me...I reeeeeeeeeeeeally want to know what he's doing!

 

Try hard to wait 6 more days! Then send an email or snail mail letter inviting him to catch up however you choose. Don't call or text this invite if you can avoid it.

[The walkingman]

Ughh, barely maintaing keeping no contact, I have sorta been semi-stalking her facebook. (I never ever use mine, just friend requested her when we were together so it showed it showed in a relationship with me). Anyways another quote from a song that has to deal with exes.....wonder if this is a good or bad sign. (quote was from link removed )

 

I was a lot better last week, this week has me feeling like she is going to contact me and I can't stop thinking about her and I'm antsy.... though I know there is a very good chance she wont.

[lonelyheart2]

HoliPoli why is an email better than a text? I was thinking of waiting till christmas and then maybe wishing him a happy christmas but I'm not sure I can do it.....I was sort of hoping he would have contacted me before the 30 days was up!

[HoliPoli]

HoliPoli why is an email better than a text? I was thinking of waiting till christmas and then maybe wishing him a happy christmas but I'm not sure I can do it.....I was sort of hoping he would have contacted me before the 30 days was up!

 

 

Well, with email you can write more- not that you want to write a long drawn out message but it's easier than a small phone screen. It seems more personal and less likely to be blown off. They least expect it... the list goes on and on. I would ultimately choose a written note or letter if possible, but not everyone is able to do this.

 

I had this all planned out for myself before I decided my current route.

[northpickle]

Day 19

Today I equal my previous best in NC, but this time it's different. It's not a challenge any more really. Well, in some ways it is, because I miss having him in my life still, but I know now that staying in touch, at least for the time being, will only bring me down again. A quick high from any contact, then a deep low because we're not together. So it would be futile. I love him, I miss him, but I don't want to be with him right now, much more healing has to have happened before I would consider a relationship, either with him (although I'm not sure that would ever happen!) or anyone else.

[HoliPoli]

A quick high from any contact, then a deep low because we're not together.

 

Maybe it's sadistic, but I'm hoping any contact I have with my ex has this effect. I may never know. but with his recent contact telling me how nice it was to hear from me and that it would be great to talk again soon maybe just maybe it's working both ways.

 

The phone works both ways though.

[northpickle]

Maybe it's sadistic, but I'm hoping any contact I have with my ex has this effect. I may never know. but with his recent contact telling me how nice it was to hear from me and that it would be great to talk again soon maybe just maybe it's working both ways.

 

The phone works both ways though.

 

Yeah, I hear ya! I was always of the mindset that when we were in LC and had a few meet-ups, that he was getting just enough of what he wanted from me and that was making him happy, but it was killing me not being physical with him, not going home with him, not making plans and so on. So it wasn't making me​ happy. So I need to drop off the radar for a while longer yet

[Madara87]

day 4

 

She broke up with me Sunday. I saw her car yesterday at my cousin shop where i work ("She used to work here so she came to visit a friend IDK") i didn't look her directly in the eyes i just walk around the building to the backdoor.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 25 = I got a job at crabtree and evelyn!!! Soooooooooo happy! Trouble is I really want to tell him about it but I can't.....plus I'm not even sure he'd really care anway eugh the old him would o well who cares I GOT A JOB!!!

[hescaught]

I'm trying really really hard. My ex and I would have been together 5 years tomorrow. He broke up with me 4 months ago but has stayed in constant contact telling me "he wants to be friends and always be there for me." I want him back but because of some of his actions know its time for NC at least for now. Its going to be hard on my son (he is is step-dad and the only dad he has ever known) but I feel like its the right thing to do. Its only be 12 hrs and I feel like somone who is a drug addict jonesing for a hit....please help me get through this time:sorrow:

[HoliPoli]

Congrats LH!

[HoliPoli]

He contacted again today. He's being too nice, but there's not alot being said so I'm not sure what to think. I'm just going to let it play out.

 

I suppose he could just be really happy to not be with me....

[Cityslick]

Day 22

 

BU- Sept 16

New b/f - Sept 25

Last contact - Oct 26

 

I still think about you everyday and somehow to my disbelief I actually am giving up hope of ever getting back with you. It seems like a gift and a curse because now I have to cope with really losing you for who knows how long (forever maybe?) but at the same time its another step towards healing.

 

I'm really thankful for all the people on this forum and for their advice because without it I'd definitely be in a much worse position emotionally. That being said I think its time for me to say goodbye to this forum for a while as everytime I come on here I feel those little glimmers of hope within me and in a way its kind of holding me back from being completely over it. I'll be back I'm sure as I progress or if the unthinkable happens and she contacts me. Until then, best of luck to everyone.

[HoliPoli]

Best of luck Slick

[northpickle]

Day 20 - (500th post, sheesh!)

 

Just had a mini-challenge to get through this morning, my daughter had an assembly at school that I went to watch. It was all about the work she and her friends had been doing on...one of our favourite artists! Urgh! You took me to see three of his exhibitions. I'm sure the universe is sending these tests my way for a reason!

 

Had this been earlier on after break-up I'm not sure whether I could have held it together but I managed. What sucked is that my daughter got a little upset afterwards (mainly nerves bubbling over, she had quite a lot of speaking to do and did amazingly well) and was crying and holding me, saying that she didn't want me to go She's only 5, bless her. I had to be so strong

[HoliPoli]

I'm sure the universe is sending these tests my way for a reason!

 

Happy 500th! OK I've never said that to anyone, lol.

 

And yes those signs are utterly terrible, aren't they? Over the years I've decided to call it fate stepping in and those signs are meant to make you stop and think - past the pain.

 

It's just like yesterday when I was planning an "exit email" to send to my ex revoking the friendship offer. A seemingly simple task that should have taken all of 10 minutes turned into a daily ordeal and ended up never being sent anyway.

 

I see it as fate stepping in and saying "WHOA, PAUSE, WAIT A MINUTE!" I wouldn't contact him about it just yet, but maybe that's something that will come into play in the future?

[HoliPoli]

My NC plan was thrown out the window.

 

I seem to be doing better, but I'm not sure it's me calming down or the contact that's keeping me calm. I think I would be OK if we never talked again, but then again I'm not faced with it having been a long time since we've exchanged words.

 

What is happening is that as long as I am casting the baited hook into the ocean he replies. Not immediately but within an hour. His texts have become filled with him offering simple info as to what he's doing, joking around and just niceties in general. I left his last text he sent last night unread and decided to not reply because I need a day or so to get my head straight. I've known him for 3 years and this is not like him (Unless he's been friend texting all his exes w/o me knowing, but I highly doubt it.)

 

I wont let myself get any hopes up and to be honest I don't even know why I would get my hopes up. I know we shouldn't be together because he wasn't that great of a boyfriend the first 2 times around. (We had a brief 3 week relationship a couple months after we first met which I ended then were friends for a year before being together a year and a half.)

 

Ugh, so much to think about.

[northpickle]

Happy 500th! OK I've never said that to anyone, lol.

 

And yes those signs are utterly terrible, aren't they? Over the years I've decided to call it fate stepping in and those signs are meant to make you stop and think - past the pain.

 

It's just like yesterday when I was planning an "exit email" to send to my ex revoking the friendship offer. A seemingly simple task that should have taken all of 10 minutes turned into a daily ordeal and ended up never being sent anyway.

 

I see it as fate stepping in and saying "WHOA, PAUSE, WAIT A MINUTE!" I wouldn't contact him about it just yet, but maybe that's something that will come into play in the future?

 

Hey there, although I did hold it together it has made me miss him all over again. There was a big screen in the background showing various pieces of the artist's work and I was trying NOT to think "oh, I remember going with the ex to see that at so-and-so a gallery in January" - it was like something up above was trying to either rub my face in things or test my strength. All I wanted to do was to enjoy my daughter's assembly! Of all the topics and indeed all the artists in the world that it could have been about, it had to be something that means a lot to me and the ex! Unbelievable!

 

No, I'm not going to contact him, the ball is in my court with any contact now as, like you're about to, I have rescinded the friendship thing. I have a funny feeling something is going to happen this weekend but I really don't know what. I might be wrong, but we shall see

[Blueleaf]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm a newbie to this forum and when I came accross this thread, thought I would give it a go.

 

DAY 1

 

This is far from the first break up we've had. This time it feels very different. I feel a lot more apathetic, it's strange not worrying about him.

 

I regret sending him a nasty little text yesterday but I was upset about not getting the job I wanted, that he was less then supportive about, and thought I'd let him know that he doesn't need to worry about it anymore.

 

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about all the negative things he did to (or didn't do for) me. It just reassures me that I've done the right thing, that I don't need him. Not missing him at the moment but I'm sure I will soon.

 

I think the most difficult thing to do would be to ignore him if he sends me a message wanting to sort things out. I know if I run back to him, nothing will change and it will happen all over again.

[HoliPoli]

Welcome Blueleaf. I wish you the best in your quest.

 

Remember NC is hard and nobody is perfect. I couldn't agree more with you saying "If I run back to him, nothing will change and it will happen all over again." You're a smart cookie. In my experience I wanted to fight with him every time I felt upset about the breakup, but you soon learn that it only pushes them further away - and I doubt that's what most of us want.