THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[polaris]

I've cancelled the flowers. I actually feel better for not sending them.

 

Good job, and glad it made you feel better. Now you don't have to deal with the "why hasn't she responded?" stuff either.

[polaris]

Polaris, thanks for the response.... It was like a mudslide today..i sent that first message and then it all spewed out of me. I sent a total of 5, the last essentially saying sorry for blowing you up today, if and when you want to talk I'll he here. This was after I told her I still loved her, and there were no other girls and just me trying to better myself.. Etc.

 

I guess we start over tomorrow at day 1. This is really quite horrible. 2 months and I still can't shake this feeling, and the worst part is I'm not even mad at her.

 

Yeah, I find this is a good not to open the floodgates; if send one thing and get no response (or you don't like the response you get), it creates a panic and makes it much harder not to send another, and then another, and you feel worse with each one. It's like an alcoholic falling off the wagon; once you've had the first drink, it's very hard not to have more. Much better to try and resist the first one.

 

It really is the most horrible feeling in the world, i know, and you want to do anything you can to ease the pain. 2 months is still early days. There will probably come a point when you are mad at her, and embrace it when it happens; replace the sadness with anger to help healing. Until then, it's a waiting game; one day at a time, doing whatever you can in other areas of your life to ease the passage as much as possible, and distract yourself.

[JonnyD79]

Good job, and glad it made you feel better. Now you don't have to deal with the "why hasn't she responded?" stuff either.

 

Thanks.

Yeah, I don't really want to think about the response stuff. My days are still full of ups and downs and I don't sleep particularly well but time does heal.

[bots10]

Well day 1 is almost at an end.. She did not block me or change her number, she just flat out ignored me yesterday. Don't get it. After so many years together, and after her cheating and leaving me... She's the one that won't respond to me.. Isn't this suppose to be reversed.

[Bansun13]

DAY 1 HERE!

 

I'm so excited to start this. God knows I NEED it. He always texts back, even when he's the one that dumped me. This makes me too hopeful, thinking that we'll get back together like the last two times this happened. I can't do it anymore. Every time he does this, he chips away my self-esteem and make me feel like s***. I can't let him or myself hurt me anymore. I'm DONE!

 

Let the challenge begin!!!

[loxg5869]

This is day 10 of No-contact

 

I though it will get better but its not, i saw she posted happily picture when travelling with her new boy friend and i broke down again.

 

And its hurt me just like the day we break up. I think hoping make the healing slower or even we can't heal.

[bots10]

Day 2 now after contacting her after 30 days no contact. She didn't respond anyways and just made that rejection feel that must worse. She has been posting photos on Instagram saying "young and free".. Crap like that and she's still messing around with this guy who is 20 years older then her, oh and has been arrested 4 times for selling herion. Feels like almost 5 years wasted....anyone wanna buy an engagement ring..

[polaris]

Day 23, and rather difficult today. Almost the first time I'd felt tempted to get in touch. Not THAT tempted, mind you, but it's the first time I'd actively entertained the notion. Really wasn't expecting that; it's four weeks since we broke up today but that doesn't seem particularly significant, and I can't really think what else has caused it. Hope tomorrow is better.

[reinventmyself]

It's been 4 weeks since I've seen you and 9 days since we exchanged a brief sentimental email.

I wrote you a letter that is direct and to the point and as tempting as hell as it is to send it, I won't.

 

I won't because I don't want the anxiety of wondering what you will say when / and if you'll respond.

 

I won't because I don't want to do you any favors by pointing out some things in your behavior that might make you think otherwise and be a better suited partner for your next target.

 

Let it be her problem.

 

I love that I have no idea what you are doing or where you are at. With each passing day I find myself no longer looking at the clock and knowing what you might be doing because of your predictable schedule.

Onward and upward.

[Loveart]

Just over 3.5 weeks of NC...no way I'm breaking it now. Thinking of tossing some stuff of mine which reminds me of him. Thankfully no social media connection so I have no idea what he is doing or who he is with now. I do wonder if he tried to contact me when I was out of town but very, very doubtful. Always think about the 1% chance that he did but that's not reality.

[bots10]

Today was day 4 of my 2nd stint of NC for 30 days, and I believe I had a breakthrough. My ex has been gone 2 months now, after cheating on me after 5 years. She was getting mail at our place still and today I decide to open a piece.. Not sure what made me do it... But it was a change of address and she is moving in with this guy she cheated on me with. This 43 year old, 20 years older then her, 4 time arrested for selling herion guy. That was all it took. I packed up the rest of her crap , changed the locks and blocked her number. She is now dead to me. I'm better then that. She had a successful life with me, I never treated her wrong and I refuse to be associated with someone like that. Done. Bigger and better things await.

[CrusnikPT]

Today was day 4 of my 2nd stint of NC for 30 days, and I believe I had a breakthrough. My ex has been gone 2 months now, after cheating on me after 5 years. She was getting mail at our place still and today I decide to open a piece.. Not sure what made me do it... But it was a change of address and she is moving in with this guy she cheated on me with. This 43 year old, 20 years older then her, 4 time arrested for selling herion guy. That was all it took. I packed up the rest of her crap , changed the locks and blocked her number. She is now dead to me. I'm better then that. She had a successful life with me, I never treated her wrong and I refuse to be associated with someone like that. Done. Bigger and better things await.

 

Best of luck there man, you deserve better!!

[Wolfshook]

day 20ish of nc:

I found out that it takes about 2 months of nc to stop bothering... and also for her to contact me again..

 

I blocked her,because this time I want to heal , I can't let her to bother me every time I start moving on. If she wanted us to be together she would grab one of too many chances I gave her. It's for the best, I met another great girl anyway.

 

It's funny because idk if I even could be with her if she wanted. There are so many things I could not get over (her sleeping with another guy ieg.) that it would probably be impossible. It's much easier to find somebody else.

[polaris]

Today was day 4 of my 2nd stint of NC for 30 days, and I believe I had a breakthrough. My ex has been gone 2 months now, after cheating on me after 5 years. She was getting mail at our place still and today I decide to open a piece.. Not sure what made me do it... But it was a change of address and she is moving in with this guy she cheated on me with. This 43 year old, 20 years older then her, 4 time arrested for selling herion guy. That was all it took. I packed up the rest of her crap , changed the locks and blocked her number. She is now dead to me. I'm better then that. She had a successful life with me, I never treated her wrong and I refuse to be associated with someone like that. Done. Bigger and better things await.

 

Good for you. You know she's heading for a fall anyway; the challenge for you is to get into the head space where you can tell her to shove it when she comes back with her tail between her legs. Sounds like you're getting there already, which is great. Onwards and upwards.

[bots10]

Good for you. You know she's heading for a fall anyway; the challenge for you is to get into the head space where you can tell her to shove it when she comes back with her tail between her legs. Sounds like you're getting there already, which is great. Onwards and upwards.

Yea I'm trying. Don't get me wrong I miss her. But now that thought of "she is able to go right to him after all our time together" keeps popping up. That's enough to make you really feel pissed.

[polaris]

Yea I'm trying. Don't get me wrong I miss her. But now that thought of "she is able to go right to him after all our time together" keeps popping up. That's enough to make you really feel pissed.

 

Yep. I have the exact same thought and feeling about my ex as well.

[bots10]

Yep. I have the exact same thought and feeling about my ex as well.

Definitely a changing moment in this whole thing. First time since this all happened ice been able to eat alot..

 

 

6th day of no contact down with out a hitch.

[malmal]

I just want to make a shoutout to the supportive members of this forum to make things like this exist.

 

I often wished for a post like this when I was in this situation!

[Unscrewed]

Day 2! I went on a trip with my family today. We had so much fun together.

Still miss him, but without the pain!

[JonnyD79]

Day 12 since my blip 2 weeks after we broke up.

I've done a few things for me. Bought some new clothes, visited some friends and I'm even going to a Yoga class tonight for the first time, that's after my second therapist session.

I miss her everyday and know that the new me is a better person than the one that was with her.

I'm also glad that we have broken up as it means I can focus on myself. If she wants to get back in contact then it will already be obvious to her that I'm changing.

[Lightjocj]

( Im a little late to the party but here i am) On day 27 of NC. Altho im guilty of snooping on FB to check. It just confirms what i knew, anyways, it has gottn easier but had a mini breakdown on my way home from work, yesterday first time in awhile though. Like some of you i want to reach out. But id perfer not to throw all my NC down the tubes...so ill keeping moving forward.

[Lightjocj]

Polaris, thanks for the response.... It was like a mudslide today..i sent that first message and then it all spewed out of me. I sent a total of 5, the last essentially saying sorry for blowing you up today, if and when you want to talk I'll he here. This was after I told her I still loved her, and there were no other girls and just me trying to better myself.. Etc.

 

I guess we start over tomorrow at day 1. This is really quite horrible. 2 months and I still can't shake this feeling, and the worst part is I'm not even mad at her.

Dont be mad at yourself for reaching out..iv been broken up since april..the first 3 months we have had contact..then all of a sudden i got nothing back at all..nadda. I was pissed at myself everytime i reached out and got a one word ans,,or nothing at all, i agree with polaris,,give here what she wants,,and thats NC..the more i think about it the more thats what im trying to convince myself in doing..he doesnt want to even be friends? So be it. But i know all to well what happens after the first text goes unanswered, you send another. Before you know it your all worked up because none of them were answered back...Grrrr..iv been sending texts to myself instead that kinda helps...btw good call on not sending the flowers...i sent my ex 2 dozen roses after the breakup..yup thats 24 roses$$...the responce i got back was im an A-hole..and that he cant be bought..blahblah...i couldnt belive that he sent that..needless to say....swing and a miss...strike 1 2 and 3 all at once lol...never doing that again...so u did good by not sending

[polaris]

i sent my ex 2 dozen roses after the breakup..yup thats 24 roses$$...the responce i got back was im an A-hole..and that he cant be bought..blahblah...i couldnt belive that he sent that..needless to say....swing and a miss...strike 1 2 and 3 all at once lol...never doing that again

 

Goodness me. I think if I'd received such a rude response after sending 24 roses, I'd have sent 72 the next day just to really annoy him.

[Lightjocj]

Goodness me. I think if I'd received such a rude response after sending 24 roses, I'd have sent 72 the next day just to really annoy him.

Hahahahahahah...

[Lightjocj]

Ok ill be the weak one to get things started today...does anybody else have the urge to contact there ex today? On day 28 here..feeling it in my gut today as anxiety...Grrr...not gonna do it ofcorse. Just wanted to know if its just me?