THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[SeanCages]

I'm in no contact for 6 days tomorrow.

Went citytripping to Dublin last weekend. Dancing and making out with other chicks seems a little too far still, so far. But I've been getting proposals to go out, so things are looking up. The trip was great. Let's keep this flow going.

[saluk]

Number of days no contact is hard to count now. Although talking with her boyfriend kind of counts as breaking it as far as my emotional state. Still, a week later after that I'm doing better. Always best to focus on and get involved with something else. Build a new country that doesn't include your ex, and if you can manage to immigrate there then they can no longer affect you.

[SeanCages]

Well, officially into no contact for a week now.

It's rough. But I'll get through it. It's a bummer this breakup and healing is at exactly the same time as me having almost nothing to do. I'm feeling myself drifting towards depression, but today I already took a few big leaps in the other direction. I sincerely hope to continue that. Having all these things comes together should serve as an opportunity instead of a hindrance. So yeah. It's rough, but I'll be fine.

[MovieGuy18]

Day 3 of no contact. Who even knows how many times I have tried NC at this point...

 

My ex girlfriend usually tries contacting me after about 5 days or so if we don't talk, so I'm expecting her to try and contact me any day now. We had a discussion about our relationship and it ended up turning into a bit of an argument. Not the way I wanted to leave things, so I apologized for what the conversation turned into and from what I can tell, she accepted my apology but she doesn't seem interested in talking right now.

 

I find myself thinking about her very often, even after almost three months since the break up. I hope that things can turn around for our relationship and even though I try to keep busy (working full-time, going to the gym, seeing friends, playing video games), I can't seem to stop thinking about her, at least not for long anyway.

[rlhuk]

Hi guys,

 

Looks like I'm leaving this thread (and not coming back I hope), as after seeing each other at the weekend and lots of declarations of love etc, he told me that he wants to start seeing each other again and see how it goes. I'm completely shocked tbh, I've been wanting to hear him say that for the last 2 years and never thought he would.

 

Thanks for all your support, it's been so helpful to me. Hang in there lovelies

 

Wish me luck x

[butterfly110]

I have promised myself I will maintain at least 5 weeks of No contact.

 

Day 3

 

I saw him on a social media today and I felt this pang of guilt and sadness creeping up inside me. I was pretty positive the previous days. But today is definitely not a good day. I think "Why doesn't he care about me?" "What did I do to deserve this?". I have been annoying my sister the whole morning, analyzing every nook and corner of the relationship to find out what went wrong even though I know now it doesn't matter anymore. Ugh this sucks.

[Improving123]

I accept the no contact challenge. Now I don't know if I'll update everyday. Maybe just as often as possible.

[saluk]

Hi guys,

 

Looks like I'm leaving this thread (and not coming back I hope), as after seeing each other at the weekend and lots of declarations of love etc, he told me that he wants to start seeing each other again and see how it goes. I'm completely shocked tbh, I've been wanting to hear him say that for the last 2 years and never thought he would.

 

Thanks for all your support, it's been so helpful to me. Hang in there lovelies

 

Wish me luck x

 

Good luck rlhuk! I hope it goes well. Don't forge whatever lessons you may have learned in the time apart.

[ntAgainPetunia]

rlhuk, congratulations, that's wonderful news! If you get a chance, post some of your experiences, I think people would appreciate hearing positive news (it gets so negative here at times).

 

I don't think I'll be posting here very much either, but I still read the thread. My ex and I have been in LC for a couple of weeks. No idea what, if anything, will happen between us, but it's a step in the right direction.

 

For everyone else, stay the course with NC. If and/or when you feel you've recovered enough don't be afraid to take baby steps toward your ex. But heal yourself first.

[Lindorie]

Since we're at baby steps... Exchanged a few texts with X in the past few days after a couple of weeks of silence and he suggested we meet up. We've made plans for drinks tomorrow and I guess we'll see how that goes. Any tips?

[ntAgainPetunia]

Hope your meetup goes well Lindorie! I guess the main tips I (and everyone else) would give is to stay upbeat and fun. Don't bring up the relationship directly, but it's probably fine to bring up specific good memories. You want to leave a positive impression. Treat it like a first date (because in some ways it is). And keep it relatively short.

 

Again, best of luck!

[Lindorie]

Hope your meetup goes well Lindorie! I guess the main tips I (and everyone else) would give is to stay upbeat and fun. Don't bring up the relationship directly, but it's probably fine to bring up specific good memories. You want to leave a positive impression. Treat it like a first date (because in some ways it is). And keep it relatively short.

 

Again, best of luck!

 

Thank you so much, I'll keep your advice in mind and see how it goes

[saluk]

F me. I caved and looked at facebook. I hate that damn site.

 

She just connected with his dad and he's thanking her for making his son "a happy boy" and she says "he's a great man".

 

Just get married and have kids already so I have no more things to dread.

 

Yeah I know it's my own damn fault. I WANT them to be happy. I just... still hurt I guess that she didn't think I was great enough. I know it's not that simple. Trying to bounce back again. I'm already doing a bit better a couple hours later.

 

Next time I'm going to post on here before I look. Maybe that will stop me.

[saluk]

I was reading some of my other threads and saw a post from earlier in the week about how I had finally moved on. But in that post I had mentioned a dream I had had, and I realized I've been having dreams of her almost every night this week. It's really weird, and I think that led to my, "I wonder if she's posted anything funny on facebook lately" snafu of this morning. I have learned how to stop my thoughts during the day. And honestly, most of the time it's not even a skill I have to employ. I think about so many random things during the day, there really isn't any room for her to come up. I even think about other girls before her.

 

But during the night. How do you stop the dreams? The weird thing is how rarely I have had such dreams. Last nights was the worst, we all found out she had become pregnant and they quickly got engaged! See above about how I want this to happen so it's over with lol.

[rlhuk]

Since we're at baby steps... Exchanged a few texts with X in the past few days after a couple of weeks of silence and he suggested we meet up. We've made plans for drinks tomorrow and I guess we'll see how that goes. Any tips?

 

Yeah, don't lose your head! Try and keep things casual and fun, no heavy conversations or talk about the past. Don't get emotional (if you can help it). Don't go home with him because unless he says he wants to get back with you, sleeping together is gonna rip you apart even more.

 

Good luck, keep us posted!!

 

PS it looks like I'm still here, wanna keep up to date with you guys!

[rlhuk]

F me. I caved and looked at facebook. I hate that damn site.

 

She just connected with his dad and he's thanking her for making his son "a happy boy" and she says "he's a great man".

 

Just get married and have kids already so I have no more things to dread.

 

Yeah I know it's my own damn fault. I WANT them to be happy. I just... still hurt I guess that she didn't think I was great enough. I know it's not that simple. Trying to bounce back again. I'm already doing a bit better a couple hours later.

 

Next time I'm going to post on here before I look. Maybe that will stop me.

 

 

oh mate, do you not have her blocked on there? If not, you should, and him too, for your own sanity! x

[ntAgainPetunia]

Right, I had to block my ex for a while til I was far enough along to handle it. Despite me wondering what was going on in her life, it did me a world of good. I second the recommendation, block them!

[rlhuk]

Despite me and my ex deciding to see each other, I don't think we'll ever be friends on FB again. It's evil!

[Improving123]

Day 2

 

I noticed I have quite a few things of his and I can't help but wonder if he knows. It's a good thing I don't have a real facebook and even with my joke account we were never friends. I saw before that he's still subscribed to me on youtube and before I went NC I sent him a heartfelt letter so hopefully he'll think about what I said. We're both in school and classes will be over in about a month so I might speak to him after schools over or just keep going NC depending on how I feel. I've been trying to keep myself going by watch Dragon Ball and I'm getting a violin today. It's something I always wanted to learn how to play and I'm hoping it will help me focus.

 

I have a suggestion for the girls. You might consider getting a "little friend" to help you "relax". I ordered something of the sort with my violin so I have two things to help me through this time.

 

Just do something you always wanted to do and do something to alleviate carnal tension.

[saluk]

Thanks for the advice to block... but I think that just puts a band-aid on it really. When they get engaged I'll still hear about it. I will see her across the room showing off the ring to her friends. When she is pregnant I will know. I will see the bump. Our lives are too enmeshed to put my head in the sand. Getting distance has been good and necessary, but I need a slightly more comprehensive strategy now than just "it's not happening, it's not happening". We aren't fb friends, and I rarely go look at her page, and I've unfollowed many mutual friends. So it's really on me if I see this stuff. But...

 

I'm actually glad I saw that yesterday, it lets me know where I am a little more clearly. And I was able to work through it a bit - it didn't ruin my whole day or anything.

 

I'll keep thinking about how best to relate to this situation. A year ago I got to the point where I accepted we aren't a good match. Similarly, I need to find a way to accept that she has found one? It's really not about me. I think when I make it about me (see above, "she didn't think I was great enough?") I am being unfair both to her as an independent person, as well as selling myself short. I was really great! And we didn't quite work. And he is also really great - I've met him, I like him, and though I worry about some things with his past and her ability to stick with it... in general I approve. Maybe they will fit in a way that we didn't. And that doesn't say anything bad about me, or my ability to fit with someone else. And to fit even better.

[beanpot]

I don't know if any of you watch The Big Bang Theory... but this last episode ended on a bittersweet note.

 

"I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them"

 

Not going to expand on that... if you watch the show you'll understand

 

I'm happy to say that I feel like I'm to that point... maybe... finally...

[beanpot]

Thanks for the advice to block... but I think that just puts a band-aid on it really. When they get engaged I'll still hear about it. I will see her across the room showing off the ring to her friends. When she is pregnant I will know. I will see the bump. Our lives are too enmeshed to put my head in the sand. Getting distance has been good and necessary, but I need a slightly more comprehensive strategy now than just "it's not happening, it's not happening". We aren't fb friends, and I rarely go look at her page, and I've unfollowed many mutual friends. So it's really on me if I see this stuff. But...

 

I'm actually glad I saw that yesterday, it lets me know where I am a little more clearly. And I was able to work through it a bit - it didn't ruin my whole day or anything.

 

I'll keep thinking about how best to relate to this situation. A year ago I got to the point where I accepted we aren't a good match. Similarly, I need to find a way to accept that she has found one? It's really not about me. I think when I make it about me (see above, "she didn't think I was great enough?") I am being unfair both to her as an independent person, as well as selling myself short. I was really great! And we didn't quite work. And he is also really great - I've met him, I like him, and though I worry about some things with his past and her ability to stick with it... in general I approve. Maybe they will fit in a way that we didn't. And that doesn't say anything bad about me, or my ability to fit with someone else. And to fit even better.

 

Sorry you saw that Saluk... I can imagine it being gut-wrenching. I will say that the way I started to finally get over my ex was to see all of the things that was posting on Instagram... I had held onto hope thinking she had not moved on. When I realized that she had... then my grip opened and I let go. I wish you godspeed as you progress toward that goal... life can be sweet again...

[beanpot]

Hi guys,

 

Looks like I'm leaving this thread (and not coming back I hope), as after seeing each other at the weekend and lots of declarations of love etc, he told me that he wants to start seeing each other again and see how it goes. I'm completely shocked tbh, I've been wanting to hear him say that for the last 2 years and never thought he would.

 

Thanks for all your support, it's been so helpful to me. Hang in there lovelies

 

Wish me luck x

 

That's wonderful Agree with Saluk to remember all the lessons you learned from the failures before so give this new opportunity the best chance for success!

 

I'm kind of on the opposite end... with us being NC day count buddies and all haha (though I lost count). I'm finally reaching a point where the light at the end of the tunnel is visible. And it's a beautiful bright light... marching toward it one day at a time.

[Lindorie]

So here I am, a few hours after we met up I listened to your advice and kept things light and easy, I think I must've made more progress than I myself thought, since I wasn't feeling either awkward or emotional. We grabbed drinks and lunch and had a really good time, catching up with each other and discussing working on ourselves (apparently I'm not the only one who did that, he did it too) and how our lives are. Unexpectedly it really felt like a first date with someone - getting to know the new person, talking about interests etc. we even made some future plans and they were all his suggestion. He also admited to checking out my online profiles (I don't think he meant to x) ) and kept asking me what I'm doing etc. there was some lingering at the end but I finally gave him a long hug before going my way.

 

Anyway, besides updating you on my situation, I wanted to say a few words to everyone who is where I used to be - focus on YOURSELF and let things happen naturally. Let go of the outcome, no matter how hard it is, and just work on making yourself happy. Today made me realize how far I've come - when my ex and I met up for the last time before I went NC, I broke down once I got home and cried for hours for no real reason. But today I actually had a good time with him and am not obsessing over it one bit - I feel fine and happy with myself! It was a good day but we'll see how things progress from here - and even if they don't, I'll know I did my best and that I'm good on my own. So do that for yourself and everything will be easier

[SeanCages]

That's awesome !

 

It's a state of mind everyone should aim for. When I'm seeing my ex next time, I also want it to feel like meeting a new person, discovering if something happened that would make us compatible, and if not, who cares.

Yesterday I finally hooked up with a girl I knew from a few years back again. It was great fun, good girl. Almost 2 weeks of no contact now, and I'm climbing out of my slumber.