beanpot Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Her saying she misses her best friend is her wanting her cake and wanting to eat it too. That's completely unfair to you. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID. Stay strong. Please realize how unfair that is to you and use that as strength to move on. Link to comment
LovelyDani87 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 My ex sent me a love song (Hello by Adele) Thursday. I truly wish she would stop texting me unless she actually has something meaningful to say about "us". It's a beautiful song but if she has something to say then say it already. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 My ex sent me a love song (Hello by Adele) Thursday. I truly wish she would stop texting me unless she actually has something meaningful to say about "us". It's a beautiful song but if she has something to say then say it already. Block her for your own sake Link to comment
blabla Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Day 22: Feeling much much better, but I still think of him. Sometimes I have the urge contact him, but I never do it actually. Friends asked me last night how I am, and it´s the first time I said that I´m doing good, and it was the truth. But I still do want to break the NC in a few weeks, for his birthday. Link to comment
MovieGuy18 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 You're probably right. I just keep having hope that maybe these little things she says means she is second guessing her choice to break up with me or something. I should probably just continue no contact until she has something to say about that, if she does. She hasn't said anything about us getting together to see and talk to each other, I have been the only one to make that suggestion, though she has said she would "love to, but as friends." Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Day 61: Next stop is 90 days But already doing much better. Ran 10 miles today during training for the marathon. Running has been a huge, huge, huge help in getting over her. Can't emphasize how amazing physical activity is in keeping the mind sharp and sane. Link to comment
drummer09 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Day 11 NC- Started NC again after a relapse which I agreed to meet with my ex and then realized that I had to tell her the truth and say If you aren't planning on reconciling and want to be purely platonic friends, I can't do it. This caused a stupid little fight and the blame was put on me. I went NC that day and feel like I'm starting from scratch... Ugh, this week has been tough for some reason. I want to talk to her really bad, but we want two different things and it's a lost cause. Will talking to her really make my life seem much better? Probably not. I know I have to keep working on myself and forget all about her. Link to comment
rlhuk Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Day 61: Feeling stressed and a bit down today so I've been thinking about him a bit. We're going to be in the same place on Friday evening I think. That will be the real test. Link to comment
rlhuk Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Day 11 NC- Started NC again after a relapse which I agreed to meet with my ex and then realized that I had to tell her the truth and say If you aren't planning on reconciling and want to be purely platonic friends, I can't do it. This caused a stupid little fight and the blame was put on me. I went NC that day and feel like I'm starting from scratch... Ugh, this week has been tough for some reason. I want to talk to her really bad, but we want two different things and it's a lost cause. Will talking to her really make my life seem much better? Probably not. I know I have to keep working on myself and forget all about her. I had to do the same thing, it's bloody hard but you can do it. Hang in there x Link to comment
ntAgainPetunia Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Day 37 and I feel like I'm moving backward. I have an incredible urge to contact my ex, even if it's just to show her the menu for a new place in town and congratulate her on her half-marathon a week ago. I've been keeping myself very busy, but the thoughts of her keep creeping back into my mind. My chest is pounding and I feel like I did near the start of the BU almost three months ago. I feel that I'm going to break soon. Ugh! Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Day 37 and I feel like I'm moving backward. I have an incredible urge to contact my ex, even if it's just to show her the menu for a new place in town and congratulate her on her half-marathon a week ago. I've been keeping myself very busy, but the thoughts of her keep creeping back into my mind. My chest is pounding and I feel like I did near the start of the BU almost three months ago. I feel that I'm going to break soon. Ugh! Man I've had those days for sure... I mean pretty much every single day from NC 0 until 40 was that... so I'm pretty excited that you're only feeling that occasionally. Oy I know the feeling of finding something new / interesting / unique / cool and wanting to share it all with that person... But ultimately if they don't want to share with you... I feel like I might as well save it for someone else... There are already enough things that I associate with my ex, I don't need to associate another one. Because those things that I have already associated with her only bring me pain when I think about them. I don't want to keep bringing pain into my everyday life. I do that enough as is with all of the memories that we had... I don't want to make up imaginary new memories for me to grieve over. I don't know if that makes any sense. Get a few pictures together, play a few of your old songs that you two shared, cry for 10 minutes. And then go on a long run... We're all rooting for you. Link to comment
saluk Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Over the weekend I was thinking about heading to the theme park with my sisters and their friends having a girl I've been talking to come with. I found out from my sisters that not only would SHE be there, but her BF as well. This made me almost want to go more. It would be so awkward, but wouldn't it be fun seeing what it was like? My girl was sick so couldn't make it. I decided not to go, and found out later that he didn't show up after all. I'm half proud of myself for not going, and yet there is a part of me, a bad part of me, that wishes I had gone. Just to know what would happen. Maybe it's time for this period to end and for everything to go back to normal? Then yesterday I got all upset at the two of them holding hands Not quite there yet. But it's still more in the vein of "grr, why do other people get to be happy and I'm still alone" then "grr why does HE get to have her and I don't". I mean, other couples holding hands pisses me off sometimes. Outside of this my dating life has kind of sucked recently, so that adds fuel. I have to remember NOT to put the fuel on the flame. Today I'm close to fine, and tomorrow I'll probably be back to my cheery self. I HATE that I still let her have an affect on me. I like logic, and this does not compute. Congrats beanpot and rlhuk on your 60 day chips Keep the train going no contact peeps. It DOES get better and no contact is the cleanest way. Do it early or you'll end up like me, 3 years late and still struggling to move on. Link to comment
ntAgainPetunia Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 (Copied from my thread in ) Well, I broke NC, essentially sent the breadcrumbs I mentioned above. I got a letter yesterday from a credit agency saying "Hey, someone hacked us and they have your name, address, date of birth, SSN and drivers licence number. But don't worry, no financial information was taken." (Whew, huge relief there). I was livid to say the least and it triggered in me a F--- It, I Don't Care anymore response. After sending the message, I shut down the computer for the night. I didn't want to be online if/when she responded. She did end up responding (just a few minutes after, I believe) with a little inside joke and thanking me for congratulating her on the race. Therapist appointment in two hours. I need it. The steps backward are turning into a slide. Day 1... Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Day 642....but who's counting Link to comment
saluk Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 You... didn't actually count out 642 days, did you? Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Haha no but it's been a year (365) plus the days of this current year (October 27th is the 300th day of the year...just googled it) and we broke up on the 23rd of January so subtract 23 days and you get 642. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Over the weekend I was thinking about heading to the theme park with my sisters and their friends having a girl I've been talking to come with. I found out from my sisters that not only would SHE be there, but her BF as well. This made me almost want to go more. It would be so awkward, but wouldn't it be fun seeing what it was like? My girl was sick so couldn't make it. I decided not to go, and found out later that he didn't show up after all. I'm half proud of myself for not going, and yet there is a part of me, a bad part of me, that wishes I had gone. Just to know what would happen. Maybe it's time for this period to end and for everything to go back to normal? Then yesterday I got all upset at the two of them holding hands Not quite there yet. But it's still more in the vein of "grr, why do other people get to be happy and I'm still alone" then "grr why does HE get to have her and I don't". I mean, other couples holding hands pisses me off sometimes. Outside of this my dating life has kind of sucked recently, so that adds fuel. I have to remember NOT to put the fuel on the flame. Today I'm close to fine, and tomorrow I'll probably be back to my cheery self. I HATE that I still let her have an affect on me. I like logic, and this does not compute. Congrats beanpot and rlhuk on your 60 day chips Keep the train going no contact peeps. It DOES get better and no contact is the cleanest way. Do it early or you'll end up like me, 3 years late and still struggling to move on. Thanks Saluk The 60 day mark does seem really wonderful; I wish it was that easy though. "Reach 60 days and everything will be better!" would be a lovely slogan haha. Honestly though, I don't know how those of you who actually SEE your exes on occasion do it. My 60 day mark is absolutely no contact and not seeing or hearing... Glad that you are able to even want to date someone else though. That's ... a pretty huge step I would imagine. I am not there. I'm far from being there. In fact I'm at the point where I still cannot imagine anyone else but her so I want to stay celibate for life haha. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 (Copied from my thread in ) Well, I broke NC, essentially sent the breadcrumbs I mentioned above. I got a letter yesterday from a credit agency saying "Hey, someone hacked us and they have your name, address, date of birth, SSN and drivers licence number. But don't worry, no financial information was taken." (Whew, huge relief there). I was livid to say the least and it triggered in me a F--- It, I Don't Care anymore response. After sending the message, I shut down the computer for the night. I didn't want to be online if/when she responded. She did end up responding (just a few minutes after, I believe) with a little inside joke and thanking me for congratulating her on the race. Therapist appointment in two hours. I need it. The steps backward are turning into a slide. Day 1... How have these past couple of days been? Small back track but keep looking ahead I read your post from your original thread though; you've come a long way. I'm impressed with your tenacity. We're all here for you Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Day 64: One of those days... thinking about her a lot. All of the wonderful memories. Thinking about all of the errors of my ways. Wishing I could buy a time machine. Link to comment
saluk Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Thanks Saluk The 60 day mark does seem really wonderful; I wish it was that easy though. "Reach 60 days and everything will be better!" would be a lovely slogan haha. Honestly though, I don't know how those of you who actually SEE your exes on occasion do it. My 60 day mark is absolutely no contact and not seeing or hearing... Glad that you are able to even want to date someone else though. That's ... a pretty huge step I would imagine. I am not there. I'm far from being there. In fact I'm at the point where I still cannot imagine anyone else but her so I want to stay celibate for life haha. I've been there for a while. Don't worry, another 60 days, or maybe another 60 after that, and I bet it starts to come in there. Not that you should date again that soon. My problem is there is a difference from wanting to date and actually having a willingness to open my heart to someone. That second one I'm still struggling with big time. I'm pretty sure everyone I've dated so far hasn't been right for me. But the intensity of my strong desire to NEVER date them again after 1 or 2 times feels disproportionate with the actual suitability of the women involved. So when I see my ex with her boyfriend holding hands, it's frustrating because I feel very far away from being able to hold someones hand even. Link to comment
saluk Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Day 64: One of those days... thinking about her a lot. All of the wonderful memories. Thinking about all of the errors of my ways. Wishing I could buy a time machine. If you knew then what you know now... it would mean you already went through what you are going through. You wouldn't be going back anyway - from your perspective it would still be the future. You really don't need a time machine to go into the future Link to comment
ntAgainPetunia Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Thanks beanpot! The last couple of days have been alright. Mornings are kind of hard, but the day gets easier as it goes along. Last night ended a bit sour for me though, not because of any relationship issues, but more of my fundamental personality. I've joined a large running group recently and meeting people there has been great! It has taken me a bit out of my element, as I am somewhat reserved until you get to know me. Well, last night I was just not clicking with people. I kind of felt that conversations were going on all around me, but not with me. I felt almost invisible. This happens a lot when I'm in a large group situation, but I don't know any of the people well enough yet to just have one on one discussions. Plus... I'm going to a Halloween party Saturday with this group. It was great to be invited, and I'm both looking forward to it and quite nervous about it. Oh, S sent a followup message the day after our last 'conversation' saying "Thank you, btw, for your encouragement through (mutual friend) the weekend of the run. That made me smile. Hope you are doing well." So know I know that (mutual friend) will pass things along. I didn't reply, nothing in the message required a response. I am going to break NC again tomorrow by sending S a birthday card. It's a simple card, and I'm going to write in it "Hope 43 is a prime year for you (math joke). M" (Yes, I am very dorky, but that's one of my charms.) So, day 3/-1 NC I guess. Link to comment
lje1994 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 It's time to stop kidding myself and start this challenge. Basic background I was with my ex girlfriend for 3 and a bit years. She ended it just under 2 months ago but we have still occasionally texted and been giving me mixed messages. And meeting to exchange stuff. I think she knows I want her back but I guess my mind frame today is that I need to stop torturing myself with thoughts we'd get back together. Going to be a bit difficult as she is good friends with my step sister (we live together) and will pop round occasionally to see her. Long road ahead but I have to start at some point. Day 1 Link to comment
rlhuk Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 It's time to stop kidding myself and start this challenge. Basic background I was with my ex girlfriend for 3 and a bit years. She ended it just under 2 months ago but we have still occasionally texted and been giving me mixed messages. And meeting to exchange stuff. I think she knows I want her back but I guess my mind frame today is that I need to stop torturing myself with thoughts we'd get back together. Going to be a bit difficult as she is good friends with my step sister (we live together) and will pop round occasionally to see her. Long road ahead but I have to start at some point. Day 1 Welcome Link to comment
ntAgainPetunia Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 lje1994, the mixed messages are pretty common. Even if she doesn't want to be with you, she probably still want you in her life. Do your best not take anything as a sign or proof that she wants to reconcile. Is there any way that your step-sister could warn you if your ex is coming around? Avoiding her may seem childish, but for the near term it will save you some heartache. Best of luck to you, and remember that it's a rollercoaster. Link to comment
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