THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[happyxfaith]

Day 4 of NC (I had actually forgotten what day it was)

 

Old photos of you reopen some wounds, but generally I feel better. I met a friend online, and he's kind of an interesting guy to talk to. I feel happy when I talk to him, like somehow through this digital space, there's some genuine connection halfway accross the country. Just as a friend.

So I'm moving on, and I'll keep moving on. And just remind myself, that I wasn't what you were looking for.

That one day I'll find who I'm looking for. Someone who I'll be enough for.

 

Because that someone wasn't you. I want to look at your picture, because I caught a glimpse of it. maybe just a sneak peek...

[the dude91]

Day 2

 

It was much easier going through today up until now. As usual the morning and nights are still pretty bad but throughout the day after my morning workout I'm fine and hardly miss or think about her. I guess the mornings and nights are so bad because I'd talk to her all morning before she went to work and then at night once she got home until she went to bed. Man this sucks, but I have to keep pushing through it to heal and move on. There's no sense on dwelling on her, especially when she isn't coming back. I want to heal as fast as possible so if a better woman comes into my life I'll be ready for her. I hate having to start back over on NC though, ever since I seen her after returning her stuff and seeing her in the last shirt I got her just drives me crazy, I'm thinking of it as her giving me a sign of some sort when there isn't one.

[t1lersm0m1]

I forgot to post yesterday, so I'm at day 4. Day 4 of no contact.

 

I screwed up. He texted me last Thursday to see how my day went. It was just light texting We went from texting several times and talking for an hour every single day, to polite texting.

 

I texted him Saturday to ask why he didn't offer alternatives to our break up. Then I texted him Sunday to ask for reassurance that he's not going anywhere (he just told me 9 days ago he's not gonig anywhere, but 5 days later I needed reassurance). He wouldn't give me the reassurance. At least the reason why seems noble. He said something like

 

You don't need reassurance you want it. There's a strong woman hiding inside of you. Dont' let a man, family or friends keep her locked up inside. Reassurance will not help you.

 

That was the last I heard from him. I replied to his text saying I don't expect to hear back, but don't close the door on us and our future.

 

I really thought I would have heard from him by now.

 

If I hadn't texted him Saturday and Sunday he probably would have kept up the light texting every few days. Now I haven't heard from him since I last reached out to him. He last reached out to me a week ago. Part of me feels like if he can't be in my life the way I want him to be, I don't want him to be in it at all.

 

Last Tuesday he said he wasn't turning his back on me, that he's not going anywhere, and he's here if I need him. I told him Saturday I need him in my life emotionally, and he said he can't be there. Isn't that turning his back?

 

I understand, but I don't. The mature, adult part of me feels like he is pushing me to be a better person, to stand on my own. The childish side feels like I'm being abandoned when I need him most.

[jr22]

Day 15 - Halfway

 

As I've stated previously, at times I struggle with some anxiety. Last night was a restless sleep as for whatever reason, I was fighting an overwhelming urge to contact her. No specific reason, just to see what she was up to. It's obvious that I still miss her and there is no denying that. I miss her a ton and she still takes up a good part of my daily thoughts.

 

That being said, it's incredible how much better I feel from a week ago and even when I first began NC. I fought NC all I could... Told myself my situation was different. Truth is, if you're broken up NC is definitely the way to go. But you have to fight through your days and it's not always easy. Fighting through work and anything else you do. Sitting on the couch being miserable was weekend number 1 and I told myself, 'not doing that again.' Since the first weekend I've planned things for myself to do on each weekend. I head to the golf range, which is just a mile from my office if she begins to weigh heavy on my mind. I get some music going and crush some golf balls to relieve the stress. Holy crap has my golf game improved over the last 10 days. I've become a perfectionist towards every part of my game.

 

The nights are so difficult for me. We used to do a lot of communicating at night and now I'm left with a pretty good sized void. Truth is, I'm not so sure that I still need this forum any longer. I know what I need to do. However I made a commitment to the 30 day NC and I actually find this a bit therapeutic. Although I will echo similar thoughts and feelings in to my notes on my iphone. Last night I was reading some of the things I wrote on the first couple days of NC... I was in a desperate and depressed place. I'm no longer in that pit, but I'm not where I want to be. I honestly have no idea if she thinks about me, misses me, or even wants anything to do with me ever again. That definitely weighs on my mind. But at this point, all I can focus on is myself and getting myself back to 'me.' I'm getting there, slowly but surely.

[happyxfaith]

Day 5 of NC

 

I think things are a little tough thing morning... Because I came out of the trance of my distraction. And now I'm left to cope with it again. No I'm not really okay, but I know things will get better with time. All I can say is he stopped loving me, and that's all there is to it. I'm just tired.

[AlienQueen]

Day 24

 

Doing pretty good, starting new job, doing driving lessons, joined a modelling agency, potentially going on a date with a guy who I've spoke everyday for a month! got my ears pierced, hanging with new friends, joined Tinder (online dating app) realised how many fish are actually in the sea!

 

Confident about meeting my ex in the future, not for reconciliation but just show him how much I've changed and moved forward, what he's got rid of etc.

[DreamySkies]

day 1 -

 

I'm pretty irritated and upset right now, so I know today will be easy. It'll hit me in a few days. Thankfully it's my three day weekend and I have a lot of plans. So most likely I won't think about it until early next week. If at all. I am already confident no contact will be different this time around. I have absolutely no desire or want to see him ever again. maybe it's the anger stage, or maybe I'm just that flat over it.

[overthemoon86]

Day 91...holy cow, I cannot believe that I am here...I never thought I would make it this long...was it easy? heck no! Was it worth it? I definitely feel better than I did on day 1 that's for sure. I still think about him and miss him every day, but I no longer feel the terrible pain I did before.

 

I am doing NC for me and no one else

[Beduldac]

It ended 7 weeks ago on 7 March 2014 when she went on a first date with temp co-worker. She gained an instant boyfriend the following week. I am virtually certain they are going to break sometime soon. I have no idea whether they have broken up yet or not. It is not my concern.

 

This is day 35. Our last contact was the first day of Spring March 20. I feel much better than I did. I never begged for her to come back. If she wants to get back together, she will let me know. I may want her back, but I do not need her back. I am not waiting for her.

[the dude91]

Day 3

 

It seems like the days are starting to go by a bit faster. I still think about her and miss her company the most, we were best friends in our relationship with all kinds of inside jokes. I thought about seeing some other women today but realized that I'm far from ready for that, I know I don't need her, but I do want her. I came into a realization on how much I really need to move on and why I need to let her go. I have realized though that I am starting to think about her less and less already, which is strange. Maybe I'm just coming to peace that she's gone for good and I need to keep improving myself for the next lady of my life. I probably don't really need to keep coming here but I will, I don't like giving up on things however small they are and this does seem pretty therapeutic. I ordered some new glasses today in hopes that my vision improving. I probably would have never done it if I were still with my ex, that money would've gone to something she needed.

[AngelLove22]

Trying no contact again.

 

Technically tomorrow will be day 1 but I have the urge to just start now.

 

Ex wants to be friends with me, tried for a few hours to accept it. Called him back later and told him that it wouldn't be possible because I still am in love with him. We were together (lived) for 8 months. He says he wants to salvage something out of the relationship even just friendship so the time wouldn't be in vain. What a bunch of b.s!! The funny thing is when I agreed to be friends he had no problem calling me non-stop on his lunch breaks just to chat. And when I wouldn't answer he'd call back numerous times and text ( am I busy?)

 

This man wants him cake and eat it too... I'm not letting him have it. He says friendship with me is what he really wants and I'd would be a shame of we can't. He had the nerve to tell me either that or we stop communication. Funny thing is I've been saying if you can't commit to me in a relationship that we end all contact.

 

And yes I have done all.... The wrong things!! I've cried begged .. pleaded shown up at his job and seemed desperate. I I know that was wrong and terrible but I was so Hurt and lost. I I know better now believe I will never do that again.

 

He had the nerve to ask me about my personal life on the phone on his break ( were you sleeping with someone? ) are you freakin kidding me !!!!.

 

What I gather from this is he wants wants to keep me wrapped around his finger and I need to just dissappear from his life all together for him to get the idea. He says he's in "Love' with me but not in that way anymore. . Ya.. well see. He is so desperate to be friends with me.

 

Any advice How to deal??

[AlienQueen]

Exactly what my Ex wanted when we broke up, he told me I wasn't losing me, and that he still wanted to see me on my days off, go on day trips still, he still wanted to be there for me, which is uber confusing to be told because they don't want you as a lover anymore, they can't have those privilages with you. Maybe if it had been mutual we could of stayed 'close' friends as he put it. Bleh

[jr22]

Day 16

 

I'm officially 'over the hump.' My anxiety peaks in the evening again making it difficult to sleep. Does anyone else constantly check their phone to see if 'they' texted? I always hope to get a little message.

 

From what I understand, her rebound relationship was very short lived. I half expected to hear from her after it. I certainly don't want to be a rebound after a rebound though.

 

I've found going to the golf range has been a great stress reliever. I miss her and she still consumes a lot of my thoughts. I want her in my life. I want to show her I'm the guy she fell in love with so fast. I want her to know that we share the same things... Desire for a family and to get married. They say at times love must be persistent. It's true in some cases. She has put up a communication barrier and a trust barrier. I'm hoping in the next couple weeks to possibly establish some limited contact as a temperature to gauge her interest level. Then go from there. We will see . I bounce back and forth on a daily basis what to do. That's why I know contacting her now would be a big mistake.

[happyxfaith]

Day 5? (maybe?)

 

Yes, I miss you. Yes, it hurts. Yes, I wish you were were still around, laughing with me, smiling at me, waiting for me. But you're not. So I won't. I still wonder if I should reach out when I reach Korea. But I think I'll revisit that thought when I get there. Probably by then, there's no more fresh feeling of loss. It'll be just part of me, and feel familiar, and sweet.

I loved you, but now you don't love me. It's kinda ironic, because I think you liked me first, and you really liked me. And you told me that you knew how rare it was to run into someone like that. But nah, I think words are different for you, for men. Words can be said in the heat of the moment, and not mean two cents fast forward.

 

It's sad that this is the way we are now. But I'm glad I met you still...

[zyketti]

Damn, you're going to Korea? That's where my ex and I starting seeing each other, then officially dated back home.

 

Words like that can unfortunately be said at the heat of the moment, by BOTH genders, not just men. My ex used to say, that I was always going to be the one that's going to be leaving me.. Look how that turned out….

 

It feels like we played so many games with each other Truth is, I did truly love her, even more so than my 7 year relationship I had long time ago. To the point of wanting marriage.

[t1lersm0m1]

I think it's odd that the No Contact challenge is in the "Getting Back Together" section. LOL

 

Anyway, I'm starting to do so much better in relationsihps. In my last break up I couldn't stop contacting my ex. This was my first emotionally healthy relationships and it ended because I am codependent with my mother and didn't tell my ex what was going on between my mother and I due to his race.

 

He contacted last week just idle chit chat. Then I contacted over the weekend in emotional manners. I think he is giving me my space. Anyway, I need to focus on me. But I do still think of him.

 

This is my time. Time to put my big girl panties on and make a life for my son and I without any outside influence. I went to therapy yesterday. I have another appointment next Friday. The first appointment helped.

 

Go me. You are strong. You can take control of your life. You can do this for you, and for no one else.

[the dude91]

Day 4

 

I've been getting this feeling that she's forgetting about me, that she's moving on. But I guess it's to be expected during this period, true or not I need to keep moving on. I'm starting to expect less and less to see her number every time my phone goes off, I deleted her contact so that I wouldn't be tempted to contact her. Today was much easier though, didn't think about her as much as normal and when I did there wasn't very much emotional reaction to it. Have to take these days one day at a time. I'm trying to find a puppy to help keep me busy but no luck so far.

[js0905]

Day 90.....

 

I feel better most of the time but honestly it seems like I'll always miss him.....

The sad true is that since he threw those bread crumbs at me 72 days ago he never tried again.

 

Meanwhile I still think of him on and off, thought for sure he'd try to reach out for Easter.

He didn't and I was actually sad, not sure why I would still be thinking of him on and off.

 

I date, see/talk to other people, have a FT job and entertain myself with friends and family but still he is always in the back of my mind.

 

Really was hoping that would have been over a long time ago. He sees other girls now and he is on a dating website a lot.

 

Probably/Certainly doesn't think about me at all but that is just life I suppose....

[AngelLove22]

Day 1

 

So I posted the other day about me starting No contact a little earlier than the first day because he left a very nasty taste in my mouth trying to be friends with me earlier in the day. The nerve of this guy... really.

 

So Day 1

 

I'm not going to lie the first thought when I awoke was him.. I felt like total crap. Since I was up all night previously working it made the day go by faster being sleep most of the day from exhaustion. I must say I didn't have the urge to call or text him at all. Somehow I get the feeling he's waiting for me to give and call him.

 

I will absolutely not give in to his schemes. .. I must admit I have made A LOT of mistakes post breakup crying. .begging.. pleading the whole nine. I'm just at a point where enough is ENOUGH. However it does make me feel better that he's staying at his family's house with like ten other people in a small ass apartment, while I'm bathing in my spacious condo.

 

All in all I feel great I don't have any need of contact going into day 2. Nights are still hard because my mind sometimes drifts to what are they doing ? Are they with someone ? I have to STOP! I know it will get easier with time. .. If he wants any type of reconciliation he's gonna have to reach out to me. That makes it easier as well because through reading articles he may be a narcissist so I shouldn't worry about NOT hearing from him.

 

I hope I can stay strong as I am now in day 2. DONT GIVE IN FRIENDS !!!

[LatteLove]

Day 4 -

 

Broke NC at around 2 months. Now in pain and starting again. Determined not to break it and to keep healing now.

[AlienQueen]

Day 26

 

Had an odd dream last night, that I was holding on to 'facebook photo' of him as odd as it sounds, and I was crying, my interpretation is that I was holding onto a memory. Woke up fine thought not of it. Feeling ok about contacting him after the time is up.

 

My thought is, if you love someone you will let them go...

[littlebird]

Day 6

 

I am back. I first started NC about 5 weeks ago. He messaged me 2 weeks in, I ignored it. He then tried again a few days later, I responded. We exchanged a few messages in the following week, then I casually invited him to meet to catch up. He at first said he "wasn't ready to meet up as friends" but then we ended up meeting anyways. Very emotional meeting, we got some things off our chests. He was crying - I've only seen this guy cry on three occasions: when we were breaking up (he made a decision after a bad fight), when we had "the break up talk" a few days later, and during this last meeting. Neither of us brought up getting back together, although he said things like "We had many good times, it meant a lot to me, it's so difficult". And I said things like "We had it all, how could we f**k this up". Exchanged texts that night. Bumped into each other at work next day and had a casual chat. Day after he was messaging me with cute pics of animals and links to songs, so I sent some links as well and we were chatting like in good old times. So a few days later I send him a short text, just asking about his weekend. He took a DAY to reply. The response was fine, but he didn't ask any questions back and the fact that it took him a day to reply to a simple message didn't particularly make me want to continue texting. In fact, that's exactly why I started NC the first time round - I texted something simple and he only responded the next day, but I knew he was on whats app and seen the text.

 

It's not even a "friendzone" since neither of us are really ready to be friends.

 

So if we are not back together and not friends, I guess more NC is in order.

 

I have been thinking about him a lot in the past week, ranging from nostalgia and imagining how happy we could be if we resolved our issues and got back together, to dark thoughts about futility of it all and how he's never going to change his mind. I was also tempted to contact him, coming up with all sorts of potential texts: casual text, happy clappy text, revealing my feelings text, etc, etc. And then I asked myself - am i prepared for ANY response, even one I don't want to hear? Will I get upset if he doesn't respond? Will I regret it if I pushed too much? The answers to all of these were "Yes". So NC it is.

[AngelLove22]

So this is what day 2 of No contact feels like huh?

 

Day 2

 

So this is going to be my 2nd full day of complete no contact. Mind you its 7am and I havent slept yet. Ill probably be sleep most of the day because it's the weekend, but hey it makes it that much easier to move onto day 3. Ugh… Why can't it be a week already so I can be proud of myself now. I almost caved and sent him a lengthy text message but I'm so GLAD my phone died mid text. That was meant to happen!! NC!!

.

This harder than I thought. The most weve gone without talking is 5 days. I need months of NC. I HAVE to do this for me.

[jr22]

Day 17

 

Mornings are typically the easiest portion of my day. I know many people struggle with them. It's funny to think that she is likely employing NC on me as well.

 

I do care about her and wonder how she is handling all of this. I still think about her but it's far less than I did when NC first began. I'd like to talk to her in a couple weeks. I'll be in her town for work in mid-May and was contemplating reaching out. We will see.

 

I'm so glad it's the weekend! I get to do things I like all weekend long and time usually flies by. Here's to another day if NC. Later.

[the dude91]

Day 5

 

Seems like I got to this day pretty quickly, already almost a week. I ended up getting a puppy last night, a Blue Nose Pit Bull. He's a sweetheart and I'm enjoying his company so far, he's the definition of mans best friend. He is keeping me pretty busy and my mind off of the ex a bit more than normal. I can't wait to start taking him outside for walks and stuff so I can have an exercise partner. I'm starting to feel like the ex is happier without me which is a good thing I suppose. All I want is for her to be happy with or without me but I'd certainly love to have her and her company especially with the new puppy. I just have to keep trying to move on as hard as it's becoming and as painful it is to feel like she's forgetting about me. Fifty-five more days to go.