THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[jr22]

Day 11 - Easter Edition

 

Happy Easter to everyone. For the most part, I've filled my weekend with activities. Golf and fish fry on Friday, softball tournament yesterday and today I have a brunch and golf scramble.

 

I actually had a skid night of sleep but that was because my body was tired from softball. I still miss her throughout the day and at times I get the overwhelming urge to contact her. But she has moved on and breaking contact would be a ridiculous mistake.

 

It's nice that I'm no longer beating myself up over my mistakes and golf and softball proved to be great stress relievers for me. Anyways, I'm looking forward to hitting 2 weeks and continuing to feel better.

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 0 no contact. I don't know what I'll do or say when he inevitably reaches out. But I need to get back to no contact so I can focus on me. This is the healthiest I've ever been in a relationship, and we broke up due to external circumstances.

 

Oh who am I fooling? If I was as healthy as I'd like to be I wouldn't be living with my mom taking her emotional abuse.

 

He needs the emotional separation for him but has been doing light contact. This is killing me. We went from daily hour long talks and seeing each other 24 hours on the weekends to hi how are you every two days.

 

Love sucks.

[happyxfaith]

It has been 2 weeks since our breakup, and although I started NC, I broke it 3 times in these two weeks. One to tell you I was coming, a second to show my remorse for my part of the breakup, and a third to wish you happiness and really moving on.

 

Today will be my Day 1 of NC

 

I've thought a lot about you these couple weeks, and realized that even though you broke up with me because you "loved me like a sister or a friend" you never took responsibility for your part in our relationship. Somehow as we ended, it seemed like everything had fallen on me, and that you just didn't and couldn't love me. I am more than 80% sure you met a girl, or you saw someone you were interested in, or realized that hey, you might like someone a lot more than me.

 

But when I look at it honestly as I read through these forums, its true that some people do fall out of love, BUT if I treated you in the best way that I could, and I did everything I knew how to and what you were comfortable with in our LDR, I have no guilt. Because I realize that it really takes two. You didn't communicate with me honestly when I needed you to, you said you would "try" in the last two weeks we were dating, when you knew you had long checked out of relationship. So hold on a second.... Why didn't you "try" in the first couple of months if you knew this was how it was? You told me that you knew I loved you sincerely, but you just didn't feel the same.. but the funny thing is, I don't know if you ever tried to regain what you thought we lost. It was getting too comfortable for you, too familiar with you, and I know from everybody else, that means too safe, too boring. If you ever come around again, or even if you don't, I hope you've thought about that yourself before you start dating other people.

 

You mentally and emotionally checked out of our relationship long before it was over, so of course you weren't attracted to me anymore...

 

But I wanted to start this journey to recovering myself because I am done. I am so sick and tired of sitting in my bed wondering if you're coming back, if you'll miss me, if you'll regret what you did. If you actually still love me somewhere, if that is enough for you to come back. If I will see you in Korea.

 

BUT I am DONE. I don't want to spend another second unless necessary analyzing why you broke up with me, because in the end I will never know the truth, because in the end you didn't even look like you knew. But maybe you did know and you were just too "guilty" to tell me.

 

Anyways so today, I am going to clean my room, then enjoy a nice dinner with my favorite TV show. Hopefully I'll get to read my book tonight too. Moving on and letting you go is painful to say the least, no regrets, remorse, or guilt, but just a sense of loss. And I thank God for that (it was terrible the first time around with that terrible ex) But I know this sense of loss will ease as I pick myself back up again like I've always done in the past. I don't need you, I never needed you, I just wanted to add a part to your life, like you could to mine. But then again, I was whole to begin with, and I will seek someone who can continue to add on to who I already am. I thank you for breaking up with me, because its much better now, than when I am really unsatisfied and broken. At least I saved my dignity, self respect, and self worth. Because I know I am worth it. And I know I tried my best.

[marcus1024]

its been 4months of NC with her.. total of 5months since we broke up, it still hurts and its been a hell for me specially when i am alone at night, its hard and its taking a toll on my patience and body but i will keep on fighting and be strong i know its the only way, by the way i heard from a common friend that she had a new BF.....how good is that...

[the dude91]

Day 8

 

I'm not sure how I feel today, I miss her a lot but I'm starting to have less of those thoughts of her potentially coming back. It hurts, but I have to keep moving on. For some reason I can't really cry about it this time around like last time, I'd have to force it to come out. I wonder how bad that is for me moving on? I want to get the emotions all out but they won't come out willingly. I'd still like her to come back, I'm no longer holding my breath on it. It is becoming harder and harder to not contact her and apologize for what I said that hurt her some much, but I'm sure it wouldn't do any good and would hurt me a lot more than make me feel better for apologizing. I also set up a sticky note with some quotes on my desktop to try to keep my moving forward progressing. I'll share them with you.

 

It is by the real that we exist,

It is by the ideal that we live.

 

When someone walks out of your life, let them. There's no use in wasting your time on people that leave you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them. Yeah, you may miss them. But remember that you weren't the one that gave up.

 

It's over, and she's not coming back. Not now, and not some time in the future. Her chapter in my life is done, it's time for me to let go and move on.

[the dude91]

Well I ended up breaking NC, shame really. But I felt like it was necessary because I needed some closure for myself. I just had to admit my wrongs and tell her that I respect her decision and am moving on. I was very nervous in writing the text but I do feel a sense of relief after doing it, knowing that I've said my peace and that if anything were to happen to either of us then the other would know that I've apologized for my part of the breakup. I wrote it in hopes that she would not respond which luckily she has not, now that may have broke me if she did reply. So far I feel very relieved, we'll see how I feel later on. Day 1 starts again tomorrow.

[Hi Its Me]

Day 5

 

She is with someone else. I spent all day yesterday (Easter) feeling miserable, remembering all the wonderful memories together of last year's event. I wasn't aware she was seeing someone else but this morning I received about 5 messages from different people saying they are very sorry. I stupidly asked why and they told me she just posted a picture of her and some other guy making out (haven't unblocked her to see and I have no intention to do so). I guess I needed to know as I was holding on to something which wasn't there. The pain in my heart is gone, which is weird and I am not angry or emotional. I honestly have no clue what I am feeling...

[t1lersm0m1]

Day one no contact. I've decided I'm taking this time to once again focus on me. You turned your back on me when I needed you most, now I have to do what is best for me. If you contact me I won't reply. No one gets to decide what's best for more and no one gets to turn their back then expect me to wait around. I'm taking my life back.

[jr22]

Day 12

 

I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it to this point, and going another 18

days or so seems like a stretch to. Nevertheless, I am here. I'll continue to take this day by day. Finding things to focus myself on everyday.

 

I'm not going to be spiteful towards her or anything like that. I loved this girl so much and she loved me back. My actions are the reason why we aren't together and they're the reason she is with another guy. It's a valuable lesson I will take from this. Accountability is very important.

 

Each day, it's a roller coaster fighting the urge to contact her. It's just to soon and not right yet. Especially considering she's with another guy. I've put myself in a position to just move on without her. She's not coming back... That's what I tell myself as motivation not to contact her. I continue to feel a bit better each day. I cannot wait until all of this is over.

[happyxfaith]

Day 2 of NC

 

I think mornings are the hardest. I wake up in disbelief and remember that you are gone. I remember your smile, and our intimacy, and its hard to imagine that somebody else would treasure me like that again. Sometimes it hits me in the morning, sometimes it doesn't. I remember you telling me to have faith in our relationship, that our love is strong, that it could overcome the distance, or else we wouldn't have a chance in the future. I wonder what you think about now.

 

I'm always so tempted to check on your facebook, and the facebook of the girl I know you like. It's shameful to admit but I spent two hours of my day yesterday stalking your photos hoping to find something. ARARARGHGHGHHG it's so frustrating, but I know that with everything, loss will ease with time. I'm just glad I don't see you in my dreams...

 

I wonder if you'll ever think of being with me once again. Maybe not. Honestly I just wanna stomp on the flower of "us"

 

I'm going to work today, it always distracting. I hope you regret it, I hope by the time you come around, I feel nothing anymore...

[zyketti]

Damn… I also think mornings are the worst. I find myself waking up at very early in the mornings, earlier than I am used to and cant' fall back asleep. Why? Because of the emotions that rush in after realizing I am not with her… ensued by heart panicking.

 

Our relationship taught my ex girlfriend how to love properly. She said it herself. She used to be scared of putting someone in front of her because she may not get the outcome she expected. She was scared of getting hurt. But her love for me changed all of that. She also changed drastically on how she treated me as the time went by, while the way I treated her went down hill. I just remembered of a mini drum that she got me when she came back from her trip to Ghana. She got me a small drum that read "Distance means so little when someone means so much". It really really touched me.

 

I hope that we can both grow from this, because I know I needed it. The breakup was necessary, and I learned so much from you. I don't regret any bit. I hope we can be more than strangers in the future...

[zyketti]

For some stupid reason, I am scared that I will be happy WITHOUT her. Does that sound weird?

[littlebird]

For some stupid reason, I am scared that I will be happy WITHOUT her. Does that sound weird?

 

I had that too, particularly in the beginning. Just when you catch yourself feeling happy, you get scared. I think it's coz you then imagine that's how they feel without you. You are afraid that if you let her go in your head, she will let go too. Of course it doesn't work this way, but hey minds are often irrational.

[zyketti]

I had that too, particularly in the beginning. Just when you catch yourself feeling happy, you get scared. I think it's coz you then imagine that's how they feel without you. You are afraid that if you let her go in your head, she will let go too. Of course it doesn't work this way, but hey minds are often irrational.

 

That's a pretty good way of putting it. When I'm laughing with friends or with a girl I've been hanging out with, I feel like this is the way my ex is feeling, and it hurts me inside lol. I watched a movie with a girl and all I could think of is how intimate we were in the theatre.

 

She's already let go of me, I know that. She's already moving on, although I can still see her trying to check me out from time to time (we go to the same church). I am lucky in that she's really not the type of a girl to go out and meet other people. She also hates clubbing, and she prefers church like activities. Although this does not guarantee anything. I'm trying to move on as well, I'm just having trouble with self-motivation (which I had trouble with for awhile -_-).

 

Friends always told me this, and this site as well.. If you ever want to get back together with your ex, you both need to move on and start from a clean plate.

[the dude91]

Day 1; Again

 

Well I feel much more at peace with the breakup after I sent her the text yesterday. It gave me quite a bit of closure, I had hoped that she did not respond to it and she did not. That gave me the assurance that there is no possibility for reconciliation. I told her that I was moving on and will be disappearing just as she'd like. So now I don't go day by day with the hope that she'll come back, now it's just missing the companionship and the fact that we're both losing our best friends in each other. We used to do a lot together, explore things and laugh at inside jokes we'd make and such. I hope someday soon this companionship that I miss will no longer be thought of. Now I fight the urge to contact her to tell her how much I miss her being around and all of the things we used to do but I know that would be a horrible mistake to make. I already have my closure, there's no need to mess that up. Strange thing though, after I sent that message I noticed she unblocked me on Facebook by mistake, one of her old messages was still in my inbox and while checking another message from a friend I noticed her name was visible again, I clicked it and found out I wasn't blocked anymore. I guess after telling her I was moving on she may have figured there was no point in keeping me blocked because I won't bother myself with her actions anymore. Who knows, I guess there's no point in thinking to much on it when there's no real reasoning behind it. Well it's time for the healing to start again.

[jr22]

Lucky number 13...

 

It's hard not to look back at all the mistakes I made. I made every single one in the book... I lied, then put on a relentless chase filled with apologies, letters, gifts, texts and phone calls. I'm downright embarrassed over how it all played out to be honest.

 

I wondering my actions drove her in to the arms of this guy. She is pretty conservative and smart. But this new guy she is with is rough. He's been married, divorced, engaged and then the engagement broke off just about a month ago. He looks like a member of '' the movie and is a habitual pot smoker. I can't wrap my brain around this one except for 'To Each Their Own.' Honestly, if I hadn't made the mistakes I did, I wouldn't be in this circumstance where she is now dating some weirdo and doesn't particularly want to hear from me.

 

I find my daily grind to be much like a roller coaster. Mornings are typically fine and then it goes down, then back up... It's weird and annoying. I want her out of my head and I just want to move forward with my life. I'm losing the urge to contact her, I'm losing the feeling of missing her, but for some reason she won't escape my thoughts.

[happyxfaith]

NC day 3, (3rd week of breakup)

 

It didn't happen before, but now it's starting to hit me in the mornings. I wake up knowing I had lost him. And for awhile my dreams were free of you. But I dozed back off, and all I dreamed about was you texting me, apologizing for what you've done, and me being happy to take you back, when we all know it's not that easy, nor is it that simple, nor is it reality. Because when I wake up, I realize again that it's just all a dream.

 

I hope you fade in my mind. I hate these mornings...

 

I'm going to work today, and I really need to clean my room. Sadly, I haven't hit the motivation stage yet...

[CovertCactus]

That's just how women are. They will leave their ex and go for the next dude who is nothing like him. My ex married a guy who works part time at walmart, smokes cigarettes (she never liked smokers before), and lives with his parents. I guess that's about as opposite from me as she can get. They just don't want to be reminded of you and they think if they get someone who is nothing like you they will be happier. Even if it means dating or marrying some bum. I can't say it's just women who do that. I went out with a woman who is sane, mentally and emotionally mature, has a good job, ambitious, and smart. Basically the exact opposite of my ex. At least I can say I upgraded lol. Honestly I would treat that like a badge of honor. She can't find someone better than you so she gets some scrub instead. Even my ex said I am the best thing that ever happened to her and that was after we broke up and she was going to marry her husband.

 

Maybe if you stay out of the picture long enough she will start to want you again. Women are more easily lead and blinded by emotions than men but eventually reality will set in. Sooner or later she will probably get disillusioned with this guy and start to think of you. Just make sure you keep up no contact. By the time she either wants you again you will have moved or you will be available. My ex said she never wanted to talk to me again and yesterday she sent me a friend request on facebook after over a month of no contact. I don't know if it means anything or not but I know she is thinking about me. If she truly cared about you at some point in the relationship will think about you too and may even slowly open the door to communication. I did all the mistakes you did too and a lot more.

 

Don't be too upset that you can't stop thinking about her. I don't want my ex back but I still think about her a lot when I'm not doing anything. I guess you can never truly forget about someone you cared for. She is probably thinking about you too when her new bf isn't around. It becomes easier to push her out of your thoughts with time.

[jr22]

Appreciate the feedback. My gut tells me there is just absolutely, positively no way this new relationship works out. I might be a tad spiteful right now, but I can't tell you how much of a loser this guy really is. Habitual pot smoker, pizza cook and owner of multiple failed start up companies like a brewing business, photography... Turns out he is a pizza cook at the restaurant she works at and was a security guard at a hotel. Apparently his engagement a month ago ended really ugly. I hung out with the guy one time and I thought to myself, 'I will literally never be worried about him.' Funny how that works...

 

I fully intend on keeping up my NC as I'm not the sort of guy that will initiate contact with a girl if I know she is in a relationship. Not to mention, today I'm feeling a tad bit of resentment towards her. She gave me the cold shoulder for 3 weeks while I tried every tactic known to man to get her back. Meanwhile, she's getting to know another guy. Which, don't get me wrong is fine, but tell me dammit! It was really weird how she handled the end of everything.

 

After all of this, I still can't get this damn girl out of my head. I know NC is the way to go and I wish I would've done it right away to be honest. I spent a lot of money on her while I tried to get her back, it didn't work and it looked desperate... Yikes! On the bright side, I do run my very own business and it's quite success and I've been playing a ton of golf lately. Luckily in the interim it gets my mind off of her. The evenings are the worst for me. I wish I could show you a photo of this guy so you could really see what I'm talking about. She told me she'd never date someone she worked with, smoked or was married. Boom... Trifecta, lol.

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 2 no contact. And I'm only fooling myself. I'm not contacting him to remain strong. But if he contacts me, I will reply. This isn't a game, or a strategy. It's a shame, the only time I get into therapy is when I'm going through touch romantic times. I need therapy for me, not to get through a break up.

 

I fool myself into thinking I"m so strong, but if I was I wouldn't want to act out like a child.

 

He has said we can't be together under our current circumstances. He has said he's here for me, and he's not turning his back on me. He just said Thursday he loves me. Love does't just end when a relationship ends. I got him to admit a week ago that he will never find another woman like me. We both know it. I was amazing.

 

But I have to get my life in order. And I have to do that for me. Not for him or for us, but for me.

 

I unfriended him on FB the day he broke up with me. This weekend I blocked him. I unblocked him because I'm being childish. But I won't send him a new friend request. He said he needs emotional space. I can give that to him.

 

I need to focus on me and my son.

[AlienQueen]

Day 22

 

He contacted me today, about our room at a future convention, he asked if I wanted to swap with someone - so we don't have to be in the same room, I haven't replied, I'm sticking to my 30 NC rule to the end, I'm planning to meet up with him with coffee to discuss things (Don't want reconciliation) when I contact him again.

 

I felt mocked when he said he didn't want me getting upset, I guess it makes me feel weak. But he hasn't seen me, he doesn't know how far Ive moved forward. And he hasn't, hes just not kept good care of himself, a meet with him will be interesting...

[Hi Its Me]

Day 1 again - for real this time

 

I am dead inside. Never thought I could hurt more than I already was

 

 

[FreelyPB]

Day 29 of NC

 

I'm happy and right now...that's all that matters

[the dude91]

Day 1; Once again

 

Things have been very strange with her. She contacted me last night asked me to return her things to her asap. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but this time she specifically asked for her things only, not the things that she bought me. Normally after we break up she just asks for the things she bought me and returns the ones I bought her. Like these shoes of hers that I got her years ago she returned to me years ago after a less serious break up and now she all of sudden wants them back? And then when I get to her place to return her stuff I was expecting her to be cold to me like she usually is after a breakup, but not only was she really nice she was also wearing a shirt that I got her the day we broke up which was obviously also the last thing I got her. Why would she wear it when she knew I was coming over? Under a normal breakup anything that I got her would be in a box or a bag somewhere never to be seen again until we worked things out. Then she also unblocked me on Facebook and hasn't blocked me back yet. She blocked me the day we broke up and then unblocked me the day I sent her a text telling her that I was moving on and had hooped her future would be bright. It's like everything I thought I knew about her routine through our breakup was flipped, like a totally different person and I'm just extremely confused. And then I was getting this feeling that she really wanted me to come inside her place today when I brought her stuff, just from the way she was looking at me and her body language... Man I'm just confused, it's like she just wants me to chase her, to fight for her but a part of me is telling me not to do it. There's no need for me to fight for her anymore, I've already fought and fought and fought for her in the past, if she really wants me then she's going to have to show me or I'm just going to keep walking. Any insight in this would be great because I could just be over thinking things.

[jr22]

Day 14

 

Today marks the 2 week barrier. I won't lie and say it's gone by fast and everything has been 'peaches and cream.' But what I can say is I feel better.

 

I'm still not ready to talk to her nor do I want to right now. Considering she's dating another guy. The nice thing, I don't have a Facebook account and her and I live about 25 minutes from each other. I've literally dropped off the planet. But so has she... I don't expect her to contact me at all.

 

I plan on continuing on the high road here. She said she wanted space and I'll give her enough space that she can be an astronaut. I've learned some valuable lessons through this and look forward to implementing them in future relationships. I look forward to being 100% me and putting myself out there again in the dating world. I'm a lot closer today than I was 2 weeks ago.