THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[windingwings]

So LC day 1, I'm seeing someone right now and my ex says he can't not have no communication. We both agreed we're just going to move on but the love is still there, and it's hard to get rid of for the both of us, sadly he's staying in his country because of his job and now he has a permanent contract. I'm doing this LC because eventually he's going to miss me. I won't respond as much as I used to because I feel that maybe he will stop feeling love for me eventually. Though, we agree to keep a secret between us. If things get rocky and were alone, we're going to Italy for two weeks just to have a vacation together. Basically we're both plan B's but at the same time we're having a break from each other with our new budding relationships. I'm okay with all this and I'm not going to think about it, but I think he'll be thinking about it a lot.

 

No offence to him though and I didn't say anything, but I think his isn't going to last more than three months.

[DreamySkies]

In regards to whether or not a relationship between a minor and a 24 year old will last, I will say no. It's a rebound if even that. To be frank, I find it a bit disgusting actually. I was 16 and my bf, later fiance and husband of over 10+ years was 20. We were 17 and 21 when we wed, and even as a "mature" minor the gap was pretty significant. So no, I don't think it'll last and perhaps he should seek why he is with someone so young.

 

Secondly, I really hope this isn't too harsh. However, I have watched you struggle daily with this. You really need to go into NC. He's baiting you. He's using you. And he's using your heart and time to get over you. Are you really seeing someone or is someone filling the void/free time in your life? Big difference in my honest opinion. Because if you are seeing someone and have the intentions of building on that relationship, you would have very little, to no desire, to be in contact with the ex.

 

You're his plan B. You are still hoping desperately that his plan A, falls through and Italy happens. He's using you. He really is. Taking a break doesn't mean jumping into another relationship or seeing other people in my opinion. I really hope you're okay with all of this, as confidently as you say. Unfortunately I really feel the opposite is going on and you're going to really be hurt through all of this. I'm so sorry. Sometimes though letting go and moving on is the only way to heal. You deserve more respect and someone who isn't going to drop you when the going gets tough. Value yourself!

 

 

Trying - I am so sorry to hear about the mother's passing. That has definitely got to be hard. I do agree that going is a must. Maybe M can go with you? That would help keep the ex from clinging to you? I hope these next few days you continue to have the strength to keep moving forward.

[windingwings]

I was the dumper and yes even though he's with a rebound and apparently in love I will just move on with myself, I humour him with LC but I will not focus too hard on it. Yes I am still a little hurt but his cousin says he is confused and he does miss me from time to time, I'm semi NC because I won't respond as badly as I used to but I will see what happens eventually.

[the dude91]

Day 3 Pt 2

 

Well this day is finally over. Now it's starting to get hard, not as hard as I remember but still pretty hard. Haven't watched my movie at all today which was strange, instead I watched Arrow. I also talked with my Pops today asking him if he thought I should sell the ring off or not, he suggested I just hung onto it but didn't exactly say why. But I'll trust his judgment. I also received some emails for a better job one place and a phone call for an interview with a different company on Friday. For some reason when I think about the potential of having either of these new jobs really want them to spite the ex. I really want them so she could have a slap to the face if she were to ever find out later that I got either of the jobs. This is probably not right or healthy, but man, to leave someone at their low point just before some good things happen? I think anybody that does this deserves a little spite when the dumpee gets better right afterwards, for not holding onto that faith in their partner for the option of seeing if it's greener on the other side. Anyways, another day down, more tears shed and more progress made. Working out really does make a difference in things and setting up a whole new routine that's different from the old with the ex. Well, I hope all things will work out Friday, I really need it to.

[Penguinkv]

Day 6

 

I've woken up this morning and don't feel as bad. Yeah to small miracles!! The days are going by much quicker than I expected now that I am back at work. Last weekend was the worst but then again I was on my own for the entire time. At least this coming weekend I am really busy catching up with friends and family so that will make it easier. In fact, I am busy pretty much every weekend until NC is over so that should make it easier to get to the end. Even at the end of NC, I will wait for him to contact me. I know it will happen at some point as we have lose ends to tie up but I want him to make the first contact.

[jr22]

Day 7...

 

When this first began, a week seemed so distant and something I couldn't achieve. I do feel a little better each day and I am forgiving myself for the mistake I've made.

 

I don't care if it's naive or stubborn, but I'm doing everything I can to get this girl back. Despite what she told me on the phone, I felt as though she left the door open just a crack. She wants 'space.' In dropping off the Earth for a short while and focusing on me.

 

I'm really working hard on achieving the goals I've set for

my business and it's helped me through my day. As has a special supporter that I've been chatting with daily. We are in the same boat. I'm still writing journal entries to use as my self improvement portion. I have a couple trips booked as well.

 

Overall, I'm doing 'ok.' I miss her so darn much. When I get out of this, I'm going to be a much better person. In the event that she doesn't notice, someone just as good if not better will. I'm not putting too much pressure on myself over her because I don't find it likely that she's going to take me back. But I'm still going to try. I'd regret not giving it my all.

[CovertCactus]

Day 27. Still don't miss her. I do miss sex though.

[windingwings]

One step forward and two steps back, we we're talking on Skype today and I was saying goodbye, then things got a little bad and we masturbated on Skype. Then he felt bad cause he felt like he was cheating on his new BF. I guess that's the hint for me to just move on. I don't understand all of this and yet even though I want him back I just, can't control myself, I'm just struggling so much because our four year relationship has ended so abruptly because of me. I don't know how to feel and I keep thinking I wish I had a time machine to go back and say, "Lets talk."

[the dude91]

Day 4

 

I've started thinking about her a lot more lately, I guess missing her is really starting to get to me. But this is just one of the stages of a breakup I suppose, I'm just trying to get it all out of my system as soon as possible. This morning I asked myself a really random question without really realizing it until after I answered it. The question was do I want her back? And without missing a beat my immediate answer was no. I find that strange because then for the rest of the day I daydreamed about her coming back. I'm not sure if this means that I'm starting to move on? To wake up and tell myself subconsciously that I don't want her back? Very strange. Today though there were moments I didn't think about her at all, I thought more about work than her which I guess is also a good sign. It does suck not having her comfort, but it's more aggravating when she acts like a child. Whenever I thought about her today I thought about if she were to come back to me then she'd have to prove to me that I could trust her again and whether or not she was up for the task I was going to continue to move forward. But with my luck it will not come to that which is probably a good thing anyways. Well another day down and a lifetime to go. I just have to remind myself everyday, "It's over, and she's not coming back. Not now, and not some time in the future. Her chapter in my life is done, it's time for me to let go and move on..."

[windingwings]

I feel like I pushed him even further to this guys arms..

[1a1a]

It's been 3 and a half weeks. I've been sad, I've been completely gutted, I've missed him, I've missed the cool things we used to do together, I've missed the way he used to idly massage me when he was in a good mood. I've remember how sporadic all those good things had become, I've remember crying hysterically on my bedroom floor over 3 years ago because I was terribly lonely and he was my only friend and he chose solitude. I've also been kind of relieved, relieved to be free to explore my feelings of attraction to other people, relieved to be free to dip my toes in the pool of casual sex (something I wasn't really done doing when I committed to this guy 6 years ago but put on hold to be with him because I thought he was exceptionally awesome).

 

I had to hide you from my facebook feed, I could see you reaching out to interact with people and I felt jealous. A mutual friend told me how down you'd been feeling lately and I felt bad about that too. I haven't stopped loving you or caring about you or wanting you to be happy. I don't doubt that the relationship was in a serious state of disrepair though and you said where your mental health is at the moment, you haven't the energy to put into fixing it. I'd put my needs on hold for so long because you couldn't deal and I loved you and I wanted to stay. No more, I guess, giving me radio silence was the straw that broke the camel's back, that coupled with a passing crush on a complete douchebag and the unshakable feeling surely someone could love me better.

 

Anyway, I still miss you. And I see you pop up in my facebook chat window sometimes. But you asked for no contact and I'm going to respect 100%, I don't want to do Anything to hamper the healing process for either of us, it hurts so much, and I just want it to be over.

[1a1a]

WindingWings, I know you're hurting now but you deserve someone who's gonna be 100% focused on you. Let this one go, his heart is not in it, not properly, not fairly. Can't trick or game him into staying, don't even try. Turn around, walk the other way, do the things you love, live your life.

[windingwings]

WindingWings, I know you're hurting now but you deserve someone who's gonna be 100% focused on you. Let this one go, his heart is not in it, not properly, not fairly. Can't trick or game him into staying, don't even try. Turn around, walk the other way, do the things you love, live your life.

That's the thing about a four year relationship, you love, live and your life was all about the person. It's still hard to let go but I guess I have no choice...

[1a1a]

I give you the same challenge I gave myself (still in the relationship but feeling aimless and depressed). Pick three tasks and accomplish them. One relates to furthering your career whether it be getting a particular job or upskilling (for me this challenge is to get a job with an AV hire company). The second is to do with your physical and mental well being, (I took on the challenge of keeping the lounge clean for 3 months), the last is something you've always thought you would like to do. Go ahead and do it (mine for that is taking up hiphop dancing lessons, so much swag. I haven't done it yet but I should and I must and I have the cash now I just need to make the call).

[Penguinkv]

Day 7, one week since he told me we would never get back together. I didn't think I would feel like I do at this moment a week ago. I miss him terribly, I hope we will get back together but I also know that if we don't that I will be ok and life will go on and it will be a good and happy life.

 

I do see him being in my life in some shape or form. It might be as friends, it might be as more. I just need to get to the point where I don't have hope otherwise friendship will never work. It could be weeks, months or years before I reach that point but I know this isn't the end for us.

[Hi Its Me]

Day 2

 

It also happens to be 3 weeks since she broke up with me. I forgot I had pre-ordered an Easter Egg online (as this particular egg isn't available in our country) with a note I had written when we were on our 2 day-break before breakup.. It must have arrived today (oh the irony) as she sent me a message saying "You didn't have to, but I really appreciate the Ester Egg so thank you very much!"

 

I haven't replied (and won't) but I constantly find myself looking at my phone or email to see if she sent me the message my heart longs to see..

[jr22]

Day 8

 

How bittersweet it is. First off, I'm

Proud of myself for going a full week of NC and starting week 2. It has definitely been challenging but with the help of a supporter on this forum and some journal entries, I've broken off communication.

 

The sad news is that my friend told me that she is dating someone. Whether or not this is a rebound, it still hurts. She made me feel as though I hurt her so badly. She turned cold and wouldn't talk to me. Chances are this was in the works while I was doing my 3 week chaotic chase for her. I likely chased her right in to his arms. That's life, right?

 

Rebounds... Make what you want of them. The last 2 girlfriends I've had, ended up marrying their 'rebounds' so I don't view a rebound as a positive situation.

 

Anyways, I can only control my actions and behavior during this NC process and I'll eventually heal and move on. Las night was incredibly difficult as I didn't sleep much. On and off sleep and some dreams of her and this guy in between. Yikes! Talk about a rough night.

 

Despite that, I'm up and I'm dressed for work. I'm ready to take on the day and push through this mess. I'm eager to put all of this in my rear view mirror and never look back, because what I thought was a small chance at getting her back looks like a 0

chance.

[trying2bestrng]

I won't be attending my ex's funeral. It will be a graveside service and I dont think I belong there at this point.

 

Im relieved about that.

 

I posted a question in a different thread asking if I should attend the funeral or not.. and got some hurtful responses. I felt embarrassed for asking.

 

I find this thread to be very supportive and non judgmental... Well it was when I needed it. Im not in nc at the moment but for those that have been there for me, I just wanted to give a quick update if this is read by any of you..

[trying2bestrng]

Whoops. I meant my EX's Mothers funeral.

[CovertCactus]

Day 28. I think I'll text her in a few days to see if I get any emotional reaction out it. I think I could text her right now and not feel anything about it. Right now I feel like I'm better off without her and I could tell her to go fly a kite if she came back. I'm going to a wait a few days to make sure my emotions don't turn around and decide to start missing her. I want to see if I have actually healed or not. If I start missing her I'm going to stick to no contact.

[jr22]

Day 28. I think I'll text her in a few days to see if I get any emotional reaction out it. I think I could text her right now and not feel anything about it. Right now I feel like I'm better off without her and I could tell her to go fly a kite if she came back. I'm going to a wait a few days to make sure my emotions don't turn around and decide to start missing her. I want to see if I have actually healed or not. If I start missing her I'm going to stick to no contact.

 

Envious of your position. I can't wait to get to this point. Were you the dumper or dumpee? Mad props to you.

[zyketti]

Envious of your position. I can't wait to get to this point. Were you the dumper or dumpee? Mad props to you.

 

Yeah damn. I am on Day 20 something, and I am not near where you are (edit: to covert lol).

 

I don't have the urge to contact her, because I am scared of what she'll say. I see her every week, although it's only a glance during church. I try to avoid her as much as I can. Everytime I see her my heart just like explodes.

 

I'm the dumpee, she left me due to me not being able to get over my depression, neediness, wanting someone to make me happy, etc. It has been 3+ weeks since the breakup, and I still can't get over her. I'm trying to live my life like I'm supposed to. Meeting new girls, etc. But…… I can't get over her. I can't shake off this stupid feeling of getting back with her.

[sadbutrue]

I'm so sad today...damn.

[sadbutrue]

Just when I start to feel good about this whole situation, something happens. My guinea pig died suddenly today

[Beduldac]

She broke up with me 6 weeks ago Saturday April 19th. We were together 11 months. She left me for another guy, which was most likely an infatuation. I have been no contact 28 days ago today. I blocked her on Facebook. I feel much better than I did. I still care for (or love) and miss her.

 

I have no expectation of reconciliation. If she wants to contact me, the ball is in her court. My number is still the same. If she wants to reconcile, I am not really sure what to do. I guess it does not matter unless she contacts me. I am single and free.