THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[t1lersm0m1]

I forgot to mention js0905, I had written him several emails after the break up and saved them in my drafts at work. I later, maybe a week or more, deleted them. The only times I contacted him after the break up were the weekend we broke up, I was a driveling mess that weekend and begged then a week later I said I miss my best friend, and then Saturday I texted hi and said I'm sorry for the way I acted when we broke up. He has been in NC since we broke up, I'm having a hard time but I know this is something I can control, and will do just that. NC, work on myself, and move on, because I don't think he'll be ready for a long time (someone on my other thread said he wont' be ready for at least six months).

[t1lersm0m1]

I lied, and I feel terrible. I re-read my email to him and felt I needed to say the things I said, so I sent it Monday. I don't know why I felt I had to send it. I came here to report what I did and you gave me such a good pep talk I felt guilty and lied.

 

So I am on day 2. And I know I can control the contact. Last year I went through a break up and I felt so much despair, like I would NEVER meet another good guy again. I haven't thought that once since the break up with E. I really miss him, and I think of him daily. And if he came back today I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to say no (I don't have any illusions, I don't think he's coming back anytime soon, if ever).

 

But I am going NC. Today is day 2. I felt terrible after contacting him through text Satudray. I dont' want to feel that way again. I didn't feel terrible after the email on Monday, I knew I wouldn't get a reply.

 

There were times we would have problems and I would say I love you, and he would say "Don't." I know he's emotionally broken, and no matter who he was with the relationship would have ended because it truly wasn't me. But I still feel sorrowful (not hopeless).

 

Someone said I was his rebound. They were SOO right. I googled rebound, and it describes us. After we consumated our relationship, he idealized me. Told me I was amazing, I made him want to be a better man, I brought him back to life. He couldn't get enough of being with me after that. It was so intense, I see it all now in hindsight.

 

Another thing in rebound relationships was that if the person on the rebound hasn't worked on their issues from the break up of the previous relationship, the rebound will fail because you will make the same mistakes.

 

I'm not pinning this all on E, I made mistakes. I get insecure and act a little crazy (no where near as crazy as I did last year). When we would have any kind of tension in our relationship, I wanted to fix things immediately, and he wanted to be left alone and would ignore me. that drove me NUTS. I drove there twice unannounced. The first time, we talked a while, then he asked me to leave. I said no, so he said fine I'll leave. He went in his bedroom to get changed and I sat in front of the door so he coudln't leave. He said "I can't believe I'm being held captive in my own home." I said "If you feel you are in danger, call the police." When we broke up, he brought that situation up. That was back in May that happened. I never should have done that. When he told me to leave, I should have left.

 

I'm also very reactionary. If I have my feelings hurt, I strike out. He canceled coming to a party I was having. I was so excited for him to meet my friends, and when he canceled I hung up on him, then called him repeatedly, and cried on the phone. I blew the situation way out of the water. I shouldn't have reacted that way. But I just get so hurt. He knew about the party for a month, and I was so hurt, I think my pride was hurt because I then had to explain to my friends why he wasnt' coming.

 

I'm a constant work in process. I've learned so much about myself since last year, and I will continue learning. I have more self-respect, and intend to do my best to never act this way again. On two occassions when we were fighting I said Have a nice life. Like I was willing to end a relationship because of an argument. I stopped doing that after May. So while I've made some improvements, I continue to make more.

 

I'm doing soul searching. I hate that I act this way in relationships. I am SOOO confident in my career, as a mother, daughter, sister and friend. But in romantic relationships I lose my confidence (trust me it has GREATLY improved since last year!).

 

So here's to DAY 2 of no contact. I don't think I can ever contact him again. When we broke up September 6 I told myself I'd wish him a happy birthday (December 14), but now I'm not so sure. Right now I just want to heal and learn from this experience, learn to be a better person, better girlfriend for whoever comes along next.....

 

Cheers, happy Wednesday.

[williams123]

Day 3 and I almost sent her an email.

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 3. Today's my birthday. When we broke up Friday, September 6 and I was intent on doing NC Sunday, September 8 I planned on wishing you a happy birthday in December. In the back of my mind I hoped you would reach out to me today for my birthday, as I know you remember it. Since today's October 10 and I'm only at day 3 of NC, I obviously suck. When I texted you this Saturday and you said it's over forever, I felt horrible and realized I won't be hearing from you today. It's for the best, as we both have work to do to be better people.

 

Here's to Day 3. I feel pretty good. Going out for dinner and drinks with friends. Last year when I went through the break up of a two month relationship with B I was devastated. It was my rock bottom. I stopped exercising, I stopped socializing, I went home after work and read self-help books and ate, looking for answers. Between a knee injury and that break up I gained 21 pounds.

 

Since E broke up with me I've lost 12 through eating healthy and exercise. I look back on the past year and how weak I was, and how much strong I am.

 

So, here's to day 3, and not falling off the wagon again!

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 4, and I dont know if coming to this site is helping me heal, or hurting me. I think the stories I read are helping me, but knowing others are in the same pain I'm in doesn't really help. I know lifes not fair. I know we don't always get the answers we want. I know we don't always get the happy endings we want.

 

Day 4...happy day 4.

[js0905]

Day 4, and I dont know if coming to this site is helping me heal, or hurting me. I think the stories I read are helping me, but knowing others are in the same pain I'm in doesn't really help. I know lifes not fair. I know we don't always get the answers we want. I know we don't always get the happy endings we want.

 

Day 4...happy day 4.

 

 

 

Happy belated B-Day!! So proud of you since you made it to day 4.

 

I cried at least 3 times today & probably will do so again through out the weekend. We were supposed to see each other on Sunday. Then today he texted me "Happy Friday" "honey I miss you but we can't see each other on Sunday after all" and so guess what I did??

 

I felt just like you did when you sent that email. I went into my email drafts and re read and changed some things around on the last one I had written but had never sent.

 

Then I pressed "send", texted him "I see..." "I emailed you" because I was so upset....

 

Probably wont hear from him again since the last thing I said on the email was "Please don't email me, text me or contact me anymore since it never gets us anywhere anyways"

 

Also after that I wrote "Take care of yourself lover" and signed my name. So that is it...we are now officially done. He is also moving away next month anyway so what difference does it make right?

 

It's sad because at least if he lived here I might sooner or later bump into him but now there is no chance of that even.

 

I miss him already and wish I hadn't sent that email. I had told myself I would be strong and wait to see if things got better until/by December.

That would of been a year since we started out but things were/are not getting any better and he wasn't trying any harder.

If someone wants to see you they will do whatever it takes to do it. It doesn't matter what is going on in their lives or how busy they are right??

 

So I'm going to stop treating him like a "priority" in my life when all he sees me is obviously as an "option".

I'm at day "0" again but plan to start counting days again and get to my 30 days to start out.

We'll see how I feel then you know.....

[Crazyabouther]

It's my birthday today. And I haven't been in contact with her at all for over a week. I can't help but think of her with the other guy today. I feel completely ill and unable to deal with this. I'm seeing my family soon and I find it so hard to put on a brave face. I'm so tempted to contact her today. I won't do it. Thank you for this thread. I haven't received a bday message from her and don't expect to.

[Melting]

Ugh I stuffed up and contacted you.

 

Back to Day 2!

 

This time I will be stronger, you don't deserve me fueling your ego

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 5. Someone on another thread pointed out I have abandonment issues. And to me, that's a relief! There's a reason I act the way I do. And I have something to focus on. I feel determined. I want to work on me and grow so I don't make the same mistakes and act this way again in future relationships.

[js0905]

Day 1 -

It's beautiful outside and I can't wait to get out there. I only cried once so far today.

I have that weird peaceful feeling you get after you cry (really cry) for a bit....

Noticed this morning that my eyes were puffy from yesterday but still I have a feeling that everything is going to be ok.

 

Even when we last spoke I told him that I wasn't sure why I couldn't let him go. I told him I wanted to and should but hadn't been able to.

Also did tell him once that I couldn't blame him for everything since I was the one that chose to stay.

So with all the ups & downs maybe I was getting ready for this and it wont be long until I feel better.

 

Plus this is on me now, I said "no more" to him. It used to be I would get down because I didn't hear frm him or he cncd on me. Now I can't be sad about those things because they were expectations when we were together and now we are not.

[js0905]

Day 2 -

 

He is supposed to be doing some trade show this week for work. My mind thought about just showing up so I could see him. It's actually in another city 200 miles away but it still crossed my mind. I looked it up online and can't even find it. So the chances are he probably just lied to me again and made up some big time BS.....LOL!!?

 

Clearly remember a few months back when we were supposed to meet he texted his plane was delayed and then an hour later it was supposedly cancelled.

I'm a very suspicious person and because of the issues we have had I also looked that up because I knew where he was coming from and into what airport.

 

That showed me that yes there was a major delay but the flight was never cancelled, he chose to lie to me because apparently that is what he does.

 

I cried a couple of more times yesterday but it still is not as bad as it had been in the past. It could be because I have accepted the fact that is not in my hands anymore.

Always thought if I tried really hard things would work out but now I realize that it doesn't matter what I do. If he doesn't want to be with me then there is nothing else left to do.

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 6, and I'm feeling better, lighter, less bogged down. I will not break NC again. I don't get replies and then I am set back. I plan on going longer than 30 days, but will only post the 30 days here.

[Melting]

Day 4

 

Had a really bad day yesterday. Woke up thinking of you and just never stopped.

Bad dreams of you again last night, they awake me in the night and I struggle to sleep again.

I am still struggling with how you dealt the final blows, all wishy washy, no direct answers, dragging it out.... destroying my soul

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 7, hello beautiful day 7. I'm off today but wide awake, so hitting the gym. Maybe I'll go twice. We'll see.

[js0905]

Day 3 -

 

I had wanted to wake up in his arms this morning. Instead I'm alone, sad & crying, yet again, not a good start to a Monday. Need to get ready to go to work.

Maybe it will busy enough that I wont think about him much. I still feel it's for the best, even if we were still together things wouldn't really have changed. Plus he had cancelled on me so I would still feel sad and disappointed....

[FindingClarity]

Day 15 Was feeling so proud of my new motivational self yesterday. This evening I feel like a wreck, maybe you will will realise I'm the one for you.

[Melting]

Day 5

 

2 bad days and finally I wake up to a good one.

Hopefully soon there will be more good then bad

[js0905]

*Day 4*

 

Well I have not cried this morning which is good because it usually makes me sad for the rest of the day.

I been trying to meet new people and keep my mind off from him. I start regretting that I did say on my last email not to email me, text me or contact me anymore. Then I remember why I wrote that... Is not like we were seeing each other on a regular basis and he kept on cnc'ng on me. Everytime he did that it broke my heart and the funny thing is that I didn't think that I loved him until now. Still that doesn't make a difference if we can't be together. He kept on bringing up November because his job was going to slow down and there would be time to spend together. However I stopped believing the things he said a while back. We hadn't even seen each other in months and we had made plans at least 4 x's which for one reason or the other he cancelled on me last minute.

 

The relationship had become about texting and talking on the phone mainly and that doesn't do anything for me anymore.

I hung on for so long thinking things would turn around. I missed his kisses, his eyes and his body, the best lover I ever had in addition to the way he made me feel with things he said. I felt good and secure and happy with him for a long time but those things changed and now it's over.

 

One day at a time....

 

Wanted to text him that line from "Wrecking Ball" "Don't you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you" today but I know it's stupid.

So I will just keep that to myself, maybe in the future he will miss me enough to want to make changes and have a real relationship again.

 

Will he go against me asking to NC me anymore? I hope so...

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 8

 

I'm so happy by the time I go to Disney for Thanksgiving I'll be much further along in NC. I hope there comes a time when you only cross my mind once or twice a day. When I don't need to come to this website to read about other break ups and make ups and heartbreak and happiness. Deep down in my heart, regardless of what I say, I know you are messed up and I was still a little messed up too. We had an amazing connection, and I would take that back in a heart beat. But I also know I can't fix you, and you didn't really have an interest in fixing you either. It's a double edged sword. My heart will soon know what my head knows, it's just taking a bit of time to catch up.

 

Happy Day 8!

[vi0let]

Day 68

 

Just going through the motions. My emotions are still up and down: I keep fluctuating between wanting to hear from him and being glad that I haven't heard from him. But thankfully, they aren't as volatile as they were weeks back. I still have my sad moments too.

 

However, I am pretty much determined to reach Day 90 (3 months) now. Also, the cravings to contact him have dimished quite a bit. I still miss him incredibly much though and I still wonder what he's thinking, feeling and whether or not he is with someone new now. I know I shouldn't care, but it's so hard not to be curious, after being so close to someone for a period of time.

 

I haven't stalked him on social media at all, so I am basically oblivious to what is happening with his life right now. I hope to keep it that way too, indefinitely.

[Melting]

Day 6

 

Well here I am counting the days and I wouldn't even be a flicker of a thought in your mind.

 

Maybe one day I wont meet a guy who has so much baggage. It is all I meet and I am getting really sick of my soul being destroyed every time.

 

It would be nice not to meet a liar for a change

[js0905]

*Day 5*

 

Hi Vi0let,

 

You are doing so well and I feel like an idiot.

 

I remember when you first started and I was a couple days ahead of you and then I was a few days behind you.....

Look at where I'm now, back at day 5 but this time I said what I needed to say and ended it.

 

Just couldn't take it anymore, he was kind of there but not really. Had temporarily started to be in touch with me more often.

Still hadn't seen him for months and every time there was a glimmer of hope for us to see each other something would always come up on his side.

 

So I was supposed to see him Sunday but he cncd on Friday and I just sent him an email ending it.

I told him not to email me, text me or contact me anymore since it never gets as anywhere. We'll see if he follows through on that.

 

I'm still so torn because I miss him and wish that I couldl at least communicate. Then I remember that is pointless since if he had wanted to see me there would have been no excuses.

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 9

 

Day 9 and 2 days shy of 6 weeks post break up. I'm actually very proud of myself. Yes, I sucked at no contact for the first month, but every day I feel better and better. I found self-love, and what they say about hindsight being 20/20 is SOOO true. There were red flags, I was not in a healthy relationship. He wasn't over his wife, and has horrible self-esteem. I actually yelled at him the last weekend we were together "Enough of the pity party!" His self-esteem was exhausting. I was his rebound. Nothing more. For me it was a beautiful relationship and I loved him, but he wasn't capable of loving me. I don't blame him, he didn't lie to me, he lied to himself. I really hope he finds his happiness.

 

I feel so much lighter, and so much more happiness. I have a bright beautiful future ahead of me. And the best part? I lost 17 pounds through healthy eating and exercise. Go me!

[Melting]

Day 7

 

Feeling stronger every day!

 

It is now 14 days since we broke up and I have had my fair share of ups and downs.

The way you dumped me, well tried to manipulate me into dumping you made me realise that it was the best thing that could have happened.

I was acting like any girlfriend would and you were just being a jerk.

You went away for a month and dumped me on your day back lol

 

I look forward to the day that I never have to think of you again

[magicangel]

Its been three days since we brokeup and i spoke to him today, he told me to eff off so I'm gna try and do that Day 1 NC, about an hr after got three back to back pvt calls, hmm like I dnt know who it was