THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Ryan1030]

Day 2

 

This will be the 4th time I've tried NC w/ her. Ever other time she contacted me and we hooked up. I told her this time I was serious. Last time I ignored her text she did a drive by at my house adn started blowing up the email. I gave in and we talked all week until yesterday. I told her it was too painful now to see her. So, I'll have to be much firmer this time. I might see her on the soccer fields today. I'll have to pretend she is an acquaintance if I see her. She wants to be w/ me. (she wants me to tell her husband, or she wants me to get her pregnant - yes, kind of psycho, but I love her

 

I'm not going to do that though. She is in a bad marriage just like me. But, no I left 4 weeks ago. She hasn't yet. She gets no more Ryan unless she does. I get that she's scared. I just need to heal and grow. I need to be strong for my own path I have to walk through. I wish she was walking through it w/ me.

 

Anyway, I'm going to use this site. Maybe be able to help others soon. I'm tired of wearing my friends out. I'm done talking about it w /them.

 

Last night went out w/ an old friend. Been continuing w/ the gym. I want my faith in God to grow.

 

Have a good day everyone,

 

Ryan

[heartbrokengir]

Day 10:

 

I was forced to transfer some tickets to my ex through another website after he broke contact twice. Does this count as breaking NC?

[beaton]

Ok, I tried this once right after we broke up and completely flopped. Three months post breakup, I still text him sometimes, and while he replies and we joke around, it's causing me to be stuck in this sad cycle of hope that maybe if I stay in loose contact, he won't forget me, and might want me back. I also check his twitter all the time. Once I saw that he was @replying to a girl, flirting with her, and it struck me to the core, AND YET STILL I CHECK IT.

 

This is stupid.

 

So Day 1, of not checking his internet personas, not emailing or texting him, etc. He no longer brings positivity into my life apart from the sad rush I get when he acknowledges I exist, from me initiating contact. I'm better than this.

 

Also this is Day 1 of the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred workout. So hopefully by next month I will be over my ex AND have lost the weight I gained from shamelessly eating my feelings for 3 months. Woo!

[figmentations]

Day 8

 

Feeling a bit better. Realizing I need to cry out all my sadness and be with my closest friends during these times. It's a bad idea to stay home. I was sooo tempted today to break NC but I resisted, thankfully. Can't yet let go of the hope that one day my ex will contact me.

[DelmoreSkag]

Day 13

 

I've been feeling quite down the past couple of days, I think it must be because I saw a recent photo of her.

 

I've had urges to contact her, but I'm not going to.

 

If she calls or emails, it will be hard to not answer her.

[artistnomore]

Day 4

Started at 2:07 PM on 4/4. Recap of day 1-3.

 

(1) Just returned from a visit to meet her family (long dist relationship). Got the break-up call at 10:30 or so. She never really said it was over but being long distance there really was no reason to believe it wasnt. Anyway, I was totally devastated and said if you change your mind give me a call but I cannot simply be just friends as it is to painful for me. I texted her all the pictures I had taken from my trip of her kids and us with a simple statement of "that's all of em" She replied Thank you so much they are great!! My last text was an emoticon of a thumbs up!

 

(2) Still beside myself with grief and reached out to family and friends. Going over in my head what the heck just happened as we were "that couple" which everyone looked at and said WOW how lucky we were. I posted on FB a profound statement of what I was going through with absolutely no cryptic message to the ex but to inform everyone that I was leaving FB for a while and would return when the time is right. I probably did it to get a response but really didnt want one if that makes sense. She had made a comment on the breakup call that it would be childish to de-friend each other so I decided the best thing was to just deactivate my account for a while. I work nights and late that night I received a text from her (simple smiley face). I did not respond. When I got home there was a short email about a website she had made for me and giving me the log-in info that she said she forgot to give me. Her last words were, "I hope your doing well, I miss you and our chats". Confused and hurt I did not respond, not have found this website yet it was the right move.

 

(3) Yesterday. I thought about it all day how I would respond to her email and then found this site. I posted in "break up" my story before going to work. At work, I could think about nothing else beside her and how the little email gave me hope and what I would say in response. When I got home I read all of the advice that people had for me and how I shouldn't respond as it was kinda vague and didnt mention getting back together and how she is just keeping me on the hook so to speak to make herself feel better. She did not try to make contact since and neither have I.

 

Day 4 Today. Woke feeling like crap, thinking of her again and everything I miss about her. I know she is going on a business trip today as she travels alot for work. I thought about sending a "have a safe trip" text but refrained. She would always look to me for comfort before each trip and I would re-assure her that Im here for her and I was sending positive energy for her trip. So I figured that I shouldn't give her that comfort anymore and she is on her own (her choice)! I want her to know Im here but realized she knows that already as I have told her everyday for the last 5 months. So here I am in the now, I found this challenge and am starting to heal. I still have such strong feelings for her but after reading so many posts, it isnt my choice anymore and I have to let go in order to have any chance at recovery.

 

Thank you all so much. I will be back tomorrow for my next day of ME!!!!

[icantsay]

DAY 30!

 

Wow, I finally reached the day! and look how fast it has gone?!?!

How do I feel? GREAT! I can recommend this challenge to anyone who wants to regain confidence and a better perspective on their relationship.

 

I can now choose any way i want to go

 

So, a few things I did to get better:

 

1. Set new goals. This really did it for me. I recommend you plan something you always dreamed of. For example, I am going to Africa in May - it's always been my dream to travel there, so why not?! Do something you couldn't have done with your ex!

 

2. Exercise. I ran a marathon, and I just felt so accomplished... it helped me become more confident.

 

3. Reconnect. Find old friends you stopped hanging out with. It's so amazing to suddenly meet someone again!

 

4. Stay away from dating for a while... realize that it is fun to be single!

 

5. Allow yourself to grieve. If you push emotions away, it gets worse. One thing I did was to scream on the top of my lungs in the car.. sounds insane but i felt better afterwards!

 

6. LISTEN TO MUSIC

 

7. When you feel down, do some chores. When I started getting too sad, I would do the dishes and vacuum the room a little.. When you are done you will find yourself in a better state.

 

8. Try not to leave yourself alone. At least not for the first few weeks. Find someone you can be around - family, friend, school, etc. when you are alone, depression will overwhelm you.

 

9. Go to Enotalone. I cannot thank enough all of those people here who have given me advice and helped me through this process. It is still far from over, but at least I am much better now. Also thanks to this thread - i followed quite a few posts here from a few years ago. They have no idea who i am, but they really made me wiser.

 

I will keep posting on here once in a while to tell how things are if anyone ever needs someone to talk to, you are more than welcome to message me.

[DonDraper32]

Day 7

 

I'm in such a better place than I was a week ago from today, granted that may also have to do with the fact that it's been 16 out of the last 19 days of NC for me. I've certainly had my moments of sadness, especially early on, but as of lately I've been feeling good and accepting of the fact that my ex is out of my life.

 

She called me on Friday night at 1:30 AM and I didn't pick up. I debated it, but decided just to let it be. I haven't heard from her since and I'm not too concerned with it.

 

I slept with a stranger on Friday also, which was odd, but made me feel better. It made me less angry about her sleeping with other people and I haven't really thought about her love life like I used to. That pit I used to feel in my stomach is gone.

 

Sleeping has been an issue, and I even had a dream about her last night and us hooking up. Normally, that would F up my entire day, but today it just took 30 days for me to adjust to it and accept that it was just a dream.

 

Making myself stay busy has been the main problem. I work from home and am in a dead period for my job. I try to work out, and do every day, but that only kills an hour, maybe two.

 

All in all, I can already feel the NC helping, especially since it's been for an extended period of time. I'm not all the way there- far from it, I still miss her, but I'm at least accepting, positive, and trying to move on. That's a big leap from where I was just a month ago.

[Ryan1030]

Day 3

 

She texted three times last night. Very empowering not to reply. But, we have kids the age. So I was looking around during my daughter's soccer game to see if she was at the fields. Had I seen her it might have counted as contact, but she wasn't there. Our kids go to the same school, so I'll try to avoid her during drop off.

 

I think if you ignore their contact you should get a bonus day.

But, did not like the way it felt looking for her.

 

Lesson learned.

[beaton]

Day 2

 

I want to check his twitter so badly just to see what he's up to.

 

I'm going to work out until it passes.

[Kimcwell]

day 7

Not feeling as anxious as I have in the past. No tears today either! That's an accomplishment and I'm proud of myself.

[DelmoreSkag]

Day 14

 

Two weeks. I still think of her a lot.

[Poisonheart]

back to day 1

 

Broke nc after 29 days!! I was so close! Received a text message from him and wasn't going to reply. I've been waiting to hear from him for a long time. He asked how I was doing so I replied that I was doing well. We continue to text and found that we both missed and still loved one another very much but the timing just wouldn't allow us to be together. Everything was fine until it took him longer to respond to my message n then Boom! He doesn't respond at all! That's what I get though, I'm so stupid! Now I'm back to square one!

 

Stay strong guys! You can do it! I just feel so stupid for replying after such a long time. There was no good in it, it only brought more pain to my life.

[Kimcwell]

back to day 1

 

Broke nc after 29 days!! I was so close! Received a text message from him and wasn't going to reply. I've been waiting to hear from him for a long time. He asked how I was doing so I replied that I was doing well. We continue to text and found that we both missed and still loved one another very much but the timing just wouldn't allow us to be together. Everything was fine until it took him longer to respond to my message n then Boom! He doesn't respond at all! That's what I get though, I'm so stupid! Now I'm back to square one!

 

Stay strong guys! You can do it! I just feel so stupid for replying after such a long time. There was no good in it, it only brought more pain to my life.

 

I'm sorry this happened. I don't think I could have ignored the text either. On day 8 and feel like crap.

[Firesite]

Day 52

 

I am doing so much better its been so long since the last time we spoke to each other. For everyone who is doing No contact, hold on things will get better and soon enough you will start to realize that you may not even want the relationship back anymore. Yes I still think about my ex all the time but I don't want to contact her because it would just cause me pain and heartache. Like the saying goes if you really love someone you have to let them go.

[figmentations]

Day 10

 

Yesterday was horrible. I was lonely and missed my ex so much. And now I'm sick and I can't go out anywhere. This just sucks massively.

[artistnomore]

Day 5

Beside myself with sadness. Tempted to break NC and reply to an email. Does she need to know Im still here to make a move? I have disappeared off the grid and thinking thats sending the message Im not interested. How do you know if they are reaching out sincerely or to simply keep you on the hook? Dang its so confusing. There have been a few times when she just needed me to say "im here". F*** Me!!! HELPPPP

[DelmoreSkag]

Day 15

 

I'm doing ok. Keeping distracted helps.

[james31]

Day 6 of NC, this is my third attempt at NC and i have never made it more than 7 days so tomorrow is a big deal, i miss my ex very much and i am now having the same recurrent dream about her which is killing me slowly.

Im tempted to call just to hear her voice but i know i will be a mess if i do.

[IAmFCA]

Recording day 1. Wont be here to keep count often. better to just do.

[Amandacast57]

Day 11.

 

Trying not to think about it but I really miss him. I'm not sure why though since he didn't appreciate me.

[823freckles]

Day 21:

 

Well, it's day 60 since the break-up. Sad. And now day 21 since last contact. I miss him terribly every single day, but I have had no intention to contact him until quite a bit more time had passed since break-up. But today I'm angry. Really, really angry. And I want to rage at him. It would be incredibly stupid, but he kinda deserves it for his behavior post break-up. I know it won't help in the long run though...though really, I think that is only because I still want him back. Sigh.

 

Either way, talk me out of it!

[Ryan1030]

Back to day 1. She stalked me last night. I did kiss her. But, I did not sleep w/ her. I love her so much. She puts it on me why we can't be together. It is such bs. She just wants to use me for sex and to stroke her ego.

 

She promised that she will leave me alone now. I'm so tired of her. I want NC to heal. I do not want her in my life. 5th time trying NC. I break after she keeps pursuing me; i normally don't break after the first few texts/emails. I hope she will leave me alone. I hope I am stronger.

 

We had an affair. I left my wife (she was abusive - I would have left anyway)

She did not leave her husband. (which is fine, just leave me alone - as it is too painful)

 

I wish I was gay.

[DonDraper32]

Day 9

 

This ties the longest day I've ever made it. She's broken it all times before this, but I know that this time is different.

 

I'm going through different emotions throughout the day, sometimes missing her, sometimes getting angry about things I can't control, sometimes getting upset with myself for not leaving her sooner and for letting her completely emasculate me through the 2 month process of our break up.

 

I just wish I would've stood up for myself and showed her that I'm a man. Now that she's seen how weak I can be, I don't know if I'll ever get that chance.

 

Regardless, I do feel better after these 9 days of NC. Less stress than when we were still talking or even together. I know I'll get over her one day, as much as I'll always miss her. It just still hurts to think about what we could've had, but I know I did everything in my power to make things work with her. She just didn't want the same.

[figmentations]

Day 11

 

Feeling better but not quite there yet. I get suddenly sad or anxious while I'm doing something, such as being in class or whatnot. I wish she'd get out of my head or finally contact me so I can get the closure I feel I need. Oh well, I'm celebrating once I read two weeks post BU.