THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[JLKLEE]

Day 3 of NC

 

I have been very angry lately towards him. I think about all the things he did to me. I think about his lack of effort in the relationship. Then I think about him saying he wants to stay in contact.

[brandnewday47]

Approaching day 5;

 

I've come to the conclusion that all the pain that I'm going through here has nothing to do with her. She had every right to end things if she saw fit. She may not have handled things well... but I cannot blame her. However.. after spending time trying to figure out why I have such a hard time letting go of things and why it takes forever for me to get through the sadness, i've come to the conclusion that this is all about me and my abandonment fears coming to fruition. Even though I work with her, I need as much distance as possible now because I recognize how easy it would be for me to have these issues flame back up. I'm actually not angry or upset with her... but I have to protect myself while I figure out what actions to take at this point.

 

Merry Christmas everyone, hope Santa brings us some happiness and peace of mind

[Tom1990]

Day Something of NIC: Fail. She brought pastries into work, didn't offer me one, but immediately clarified over IM that she wasn't snubbing me, just giving others a chance first. I joked that "I was about to go 'Hay don't I get one???'" She replied with "o_O"...meaning I think she's still afraid of me saying and doing awkward stuff around her, which I don't get, because we were always private about our relationship while working. UGH.

 

Mid-day I asked her if she saw the new Hobbit trailer, and a short chat ensued.

 

End of day, I sent her a funny picture of pandas, and wished her happy holidays.

 

Three chats, and two were initiated by me. Now it's holiday break, and I'm diving into 9 solid days of NC before we face the new year. I'll bet she has lots of interesting dates over the break and probably gets laid and/or married and also tells all our mutual friends what a terrible person I am, and they will of course all agree with her and then I go to work with all our coworkers thumbing their noses at me until our biweekly gaming sessions start up again at which point they will probably ruin it for everyone, or else not even come to them at all. UGH.

[hodgeheg]

Day... I don't know exactly... 70 or something like that? Possibly 80.

 

The absence of breadcrumbs kind of p*sses me off, but then if I got them I'd just be confused I guess. But, seriously, nearly 4 years together and he just walks away without a backward glance - how?!?!

 

Ah well, time to concentrate on the present.

[Swift]

Day 3

 

 

Damn....

[Tom1990]

Day 3

 

 

Damn....

 

What happened? If you don't mind sharing....

[Vastaux]

Day 2, it was 12 but i sent her a christmas card Friday Night... gutted i got no reply. I didnt put anything slushy in it, merely a mature "Happy christmas and a wonderful new year, best wishes, ______". Starting to feel like i didnt know here at all, like while we was together it was just an act as 4 1/2 years together she never was that kind of person to just ignore etc, i expected atleast a text.... I feel angry, angry at myself for days contemplating whether i send it or not, and angry at myself for thinking i would be perceived as the bad one if i didnt (she complained i never acknowledged her birthday)... I feel anger and resentment towards her, i want so badly to write a nasty e-mail ripping into her but i know i will not feel better for it... only content as i hit the send button the sad because i gave in.

 

I think , yesterday and today it has finally dawned on me... this.is.it... i will probably never speak to her again as she gets a new phone today so number changed, been 3 months since i saw her in person and i promised myself i would never do a stalkery thing like turning up unnannounced. Totally gutted... woke up this morning... on christmas day... and even before i could register i was awake first thing i thought about was her... I dont know how i'll cope for the next week as we it'll be first time in 5 years i'll be spending new years eve without her... I'm not even certain i actually want her back now though, its been so long feeling like this... i am just scared of beign alone....

 

Happy christmas to you all

[PJK]

Broke up two weeks ago, I called her once after the breakup call just to say my peace and then NC. A week later she sent me an email seeing how I was doing and stuff. I replied asking her if she thought our 4 year relationship was worth working and to take some time to think about it. She emailed me like 2 hours later saying that she can't work on it right now. After that I found out that she hooked up with this guy the weekend after we broke up. I called her one last time to tell her that all the feelings that I used to have for her were gone and said that I agreed with the break up (that was a bit of a lie from me...I do feel differently toward her now but in no way do I agree with the breakup).

 

Anyway, I've had no contact for four days now and I find myself just stewing. Sometimes I want to call her and just tell her off and say some really mean things. Other times I just want to hear her voice and talk like we used to. I don't know if I really miss her so much as I do miss just having some to talk about my day with and legitimately care about what I say.

 

I've had really good self control so far...I deleted her on facebook, took down all our pics and erased her as a contact in email and on my phone. I mean I still know her number by heart but just having to consciously think about typing in the number or email address definitely makes it easier not to.

 

I'll update in a week or so.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 22 - Have had a pretty * * * * ty christmas, my grandpa is gravely ill and so it's a pretty tough time. It hurts to know that this is all happening and he doesn't care at all. Why is life so unfair I don't understand why people have to deteriorate like this why can't we just go quietly in our sleep It's so distressing to see him like this. I really desparately just need a hug right now and for someone to tell me this will all be over soon.

[canesfan727]

Day 1

 

This has got to be the most difficult thing ive ever done..but i know if i dont try to do this im going to go into a massive depression and its not a place i want to end up. Im so tired feeling the way i feel and have come to realize i can do anything more for a opportunity to fix things..enough is enough!

[lemonhaze]

I recently passed the 3 month mark of NC, not counting days anymore just months.

 

Last night I went clubbing with some friends and on the train ride there we passed a town where my ex's dad lives and I recalled some memories of her and me on that station. At the party, the girlfriend of one of my friends asked if I talked to my ex, which I haven't (she was really helpful after the BU and I can really talk to her about it). She replied "Good." and I mumbled something like "Yeah.. I guess.".

 

Then for some reason it just hit me, even though I've been reading it a lot on these forums the last months: I'm longing for someone that doesn't want to be with me. I didn't feel angry or sad, just... indifferent. After that I proceeded to have a pretty cool night.

 

I'm sure in this rollercoaster of emotions I will probably be sad again sometime soon, but NC is helping me greatly with healing

[dino9401]

So today I am starting NC. I have had anxiety all day. My mind has been wandering all over the place thinking about our time together, specific events together, when did it all go wrong, all the future plans together that now will never be. I feel numb yet pained at the same time.

[sweety39]

I broke up with my ex twice before and after 3 weeks of NC he called me (I waited for his call too) and I got back with him as soon as he called me .I feel he has taken me for granted due to my previous actions

He stopped calling me for the last 20 days and but this time my goal is atleast 3 months of NC and go from there

I said "hi" to him on FB 10 days ago so its only 10 days of strict NC

Not planning on wishing him on Newyear's day either .Iam holding my breath to see how it goes

Wish me good luck

[Tom1990]

I broke up with my ex twice before and after 3 weeks of NC he called me (I waited for his call too) and I got back with him as soon as he called me .I feel he has taken me for granted due to my previous actions

He stopped calling me for the last 20 days and but this time my goal is atleast 3 months of NC and go from there

I said "hi" to him on FB 10 days ago so its only 10 days of strict NC

Not planning on wishing him on Newyear's day either .Iam holding my breath to see how it goes

Wish me good luck

 

GOOD LUCK! 10 days is awesome so far. It sounds like you guys gave it your best shot, and he may very well be taking you for granted. Keep the power in your hands. If anything's viable, you'll know it soon enough. If not, you're well on your way to being your own person again. Yay!

[brandnewday47]

Start of day 9;

 

Very ... odd day. Was doing well and moving about with the normal amount of confidence i seem to have lately. Then had a blast from the past from someone who is close to the ex who originally brought me here. A few hours later found out about marriage plans to the one she was and still is with not too long after she called it quits. Rebound theory somehow missed the mark in that case . Very coincidental, but definitely got my mind off the current situation, that is for sure. Side note: the more I think about it, I'm amazed how different these two ex's are. Strange.

[RitaTrue]

WOW, its been a while since I visited this thread. But I wanted to share some things since my hiatus.

 

I've been making progress in moving on, but I always felt like there was an invisible boulder in my way from reaching it. I finally realized what my boulder was last night: worry and control: Worrying about what my ex is doing and who he might be with now.

 

Last night, I decided to let my ex go and to stop trying to control him somehow with my worry (in my mind). I told myself this, and that I want us both to be happy, doing our own thing, and that I hope that we both find love.

 

And my boulder crumbled! I have ALL FAITH that my breakthrough is now around the corner!

[dino9401]

Day 2 or at least the start of day 2. Technically it's only been 24 hours. I still feel the same anxious, wondering what she's doing, who she's with, how she feels. I still check for text messages from her. I know it's bad.

[minimini]

Day 22 - Have had a pretty * * * * ty christmas, my grandpa is gravely ill and so it's a pretty tough time. It hurts to know that this is all happening and he doesn't care at all. Why is life so unfair I don't understand why people have to deteriorate like this why can't we just go quietly in our sleep It's so distressing to see him like this. I really desparately just need a hug right now and for someone to tell me this will all be over soon.

 

Don't have a lot to offer. I'm sorry. As if things weren't bad enough, I know it really makes it worse to think that this person who is supposed to have cared about you, seems to not care at all. Anyway, you said you needed a hug... so *hug*. Hope things get better soon.

[Scuza]

Well, it's been about 2 and a half months since I've last had contacting with my ex (excluding the angry text she sent me two months ago, which I did not respond to, so doesn't count ).

I'm feeling amazing. Christmas was great! Gave some good presents, got some nice ones in return. Good amount of money to put towards my second year of post secondary!

Sometimes I still miss her, but it's easy to ignore now. I find myself thinking of her less and less each day, even!

I'm enjoying being single, flirting with whoever I feel like

Not being in contact with the ex is hard at first, but it gets much easier as time goes by.

[Cowboy1015]

My interest in getting back with her is slowly dying down as I count the number of days of NC... I'm still confused if this NC is a right decision. I used to call her once a week and we usually have nice conversation.

[lonelyheart2]

Aw thanks minimimi for the virtual hug it is gratefully received I have also just found out now that one of my brothers marriages is breaking down! It just never ends!!!!!!! He left for this buddhist place about 4-5 months ago and was not contacting anyone not even his wife for a long time and he's only just come out to us now that he feels he rushed in to things too quickly and does not really love his wife enough etc (he has not told us yet) It's very upsetting as we love her a lot too and we also have to be understanding to him. Why is life so complicated sometimes!!! I can't wait for 2012 It has to be a good year! 2011 has been terrible pleeeeeeeeease make things improve! I think I'm on day 24 of nc not entirely sure.....I suppose in a way that's a good sign....

[dino9401]

I want so bad to tell her how much I hate her right now.

[Swift]

What happened? If you don't mind sharing....

 

She contacted me wishing me a Merry Christmas.

 

I replied.

[RitaTrue]

^ Swift, Dont beat yourself up anymore. Just start over (which you probably already have). You arent the only one who's broken contact during NC. It wont kill you--just keep going

[Swift]

^ Swift, Dont beat yourself up anymore. Just start over (which you probably already have). You arent the only one who's broken contact during NC. It wont kill you--just keep going

 

Thanks, Rita.

 

Beat myself up is something I do regardless of circumstance anyway. It's not a good trait - it manifests even worse come the end of relationships.

 

Onwards and upwards, eh ?