THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[dobbin]

another day of NC.

I have to get the last bit of mail from him by the end of Dec which means i have to contact him.

i dread this everyday. i dont want to contact him at all.

erase. delete. delete permanently.

[Tom1990]

DAY 30 NC

 

I just nearly broke NC after seeing he had deleted our holiday photos from FB

god im burning with anger right now

Im pretty sure he's done it because of a new girl

i hate him

 

WTG Carrie! I know it burns inside, oh I know that feeling so well. But don't give up! You're doing AWESOMELY!!!

[Tom1990]

another day of NC.

I have to get the last bit of mail from him by the end of Dec which means i have to contact him.

i dread this everyday. i dont want to contact him at all.

erase. delete. delete permanently.

 

Hmm, I would suggest getting that overwith as soon as possible. But that's just me. And don't count it as breaking NC, because it's just getting your stuff.

[brandnewday47]

Currently on day 13.. however due to work circumstances I will need to initiate contact very soon and be the bigger person, starting the process of letting go with love and moving forward. But I know what I'm doing, and where I need to go. Life is to short to stay stuck anymore.

[HoliPoli]

DAY 30 NC

 

I just nearly broke NC after seeing he had deleted our holiday photos from FB

god im burning with anger right now

Im pretty sure he's done it because of a new girl

i hate him

 

Oh I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It makes sense when they say not to "stalk" them. Seeing that would just make me sick and set my healing back even more.

[HoliPoli]

As for me I'm having a rather calm evening/night. It feels good to not be an emotional wreck and I don't think I've cried all day. NC really helps and not having the ex in your face really helps also. I'm so happy he was kind yesterday. I'm not reading more into it, I swear.

[carrie8484]

Thanks everyone! hearing encouragement from you guys on here is definitely helping, keep supporting each other!

I keep seeing the same people put DAY 1 NC several times a week! Come on guys, if youre going to do the challenge, STICK TO IT! It's for you, not for them!

GO FORWARDS NOT BACKWARDS!

KEEP NC EVERYONE!

[AnnaN]

Somewhere around Day 35

 

A friend of mine got a job at the store he works, she told me that she saw him, I didn't ask anything, she didn't tell me anything more. I really don't want to know anything about him, it's good to know though that he is alive after his disappearance!

[deeplongbreath]

it's good to know though that he is alive after his disappearance!

 

Or not. Sometimes I think I'd rather hear he's dead, that would at least explain his silence. Okay, just kidding.

[HoliPoli]

Thanks everyone! hearing encouragement from you guys on here is definitely helping, keep supporting each other!

I keep seeing the same people put DAY 1 NC several times a week! Come on guys, if youre going to do the challenge, STICK TO IT! It's for you, not for them!

GO FORWARDS NOT BACKWARDS!

KEEP NC EVERYONE!

 

*raises hand* I'm probably guiltiest of that right now. Its hard when you're attempting to heal, but also reconcile the friendship. We're not supposed to have it both ways, but i'm determined. Somehow.

[Tom1990]

Day 3 done. Absolutely no contact at all. No pokes, no FB-gifts. Some cyberstalking was involved at first, but halfway through the day I stopped myself, went for walks, etc.

 

On to Day 4. There was going to be some shuffling of desks in her department soon. This might move her physically closer to me, or farther away. My heart is hoping for closer, but my head is hoping for farther away....

[HoliPoli]

Or not. Sometimes I think I'd rather hear he's dead, that would at least explain his silence. Okay, just kidding.

 

It's OK. I think our minds are only wired for loss being in the form of death. I'm sure we've all wished this at some point in our BU. If they died in a tragic accident then the pain would make sense.

 

 

8 years ago while I was in college and still "stupid" I married my boyfriend who was in the Army and leaving for Iraq. I saw him once on leave and then he never made it back home. I feel guilty that my mind handled his death better then my current BU. I've had relationships since the death of my husband and before my current ex, but I was finally invested and ready for a real future.

[JLKLEE]

21 days since BU

Day 2 NC

 

Sometimes I feel strong, other times I feel very weak. I hate missing him. I hate wondering what is going to happen in the future. Sometimes I think that we needed the break up or else things would never change. I know that the break up is giving me the opportunity to work on myself and fix things that might not be attractive in a relationship. I know he needed to work on himself too and me being there, pretty much doing everything for him, was not helping. A lot of crappy things happened in our relationship. Some say it is stupid to take think about being with someone after the problems they caused but I guess you can't help who you love.

 

Hopefully some time away will give me a clearer perspective.

[HoliPoli]

 

...I guess you can't help who you love.

 

Hopefully some time away will give me a clearer perspective.

 

I think that's true except when it comes to ending it. =(

[JLKLEE]

I think that's true except when it comes to ending it. =(

 

It sucks. We definitely had a lot of ups and downs in the relationship. A lot of misunderstandings. A lack of communication. I can't help but feel this just wasn't the right time for us. And I can't let go of the fact that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. And the few times I have seen him since the break up, he has been very emotional and sometimes affectionate towards me, giving me mixed signals like he is scared to get back together because he doesn't know how much people change, but also being affectionate towards me. I thought when someone broke up with the other, it was only extremely emotional for the dumpee????

[Dibbs]

DAY 8 of NC

4 month since BU

 

Another day going by...

I feel like I'm losing her because of the lack of contact, but constant contact after the BU didn't bring her back to me so I guess I have no other choice than to stick to NC as long as possible.

Honestly I would give a lot for at least one day without thinking about her

[JLKLEE]

DAY 8 of NC

4 month since BU

 

Another day going by...

I feel like I'm losing her because of the lack of contact, but constant contact after the BU didn't bring her back to me so I guess I have no other choice than to stick to NC as long as possible.

Honestly I would give a lot for at least one day without thinking about her

 

I worry too that if I stop contacting him, he will just forget about me. I don't think this is the case. And an opportunity can arise later. It is best for everyone to take some time for themselves to heal and try new things, etc. There is no rule saying that in a month or so time, you can't initiate contact.

[lemonhaze]

You have already lost her/him on the day that they broke up with you, accept that. There is no magical window of opportunity.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 15 - Unfortunately I have already pigged out this week...but I have decided that at each milestone I get a treat ..next milestone being 30 days now and I shall treat myself to a huge buttery scone with cream and jam the next time I have lunch at cafe ponti's near work My manager was being freakishly nice to me today...think it's because she wants me to work more hours but it's just NOT going to happen! I have university to think about....she's lucky she gets to see me for as much as she does a week....hehe I don't think I thought about him all that much today..to be honest the time where I am certain I am thinking about him and what I lost is when I come on here but...I like talking to you guys!!! uhoh...next addiction to curb ENA I can't do it I caaaaaan't! I've got friends on here.......*looks shifty..* hope you guys are doing ok

[chrissyoh]

well i got to 13 days NC but i kinda had to break it and I will try shorten it enough to make the story bearable (its not interesting so if boring stories aren't your thing I advise caution against reading any further). Break up was ok, we didnt argue, had a very good relationship but she just didnt like the distance (i've shortened the story a lot for you) buuut anyway we live in different cities and i recently got made redundant (boo) and i started to look for work in her area so we could be closer and the prospects in her city are much better than the city i'm in which has been hit hard by the recession. So weeks after we split, i get an email from a company i applied for and they ask me to do some assesments which i pass, then a telephone interview which i pass and finally found out today that i got a final interview with them.... early in the morning! So i kinda had to get in touch with her to ask if i could sleep on her couch as it would be a lot easier for me instead of leaving mine at stupid o'clock in the morning. I put no pressure on her and she said no cos it's a bit too soon, could be awkward and her sister may be there.. and thats it, thats how i kinda had to end NC! I dont feel bad though, i did it for me and my career prospects, not for her! She sent me an xmas card today, so i sent one back (again i kinda had to cos i needed to send something back to her that had family sentimental value). Anyway, back to NC now, i've been feeling a lot better though after those 2 weeks of NC (weekends are hard but thats about it). Good luck to everyone else on here!

[LDRohnos]

Is it wrong to look forward to ignoring your ex? It's odd, at first it hurt to ignore but as time goes on...I almost look forward to NOT replying to her e-mail. Something wrong with me I think.

[AnnaN]

End of Day 35 (I think)

 

I feel much better. I am actually looking forward for the holidays and the family trip I will go to. I never believed that I would say that!

I bought some books to read, I haven't read any book since BU, among the others I got a couple about positive thinking and stuff like that. I haven't started them yet but I can already feel more positive that I will read this kind of books rather than get the ex back, or how to deal with a BU.

[brandnewday47]

On to Day 4. There was going to be some shuffling of desks in her department soon. This might move her physically closer to me, or farther away. My heart is hoping for closer, but my head is hoping for farther away....

 

Man, these situations are tough.. no doubt. Hang in there man. I've been down this road before and had so much trouble with it. The key, in my mind is to mentally put yourself in the present at least for now. Let go of the past and future expectations, and just try to get in a mindset of not letting this control your life. Mindset change is the primary reason I'm able to deal with things today, but it is something that we have to be vigilant about. My belief now is that life is just too short. My current situation has a work ex as well, but things seem to be going pretty well so far. Keep at it!

[im_the_undead]

you are one selfish, evil little man. ihy.

i don't miss you, either.

but why on earth do i want to have intercourse with you !?!?! D:

i guess it's because i've removed myself emotionally from you.. now all i want is that booty.

fml

[Tom1990]

Man, these situations are tough.. no doubt. Hang in there man. I've been down this road before and had so much trouble with it. The key, in my mind is to mentally put yourself in the present at least for now. Let go of the past and future expectations, and just try to get in a mindset of not letting this control your life. Mindset change is the primary reason I'm able to deal with things today, but it is something that we have to be vigilant about. My belief now is that life is just too short. My current situation has a work ex as well, but things seem to be going pretty well so far. Keep at it!

 

Thanks!

 

Day 4! Marginal success. She was actually there before me (which was odd because I'm usually the first one there). I grunted "Hm, you are here early." She said "Mm-hm." I said "I am observant." After a pause, she snickered and said "At first I heard you were absorbant." I went "Oh. I guess I am absorbant too." Then I heard tape and wrapping paper. She was handing out gifts....

 

She initiated a brief IM conversation, we small-talked a bit, then carried on with work. We had agreed to exchange gifts despite the breakup. I had hers in my bag already, waiting for her. I wasn't going to initiate the exchange, though.

 

The day went on. I kept my chest out and head held high. I did my job, was responsive and proactive and stuff. I was determined to thrive despite the awkward previous week. At one point, she handed out a couple gifts right in front of me. (She sits three cubicles away from me.)

 

Then she disappeared, but was on IM. I sent a message, asking if she went home. She said she was in a lab. (We work in game development.)

 

The day continued. She came back to her desk. I finished working on a product that was part hers. I sent her a message about the outcome, how it was weird (long story that is unnecessary). She said she doesn't like the ending of it, and went on and on about why. (Man, I love it when she talks game development....)

 

And then the day was over. And now I am home. No gifts exchanged, but no fuss made over it. There was probably too much initiated contact on my part, but given the tone of the day, I wouldn't call it a complete failure.