THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Melting]

Day 3

 

Argh I have to see you today.

 

Imagine what it is like to see the man you love several times a day, talk to him and full well know that he doesn't give a rats about you.... hurts like hell.

[HoliPoli]

I felt happiness for a moment today when I received your message, quickly got a hold of myself because I know that's not what I'm supposed to feel, decided to let myself be happy for a few more moments because it has been over a month since I've felt anything like it.

 

I feel that i completely understood my emotions and proceeded with caution. I didn't get false hope or expectations. I just felt happy and I want more.

 

I am a happy addict.

[AnnaN]

2 weeks

 

The urge is hitting red the last 2 days...

[HoliPoli]

2 weeks

 

The urge is hitting red the last 2 days...

 

When I get like this I have to crawl in bed and just cry it out. I wouldn't have believed it before if someone told me, but it helps to step away from the computer and get some fresh air. Usually clears my head and I can come back focused.

[jbug]

so i know i said it before but im done reaching out. last night after talking to her i felt as low as i ever felt in my life. the killer is everything she said was true.

 

so this is day 1 for me. its been more then 24hrs since we had contact.

 

i could really use support from the group. thanks

[dobbin]

so i know i said it before but im done reaching out. last night after talking to her i felt as low as i ever felt in my life. the killer is everything she said was true.

 

so this is day 1 for me. its been more then 24hrs since we had contact.

 

i could really use support from the group. thanks

 

dont reach out. it wont change anything but will only make you feel worse

cut off all contacts. delete everything. put away everything that reminds you of your SO

 

day 2 - BU was a month ago when i packed my stuff and left. LC since to sort out logistics, other than that nothing else

no plans for any furhter contact now that he is gone for work for 3 full weeks

[Tom1990]

You should really un-friend her and possibly even block her from Facebook. It makes it a lot easier, I can vouch for that.

 

I am prepared to do that if I must. For now, I've just unsubscribed and am going to leave it at that.

 

Day 1 success!

I got to work hella early, queued up every awesome Glee song I could find, and just plowed through the day. I'm changing my habits. I started playing cards with coworkers during lunch; with my back to the break room entrance of course, in case she were to wander by. While I was out to lunch, she sent me a message asking to clarify, if we were to not contact each other at all. I replied with something like "I need more space than I thought, thanks for asking." She said good luck. I closed the message and carried on. It was hard at times, but I got through it! Now, too tired to cyber-stalk her. Woot! Except she did leave me a gift in a Facebook game we play together. Ugh. I accepted, but did not reciprocate.

 

Theme song of the day: Artie Abrams from Glee, "Stronger".

 

Edit to add I hope she understands that work-related communication is acceptable. I assume she must know that, but you know what they say about "assume". Eh, she'll figure it out.

 

Edit 2 To clarify, me and her never agreed to go "NC", "NIC", or "LC". Last I told her, I just wanted to "Unlike" each others' breakup statuses, and left it at that.

 

Fake Edit And of course visions reconciliation have been haunting, as I know this increased her interest, because it often does so. UGH! Focus forward! Focus on me!

[HoliPoli]

I am a bad person. Horrible, horrible bad.

 

He contacted me and things got out of hand in a good, but so not good way. I didn't do what I had planned and I gave in. We had fun, laughed and WORSE and I feel happy but so very low at the same time. I wanted to test the waters and see if he missed me so I invited him to hang out. And well he accepted very happily.

 

We briefly talked about us after the deed (this is why i'm such a bad, bad horrible person!) and I filled him in on all the good things that have been happening to me lately. He joked that we should meet up like this until we each find a significant other. I was devastated that he could say such a thing and I teared up but quickly tried to cover it up. I didn't fool him but I played it off like it was nothing. He said he was happy that everything is falling into place for me.

 

I think I'm a hot mess who just can't do anything right. I feel the need to pull back like never before because I'm scared. I know I was just a booty call but in a sense so was he. We both wanted it and I know that doesn't make it right. I don't even know if I have a real question in here or if I'm just venting because I'm shocked at myself. I would love to say I wont make this mistake again. Ugh, so much was said that I need to get my head on straight to figure it out.

 

Back to square one and it's my own darn fault. Nobody to blame but me. Happy one month BU.

 

Just feel free to post about what a stupid thing I did. =(

[HoliPoli]

so i know i said it before but im done reaching out. last night after talking to her i felt as low as i ever felt in my life. the killer is everything she said was true.

 

so this is day 1 for me. its been more then 24hrs since we had contact.

 

i could really use support from the group. thanks

 

When I need that little extra oomph to get me through something I always play out a scene in my head from an Adam Sandler movie. Not just any scene as I mostly think of "Happy Gilmore" when they're on the golf course and Rob Reiner's character shouts, "You can do eet!"

 

He does that in a few movies so take your pick. Oh and for good measure just shout out, "No yelling on the bus!" (Billy Madison)

[Tom1990]

He contacted me and things got out of hand in a good, but so not good way. I didn't do what I had planned and I gave in. We had fun, laughed and WORSE and I feel happy but so very low at the same time. I wanted to test the waters and see if he missed me so I invited him to hang out. And well he accepted very happily.

 

I don't think it was stupid. It was a very human thing you both did. The fact that you feel bad afterwards is a sign that you learned what you really need. If this happens again, you know even better about yourself, and can tell him.

 

Some people can handle booty calls with ex-lovers. Some can't. Everybody's different.

 

Hang in there, and keep moving forward!

[Raaawr]

You made a mistake. So long as you learned from it. You're not a horrible person you just made a very silly mistake. Just dont make it again and itll be better.

 

Day 2

I feel alot better after yesterday. I dont know why, I guess I just vented on everyone. Im back to calmly waiting it out. Unfortunately, it being Day 2 of no contact means I have 5 days until a meeting, which will reset me back to Day 1 for the third time in 3 weeks. Im still not sure if I should go through with this meeting. It was her idea.

 

I removed the facebook app from my phone and binned pictures and presents she got me. Harsh since we not actually broken up yet but I feel better. im sure she will understand Im only preparing.

[Notagoodninja]

41 days since break up

40 days no contact

[jeepman41]

Hey sista HoilPoli, don't sweat it girl!! You feel bad enough without some strangers from cyberspace telling you that you messed up. You gave in to an urge. Does that make you a bad person? No, like the rest said it makes you very human. I'm sure that you learned something about yourself too.

 

It is OK to be afraid of the unknown. I can't say how you feel but I think you are feeling unloved in the aftermath of the breakup and you wanted some kind of validation that you are still desirable. Don't think that you are the first person to do such a thing. I think this incident will make you stronger in your resolve to go NC and try to make it work.

[chrissyoh]

Woot! Day 2 over here! To be honest that even though I do feel bad inside, its not as bad as i thought it would be or as bad as previous relationships, i dunno if its because I've had too many experiences of break ups or cos i have handled myself and kept my pride through this break up. I also slept like a beast last night and didnt think about her too much It also helps that quite randomly my phone was very busy last night from my mates (none knew that i had split up) and i didn't talk about it to them (my bro did phone up though and we talked briefly about it, but didn't dwell), weirdly though and its surprised me, when my phone goes off i don't have any hope or expectations that its her so i don't get any disappointment, i genuinely don't know why that has happened though, a big congratulations going to that part of my brain. I'm just forcing myself into a positive frame of mind and even though it may not be being honest to my feelings it is helping me. I know though that there will be days ahead where i feel like absolute poop i know I'm strong enough to get through. Swimming later, i love it, such a refreshing thing to do to clear your mind, it helps me a lot through quite a few stressful periods in life, I'd highly recommend it! Good luck to everyone else on here, stay strong!

[Swift]

Day 10

 

Not too sure how I feel. I forget about her only for a moment, when my mind wanders and all of a sudden a memory comes flashing in.

[HoliPoli]

Starting day 1 again.

 

Thanks Scott, Rawrr and Jeepman.

 

I was in the middle of a major freak out last night. Everything you guys said makes sense now that I've slept and have a clearer mind. There's still alot to think about as I have all these thoughts flooding my mind. I have to say though that I woke up feeling very different emotionally. I'm very interested in seeing how it plays out.

[Tom1990]

Bleh. I went on OK Cupid and saw that she changed her status to "Single". I know this because OK Cupid listed her as a match for me. Dammit! I'm going to be kind to myself and say that doesn't count, because it was thrown in my face, much like a coworker situation.

 

Day 2 begins. This gives me more reason to be resolved and strong, because I felt like I could get lazy after the great success of yesterday.

 

Also, hang in there, Holi!!!

 

Edit: Yeah, ok, I just went and hid her profile from me on OK Cupid. Ugh, that was hard....

[minimini]

Day 4 - The urge to check his myspace page is strong. I've mentioned it before, but the NC guy is the guy that I had the emotional affair with from Jan-Aug. I know, affair, bad. But we realized what we were doing was wrong and it was pretty much killing us both, so we stopped. Still totally in love with each other (um... pretty much since we were 13)... that makes it hard.

 

We pretty much have been no contact since August and I de-friended him from Facebook back in August. I went the entire month of September without writing to him at all, mostly because I was afraid he wouldn't write back. But I also spent that entire month stalking every one of his social network profiles all of which, aside from Facebook, are public. He actually updates myspace from his Facebook account, so even though I'm not friends with him, I still have access to his status updates, etc. Secretly and vainly, I think he updates myspace and keeps it public, for me... but who knows. This challenge, for me, is not so much about not contacting him... I've kinda got that part under control. My fear of him not writing back pretty much takes care of that. But... the urge is STRONG today to check myspace and all the other sites and since this challenge says no stalking profiles, I'm not. Ugh! It's hard.... esp. when I've got time on my hands right now. Day 4... doing well.... the curiosity is killing me.

[Raaawr]

Still day 2

 

I was doing really well so far today, I had her out of my mind. Then I checked the time on my phone, well no, actually I checked to see if she text me. I know she wont but I checked anyway. I then looked at the time and thought "its still early she may contact". Now Im angry at myself for being stupid and sad because I miss her.

[Cityslick]

DAY 34 I DID IT!!!!!!!

 

BU- Sept 16

New b/f - Sept 25

Last contact - Oct 26

 

No contact for 30+ days....whew that was hard.

I said I wouldn't post for a while but the reason I'm posting now is because today would have been our 4 year anniversary

I still miss the hell out of you. It's funny, I told my close friend everything about you, me and our relationship and to his surprise, after everything happened I would still want another shot with you. "Why would you even want her back?" is all people ask me now but they don't understand that I'm still in love with you contact or not.

Since you left I've lost my job, I'm broke, I don't go out cuz I can't afford to, I sit at home all day and send out resume after resume with no callbacks, and then I mope about the house in my sweats laying on my couch trying not to cry too much. Everything around me has died, my t.v., my computer, heck even my iPod isn't working. It's like the universe is trying to tell me something. I feel like I'm just not supposed to have anything (love, a job, etc) and there are days where I feel like completely giving up because I don't know how to make all of this pain go away. I'm only 25 but right now I don't see a future. In the meantime, you've got 2 new jobs and a a new boyfriend immediately after leaving me, telling the world thru facebook how much you love him and how you're sooo much happier now, wow, way to make me feel even more worthless. If there is a God I would just ask him what did I do to deserve all of this. Sometimes I wish he would just take me away from it all cuz I don't feel like I'm coping as well as I should. 30+ days and all the feelings are there except they're slightly muted but still there nonetheless. I know it's selfish to just want you to myself especially in the position I'm in now but that's pretty much all I think about after praying for a new job. You've completely brushed me off yet you say when I'm emotionally stable maybe we can hang out. Why did you say that when you're done with me? Feel like I don't belong in this world anymore, like the universe has brushed me off too. Finding it hard to stay positive in light of everything.

[businessman]

So it's day 6 now. Since meeting in December, breaking up in July, talking every single day between July and September, and REALLY breaking up in September, this is the longest I've gone without talking to my ex.

 

We texted back and forth 6 days ago, and before that we had 5 days of no contact (which was my previous record).

 

I'm so proud of the people who have been able to go months without contact -- I honestly don't know how you do it! The hardest thing in the world for me is letting go (which is ironic, considering all you have to do is NOTHING!) haha.

 

Usually the contact between him and I post-break up was initiated by me, but the longest he has ever gone without contacting me has been like 5 days.

 

I have a feeling I'll get a text about something random over the next week, but I've told myself that I really shouldn't/can't respond.

 

I've looked at his facebook occasionally over these 6 days (as well as his new rebound's facebook)... but I'm still proud I haven't actually initiated contact.

eede

 

We live in different countries right now (I moved to Mexico after graduation, and he's still in college)... and I'll be moving to Australia in January... so we will be world's apart.

 

Next July I will be moving back to the United States and I'll be assigned about a 6-hour drive away from the school he goes to. My plan is to not talk to him once during these next 7 months, and then show up at his door and tell him the following:

 

"Letting go was one of the most difficult but most important things I've done. I needed the space to grow and become the person I've always wanted to be. I want to let you know, though, that I met you during a time when I simply was not ready to meet the man of my dreams."

 

I know that the second he sees me again, he will feel incredibly emotional, and I am almost certain there were be a spark. We have so much chemistry in person, it's incredible.

 

Sadly, long distance (and my irking behaviors) made it very difficult for him to pursue a long distance relationship with me right now. Such is life -- I'm moving on, and feeling better every day.

[northpickle]

Gratz Northpickle, I've really pleased for you! People can go months without getting as mentally far as you have. It's great to hear

 

Day 10 = I feel really encouraged by everyone's posts on here, well done northpickle!!! I hope I can do the same!

 

DAY 31

 

Thank you

 

I don't want to give the wrong impression that I'm finding this really easy or anything, because in some ways I'm not. But I'm way out of the deep dark hole I was in for the first month or two after breaking up (it's now 3 months after break-up).

 

Do I still check my email last thing at night and first thing in the morning to see if he's got in touch? Yeah, of course I do.

 

Do I now find the weekends easy? No, they're still awful.

 

All the new things that are happening in my life, do I want to tell him about them? Yeah, he's the first person I think of.

 

I still get a bit sad doing normal mundane things too, I still think about him every day and I really really miss spending time with him

 

I've just started a new job which is being a massive help - I haven't thought of him once whilst there because I'm busy learning new things, meeting new people and having new experiences. That has helped me a lot.

 

I am still hurting but it's getting easier every day, the huge pain from getting my heart ripped out is mending very well. I just feel sad at times because whatever has happened, I've lost the person I love from my life in the role that I wanted him in, as my lover. But he was also my best friend, my confidant, the one I would fall asleep next to And because there was no great drama, no infidelity, jealousy, abuse, bad behaviour...anything like that...it's taking some time to get my head around it all. Yeah, I'm still gutted he didn't want to work things out before we broke up but that was his decision.

[minimini]

Still day 2

 

I was doing really well so far today, I had her out of my mind. Then I checked the time on my phone, well no, actually I checked to see if she text me. I know she wont but I checked anyway. I then looked at the time and thought "its still early she may contact". Now Im angry at myself for being stupid and sad because I miss her.

 

You sound like me. ;-) Don't be so hard on yourself. There are so many little things we do throughout the course of the day that we do kind of out of habit. It's just as much a matter of breaking the habit as it is about getting the person out of your mind. Hang in there. Missing someone is just something you can't control. Being mad or not mad at yourself IS. Don't be mad at yourself. It's okay. It'll be better next time.

[minimini]

Oh, Cityslick! I don't know what to say!! I'm so sorry that you are still feeling all the pain. I'm quite sure that if the rest of your life was going well, that you wouldn't feel so crappy about the NC person. God has a weird way with things.... Kind of throws everything at you at once sometimes. I'm not super religious or anything, but you were saying that you would ask God what you did to deserve all this, so I'm just saying. Rest assured, and I'm speaking here from experience, that God doesn't hand you anything that you can't handle. The universe is just not built that way. Life will get better.... hang in there. The lows will make you appreciate the highs in life SO much more!!

[lemonhaze]

3 months of NC now. Today kind of sucks, really want to talk to her, but I won't.