THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[somethngwrng]

Ex texted me yesterday just before I went to bed on day 5 NC. I replied and asked for my stuff back. She started spewing insults at me.. then started saying that I hate her.. then told me I'm never going to hear from her again. I did not send a message back and got like 10. She's fricken crazy.

[Melting]

Day 1 AGAIN! BU 1st Sept.

 

Struggling with this NC, but deep in my heart I know it is the best for me. When i don't hear from him in days, im ok..... then when I hear from him, im all messed up.

 

I should start reading my own words.

[The Man Who]

Day 1 AGAIN! BU 1st Sept.

 

Struggling with this NC, but deep in my heart I know it is the best for me. When i don't hear from him in days, im ok..... then when I hear from him, im all messed up.

 

I should start reading my own words.

 

Melting,

 

The more you keep on breaking NC the less effective it becomes for yourself.

 

I feel as though I'm getting a deja vu feeling everytime you post in this thread as it's always the same.

 

You need to toughen up and realise your strong. No more excuses! Put yourself first and knock that damn ex off the pedestal you bestowed upon him.

 

You deserve better and not to be treated like a damn door mat, it's quite sad seeing someone get so low about their own self.

[somethngwrng]

Well! I am back to day 1 NC after taking the bait when my ex messaged me. I spent a good 2 hours mulling over whether or not to reply before I sent back the cold message asking for my stuff back. She spewed a lot of crap at me and I didn't really respond to anything, then today I decided to send her an email. I more or less said "look, until you can treat me with some respect, don't contact me again". Why did I do that?

[indigoblue]

Day 35

 

I kind of don't miss you anymore I'm talking to other guys and dating... I still think about you and compare you with other men but I'm doing better now. I hope I don't make the same mistakes.

[RitaTrue]

Well I failed again, not even back to day 1 as I have already broken it today.

 

Damn, I am so stupid!!

 

STOP CONTACTING ME & LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

Melting,

Stop fooling yourself. You're only hurting yourself. And also your kids. Your actions, and your decision to heal or not, also affects your family, not just you.

 

You don't want to heal. You've said so yourself: that removing him from your life would eat you with guilt. Instead of doing hamster wheels of NC, you need to sit down with yourself and come up with real motivation to move on. Until you have that motivation, you'll keep doing what you're doing already----killing your self-respect--and stagnate as an object that your ex can keep crapping on. And why wouldn't he? You give him your consent everyday.

 

Stop blaming him, for you failing NC.

 

Like you've said before, it's time to show yourself love: and when you're healing, that starts with deciding that you deserve better. And THAT'S where you're stuck. Not at doing NC. But at believing you deserve better. This is why you keep failing. Not because of him. It's because of you.

 

When you can genuinely say that you DESERVE BETTER, you will finally progress in NC, and moving on. Melting, you truly deserve more than the crap he's giving you. Hell, you deserve more than the crap you give YOURSELF. But no one can convince you of this but you. If you really want to move on, then start believing the reasons of why you should, and why you deserve better. And believe in them daily. If you don't want to do this for yourself, then frankly, you're wasting your own time, and have decided to let someone else control your own happiness. If you let someone else control your own happiness, good luck with that, you'll continue to get the same crap you're getting now; Only then, by consenting to let someone else control your happiness, you're also forfeiting your right to complain about how he decides to treats you and objects you to **** everyday.

[In the Midst]

Day 34

 

Hmmmm......

 

Still thinking of her constantly, but not accompanied with paralyzing grief and heartache. I am sad on occasion. Still miss her.

I am worried a bit that I lost a little of my Zeal to improve and change. Got to keep moving

[madine]

1.5 hours till contact. I am so not up for it today.

 

My therapist was bugging me for not having made any progress in almost 5 months. Like that doesn't bother me myself. I know what would help; a new love interest. Unfortunately I am not the kind of guy they're lining up for.

[AJ2118]

BU: September 3rd

NC: Day 14

 

K had his birthday party this weekend. I really wanted to see him, but I made myself go out of town with a friend instead. I will say, that I had a blast with my friend, but I was thinking about him from time to time.

 

I did hear from a mutual friend that K was surprised that I didn't show up to his party. I won't lie and say that I didn't get that instant feeling of hope because that meant that I at least crossed his mind, but then again, if he wanted to he could have easily contacted me to be with him.

 

Two weeks isn't too long, but I'm doing better. I still miss him in the mornings, but I'm making my house my own and living day by day for me. I think that's progress!!

[Aleina2011]

BU: 15th October

NC: Day 1

 

This seems like the kind of thing I need to keep myself motivated. Great idea.

Ex moved out of MY flat on Friday ending a not-so-rosey relationship. We used to bicker a lot. The underlying issue is that we seem to be in different places at the moment. I moved to his country, I got a job, I got a flat. He has gone back to uni. I am 30 and he is 31. We had previously broken up over a year ago and then somehow made up and moved in together. So this time it's pretty much it. I saw him yesterday, I managed to persuade him to come to the flat. I told him I thought having a break was a good idea but that I didn't want to break up. I suggested we tried seeing each other without living together, as it seems he wanted a more slow-paced relationship. He said he will think about it but at the moment the answer is no. He also said he has come to the end of his love for me. And also, that this time round it is much easier for him as he feels he has tried. I don't want to bore you with the ins and outs of the past 2 years. I know I need to move on for my own sake. It's just made a bit harder by the fact that I am alone for the first time in a new city where I have 1 friend, no family. I already take classes and on top of my job I do a masters part-time. My week is pretty busy already, but I don't have friends except for one who's very supportive but I can't burden him with all this.

So here I am on day one. I hope to have your support. I am still hoping to hear from him but I also know that it will not be what I want to hear. What makes me hope is that last year I did manage to get him back through a mixture of NC and then LC. But I know that this time is different as we have tried and failed and he much more rational than me. I find it a bit difficult to let go. I am always the one willing to try and make an effort, except that maybe I didn't make an effort in the relationship. I should have simply accepted that we were going at his pace not mine. I know, maybe not ideal. But it's soo scary now. I am scared because I have already been through this with him and did not manage to see the light at the end of the tunnel. All those months of NC and I did not move on from him. But we'll see this time round! At least day one is (almost) over!

[Melting]

Day 2 again BU 1st Sept.

 

This time around I will triumph in NC, my head is set in the right place and I need to move forward in life. Continous contact from my ex is not allowing me to heal.

[RitaTrue]

Dear Ex,

Should I break NC to talk to you, before you go home overseas?

 

I just realized that you have less than 2 months in the States. I'm not sure if that's why you've been calling like crazy. I think it's a mixture. You call for your own selfish reasons, and you also call because your time's running short.

 

I feel so guilty for NC.

[unkown1921]

NC day 13

well we have been broken up for about a month and 3 days (probably 2 months for her,she had gigs) and im starting to move on even more their is someone new im talking to and while i would like to be with her in a relationship i dont think im ready yet. i want to give her 100%.

[somethngwrng]

Day 1 complete again. This time I'm not responding to her crap if she messages me. I refuse to be insulted again. 2nd try at NC.. personal best 5 full days before she texted me and I replied, making me feel awful again. Have a feeling I won't be hearing from her for a loooong time.

[Karianne]

BU: September 10th

 

Dear Ex,

You tell me you love me. You ask me to give you time. You said it's time to work. But you always made time for me before... what changed? You don't want to be labelled as anything. You used to be the one who wanted to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Now you ask me why we need to put labels on things. You say that we are more than just friends but we are not going out... is this how you really feel? Who are you?

I am going NC until I can heal, and you figure out who you want...

I hope that when you see how I have become my awesome self again, that you will come to your senses....

Please don't throw around "I love you" unless you mean it... or unless you are actually in love with me.

Sincerely,

Me.

[Ixtapa]

Back to Day 1 of NC.....why do I keep giving this guy a chance when he doesn't deserve it ???

[r0ckox]

Day 1

 

I'm deciding to go NC on my own this time. Partially because you simply could care less, but mostly because I deserve to heal. I've been back and forth forever. Enough is enough.

You're into someone else, anyway.... so why should I waste my time?

 

Let it begin.

[brandnewday47]

As I responded to an email yesterday, and tried to convey that I was letting her go in a caring and healing way... I suppose this is day one again. I'm glad I sent it though... it's become obvious to me that she has no idea how her actions and distancing has impacted me, as this has all about how I don't understand what her priorities are. Hopefully she figures it out... we are just at different stages in life it appears.

[madine]

Day 33.

 

She didn't show up yesterday. Next meetings are scheduled for October 31st and November 5th.

 

Time is my friend...

[Aleina2011]

BU 14th October

NC Day 2

 

Woke up with the usual anxiety. The moment when the alarm goes off is the worst part of the day for me. I used to wake up every morning next to him. Rest of the day at work was ok. I find it a bit hard to concentrate and I fall into contemplation from time to time. Part of me thinks this can't be it. The other part just doesn't care anymore, it's too much pain. I am trying to avoid thoughts such as: I am alone, he hasn't texted, etc, how long will it be till, etc. I think of what I would write to you guys on ENA instead.

[asty]

!!!!!

holy * * * * .

 

 

I think I'm somewhere between day 45 and 50 now, and things have been great.

No contact whatsoever. I haven't been back here for awhile because I honestly haven't even really felt the need to post...life is so so good lately.

 

But now I gotta vent.

 

On Saturday I celebrated my university's homecoming. I along with about 20 other fellow alum were out in our old college town drinking at one of the local establishments. My ex appeared there. I was informed that she was there but I never actually saw her.

 

Among my group of friends was another ex (a very very short 2 month or so relationship forever ago) who is actually now engaged to one of my friends...long story.

 

So the group is pretty big and we have spread out a lot and my ex picks off a few stragglers to try to talk to. First tried to befriend my other ex (weird #1). then tried to befriend my 2 roommates from college (weird #2...they hated her the entire time we were together and she definitely used to mention she felt that they did hate her). but then...nothing comes close to weird #3.

 

The check comes. I've had 1 beer. My bill is $40. I tell the waitress that that was quite the expensive beer! What the heck is going on? Do I even need to go further or can you guys figure out what happened here?

 

The waitress clearly describes the girls (who had left) who put the food on my tab. Yup, it was my ex and her friend. Awesome. The bar actually expected me to pay for it. They even went as far to say that they saw me with them (total bs). After some serious verbal exchanges with security I was "thrown out". Never actually paid for any of it (except my beer, I threw some cash on the table for that). Still not making contact to call her out for it.

 

On a funnier note, my ex was apparently covered in really bad acne, and for the last 48 hours my friends have been texting me pictures of peperoni pizzas.

[Melting]

Day 1 again. BU 1st Sept

 

I don't know why I do it to myself.

[raton44]

Day 1 again. BU 1st Sept

 

I don't know why I do it to myself.

 

Melting...what's your story? do you have a thread?

[lonelyheart2]

day 6 I feel like I will permanently be stuck in the denial stage...

[somethngwrng]

Break up: 7 Oct

 

I just realised it ironic that I had 7 Oct circled on my calendar at work, saying that if her attitude hadn't picked up on that date that I was going to leave her. I circled that date one month in advance when she was treating me * * * * ty.

 

Half way through day 2 and I want to contact her so bad. Would be on day 8 now if not for our small exchange in which she insulted me even further, but trailed with "I'm sure I will give your stuff back, but I just don't feel like you deserve it right now". I don't think I really believe that.

 

She is holding on to the small bit of power she has left over me - my possessions. She knows I won't come back begging again.