asty

!!!!! holy * * * * . I think I'm somewhere between day 45 and 50 now, and things have been great. No contact whatsoever. I haven't been back here for awhile because I honestly haven't even really felt the need to post...life is so so good lately. But now I gotta vent. On Saturday I celebrated my university's homecoming. I along with about 20 other fellow alum were out in our old college town drinking at one of the local establishments. My ex appeared there. I was informed that she was there but I never actually saw her. Among my group of friends was another ex (a very very short 2 month or so relationship forever ago) who is actually now engaged to one of my friends...long story. So the group is pretty big and we have spread out a lot and my ex picks off a few stragglers to try to talk to. First tried to befriend my other ex (weird #1). then tried to befriend my 2 roommates from college (weird #2...they hated her the entire time we were together and she definitely used to mention she felt that they did hate her). but then...nothing comes close to weird #3. The check comes. I've had 1 beer. My bill is $40. I tell the waitress that that was quite the expensive beer! What the heck is going on? Do I even need to go further or can you guys figure out what happened here? The waitress clearly describes the girls (who had left) who put the food on my tab. Yup, it was my ex and her friend. Awesome. The bar actually expected me to pay for it. They even went as far to say that they saw me with them (total bs). After some serious verbal exchanges with security I was "thrown out". Never actually paid for any of it (except my beer, I threw some cash on the table for that). Still not making contact to call her out for it. On a funnier note, my ex was apparently covered in really bad acne, and for the last 48 hours my friends have been texting me pictures of peperoni pizzas.

I'm at 2 weeks of NC and not thinking about breaking it. Cut off contact with entire family, phone number is changed. I know from a friend that she is going to NY with the guy I caught her texting. Good, I am fine with it. Stings a little but I'm glad to get it out of the way because it's inevitable. Knowing I got GIGS'ed makes it easier to realize she was too unstable to be the one...good riddance. I asked friends to not tell me anything else about her. I requested she change her address but she still has bills, credit card, bank statements coming here. I returned them to the post office but not to her. The first month I'd take it to her parents house but I haven't done that for over 3 weeks now. Boy time is flying. In one more week we will have been broken up for 2 months. Her older sister dumped a bf of 3 years to move 3,000 miles away and date a new guy for 6 months before returning last year and proposing to original guy and being rejected. Less than 6 months later she was/(is?) living with a 3rd guy. I'll be sure to revisit this post with whatever details I can should history repeat itself in some similar fashion. I just don't think that it's going to work out for her jumping to a new guy less than a month and a half after a 4 year relationship abruptly ended but let's wait and see...14 days ago she was crying on the phone saying she loved me. A lot of clarity has set in. I was with her because she was hot. That's it. She was a model in college and I was mostly into her for the wrong reasons. She does well in sales for the same reasons. She had other redeeming qualities but really I was forgiving too much for the last 2 years because she was sexy and the sex was good. Other than that, she was kind of lazy (she would just leave work in the middle of the day to watch tv in my bed), she was manipulative (asking me to consider selling my house and moving away with her while texting and going out to the bar with other guy), and she has a serious drinking problem which scared me so much I had to call her brother and sister in law during our relationship to get advice. Let's not forget she wanted to get this dog together and then wanted to go out every night and leave her locked up. There was nothing great about this relationship. I can now vividly remember talks with friends at the 1, 2, and 3 year mark where I considered leaving her for all of these kinds of reasons. This set me free.

Nope, it's not smart.

Day 10 First day into double digits and officially the longest I've gone without contact with her. I feel good. I've had no urge to contact her. Every day feels better. Onward and upward.

Day 7 since I last talked to her on the phone. Day 6 since I found out that she was lying through her teeth during that phone convo. I changed my phone number and I have been rock solid about not contacting. Not even the slightest bit of interest in it. It's over. And I actually feel better about it. My uncle is going through a divorce right now. His second failed marriage. Both of his ex wives cheated on him. I talked to him on the phone last Friday and feel horrible for him. I'm so glad that I'm not in his situation. To me a failed 4 year relationship felt like life and death but I am finally feeling better about it and at ease that it is over. For the longest time I banged my head against the wall (figuratively) about the thought of my ex with someone else. Now I honestly don't care. It's been a month and a half since our break up and I'd never stop looking over my shoulder with her. Anyone capable of doing what she did to me isn't marriage material for anyone. I'm a lucky guy to have found that out. Went on a date this weekend. Holy cow what a good time. I don't find myself the least bit interested in the girl but making out in my car with a different chick was fun! First time I've kissed a girl other than my ex in 4 years. Feeling good to start the week.

[Forewarning..theres a hurricane outside so I've been at the house drinking most of the day.] I'm not really sure where I should post these updates...either in my thread or this. I decided to post in this thread because I am choosing to take part in the NC challenge because I think it will help me break emotional ties with my ex and think rationally. My mom called this morning. Ex is sending her facebook message(s). I don't even have a facebook but I HATE THAT SITE. I do not know the contents beyond "checking in-ish". Mom volunteered to forward but I don't want to see it. I don't doubt that she is resorting to this because of the lack of response she's heard from me. In a strange way it makes me feel good that at 9pm on a friday night my Ex was sending a message to my mom at the computer but I'm trying to focus on me and not her. I asked my mom to defriend/block my ex this morning but she won't, but also promised she won't respond. I'm actually pretty pissed that she won't defriend/block. F**K this situation. I guess I am being a hypocrite since I hung out with my ex's family members but * * * . Her mom sought me out and she pushed me and her brother to hang out at the games (and then he invited himself to my house because I live near a concert venue). My mom lives 500 miles away and I see her less than twice a year. The idea of knowing she's receiving messages from my ex while trying to give me objective advice pisses me off beyond belief. I agreed over a month ago with my ex's mom that there would be no more talking because family wasn't involved. I think there is a lot of family with mutual love that wants to see us together but this makes me sick to my stomach. Need my family on my side and just doing what I say right now. No being friends with ex on FB. Sending a strong message that it is not appropriate to seek out contact. I have never sought out contact, it came on me! Today is a 100% "I don't want to be with her" day. Felt like that when I woke up.

Day 8 This hasn't been fun. Lately I can't keep all the good memories out of my head. There is a path behind my house that leads through the woods and around a lake...ultimately to a few bars and a coffee shop. We used to walk it quite a bit together, whether we were going out on Friday night or taking the dog for a walk on a Sunday morning with a stop for coffee. Walked it this morning, got a little choked up but this is my neighborhood and I have to just suck it up and grow a pair. Speaking of our dog, I had to take her to the vet yesterday since it was 2 weeks post surgery...time to get stitches removed. I noticed the day we got her was on the client forms I was going through while I was waiting for the vet...7/22/2010. I realized yesterday that we broke up exactly one year after we brought our dog home. Damn. Brought back a pretty rough memory...I can still see her sitting in the passenger seat next to me on the long drive home with my baby Siberian Husky in her lap. No regrets though. My old college roommate was back in town last night. He moved to NY for med school but said the city is such a mess due to this hurricane on the way that he just wanted to get out for the weekend. Dude is my best and oldest friend. He's known me through 2 serious breakups now, I actually met him through the ex I had when I was 18 or so. We talked about a lot of stuff related to the break up. He too says there's no way that she won't show up again one day, but told me he thought I would be stupid to take her back. Basically he said she doesn't appreciate all the things I've done for her, and that it's a * * * * * move on my part to allow her to tell me she is being taken for granted when it's clearly been the opposite. There were a lot of examples he laid out for me. I mean I have known him for about 7 years and he was there the night my ex and I first met. The stuff he said really hit home. A lot of it is the same stuff my other friends have said in the last few weeks but it didn't carry the same weight until it came from him. I still haven't been able to do the pro/con list yet. I think I already know that the cons side of the list is going to be too big to reconcile this relationship. Still, I wonder what her list would look like for me though.

Trust me, I know where you are coming from. It's a * * * * * . I've got jewelry that I bought my ex years ago that is still sitting at the store because it was being repaired (clasp broke). They called 2 days after I went NC to tell me it's ready. Haven't gone to pick it up yet and I refuse to break NC just to give her back a gift I was trying to get fixed for her. It's valuable, it belongs to her, and one day I will return it to her, but I am more worried about me right now. Took me a lot of thinking to decide it's not worth making contact just to return it. Just like my ex's jewelry, a dress for a wedding is just not important in the grand scheme of things.

Day 7. My story here: I can't really give you a solid answer to that question. I mean I say it because this is the "getting back together" forum haha. I guess I'm 50/50 on what I feel right now for her. I guess just the situation of the break up makes me say that. We sort of ended things on a "we both just need to take a break." She admits she is too immature for me and I am growing up too fast for her. Obviously there are huge trust issues that we have to overcome if a reconciliation is possible. We spoke shortly about a possible get together about a week before I went NC. She had given me her brother's phone number because she still wanted us to hang out together at the football games we have season tickets for. I texted her and said let's just both go to the game and have some fun together...stop talking about problems with the relationship for a day and just see if we have fun together. she called me and basically said she knows if we hang out together "now" then we will have a lot of fun, and then just end up going back to my place, hooking up, and being on our way to continue the same destruction we had started. Complete with me not being able to trust her, etc. So basically the vibe I got from her and her family made it feel like a bit of a hiatus at first. However, I decided to go NC because I need to find clarity. As time has gone on it's felt more and more like a real break up and that is fine with me since I wouldn't change a thing about who I was in the relationship. As another poster said in my thread, I need to figure out if I really want her or if I'm just clinging to the past.

I'm on day 6 of NC. Broken up for about a month now. I did break it for one text message which I do not believe counts. Ex asked me 2 days ago if I was safe after an earthquake and I responded that I was. That is the only message I have sent back. She also sent me a congrats message in addition to this because I just received a very important professional certification. I believe she found out about it because she is friends with my mom on facebook (shaking my head). Did not respond to that message. I do believe the message asking me if I was safe was a bit of a "feeler" to see if I would initiate a conversation. I had been doing so in the past but realized I was doing myself no good trying to be her friend. There wasn't a single injury reported anywhere in my state due to the earthquake according to the news. We do not live near the epicenter. It's been tough. I'm living in a house I bought with the 2 of us in mind and we were planning on moving in together (we are in our 20's) and everything still reminds me of her. Her closet, her bathroom sink, her side of the bed. We even bought a puppy together exactly a year before breaking up (living with me). The thing is I do believe that this has to be about 10x harder on her. We both made mistakes in the relationship but I know that she knows that I'm a huge catch and that I was always there for her. Meanwhile, each day...or hour I should say...I sort of flip flop on whether or not I think she actually deserves me.

heh...isn't it obvious that it's not worth it?