THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[unkown1921]

BU:sep 14

NC day 5

i heard some weird news that her family got on her about leaving me and dating that other guy. i feel kinda bad for her.

her family must really have liked me. And it makes me wish we could have worked out.

[indigoblue]

BU: Aug. 11

NC: 28 days

 

Why can't I get over it

[fortune]

Don't know how to refer to one of my threads so here is copy/paste of what's going on with me:

2 year relationship. He dumped me because he said that if he did not want to move in with me now he never would (he is 30). He did want to move in with me for a while and then changed his mind. We had a good relationship, but it was very slow paced, he travelled a lot for work so it was difficult to gain momentum and have serious conversations.

 

I went NC straight away, removed from FB, MSN,Skype, cell phone.

 

1 month post BU he called my sister to ask how I was (they are not good friends but they used to work together) and said that it was hard, and he thought about me a lot, but he had had to make a long term decision.

 

2 months post BU he wrote my sister to ask if there was any ''serious reason'' she had removed him from her friends. She just answered that she did what she hoped I would have done for her and there are no hard feelings not to worry.

 

2 1/2 months post BU he calls her to give his sympathies for the passing of a friend of hers that he also knew for work.

 

3 1/2 months post BU THIS MORNING I get an email from him saying that he read in the paper that my work union had obtained some major salary raises, He says it made him happy, I deserve it, he hopes I am happy, and he hopes the newspaper article is accurate. And he hopes I have a good week.

 

SHOULD I REPLY ? if so, what should I reply ?

 

I just did not feel like it today. If I do reply I am thinking maybe just a happy face ?

 

I have been feeling better the last week or two.

 

I feel like I can live with or without him. But if he ever wanted to reconcile somewhere down the road I would like to know.

 

I am just so hell bent on NC from me that I don't know if responding at all is a good idea.

 

And I don't want to wait to long before I reply...

 

So I broke no contact after 3 1/2 months and replied this: ''Yes thanK you ! I am really happy ''

 

I kind of figured I would rather reply something nonchalant rather than not reply at all. On the off chance that he is starting to regret...

[jolbell69]

BU 3rd July

9 weeks NIC and LC

1 month NC

LC since yesterday

 

Update - he called me last night and we talked for an hour. I didn't expect a response from my text, so it was a pleasant surprise. He told me he was afraid to call because he wasn't sure I would answer. After my "I miss you" text, he said he missed me too and thinks of me all the time. He said that if he doesn't contact me; it doesn't mean that he isn't thinking about me. He has been working on himself and sounded much more positive and less depressed, which I told him I am happy about. We caught up on eachother's lives since the last time we spoke, and he was very interested in the changes I have made. It was all very polite and friendly. I am glad he called and I know how he is. He asked tentatively if he can call me some times, and I said he could. I really do want to know how he is doing.

 

I am under no illusion that we will get back together - in fact, I am happy to keep moving forward with my life. I have decided to go out with the amazing kisser that I met on Saturday night - another kiss would be nice..... I feel much better about everything today, and am looking forward to the future.

[RitaTrue]

That doesnt sound nonchalant, haha. At any rate, he doesnt have doubts or regret. If he did, he would've been showing them a lot more clearly by now.

[RitaTrue]

--Day 60--

 

Although I'm still hurting, I feel more acceptance about everything. The thought of him seeing other women, even "her" no longer pains me. Instead, if he finds someone, even if it's "her", I'm happy for him. I do wish him the best.

 

I havent healed fully, but I do feel that full healing is closer by. Right now, I feel that I'm somewhere between 75-80% over him.

[Hastyhand]

I just saw her FB profile.

My younger brother called me to help him deactivate his account on his computer and since he only had 3 friends on it..it showed all the updates from HER.

I saw pictures ,where she was happy and on short road-trips out-of-town somewhere and status updates of different male "friends" visiting.

I know that she is with that new guy..and she is happy..that guy has a car and money, that me as a uni. student dont yet have.

It made me feel bad for a minute, but now if I think about it..I wish her well.. if that guy makes her happier than I could..well..good luck with that.

 

I didnt want to see those things, but I helped my brother out..and it wasn`t an excuse to take a look. I navigated to the Account settings page right away.

 

I actually saw a dream about her today..it was winter and she was running away from me and I couldn`t catch up no matter how hard I tried.

I take it as letting-go dream and I like it.

[madine]

I dream a lot too. And it's always about us getting back together. It isn't fun waking up and realising you were just dreaming I can tell you. Back when we were still together I used to dream a lot about her breaking up with me.

[AJ2118]

BU September 3rd

NC Day 7

 

This weekend was hard. I have been out of town for work and had hoped to hear from him but I didn't. Saturday morning I woke up and was so anxious that I had to do something. I worked in the yard (which I hate doing) and actually learned how to mow the grass (my neighbor taught me; Kevin used to always do it). Part of my motivation was that I wanted to learn in spite of him. That if for some chance he ends up driving by my house, he will be impressed that I can keep things going without him.

 

My neighborhood had a garage sale on Saturday and I was VERY tempted to sell off some of his things that he has left in my house, but I didn't. I keep thinking that he left it because it keeps the cord to me attached even though we haven't been in contact lately.

 

I know that he loves me, but I'm not going to keep chasing him. Whether or not he comes back around, I know that I deserve someone who can't get enough of me and values me as a best friend like I do/did with Kevin. That's why it's so hard; because I lost my best friend more than anything.

 

Day 7 and counting...

[mecastillo1987]

Do you still look back and think of me? Let alone miss me?

[Nagant]

Today marks 4 weeks of No Contact for me, so I figured I'd post to give everyone else some inspiration, ha!

 

I still have no desire to really contact her (at times I do) because I'm pretty sure it's over for real this time. We broke up once before about exactly 1 year before the new breakup. I still miss her, but I think this might have been for the best for both of us, even if it's still hard to 100% accept. Here are the things that have helped the most:

 

-No Facebook: I broke down once or twice and looked at her page, and luckily those times I didn't see anything too bad. I still felt weak looking, so whatever you do don't look!

 

-Not seeing her in person at all: I live an hour away from her, so I don't ever have to worry about running into her. This helps alot too. I feel like if I did see her now though I might break down, ha!

 

-NC: Just don't do it. No matter what. Lately I've been having the slight urge to call or text and ask what she's been up to for 4 weeks, but I know it's a terrible idea. Not knowing what she's up to has really helped, and allowed me to try and live my life as I should right now: without worrying what she is doing.

 

Just stick to it everyone, no matter how hard it is!

[dontlookback23]

BU: September 12, 2011

NC: 28 Days

 

I've been reading a lot of the posts in these forums but it's my first time posting. I initiated NC as soon as we broke up and it's been getting a bit easier day by day. The only times I feel like faltering is late at night when I'm not being productive or when I'm trying to fall asleep. I keep telling myself that I can't contact my Ex because I don't want the Ex to know that I still care about this when I know I shouldn't. I'm just waiting for the day when I'm just indifferent to it all.

 

I hope everyone is successful in getting themselves back and healing with NC. It will be a long road ahead to recovery but we can do this. Good luck! If anybody wants to talk, feel free to PM me because it'd be nice to help each other through this.

[AJ2118]

I'm new here...how do you send a PM (personal message)?? Thanks.

[dontlookback23]

I'm new here...how do you send a PM (personal message)?? Thanks.

 

I checked the forums and apparently you need a certain number of posts before you can do so. However, don't spam because it's against forum rules!

[somethngwrng]

Day 2.

 

Day 5 of extremely LC (she has only responded to things I've said and all replies have been negative)

 

Having trouble sleeping. Nightmares. Not productive at work. Smoking like a train. I hate her so badly for what she did, for what she's doing. I felt so pressured by her that I spent ridiculous amounts of money on my living situation. She broke me down so bad that I just let her control me and then she walked out. She was not nice to me. She stole from me in the break up. She has no conscience, no soul. The one who claimed to love me more than anything in the world, to never harm me... couldn't even treat me with the same kind of respect I would treat an acquaintance. I'm sure she's already having sex with someone new.

[Bronxtigeraso]

BU:Sept 2nd

NC:Sept 16th

 

Day:24

 

I did just about everything when she left me. Sent flowers,cards,begged,called,texted,everything! And not a single reply. She basically went NC on the day she left me. I went NC on the 16th of Sept. Ever since

she left me I have not heard a word from her at all. She blocked me on FB and I believe even changed her number. I feel extremely hopeless at this point. I have romantic dreams with her and sometimes even nightmares. I always ask myself these questions..

Does she even miss me? Does she have doubts? Does she have someone else? So many things trace my mind. I miss her with all my heart and have many urges to contact her. But I seriously do not want to mess up my chances. Tomorrow we wouldve had 1 year and 10 months together Time will only tell.

[Melting]

Day 2 again BU 1st Sept.

 

I really need to start being strong, the contact I have had from you these past weeks had given me hope. But if I really think about it hard, it is merely only contact when you are feeling lonely, nothing more. I am just being played with now and as I still have feelings for you, I am falling for it.

 

I did have a nice guy, I just think I wanted him more then he ever wanted me.

[somethngwrng]

Just got a 2 page email and feel UTTERLY AWFUL despite all the truth in it. There was nothing malicious, no blame, just a "we are not suitable for each other. I love you and I wish we could have worked but we are hazardous to each other and can't live normal lives together. I removed you from my phone and IM programs to avoid temptation of getting in contact with you". It was so true. It doesn't change how she treated me or the fact she is not a decent person but has given me closure on this dark chapter.

 

So I have begun the process of taking EVERY little digital memory we have (photographs, IM conversations, text messages) and placing them on a flash drive, and most likely never looking at them again. I did the same thing 3 years ago with a different girl and to this date have still never looked at the memories. God, this is so sad. I'm so sad. Back to day 1 NC.

[DesMoines]

Woah, woah woah.

 

He broke NC tonight. In a zillion million trillion years, I never would have thought he would actually break it first.

It's been nearly 2 months since I initiated NC, and I positively dreamt of the time I'd get a text message from an unknown number and it would be him.

 

Well, tonight it happened.

He texted because he saw a completely smashed up red Sunfire being towed, and he wanted to check and make sure it wasn't me and that I was okay.

 

I kept everything light, but short. He was really glad and relieved it wasn't me, and I thanked him for the thoughts and hoped he was well.

 

I don't know…obviously I can't read into this…but, I also can't stop myself from smiling just knowing that he thought of me, and cared enough to check. Even after all this time.

[Hastyhand]

Hehe. Good for you.

 

I guess my ex wouldn`t even mind me being dead. She checked out early on before BU and stopped caring about me a long time ago.

I got jumped by some drunk russians the night after she broke up with me and I texted her about it since she was the only person at the time I tought I should inform out of old habbit.. she didnt care...later on she told me that she even forgot that it happened.

If I should pass away..then she would live her life like nothing happened, problably be sad for a day or two, but nothing special.

 

Sometimes I think about peoples situations when reading the boards here..that a lot times it would have been actually easier for dumpees to know that their partners died, than just left them for someone else/greener grass/fell out of love or whatever the reasons.

[unkown1921]

BU:sep 14

NC day 6

well she came by today to pick up the dogs we got when we were together, she said thanks about being mature and letting her see them and i replied "to be honest i did it for them", she got a little aggravated but oh well. i didnt show her any sign i was missing her. i think i did good, well back to NC.

[unkown1921]

i know how you feel my ex left me for someone else even though she denies it (she pretty much does the same stuff we used to when we were together except with him) i can honestly say it hurts more than losing a family member.

[RitaTrue]

Woah, woah woah.

 

He broke NC tonight. In a zillion million trillion years, I never would have thought he would actually break it first.

It's been nearly 2 months since I initiated NC, and I positively dreamt of the time I'd get a text message from an unknown number and it would be him.

 

Well, tonight it happened.

He texted because he saw a completely smashed up red Sunfire being towed, and he wanted to check and make sure it wasn't me and that I was okay.

 

I kept everything light, but short. He was really glad and relieved it wasn't me, and I thanked him for the thoughts and hoped he was well.

 

I don't know…obviously I can't read into this…but, I also can't stop myself from smiling just knowing that he thought of me, and cared enough to check. Even after all this time.

 

Its heart warming isnt it?

Oh well, as long as you take it for what it is. Nothing more. Onward and upward.

[Hastyhand]

i know how you feel my ex left me for someone else even though she denies it (she pretty much does the same stuff we used to when we were together except with him) i can honestly say it hurts more than losing a family member.

 

Ah crap..I wouldn`t want to know what she is up to..especially if she would do the same things that she used to do with me with that guy.

That would eat me inside out. I even dont want to imagine that.

 

Thats why NC is so good. You dont know a thing.

[AJ2118]

BU September 3rd

NC Day 8

 

His birthday is tomorrow...I couldn't sleep at all last night.

 

I'm having a terrible day...Took off of work because all I feel like doing is crying. How can 5 years mean nothing to him anymore??

 

It took him 3 years to say "I love you" but never hearing it again is excruciating...