THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[jeepman41]

I'd like to know what it is, I wrote about it in thread here. It's the lack of communication is what is killing me, he could have just said he needs time, or it's over or whatever, it still would be easier for me than this torture. And I cannot humiliate myself and ask him anything.

There's probably no decision on his part, or maybe he's not dealing with it at all, what do I know?

He hasn't tried to get in touch yet but he's done similar thing before, years ago, although then it was only for one month. But he actually dumped me then and came back crying a month later.

 

 

Sounds to me like a breakup if there is separation and lack of communication. Apparently he feels this type of behavior is acceptable to you if he's done it before and you have allowed him to return. Ways and actions speak more volume than words. In his mind what he is doing feels quite alright with him.

[Take me back]

After 32 days of NC, I called my ex. I left a message asking her to call be back. She tex me back saying "whats up?" and how can I help you? I'm working."

I did not reply and did not write back. I gave it a day and this morning I tex her back asking her again to call me later. She said she's not going to call me, what did I need. I asked her a question about something I needed help with? She said, no I cant help you.

 

So people just to let you know after 32 days I don't feel that bad. If I would have called her a month ago, I would have been killing myself over her answer "NO". NC works it gets better. I'm still sad but I'm not in pain. I miss her very much. At this point, I feel I'm in a video game and I have to win! Getting her back is like winning the game. So I ask myself; If I win the game? what happens next? I don't know if I want her back because I love her, or I just need to win. I'm not doing NC because I want to move on. I doing it because I hope it will work and maybe one day she will what to come back to me.

So this is DAY 1. Sorry everybody here we go again!

[RitaTrue]

Day 7.

 

Wow. I can't believe its been 7 days of No Contact!

 

I keep having the urge to un-block my ex, and stare at his Facebook wall, his picture, and his profile. That is, if he doesnt have me on block somehow too (that'd be odd, as much as he reacted to it). Usually, when I get the urge to Facebook stalk him, the block automatically kicks in, and of course, I get nowhere. I'm too lazy to unblock, so this has been working for me.

 

But after reading certain posts here, about blocking and unblocking the ex, just to look at them, I keep thinking about it. I'm tired of looking at his picture. I just want to see a new picture of him--not with anyone new in his life or anything--just him. I just want to see his face.

 

I know I'm still maintaining NC, but would looking at his profile keep me back? I dont know. It's harmless and yet not harmless.

[jdisorder]

Thanks for the feedback Rita. I'm technically back to day two again. As I spoke with her via facebook to say I was going to delete her from facebook for a bit. Now two days into it I am still really sad and cry still at odd times, just walking down the street or making a coffee, I start crying.... feel so sorry for a lot of * * * * I created... She was not perfect either... Had a facebook chat with her best friend, who is still a friend of mine too. She said that my ex seemed happy, but that she also missed me a lot. It was nice to hear she missed me, made me stronger, knowing that it wasn't as easy for her as she was making out. I'm not holding out for a change of mind, I'm hoping I heal and move on, I just feel like no one will ever love me the way she did, feels stupid to say, I'm sure I will find someone new... NC seems like an eternity before i will be happy again, day two feels like I have gone nowhere... I hope I can keep going.

[jeepman41]

If you really want to move forward and heal you are keeping yourself stuck in an endless loop by engaging in this type of self defeating behavior. If you have gone for 7 days of straight NC I know you have the inner strength to do this.

[RitaTrue]

If you really want to move forward and heal you are keeping yourself stuck in an endless loop by engaging in this type of self defeating behavior. If you have gone for 7 days of straight NC I know you have the inner strength to do this.

 

Thanks for the encouragement.

[Huckster]

Starting now - Wednesday 17th Aug 2011 - 7:33pm

 

OK! I'm in

 

I am hoping for two things from this. Healing and possible reconciliation (if not with her, then at least with me - -I used to be really happy and fun...I WANT MY SPARK BACK).

 

Really miss her but after 3 months I still feel low, and stuck.

 

Here goes...

[lonelyheart2]

Day 34 I think, Still think about him every day but I'm starting to be able to get on with my life a bit more and concentrate on the things I need to do with or without him. The only thing is I just can't get rid of that damn hope that he will contact me soon, I can't understand how he couldn't want to.

[jeepman41]

Day 34 I think, Still think about him every day but I'm starting to be able to get on with my life a bit more and concentrate on the things I need to do with or without him. The only thing is I just can't get rid of that damn hope that he will contact me soon, I can't understand how he couldn't want to.

 

 

 

 

He won't come back in any form until he senses that you have moved completely on. Exes seem to have some type of inner radar that tells them when you are over them and have moved on with your life. Then they usually resurface in some form or other.

[Huckster]

Start of day 2 (give or take an hour or so)

 

Feel utterly deflated

[jeepman41]

Today marks the 112th day of NC with my last ex. Never thought I could do it and reach this point. I know I am over the relationship. I used to want her back so intensely when we first broke up. I would go back and read email and overanalyze the situation and circumstances that led us to that point. I have moved on and moved way past that kind of thinking. Right now honestly, I could care less what she thinks of me and I am not lamenting the relationship.

 

NC truly gives you the power to gain clarity and allow yourself to heal. It is hard in the beginning but just give it time and realize just how wonderful it is. That's why it's called the number one breakup rule.

[RitaTrue]

Today marks the 112th day of NC with my last ex. Never thought I could do it and reach this point. I know I am over the relationship. I used to want her back so intensely when we first broke up. I would go back and read email and overanalyze the situation and circumstances that led us to that point. I have moved on and moved way past that kind of thinking. Right now honestly, I could care less what she thinks of me and I am not lamenting the relationship.

 

NC truly gives you the power to gain clarity and allow yourself to heal. It is hard in the beginning but just give it time and realize just how wonderful it is. That's why it's called the number one breakup rule.

 

 

I'm glad you've finally healed from your last relationship. Thats why we all want from this. I wouldnt be surprised if, all of a sudden, your ex started contacting you now. Not that you'd care at this point, ha.

 

By the way, how long were you and your ex together?

[RitaTrue]

Day 9.

 

My days are getting better. I no longer feel as bad as I did 2 days ago--with all of a sudden, wanting to cyberstalk him on FB. I feel normal again--for now.

 

Step by step, heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

[m04greeneyes]

Day 2 of NC...yesterday I only sent one txt b/c i needed something. Once she replied i jotted down what i needed and deleted that text, didnt even reply with a ty and i would have the day before. I still do not have the power to block her on fb. I do not stalk her wall but there is something comforting when we are both online together. And I am pretty sure she's been stalking my wall. I havent went on her fb today but can you remain friends on there if you have the power not to stalk her wall??

[Take me back]

To day I'm hurting really bad inside today. I don't know why I still love with my old girlfriend. I am thinking about her day and night. I know she does not love me back. I'm causing myself more pain and need to realize that she move on. Its not easy to realize the fact that I cant speak to see her anymore. She does not what any contact with me. That hurts me the most at this point. She is my obsession right now I cant move on with my life.

[why do we]

Today marks the 112th day of NC with my last ex. Never thought I could do it and reach this point. I know I am over the relationship. I used to want her back so intensely when we first broke up. I would go back and read email and overanalyze the situation and circumstances that led us to that point. I have moved on and moved way past that kind of thinking. Right now honestly, I could care less what she thinks of me and I am not lamenting the relationship.

 

NC truly gives you the power to gain clarity and allow yourself to heal. It is hard in the beginning but just give it time and realize just how wonderful it is. That's why it's called the number one breakup rule.

 

Congratulations, you seem to have the will power to advance this far.

I, on the other hand, am tempted to break NC with something casual ... I don't know to relieve anxiety, maybe, but what if it makes it worse. Day 30 something, I am feeling better, hundred times better, but now I really want to talk to him. Have no idea if this idea is good or not.

[ONCT]

Day 58 complete NC. I never answered her e-mail for my b-day and asking me if I wanted her to stop messaging me.

It'd be easy for me to just IM her, but I'm not going to. I miss her more than ever. She's going through a lot of changes in her life and I hope she's doing good.

I'm ok but far from being myself again. Trying to quit smoking but loosing sleep at the same time.

[jeepman41]

I'm glad you've finally healed from your last relationship. Thats why we all want from this. I wouldnt be surprised if, all of a sudden, your ex started contacting you now. Not that you'd care at this point, ha.

 

By the way, how long were you and your ex together?

 

 

It was a very intense 6 month relationship. She would allude to leaving several times before we actually. I think she had abandonment issues. I had problems controlling my outbursts of anger. We had several arguments. After a period where we began to withdraw from each other she decided she wanted to end it.

[jeepman41]

Congratulations, you seem to have the will power to advance this far.

I, on the other hand, am tempted to break NC with something casual ... I don't know to relieve anxiety, maybe, but what if it makes it worse. Day 30 something, I am feeling better, hundred times better, but now I really want to talk to him. Have no idea if this idea is good or not.

 

 

Why do we get these urges to break NC? I KNOW how hard it is in the beginning. We are all human and we have the same wants and needs. We want to be loved. We want the relationship validated. We want to know if this person still cares about you. You have unanswered questions and you still romanticise the former relationship. I have to admit before I reached this point I was in NC twice before for a period of 2 weeks at the most. I too broke it because I was seeking answers.

 

The only answers I got were, "I am involved with someone else now.", "There is someone else involved now.", "It's over and it's too late for you and me." I finally had the good sense to realize that nothing was going to change. I was being met with resistance. I was chasing a woman who was not returning my affections. Her approach towards me was friendly but cold and clinical. Nothing I said to her at that time meant anything as far as trying to salvage what was left of our relationship. It was over and she wasn't coming back.

 

I wanted to validate the relationship and could not come to terms that she didn't want it too. She did not even seem like the person I was formerly involved with. Why did she not want to be with me anymore? I felt out of control. Everything was in a downward spiral and I was reeling through a whole gamut of emotions.

 

So I finally began to face the stark reality of the whole situation. It really was over. What feelings I had for her meant nothing to her at this time. She was only thinking of herself. From that point forward I began to look inward and search for some intestinal fortitude. When a person faces adversity it introduces them to themselves. The finality was that I could not change the situation. It was out of my hands. I needed to do something for myself.

 

I stepped back and began to analyze my behavior. Why was I acting so irrational? I was appalled at my actions. Instead of chasing her I decided to withdraw and leave her to her own devices. I have to admit it was very tough in the beginning. I kept a diary and watched as days turned to weeks and weeks into one month. At the end of 30 days I was feeling better but I knew I wasn't healed. I resisted the urge to reach out, although at times it was extremely tempting.

 

I did a lot of reading in the meantime. I read a lot about relationships and the dynamics of them and human interaction. I wanted to make the next relationship work so I felt like I needed knowledge. I wanted to understand how people fall in and out of love. Why do they leave a relationship? I wanted to find out how to make a relationship last and gender role within a relationship.

 

I also began to exercise and to eat healthier. Working out gives you a feeling of euphoria and increases your self confidence. I began to feel better about myself. I was able to stay in NC because I love myself enough to know that it takes two to make a relationship and two to break it. I don't obsess about what she is doing and who she is with, as it is no longer a concern to me.

[thelastsong]

I just broke NC last night after more than 60 days. He contacted me, but I responded. We had a brief text chat on Skype about random things. I feel like crap, and I really wish I hadn't done it. He is now fully deleted and blocked from everything.

 

I've realized that I can't have him in my life at all if I want to get over him and move on. All hopes of reconciliation were smashed to pieces when I saw that he's back in contact with another of his ex's, the one he could never get over. It's only a matter of time before they start dating (if they aren't already), and I'm finally prepared to face a reality of life without him. I truly don't ever want to see or hear from him again. He has hurt me so much, and I deserve better.

[Moonchill]

Help! My ex send me a friend request on FB. All of the sudden he wants to add me.. Hmm..

A week after a friend of his asked me if I was over him. I said I was. And now all of the sudden he adds me.

Don't you guys think it's strange? Why could this be?

I thought I was over him but this bothers me. I wish I couldn't care less.. I wish I could add him and say things are going great.

[jeepman41]

Help! My ex send me a friend request on FB. All of the sudden he wants to add me.. Hmm..

A week after a friend of his asked me if I was over him. I said I was. And now all of the sudden he adds me.

Don't you guys think it's strange? Why could this be?

I thought I was over him but this bothers me. I wish I couldn't care less.. I wish I could add him and say things are going great.

 

 

 

How long were you broken up and how long have you been in NC? You say you are not over him. Do you want another relationship with him or do you just want to move on? Or are you just plain curious? These are some of the question you need to ask yourself.

[T413]

So I saw him yesterday.

 

Day 1....again.

[lonelyheart2]

replied to his e-mail and now at day two again........to be honest i'm just hoping he'll contact again despite my short reply.......

[lanaa]

Ok no contact day 4! i just wanna write and say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!