THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[madine]

Aw no. Just surfed to YouTube and there is a new vlog by her on my main page (first one she made in over a year). I don't know why. I am not subscribed to her or something. Now I feel like contacting her. I want her in my life, even if it is just as a friend.

 

This * * * * is killing me.

[jeepman41]

Having a bit of a rough time today. Was more or less ok for a few days but today is pretty much unbearable, everything triggers memory, I'm tearful and angry and can't concentrate on anything.

It's 25 days and the bastard couldn't even ask me how I was doing! What is this world coming to...

 

 

If you are the dumpee(I'm assuming you are), the person who dumped you feels the same way although they are usually coping with the situation a lot better. The dumper is usually mentally prepared for the break as they have rationalized it in their mind days or weeks before the split.

 

I know it is hard when you are on the receiving end of the breakup. Even if you feel it's coming it has a great sense of finality. Hard to believe someone you were involved with can become so cold and distant.

 

NC will help you put some distance between you, the other person and the hurt you are feeling now. It will take some time and it won't be easy. But you must think of yourself right now.

[aev]

Day 16? I stopped counting, so I had to do a recount. I guess that's a sure sign of progress; I haven't been counting at all. Still, it seems like much longer.

 

I did the math the other day. BU was technically in April, although he moved out March 1st; since the breakup, we've really had little if any contact for 4 months. 5, maybe 6 in-person encounters, 2 or 3 phone calls, and a few sporadic texts, all in the span of one month (June.) Not bad. I'll count it as 4 months LC, so I can apply ENA lingo to it Makes it feel more official.

[lovelifexoxo]

I was so sad today, you still haven't contacted me about getting money to me for sky diving. Which I had them cancel your reservation anyway.. i just don't want to break NC to tell you. (stupid? maybe.) I'm so mad because, it was something you brought up and I made happen once again. It was always me planning things for us would have been nice for you to do it for once. Now going skydiving is MY thing and i'm doing it on my own.. and experience that your missing out on.

[emma9864]

hi i have been on off with my ex boyfriend for over 2 months, we were together 3 yr, i think he has met some1 else. How does the no contact work in regards as actually getting them bk? x

[jeepman41]

hi i have been on off with my ex boyfriend for over 2 months, we were together 3 yr, i think he has met some1 else. How does the no contact work in regards as actually getting them bk? x

 

 

This is what a lot of people do when entering into a period of NC with their ex is thinking about the effect it has on them. Will it make them come back?NC is NOT about your ex. NC is to help you heal, gain clarity, and put space between you and your ex. The purpose of it is not to bring your ex back. In this case it is all about you.

 

NC may help your ex to see things from a different perspective as a side effect. In your absence they may begin to think about the relationship and want to give it another try. But don't go into NC thinking it will make your ex come back. Be prepared mentally just in case they do. Sometimes after a period on NC you may develop a different viewpoint and YOU may not want to enter another relationship with your ex.

[RitaTrue]

Great idea. I accept the challenge.

 

Today, I feel relief about going NC. Which is a 180 from how I felt initially. Initially, I felt like * * * * and regretted cutting him off. But now, I feel better. I feel like I'm rebuilding myself and slowly getting stronger. My regret now, is that I waited so long--about 3 months--out of concern for our 'friendship' :stupid:

 

After thinking about our relationship, I realize two distinct areas that I need to work on: confidence and boundaries. My first step in confidence: working out again.

 

It's about time for that to happen. I had already stopped caring about my health slowly during our relaitonship. After we broke up, I really stopped caring and just ate whatever. No exercise. No more! I'm taking control of my body again.

[emma9864]

i lasted a whole hour!!! grrrrrr

[RitaTrue]

I've finally entered Day 3, at 2am in the morning. Yay.

 

Yesterday, when I was on Facebook, I had the urge to visit my ex's page. Which was a complete fail since I know that I put him on Facebook block (thankfully). However, as I checked out my friend's walls, I met some of the friend's of his circle and thought about adding them, so that I could keep an invisible tab on him. I resisted.

 

What I ended up doing, instead, was going through some of my friends list, and un-friending more of his friends OFF my page. That made me feel a little better actually.

 

I thought about the two gentlemen I met yesterday, and am thinking about contacting them just to say 'hi' before they start uni. I was quite surprised when I found the second guy on FB, and he's actually double majoring in Chemistry and Computer Science. Wowzers, which I met him at the beginning of the summer. Anyway, onward ho.

[RitaTrue]

Day 4.

 

I dreamed about my ex last night. In the dream, he proposed, and his brother kept telling me: "You must decide if you want this relationship, or if you're moving on without him." That dream was symbolic: I need to choose if I really am moving on. And yes, I'm making that choice

 

Since meeting the two international students a few days ago, I want to talk to them. I think socializing and making new friends does wonders to the psyche. And so does exercise, which I've been slacking on. I'm going to take before pictures and starting measurements, and start today

[jdisorder]

Day one of no contact! I feel empty and sad... I have hidden my online status from her and hidden posts from timeline, and included her family and friends in this. It hurts to see her so happy and not wanting to see me... I have looked at her facebook page and it made feel awful... I will try to control this.... I am going out and trying to stay busy... I hope the pain becomes less by trying this....

 

I feel so sad... But i want to move on too... It will be interesting to see what contact i get now I am doing this. She has been in contact quite a lot.

[why do we]

Day 31 I think, and it's so incredibly difficult to wake in the morning and realise that nothing last night and another day of nothing ahead...

[Moonchill]

So my ex contacted me again to ask if I was over the break-up with another ex ( are you following me?) and you know what?

This time I don't feel confronted with an ugly truth. This time I can actually say I'm over it and mean it!

Though seeing the movie"The Doors" reminds me of him. He kind of looks like Jim Morrison , he has the same lost look in his eyes.

Any how.. I'm finallly doing fine without him.

(Ok I still secretly wish him good night, once in a while...

That's all.)

Just wanted to tell you guys NC really helps one to move along.

It's very very tough in the beginning but just hold on and have faith the pain subsides.

 

I wonder what it would do to me if I would see him again.

I guess it's a good thing there's no chance of seeing him again unless I'd be in that city again.

[carrie8484]

Day 4 full NC

Really wanted to contact him last night but luckily I dont have his number stored. He doesnt give a **** about me...

I wonder why I still feel so bad after 3 months being BU. Maybe im still in denial?

[jeepman41]

Day 31 I think, and it's so incredibly difficult to wake in the morning and realise that nothing last night and another day of nothing ahead...

 

 

It may seem to you that there is nothing ahead but a vast emptiness but it won't always feel this way. The period right after the breakup is the most difficult. Most of us here have or are going through what you feel. You ARE on the road to recovery.

[why do we]

It may seem to you that there is nothing ahead but a vast emptiness but it won't always feel this way. The period right after the breakup is the most difficult. Most of us here have or are going through what you feel. You ARE on the road to recovery.

 

Well it's quite amazing but today on 32nd day I woke up thinking of something else! Maybe the human brain and body can't take continuous exhaustion of concentrating on one negative, so I'm on a break... and the sun is shining

Just wanted to add that wasn't really a break up, if there's a break up there's some certainty that the person definitely doesn't want you (that would also be hard but I would accept that), in my case he just shut me off after suggesting commitment (which I didn't even ask for).

[jdisorder]

day two - wow I broke this NC via fast! I had to sort out my swedish bank account and tell the tax people in sweden that I had moved back to London. Then after a few long phone calls I call her! I just left a message on her voice mail saying I had done this and that she might get a letter from the bank but there was nothing she needed to do if they did. I left it saying 'seeya chat soon', I sounded pretty normal, in a good mood. I'm pretty sure I did sound fine... Sorry i broke it so quick. What do you think?

[emma9864]

been 2 months now and im hurting so much. still in contact tho via texts but mostly arguing, i think he has some1 new but i still want him bk, mayb i shud start nc

[hadherlosther]

3mnths since we broke up, two months since she got a new BF and third week of NC.

 

She was just on facebook and liked one of my pictures. We arent even friends there, so she must have gone through a post i posted with a mutual friend in it. Strange how small things like that can make your day huh?

 

It probably means nothing (Except that shes not afraid of me. Which is very good indeed.), so I wont act on it.

[RitaTrue]

been 2 months now and im hurting so much. still in contact tho via texts but mostly arguing, i think he has some1 new but i still want him bk, mayb i shud start nc

 

Sounds like a good idea.

[RitaTrue]

Day 4 full NC

Really wanted to contact him last night but luckily I dont have his number stored. He doesnt give a **** about me...

I wonder why I still feel so bad after 3 months being BU. Maybe im still in denial?

 

If you were in denial, you wouldn't be in NC.

 

day two - wow I broke this NC via fast! I had to sort out my swedish bank account and tell the tax people in sweden that I had moved back to London. Then after a few long phone calls I call her! I just left a message on her voice mail saying I had done this and that she might get a letter from the bank but there was nothing she needed to do if they did. I left it saying 'seeya chat soon', I sounded pretty normal, in a good mood. I'm pretty sure I did sound fine... Sorry i broke it so quick. What do you think?

 

Doesnt matter what we think. Why do YOU think you broke NC?

[RitaTrue]

Day 5.

 

I had some negative thoughts saying, "When you finally unblock him, what if you find out that he's got a new girl in his life?" Then it dawned on me, when I finally decide to unblock him, that's because I've healed. If I've healed--who CARES if he has someone new.

 

Started talking with the two guys I met, a few days ago. Win. Although I'm not looking for a relationship, talking to other people never hurts. I like the second guy a little more--he's very focused and intelligent.

 

Anyway, onward ho.

[T413]

I finished a month of NC in June but our social lives are very intertwined so I've seen him at least once a week since then. However, I've decided to try NC again even if it means giving up some aspects of my social life that I know I'll miss. So...

 

Day 3

 

Feeling positive because I know I'm doing this for me and not for reconciliation. Feeling good because I know I won't be hurt by him (although he doesn't know he's hurting me) if I don't see him. Felling hopeful that I can get him out my system once and for all. Feeling relieved because I'm going to pull out of an event I was going to at the weekend and, although it means I'll be at home when most of my friends are out enjoying themselves, at least I won't have a fretful week wondering if he'll even acknowledge my existence.

[jeepman41]

Well it's quite amazing but today on 32nd day I woke up thinking of something else! Maybe the human brain and body can't take continuous exhaustion of concentrating on one negative, so I'm on a break... and the sun is shining

Just wanted to add that wasn't really a break up, if there's a break up there's some certainty that the person definitely doesn't want you (that would also be hard but I would accept that), in my case he just shut me off after suggesting commitment (which I didn't even ask for).

 

 

So if it's not a breakup then what is it? Are you just taking a break from the relationship? Apparently it wasn't a mutual decision. Has he tried to contact you since?

[why do we]

So if it's not a breakup then what is it? Are you just taking a break from the relationship? Apparently it wasn't a mutual decision. Has he tried to contact you since?

 

I'd like to know what it is, I wrote about it in thread here. It's the lack of communication is what is killing me, he could have just said he needs time, or it's over or whatever, it still would be easier for me than this torture. And I cannot humiliate myself and ask him anything.

There's probably no decision on his part, or maybe he's not dealing with it at all, what do I know?

He hasn't tried to get in touch yet but he's done similar thing before, years ago, although then it was only for one month. But he actually dumped me then and came back crying a month later.