THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[jeepman41]

Mochahantas you can never really tell what's going on in someone's mind especially when you have been close to that person. If it's been a year and you still feel this way...you are very much in denial. By now you should be able to move to the acceptance stage in your grieving process. You have to do this for the most important person in your life...that's YOU!

 

People's feelings change but they don't change overnight when it's real love. If he's gone he's not in your life. Don't let him control yours. And don't give up on life. I don't know what age you are but life is always worth living. Sometimes when we are in a dismal situation we don't think so.

[NVT]

Day 2:

 

We broke up on June 5. I would usually be able to make it through the entire day, but I'd always end up contacting him before night. Then eventually I could go two days. But never longer than that. I've now made the decision to delete him from my life (on social networking sites, etc.) He no longer has access to what I am up to. I last contacted him on Friday morning, so it has been two days. I'm not doing well. I feel like I'm okay sometimes and then it hits me again and I get that sinking feeling in my chest. I can at least sleep now, but I'm haunted by dreams of us being happy and back to normal again, or otherwise getting back together. Then I wake up and realize that never seeing him again is a very high possibility. I know I did the right thing in cutting him out despite him wanting to be friends eventually, but now I feel like it will be hard to reach him after the 30 days if I choose to contact him...

 

I can't do this. I have to but I can't. It hurts so much and he's okay with it? I can't stand the thought of him with someone else and time passing scares me like nothing else. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks... the longest time apart yet.

[destiny0791]

So the only thing I will say is, maybe the man strong enough to accept your challenging and opinionated self will be the man for you.

 

LaceWing, I would love that... but at this stage of my life I highly doubt I will find him.

 

btw, I agree 100%. Letting go is empowering. I feel so good that I was finally able to find the stones to kick him out of my life. You seem to have reached the all-important 'acceptance' stage in the healing process. That's great! Keep it up.

 

I really can't see where any normal man would be turned off by a highly opinionated woman who speaks her mind but maybe that's just me. I've always found that to be an admirable quality.

 

Wanna date? Kidding.

[bebop]

day one again, this time its permanent until she contacts me, I've deleted the number from my phone again! deleted her mates number and blocked FB. Also destroyed the bit of paper I had written down her number on.

 

Lets see if it happens and I get what I want! Spoke with her last night face to face and told her I wanted closure, didn't get it thou!!!

 

Still has feelings for me and not sure on the rebound relationship, well can't contact her now so I can't do anything!!!

[ohsweetlove11]

Day 21.

 

3 weeks. I feel good.

[destiny0791]

Day 21.

 

3 weeks. I feel good.

 

Soooo pleased to hear, angie. Silence truly is golden.

[jeepman41]

Are you flirting with me, destinity? That would definitely be the ultimate definition of a LDR. Me in the USA and you being in the UK.

[destiny0791]

Are you flirting with me, destinity? That would definitely be the ultimate definition of a LDR. Me in the USA and you being in the UK.

 

haha, just having a little harmless fun, jeepman. I wouldn't go near another LDR if someone held a gun to my head.

[rediscovering]

Day 3

 

I'm feeling all right. The incessant contact I did with e-mails and Facebook messages and some texting for the past three/four weeks without getting any feedback because he wasn't "ready" to read my e-mails just made the need to reach out to him disappear. Obviously, we can only be friends he said if I am able to handle it. But it's only a maybe that he can see me in his future as just a friend. I don't constantly check my e-mails anymore nor do I reach for the phone... I've deleted him in all aspects of my life: my FB has been deactivated and he was blocked there before I did that, he's no longer on my Skype since I took him off my Contacts list and blocked him there as well.

 

We're apart for the summer right now and I dread going back to uni in the Fall where I will most likely see him because of happenstance. Maybe it's how I'm feeling now and things will change later on, but honestly, I'm just trying to stay positive and not focus on the negative things. I have also tried to push him out of my mind whenever he pops in.

 

He said he would reply to my e-mails when he's ready.. but when he does, I'll delete it or I won't read it until I'M ready this time around. He can't have control over me anymore and I won't let him.

 

I've accepted the end of our relationship and I wish him the best, but right now, it's time for ME to move on and to HEAL. It may only be Day 3 and there will ups and downs, but I'm determined to get through this and get myself back while evolving to become a better me.

[jeepman41]

haha, just having a little harmless fun, jeepman. I wouldn't go near another LDR if someone held a gun to my head.

 

 

Yes I know. Just having a little fun myself. That's what all relationships should be based on and that's fun. Otherwise there is no use to be in one. I guess I'm beginning to see your point. But I think the best is ahead of you.

[destiny0791]

Yes I know. Just having a little fun myself. That's what all relationships should be based on and that's fun. Otherwise there is no use to be in one. I guess I'm beginning to see your point. But I think the best is ahead of you.

 

Agreed, 'fun' is the operative word. But relationships to me so far have just been drama, and conflict. What's the point in being part of a couple if all it does it create misery for both parties? But thanks, buddy. I would love to believe that, that the best is indeed ahead of me. Anyway... we'll see. Not holding my breath. I guess I have no choice but to accept my 'destiny', whatever that may be.

[ohsweetlove11]

Soooo pleased to hear, angie. Silence truly is golden.

 

Truly is. I know absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder and all, but not in this case! lol

[jeepman41]

Agreed, 'fun' is the operative word. But relationships to me so far have just been drama, and conflict. What's the point in being part of a couple if all it does it create misery for both parties? But thanks, buddy. I would love to believe that, that the best is indeed ahead of me. Anyway... we'll see. Not holding my breath. I guess I have no choice but to accept my 'destiny', whatever that may be.

 

 

Don't hold your breath too long, you might asphyxiate!!! But I don't believe in fate and I believe people have control of their own destiny, destiny0791.

 

You are a young 40 years old and still really in the prime of your life. I take it you have a lot to offer the right person. Everybody who comes into your life is a teacher and you have to be ready to receive your lesson. Albeit some are better teachers than others. I know you feel you have sworn off of relationships but how do you think you might feel 6 months to a year down the road?

 

I'm in your corner and I'm pulling for you!!

[destiny0791]

I'm in your corner and I'm pulling for you!!

 

jeepman, thank you! Likewise.

[hpinky]

Do I need to have a chat with her telling her i'll be NC from now or do I just do it! Ive done NC over past few weeks 7 days then 5days to a good result but this was without telling her.

 

Hey bebop, I know how you feel. The confusion and the need for closure. She sounds really confused and her expressing that she would be upset if you were with another girl shows she hasn't moved on yet. She did get a rebound though. You should just go no contact without letting her know. If she wants you in her life shell call you. You've told her how you feel already and the ball is in her court. My ex and I work together and it's so hard to do no contact with that. I can def empathize with you.

[bebop]

Hey bebop, I know how you feel. The confusion and the need for closure. She sounds really confused and her expressing that she would be upset if you were with another girl shows she hasn't moved on yet. She did get a rebound though. You should just go no contact without letting her know. If she wants you in her life shell call you. You've told her how you feel already and the ball is in her court. My ex and I work together and it's so hard to do no contact with that. I can def empathize with you.

 

I just want her to make her mind up, its the not knowing that's killing me. I don't want to move on but I will if she tells me she's over me! I feel for you having to work together that must be terrible, the only time I'll see her is were both in the same bar together. One of us is bound to go and talk to each other though as we both have a mutual friend who has been involved with our relationship from the start.

 

Just feels really hard starting all again I wish i'd of just not broke contact for the whole 2 weeks instead of 7 n 5 days at a time, then maybe it would of been different last night! O well the only way I can contact her now is through FB but that will take a lot of effort to unblock her etc. More than strong enough not to do that!!!

 

Just got too wait now!! Its hard to think of moving on when all I do is compare everyone to her!!!

[Melting]

Well today would be Day 6, but I messed up last night and contacted him.

 

He asked me to go to the movies with him tonight. I am going, but woke up with doubts this morning.

[bebop]

Day one coming to an end, been quite hard as I spoke to her last night and have done nothing all day due to it been boiling so just thought about her alot. Back to work 2mora so nice and busy

 

Let the countdown till contact is broken begin!!! HAHA

[CMS]

damn barely stopped myself from reaching out today. Found out the ex is leaving to move to NY today and she has been on my mind ever since I found out that news yesterday, had a really strong urge to text and wish her the best of luck there but barely convinced myself that its not my job anymore. Back to NC I guess (almost 3 months and still counting)

[ohsweetlove11]

So I had a moment of weakness and ALMOST checked his twitter on my phone but decided against it.

 

Two days ago, a really cute guy and I sat in front of each other on the subway. We looked at each other and smiled ridiculously big smiles. I got up at my stop, he was still sitting down. So I walked out. I look back at where he was sitting and he was gone. So I smile, turn around, and say "Why did I have a feeling you were getting off?" He laughed and asked me if he could see me again. I gave him my number. The guy is HOT. If anyone here is watching The Bachelorette (don't judge!), he looks like Ryan P. Except with a Romanian accent. Suuuuuuuper hot.

 

So I kinda want to see where that goes.

 

It's been 3 weeks, A is obviously happy or he would've texted or called or something... he would've contacted me by now. So I'm moving on

 

I've had enough with the weight gain too, been exercising a lot. Hiking, runs, walks, I bought a mountain bike yesterday too and I've gone on 2 rides so far. So I'm trying to make positive changes that don't concern A at all.

 

Life is actually good right now.

 

Everyone, it DOES get better. First 2 weeks were HELL for me, but once I decided to stop sulking and stop looking at his twitter, he started fading away.

 

 

YOU CAN DO THIS. You can. There's NO ONE you "can't live without." No one.

[hpinky]

Day 6

 

Today I feel sad. I feel as though I'm not doing the no contact correctly. I know he still loves me and is going through a rough time but there is so much doubt going on in my mind. When I saw him at work he came to tell me that he ran into my roommate. So I asked him if that was why he called. He texted me first then called me. My friends think that it was an excuse to call me. Im a bit annoyed at myself for still caring. I don't know if that breaks my no contact challenge. If so I guess this is day one again. I don't feel any better. I actually feel worst and more distant from him. I want him back in my life. It's so hard to let go and I'm emotional all over again but I'm not going to call him. I'm not. I do have more control over my urge to call him I guess it's working a bit.

[hpinky]

OMG I know exactly what you mean!! It's the stage of not knowing. My ex refuses to tell me anything but "I don't know" I even told him to tell me he doesn't ever want to get back together to give me closure and he just says "I don't know".

 

Bebop I will tell you something though as someone who got broken up with by the person they love, maybe it'll give you insight on your ex girlfriend.

 

My ex broke up with me and it made me feel abandoned. We were together for 4 years and been through a lot. Even though theres a lot of stress going on right now I still feel abandoned. I feel a bit angry that he could just throw everything away and if I ever am able to move on, I doubt I'll want him back, right now I'm still caught up on him so I want him back. Your ex probably feels really resentful towards you for breaking up with her and lost a good amount of trust with you. She's probably scared that you'd do it again on her, that's always going to be in the back of her mind. If she really loved you though I believe shell come back. I feel as though if there was really love then it'll work out. How long have you guys been broken up?

[jeepman41]

The No Contact Rule will make you stronger. I know in the beginning when there is so much emotional turmoil and all seems hopeless because you are on an emotional roller coaster. But if your resolve is strong NC will take you through some really bad times. You must resist the urge to reach out to your ex or you will have to start all over gain each time you break NC.

[bebop]

She's been seeing the new guy about 6 weeks, we broke up about 8 weeks.

[LaceWing]

Day 27....and my heart is pushing him out.

 

It doesn't hurt anymore. My ego is still bruised, and I am still frustrated I couldn't punch him or do something to reflect the hurt he caused me back onto him, but...I am letting go, moving on, whatever.