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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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I have started no contact again, since I sent that email Friday morning. This weekend has been hell, we only met during the weekend, I keep finding things he gave me, and even my daughter started asking me about him today. I am not sure how I can move on

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Let's see how long before I see him. I know it won't be very long. But I will count it as NC even if I manage to keep the distance.

 

I have not told him that I need space but he will figure it out anyway. He knows I wouldn't be mean or anything like that. He knows I will need it for myself.

 

I wish I have had the strength to do that earlier. All the same mistakes again. Did we build friendship and something that will withstand the upcoming storm? Let us see.

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I've lost count how long it has been. Around 10 days ago, I mistakenly called ex on my mobile phone. He said it was so good to hear my voice. Of course, I can't know if he meant it, and I went crazy over-analysing for a couple of days. Apart from that, it's been around 48 days. I'm not doing so well right now. Very depressed today. I have so many regrets, and all sorts of things going through my head. I'm guessing my ex is in love with somebody else. Just want to dig a hole and bury myself today.

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I have started no contact again, since I sent that email Friday morning. This weekend has been hell, we only met during the weekend, I keep finding things he gave me, and even my daughter started asking me about him today. I am not sure how I can move on

 

dolorosa, you will move on. This whole experience has understandably been very traumatic for you, it's going to take time for you to recover.

 

Have you talked to your GP about getting some counselling?

 

Day 8

 

We met online in a chatroom last year, on a social networking site. Apparently he keeps going there looking for me (but doesn't find me, and won't). It's comforting to know he's missing me too and obviously still cares but nothing's changed, and likely never will. Still sticking firmly to NC.

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We had 7 days and I stupidly broke the NC. (Well, I saw her at work and she initiated, but I broke the SMS no contact)

 

I feel like an idiot all I made myself look was needy and pathetic. So i'm going back to Day 1 and want to stick by it this time =)

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Day 9

 

Still NC. He hasn't tried to contact me yet, which I'm still conflicted over.

 

Nevertheless... he's changed so much in a week, from what I can see in short glimpes on Twitter. During our relationship we were both straight edge... now he goes out a lot and drinks. Way to not really believe in it, A.... I'm so disappointed in him, and I'm actually disgusted.

 

I was doing great up til today. I actually hated him a bit. But now I'm missing him a lot and the hole in my heart seems to be growing. Could use some strength.

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Day....I actually lost count. That's a good sign huh? Day 24....but I had to work it out.

 

I felt the usual sinking feeling in my stomach when I woke up this morning. It's like I wake up to a neon sign that screams 'the love and light in your life has gone out girl!' and I have to let the sadness and dread wash over me before I get out of bed and start my day. I think of her a lot in the mornings. I still have intimate thoughts I can't control. I try so hard not to think of her intimately but I can't help it. It doesn't make me feel any better or worse but I do wish I could turn off the sexual feelings I still have for her.

 

I went to have a crumbled fillling fixed at the dentist which made me think of her as she used to work in dentistry before I knew her. I thought about how much of her life I didn't experience with her and if I paid enough attention to that during the relationship. I tried, I'm sure. I asked questions about her past, showed an interest in her previous career, asked questions about that too....but her answers were always technical and I didn't always understand the terminology she used (obviously, as I have a very different career so why would I understand it?) She would head-up a technological description with 'this is really boring but...' or 'you probably won't understand this but...' It wasn't boring and no I didn't understand it, but I do wonder if my lack of understanding (but not interest!) contributed to the time when she tried to infer that I didn't challenge her enough which I percieved as 'you're so young and inexperienced compared to me that you're too stupid for me.'

 

After the dentist visit I went to meet a gay friend I haven't seen in months. We met last time my ex broke up with me when I joined a gay social site. I get on well with this woman but after me and my ex got back together, I stupidly let my friendship with her slide. She contacted me again totally out of the blue and at the perfect time - just when I need a gay friend to support me and help me back into the local gay social network. I felt so bad for letting my friendship with this woman slide. It wasn't exclusively because of my ex, I had some other stuff going on too, like finishing my degree which limited the time I could spend socialising, but I should have been much more respectful of her. She gave me lots of emotional support and told me she always suspected my ex of playing me but didn't tell me because she didn't want to upset me. It was something I had to discover for myself. She was absolutely right. I wouldn't have listened to any advice about my ex's disrespectful treatment of me prior to our break-up. My rose-tinted glasses would have refused to see it. Now though, the reality is glaring me in the face. After my meeting with my friend I felt better than I had felt since the break-up. I felt like my serotonin levels had been boosted and I felt a glimmer of optimisim about the future.

 

I've noticed, in the weeks following the break-up, that lots of friends I lost contact with have all of a sudden made contact with me completely out of the blue. 4 old friends made the effort to re-connect with me in the last 2 weeks. None of them knew I'd broken up with my ex. I've also made a stack of new friends too. Suddenly I'm buried under a pile of invites to parties, BBQs, nights out, holidays, coffee-and-chats...I've had to purchase and utilise a diary to keep up with it all. I haven't made a particular effort to improve my social life, it seems to have exploded of it's own accord and I just feel so genuinely fortunate and humbled. It's strange that I'm suddenly ridiculously busy socially at a time when I needed to be. It's like fate or something. But I'm just so grateful and feel so fortunate that I have the love and support of so many people at a time when I need it most. This sudden burst of social opportunities will help my healing process to no end.

 

Tonight I've done the usual web-surf, looking for answers to impossible questions. Will my ex come back? How long will it take? What is she thinking? I'm frustrated with myself for doing it. I KNOW there are no answers out there. Also, I WANT to move on, I want to get out of this limbo between letting go and moving on. I want to stop asking if she's coming back and stop over-analysing stuff so that I can move on but I can't help it.

 

I was just sitting on the doorstep, smoking, when a realisation came to me. My ex told me that she'd decided to break up with me one week before she did. On the night she decided this, we were apart. I was working on my degree and she was house-sitting for a friend. She said the time alone to think helped her to reach this decision. I suddenly remembered that the day she decided to end it with me would have been her deceased father's birthday. He died a week before his birthday some years ago, so there are 2 painful anniversaries for her in quick succession. I didn't ask her how she was feeling about her Dad's birthday. I forgot. I was so busy with my degree, and so worried about the state of our relationship, that I totally forgot to ask her. I don't think she will have minded that I didn't ask. I don't know??? But maybe the difficult emotions of the day contributed to her decision. However she had a full week after that to change her mind but she didn't. I hate myself for not asking, but I know I would have felt anxious about asking if I did, because I wouldn't have felt confident that she would have wanted me to anyway. I would have agonised over it and felt I couldn't win. I'd have thought 'I'd better ask or she'll think I've forgotten and I don't care for her' on the one hand and thought 'perhaps she'd prefer me not to raise the issue' on the other.

 

All of this is meaningless, obviously. It doesn't matter wether I asked her how she was feeling about her Dad or not. Her decision to break up with me was deeper than that I'm sure.It's just a fresh memory for me to over-analyse and think about. One day, I WILL stop doing this.

 

Please God, help me

Edited by HonouredPenny
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A bit better today. Had really been missing my ex since I heard his voice - the affection and companionship, and that had really been getting me down the last couple of days. All the overanalysing and what if's were going on in my head. Just before I feel asleep last night, I remembered some things which reminded me that he is a total control freak, and the break up seemed less personalised to me then. When I woke up this morning, I was improved as in not feeling as overwhelmed by grief. There are other things in my life improving. This usually happens for me when I haven't had a partner as I have more of myself to give towards my own life. I can see now that all of the men I've been involved with have been high maintenance -NO MORE.

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OK day...

 

5 days - I saw him last night and we talked. But I managed to keep the distance and this is how it is going to be. I love him. I cannot believe I wrote that. I do. I am certain I do. I think he loves me too. I am not sure if he knows it though, or it may be just my imagination. He really wants to hold on to me, he likes spending time with me - he likes to talk to me, to see me, to flirt with me but is not ready to take the next step. At least now we are on equal footing - I know for sure how he feels and I am grateful he was straight forward with me. We have very healthy relationship - the right amount of closeness and the right distance. I think we build it good and stable.

 

47 days - I would give everything to have what we had back. But I am not sure if I want him back anymore. I am in love with someone else. I wonder how he would feel if he knew about that. That is the thing - why did he have to quit. I know in his mind he had to. He said our love will live in his heart forever. I know it will. I still love you too.

Edited by tujna
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Day 11.

 

Add me to the "wish you were dead" club.

 

Dreamed about him last night. I have good days and bad days. And I wish it would just stop. One dya I'll hate him and think I'm over him, next I'm all sad and pathetic and mising him.

 

Do you even miss me, A? Cause I miss you. And I * * * * ing hate you. I know you'll be in town this weekend for your cousin's wedding, and you're prob bringing K. I * * * * ing hope you miss me. * * * * * * * .

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Somewhere past 2 months mark, lost count and am ok about it.

 

I will not forget the 1 year that we spent together but I am looking forward to the future (new girl I met last week has potential, date 3 coming up soon), I can honestly say I wont be healing as quickly without NC.

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