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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 26.

 

Missing her quite a lot. Am so lonely it's unreal. Noticed her sister has added my old ex on the dreaded FB, which means my "new" ex must have moved on as that would never have happened before, they hated each other.

 

I don't really analyse things anymore but I do wonder what she's doing.

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I might as well post here also, its only been a little over a week of NC and about three months since the BU but I did see her running while I was driving yesterday. She waved so I waved back but that's it.

 

It is hard to stay no contact but I think I have to....

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Day 2

 

We weren't really together at all dated for a few months here and there but nothing official, I told her to move on cos I didn't want her to get hurt the same way she hurt me before xmas, its been about 10 weeks since we called an end to it and the new relationships been about 7 - 8 weeks. She moved on fast and before I'd given it real thought.

 

Was a OK day today nice n busy at work, got reminded of her because of spicy chicken at dinner. Even looked on her profile when I got in, photos from the other night some of her fella alone none of them together thou!!! ??? !!!

 

Anyway on the way home I decided that I'm through with waiting and trying to persuade her with texts an meeting her to discuss things, if things go sour in the new relationship and she wants to talk I'll cross that bridge when it gets here. But for now I want to enjoy my life without thinking what if 24/7, I'm glad she's happy just annoyed its not with me.

 

 

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day 16

 

Its day 47 since BU-I feel lots better than the 1st few weeks,chest pain is gone I think i dont look pathethic when i know no one is watching too But its day 16 since ex last contacted me,but i dont really give her a choice too becouse i dont log into FB,I dont care few days ago I saw her cousin at a cafe and a friend of mine told me ex was there too,but i didnt look arround for her obviosly ,but all toghether it was a mini set-back I hate this sh*t everything is a set back I aint going to that cafe any time soon,again!

How do I feel?Well i cant say Im making progress,but i cant say im standing still too,more foten now the thouds of reconsaliation seems dumb and without meaning,but than again there are those other times too...I started naming my ex - ,,the stupid thing that I put myself into,, YEa I know its long but it came from the heart!I think with me beeing unenployed and not really having friends (only beer buddyes) it makes the process even harder but Im trying and I wount give up,do you want to know why?

Becouse I broke up with her and 3 days later i went to beg for her to come back ( she did 3 days NC on me than mocked me and laughed at my face,said its over for good now...So it is b*cth it sure is,she than turned out to be the most IMMATURE girl Ive ever dated,read all my dumb posts if you care,but the last cr*p i heard was she telling people with are not her friends or fam about how posesive i was and stuff (I really was,but is this a topic to share+I dont like my personal life to be discused by strangers).

There is probably another man involved I dont care I hope a stupid,low-mannered girl can find a man that will screw everyone arround him to be with her every nigth and write her love poems I hope she does,but than again can dumb,immature people really take price in those stuff?

Ive started intence training and Im the only thing I plan to really love from now on!!!

See ya in a week,forum!

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i still want to believe you will contact me. but i don't know what to do.

i still love you, i will want to grow old with you. last nite i had a dream that i should have baby with you afterall. is god teaching me how to give and not just focus on taking? today i have the courage to have baby with you. do i have the chance to tell you this good news? you asked me so many times before. wake up and stop your silent treatment. wake up and come back to us.

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Day one

 

I broke it. I called him because I needed something. It wasn't a bad talk. He wasn't mean to me. I don't know anymore. Weve been broken up for two and a half months now and I still havent moved on. The fact that hearing his voice made me feel better is annoying but I can't seem to cut this addiction. He said that I keep saying hateful things to him and he doesn't want to talk to me because of that. I don't know. This feeling is overwhelming. I need to feel better and I need to be happy.

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oke im new to this from but when i saw this is was like why not....

 

i know its gone be hard for me and i miss here like hell and i know its gone suck maby i will get something out off it

my ex and me broke up one month ago and it was all my fold she tells me that she still loves...

but dos not want me back and im thinking the is already dating a other guy

 

Day 1

i feel bad and not in the mood for anything and i deleted here phone number and Facebook

and im feeling angry ad my self couzz i * * * * t everything up and it is my fold

 

BTW sorry for my spelling im dutch =P

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Back to day 1, we were supposed to go to a movie last night, but he changed nights on me at the last minute.

 

Not going to give in anymore, sick of it

 

 

I saw your post yesterday about going to the movies and how happy you seemed. Don't let this person play with your emotions. People who claim to love you will sometimes try to use you. You are better than that. Use NC and do it for yourself. You will feel a lot better.

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i still want to believe you will contact me. but i don't know what to do.

i still love you, i will want to grow old with you. last nite i had a dream that i should have baby with you afterall. is god teaching me how to give and not just focus on taking? today i have the courage to have baby with you. do i have the chance to tell you this good news? you asked me so many times before. wake up and stop your silent treatment. wake up and come back to us.

 

Unrequited love....love that isn't returned. It causes you a great deal of pain and agony. You feel like you are in love alone. I can sympathize how you feel about this person but they don't seem to share your feelings of love. You want him to acknowledge you and validate you for the wonderful person you are. But sometimes in order to get someone back you must completely let go. I know it will be hard but you must give them completely back to themselves. If they come back it was meant to be. Remember that true love never dies. It can withstand anger, hurt, bitterness, indifference and separation.

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Day 21

 

Still done with men... although it's not the easiest decision I ever made. From now on my life is about me, me, me!!

 

 

It's always been about you. Love yourself first and foremost. I know you said you were done with men and I didn't expect you to change your stance overnight.

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Day 2

 

I'm stressed out. You are right about how I don't trust you and how I have little faith in you. I have trust issues. Major trust issues even now after we've broken up. You've been completely honest with me about everything and yet I keep freaking out about it. I grow more paranoid as the days go by. Why would you tell me that your not looking for someone else. You refuse to let me move my things out while your out of town, why? My friends say its probably because you don't want me to move my things out. I'm not that optimistic. I do see things a little more clearly now though. I see what you say about me and why you broke up with me. I was in the wrong, I lost your trust. I cause a lot of drama at work and it's still a chaotic place to be due to the aftermath of everything. People are still talking about me. I haven't been working on myself. I keep disappointing you. I keep disappointing myself. Your right my judgment of people isn't good at all because I keep confiding in the wrong people who has no care for me or who I am. I just want you back, I don't know how to give you your space. I just hope you can forgive me as I learn to forgive myself.

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It's always been about you. Love yourself first and foremost. I know you said you were done with men and I didn't expect you to change your stance overnight.

 

I know. To be honest, I don't see myself changing my mind at all. Life gets a lot easier when you stop hoping for something you know isn't going to happen.

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How do you stop hoping? I was doing well, until I found all that stuff out. He is already talking to two girls, perhaps waiting to see which one fits best his needs and probably also his still wife. I feel like s*****, met someone who is funny and seems nice but can't even think on having another relationship in the near future. How can they move on so quick and have fun with more than one person , when we can't because we are still haunted by them?

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How do you stop hoping? I was doing well, until I found all that stuff out. He is already talking to two girls, perhaps waiting to see which one fits best his needs and probably also his still wife. I feel like s*****, met someone who is funny and seems nice but can't even think on having another relationship in the near future. How can they move on so quick and have fun with more than one person , when we can't because we are still haunted by them?

 

dolorosa, I'll tell you how... by getting angry. By ceasing to idealise them. By seeing them for the scum that they are. By stopping blaming yourself for what went wrong. And most important of all, by valuing yourself and seeing it as their loss. THAT's how, sweetie.

 

Day 22

 

(I am not sending this message to him, because I am never speaking to him again. Just wanted to vent in here. Thanks.)

 

Dear *Paul*,

 

I remember when we first met. I wasn't interested at all, but you persisted, you pursued me, you made me feel like the most important person in your life. So, after a while, I let you in. You grew on me. I told you from the start about my past, my problems/trust issues with men (with good reason) and how, as a consequence, being with me wasn't going to be easy. "No problem", you said. "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."

 

And it wasn't easy. But you know what? You weren't easy either. My God, how we used to fight. I know I kept bailing on you... but it was because I was scared. It was because I knew subconsciously you would give up and eventually leave. But oh, how I came to love you, Paul; despite my initial doubts. Your unique, quirky way of expressing yourself. The fun we used to have. The way you used to make me laugh. We spent every day together online, when we couldn't be together IRL. You became the centre of my universe.

 

Fast forward a few months. What happens? That younger, blonde snake in the grass flashes her p*ssy at you and you take the bait. You did tell me about her, and I expressed my concern, but no, we're just friends, you said. Then 3 weeks before we're due to go on holiday together, I get that text. "I need to come clean with you". You'd been dating her for 3 f*cking months! If only you knew how much that hurt! I remember how I broke down... how I cried. No, I didn't cry. I wailed. My world came crashing down on me in one fell swoop. I was utterly devastated.

 

"Why didn't you tell me before?", I asked. "Because I didn't want you to go", you said. "I need you, I love you". And to my shame, I didn't go. Not at first. I'd become attached to you and I didn't want to let you go either. I kept leaving (because I knew I had to), and coming back because I missed you. It became farcical. "Stop leaving", you said, "it f*cks with my head. Just stick with me." What?? You don't stick with me, but you have the effrontery to expect me to stick with you?? F*CK YOU. NOT happening. Not any more. I am never speaking to you again.

Edited by destiny0791
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Destiny, I have been emotinally unavailable all my life ( * * * * childhood, I guess) I never allowed myself to love but always let them know, every time I was in a relationship I made sure they knew I was not in for love, with my ex was different, something about him, I fell in love with him for the very first time at 31. I am scared I will go back to my old self and don't be able to love ever again. He also said that he was sexually attracted to his wife while with me, does that mean I am crap in bed? I have not idea what to think anymore. Why people think that sex is everything, and dont get me wrong i like sex lol but there is more than sex in relationships.

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Destiny, I have been emotinally unavailable all my life ( * * * * childhood, I guess) I never allowed myself to love but always let them know, every time I was in a relationship I made sure they knew I was not in for love, with my ex was different, something about him, I fell in love with him for the very first time at 31. I am scared I will go back to my old self and don't be able to love ever again. He also said that he was sexually attracted to his wife while with me, does that mean I am crap in bed? I have not idea what to think anymore. Why people think that sex is everything, and dont get me wrong i like sex lol but there is more than sex in relationships.

 

And that, sweetie, is the bitterest pill to swallow. When you finally drop your guard, make yourself available, allow yourself to love... and it's thrown back in your face. I understand that better than you know, and I feel your pain.

 

And no, you're not crap in bed. Sex isn't love, it's a by-product. You fall in love with the person, not their sexual technique... if you're compatible with someone sexually, that's just a bonus, and entirely down to chance. Clearly he has a long-standing bond with his wife and wasn't over her, it has nothing to do with you. Funny how we see the warning signs, but choose to ignore them because we don't want anything to threaten our happiness. If only we could be strong enough to act in our best interests when we know we should. If only he had let me leave sooner, so I wouldn't have had to deal with this pain. If only....

 

What you need is the right man. This guy was so wrong for you. This experience will only make you stronger, and more able to see the signs when you couldn't before... so you will know better next time. For now though, focus on yourself, and yourself alone, and give yourself time to heal. You'll be ok, I promise.

Edited by destiny0791
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I saw him last Sun June 26, 2011. He said he doesn't want to talk to me, spend time with me, and to give him some time.

Mon June 27, 2011 was day 1 of NC. I miss him terribly. I don't even want him to contact me. I mean, I think about him missing me and showing up at my apt or calling my son to get in touch with me but I know this is not what is best for me. What is best is for me to have NC at all because I need to get over him. This is the biggest challenge of my life. I MISS HIS LOVE SO MUCH.

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Thank you so much destiny. I just wish I was string again as I always been. I have not desire to go and meet guys, been chatting to people and just to think about moving forward in a relatiosnhip makes me sick. He is already lining up his next victim, while I am still here hoping he will come around and fix everything. I know I need to let go but something inside me keeps telling me is not over. Seriously I dont know how I still think after all the * * * * I found out. Thanks again for you kind words x

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Day 2 continued

 

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I feel as if you don't care anymore. Yesterday I went paranoid. I thought that you had someone else staying at our apartment, a girl, and I went emotional. I couldn't understand why you just didn't want me at the apartment. I drove by, no one was there. I felt better. How is it that you have so much control over my emotions. Why can't I stop it? How do I stop it?

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day 28 - Realise he was still a stranger in many ways, but that doesn't stop me feeling that small glow of affection in my heart for him, regardless of whether or not I ever see him again.

 

I am forgiving you, and I want to wish good things for you.

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Day 3 broke NC for the last time today. Asked her how she was then to which I got a good reply then told her I'm moving on and going to leave her to be happy in her new relationship. I feel better already tbh!!

 

Numbers deleted facebook gone, time to move on...

 

 

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