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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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After a lot of months of NC..

I made a mistake to look at pictures and video's of him ( facebook is indeed a devil)..

 

Wow

 

*bam* it hits me .. the Imisshimsomuch bomb..

I'm really having a tough time right now missing the good old times.

Just spend a few hours crying.

I really thought it would not hurt me to see him again in pictures and videos but I guess it does.

I'm still not over him and I wonder if I ever will be..

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Day 10

 

I've stopped logging in to FB,bcs she was using her cousin's FB to contact me-now its been 10 days without a clue from her,but i'm doing this for myself.I want to create a mistery around myself and for her to not know when I'm at home or not-I still check my fb via email thoud,and log in late at night sometimes.I upload pictures of me having fun,but thats all.

Now about how i feel,I still hope to get back toghether everyday,think why she hasn't called,text,or even msg me via her cousin's fb,I guiess she doesnt love me anymore.It's been like a month and a week since we BU.The chest pain is gone,but I still feel i want her and need her,hope i stop giving a cr*p soon.I'll post again in 1 week.Cya

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After a lot of months of NC..

I made a mistake to look at pictures and video's of him ( facebook is indeed a devil)..

 

*bam* it hits me .. the Imisshimsomuch bomb..

I'm really having a tough time right now missing the good old times.

Just spend a few hours crying.

 

I really thought it would not hurt me to see him again in pictures and videos but I guess it does.

I'm still not over him and I wonder if I ever will be..

Methinks it's always gonna hurt.

 

Have posted about a 30 y.o. woman I dated for 6 mos. at 26. She was my first real relationship and she brought up getting engaged. When it ended (in 19-eighty-eight) it devastated me.

 

In January, 20+ years later, began remembering all the pain and was a wreck at work for a week. Would have short bursts of tears.

 

Searched desperately to find any pics I had of her and I. Found only one. Had long ago pitched the others as well as other former GFs. Tammy's the only former GF pic I have.

 

There we were, young and in love, holding hands at the water fountains park with my best friend and his wife. The colorful clothes she wore... The happy faces...

No warning or signs of what would later happen....

 

Still have the pic (scanned it but pitched the original) but I try not to look at it.

Want to keep it bec. it's the only proof I have of that critical relationship and hope she still thinks of me once in a while and the love we once shared....

 

Traces

 

"..Faded photographs.

Souveniers of distant places.

The ring she used to wear...

Memories in bits and pieces...

Traces of love long ago that didn't work out.

Traces of love with me tonight...."

Once In a While

 

"...Once in awhile will you try to give one little thought to me

Though someone else maybe nearer your heart

In love's smoldering ember one spark may remain

If love still can remember, the spark may burn again ..."

 

 

The sentiments expressed in those songs from the 1960s fit me exactly.....

Sorry... Now I wanna cry...

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ClarenceRutherford, thanks for sharing this with me.

It makes me feel a little less lonely.

Pictures hurt indeed. They can bring back much more than you thought they would.

I think it's special how the relationship you are talking about still has this impact on you, more than 20 years later.

That proves it was a special relationship that you cary deep in your heart.

Some relationships in life, you never really let go of it. It's always there in the back of your head.. Where is belongs.

Pictures can bring it all up and along with that all the emotions.

I can only hope they won't forget about us as we can't forget about them

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start of day 2, previously did a full week but broke it monday! with good results TBH!

 

Just to remind you, I wasn't in a serious relationship with her I just want her back and her new relationship is a rebound as I told her to move on. Happened in less than a week!

 

Just been into town with a mate for a bit, I drove so didn't drink. Saw quite a few girls who looked like her and got me excited to see her. Glad I didn't though, made a few posts which show her I'm moving on with my life and not waiting around.

 

I've decided I do want her to split with him but not because Ive asked her too because she know's its not right ignoring the feelings, because I'd be on edge wondering if she'd do it again.

 

Feel quite positive today

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Day 32

 

I've started missing her more and more everyday. I thought it was supposed to get better with time but I feel dreadful. I've been crying a bit this last week, however, this is potentially hopeful...I could be in the depression stage of the 5 stages of grief, which means I've moved on from denial and anger. I think I'm somewhere between depression and bargaining stages because I increasingly want to break NC.

 

I'm totally with other posters who have talked about photos. I don't have that many photos of her. I have just 2 actually. I think that says a lot, huh? They are both on my memory card on my camera, which I have to charge up tomorrow because I need it for my graduation ball. I just know I'll be tempted to look at the photos but that will destroy my special evening, so I think I'll ask a friend to delete them before I see them. I stumbled upon another photo of her by surprise the other day. I never noticed before but I have a photo that shows the outline of her face, her nose and lips, but partly hidden by shadows. It stung a little bit because it made me realise my mental image of her is getting fuzzy. It's not that I've forgotten what she looked like or anything but that my memory of her features (nose and lips) is fading and seeing the photo made them suddenly sharper again. I cried a lot today. More than ever since the BU. I think it's the effect that photo had on me.

On Saturday I found a card from a bunch of flowers that she bought me a few months ago. The flowers died but I kept the card. It shot me like a bullet to see her hand-writing and the words 'Big Loves from Susie'. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Yeah. I'm sure that's exactly what she meant. I'm cynical that she loved me then but doesn't now. Either she loved me then and still loves me now, or never loved me at all.

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HonouredPenny: Yeah, it's the loss of love that's hardest to deal with. "I love you, just not in the right way". Those words stung more than anyone could ever know. When we first met I was everything to him. Then a younger package shows an interest and all of a sudden I'm too old and he (desperately) wants us to be 'friends'. If I can be replaced so easily then the love was never there at all. Pr*ck.

 

You know what, though? F*ck them, it's their loss. I don't want anyone who doesn't want me. I might not have handled things very well when we were together but I did the best I could under very difficult circumstances, and I challenge anyone (new gf included) to do any better. I'm a good, attractive person with a lot to offer and if he can't "love me in the right way", then he can't have me in his life at all. I have no doubt he's missing me very much but that's too bad, he's made his bed, he can lie in it. His new gf will find out for herself what a nightmare he can be. Good luck to her, she'll bloody well need it.

Edited by destiny0791
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I feel weird...I did the no contact after being broken up for 3 weeks. He called me and text me and I didn't budge for a whole 3 days then the 4th day I called him...We have been back together since but I still can't help but think I should of waited longer like this posts suggest...=/

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My head...and my heart are at odds with each other frequently. One say's one thing, the other say's something else.

 

One minute I feel love and compassion toward him, and guilt for hurting him. Then an hour later my wound of hurt starts to bleed again and I remember the words he said that cut me so badly.

 

Anyway....I have stuck well to NC...22 days. My dignity is intact.

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My head...and my heart are at odds with each other frequently. One say's one thing, the other say's something else.

 

One minute I feel love and compassion toward him, and guilt for hurting him. Then an hour later my wound of hurt starts to bleed again and I remember the words he said that cut me so badly.

 

Anyway....I have stuck well to NC...22 days. My dignity is intact.

 

Yeah I'm with you on that. I'm day 21. Whilst I don't MISS her. you know the whole heart wrenching thing I do still wonder what the hell went through her head when she decided she'd had enough. I haven't even seen her in over a month.

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Wow this thread his huge! Im hoping this works for me and help me move on. So I will start with,

 

Day 1

 

I feel sad and get emotional urges to call him and have him talk to me. I feel as though hearing his voice makes me feel better. But then I'd get emotional and break down. It's been about 2 months. I feel pathetic because I want to be happy again but I'm still sad. Hopefully I can handle this.

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Day 1

 

Just broke up. He chose an ahole friend who insulted, embarrasssed and spread lies about me- he chose this friendship over me, over us. I have zero hope we will be back together. Although I would probably gain enjoyment if he did realized what error he had made, but I'm not gonna hold my breath.

 

I'll just pray that God will heal me. Been crying unstoppablly. I feel so hurt and broken.

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Day 3 =/

 

This freakin sucks SO bad. I wish he knew at least an ounce of how I feel! he ignored my texts / phone calls...everything ! So I decided on NC. Smh,i hope this works for me. I think out of everyone on here I am by far the WORST at NC. How does someone you share a year and some months of your life with suddenly NOT care anymore?! Like, he doesn't even check and see if I'm alive or dead. It just hurts. I can day though, you guys on here (although I don't know any if you personally lol) have and still is helping me each and every day with your posts. Yall kinda feel like the friends I never had. So thank yall =') ! Will def be back to hopefully post my story and updates....

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Day 2

 

Took the day off. I look like a train wreck, eyes super puffed from crying myself to sleep.

I want to fast forward time and have this be over. Gotta find new date to the wedding, maybe I'll ask a girl friend since I don't have many guy friends once we started dating.

Miss him but have not desire or urge to contact/see him.

It is what it is. Feel so defeated and weak.

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ClarenceRutherford, thanks for sharing this with me.

It makes me feel a little less lonely.

 

Pictures hurt indeed. They can bring back much more than you thought they would.

Yeah, I should chuck the scanned image of her and I.

Yet..... it's at least SOME proof we two existed.

 

Kept thinking we talked about marriage. Thought my memory was off.

After a little going back in my memory, recalled how SHE was the one that said,

"....I know your career in TV will mean you have to move out of this small town... So when we get engaged, I will move with you..." etc.

Once suggested drinking a "passion fruit drinK." She said, "I think we have enough passion between us..."

 

As I posted, she told me was a 30 y.o. virgin. Tried to caress her breast outside of her shirt one night on her couch. Yes, I was a Christian then but still like to get some kind of physical affection.....

As you get older and feel you've missed out on some things others enjoy....

(We dated 6 mos.). Was the only time I did that with her. The end came soon after..

 

She told me that was as far as any guy had gotten...

and how "we needed to save something for the wedding night...."

Didn't necessarily disagree, as I really thought she was the one for me and I didn't want to "blow" our relationship by pressuring her for sex (was scared of myself and thought any forwardness might turn her off toward me). Being lonely at 26, wanted a real relationship more than sexual pleasure (which I had at 17 in HS, much too early)..

 

SO I WASN'T DREAMING !! That really did happen !!!... (It just feels like it never happened and look at what I could have had....)

 

I think it's special how the relationship you are talking about still has this impact on you, more than 20 years later.

That proves it was a special relationship that you cary deep in your heart.

Am never gonna forget it. As much as I wanted to when it ended...

Some relationships in life, you never really let go of it. It's always there in the back of your head.. Where is belongs.

Pictures can bring it all up and along with that all the emotions.

I can only hope they won't forget about us as we can't forget about them

Agree.

 

One thing that does help... the woman I dated 4 yrs. later... She was a much better fit.

 

The one who took my name wasn't so judgemental and the best part -- wanted to ML to me and spend her life with me.

 

The EX, Tammy, the one I have idealized over the years (physically, she looks like my wife), remembering more details of our relationship and how I didn't handle myself so well.. she was cold-hearted and wasn't really a good fit for me.

 

The one I found just after I turned 30, I consider her a Godsend... And to think I feared God had forgotten about me at 30...

 

Did everything right (mostly). Didn't pressure women for sex, Considered myself a good guy who tried to treat women right, etc.

Yet look... single at 30 and only got CLOSE to getting engaged.....

So I know how these virgin, never-kissed-a-girl at 30 men feel.... (I read their posts and try to help them...)

Wasn't a virgin but had very limited experience (5X total 17-30, just sex, never LM)....

 

So remember, there's likely someone even better down the line.

 

 

***

Sorry for the rant. But this is a good place to get stuff off your chest...

Edited by ClarenceRutherford
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Day 2 continued

 

The dentist kept talking about you bc she doesn't know we broke up and I just smiled and nodded.

Not eating past two days I've gone from 106 to 102, reminds me of my first real relationship breakup where I couldn't eat or sleep and dropped to low 90s I looked soooooo sick and everyone commented. I'm not gonna be that way again...I'll take care of myself this time around. Even bought new sneakers, vitamins, and workout clothes today. I want to look good and feel good

 

I remember from somewhere it's helpful to move on to write the cons:

1. You drank WAY too much and everytime you did we got in fights.

2. No back bone! Too much of a people pleaser and you've admitted that you NEED people to love you.

I remember how spineless you were during our counseling. It was my idea and you went along but you didn't wanna go so I said ok we won't have to after todays session. Then the session ends the counselor ask when we wanna come in again u looked at me. I said "up to you" bc u had said u didn't wanna come back. Then u said "next month". Afterwards I called u out like hey why didn't u tell her u didn't see any point and u said don't like confrontation. What a pansy!!!!!!!!! Seriously??!

3. You're a total attention w*ore!! Taking your clothes off showing your butt at parties? Too much...grow the eff up!

4. You said you're a commitment phone and that's why at almost 40yo youve never been married.

5. You've lied to me before several times (one event?)

6. You have these unrealistic expectations for me to e constantly happy chipper entertaining goofy sexy etc etc etc. Dang!!! Can't I just be ME?! Can't I be tired or sad or melancholy stop wigging out I'm freaking human.

7. You said im not as hyper/happy as I was when u met me. I do my best and have a cheery deposition normally but when sh*t happens yes I get BLUE.

8. I feel you were a fair weather bf/FH.

9. Several occasions you kicked me out when we argued. I felt so abandoned and scared

10. You drank too much on nye and tackled me to the ground which hurt. I had to find a ride at 3am and started walking. I was so terrified and hurt it was cold dark scary and I was alone on the highway

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Day 3

 

I skipped day two, but I don't know if this is considered no contact breaking cause we work together and we lived together. He was suppose to help me find an apartment so we communicated about that. Is that breaking the challenge? At work today he kept talking to me about what hes been up to and was trying to flirt with me. Ita making it sooo difficult to deal with because I want to talk to him but I just smiled and walked away. I feel like I'm failing this whole thing. Should I start back at day one? Working with your ex makes this NC thing zoo hard to do. Any advice?

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Day 5 of NC. The urge to contact him has slightly diminished because I feel more empowered not, but always wonder what he is thinking, whether he has enough down time when he's not working to actually stop and think about the good old days, not the endless texting back and forth trying to work things out. I believe technology killed my relationship - he was content to just text and sometimes call when discussing what went wrong, but never meet. I wish that I had just quit the texting and said, when you're ready we will meet, but being heart-broken I grabbed any opportunity to talk to him and if this was the only way then that would have to do.

 

I wonder if he misses me, I want to make it to the milestone of one week where neither of us contacts each other. It's his birthday on Tuesday and I am adamant I am not going to send him a message. If I can make it to two / three weeks then I know that I will feel a lot stronger and maybe he will miss what we had rather tan just remember the discussions over the past month. One day at a time!!! It's tough though, and think about him every minute and dream about him every night.

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Day 3

 

I had to email him to get documents for my work. It was a short one sentence email. I don't think this should constitute breaking NC bc I'm not going to see him, txt, call, talk etc. When I pick up my stuff he won't even be home.

 

Today I just feel mad at FH, at myself, at the whole situation.

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Day 4.

 

The urge to call him right now is really strong. I have so many questions that has already been answered. I keep thinking about yesterday how he kept trying to flirt with me. I just don't understand why he's doing that to me, I feel lead on. I need to stay strong for myself. I need to fight this urge, I need to. I feel anxious and my heart feels like it's beating faster than normal. I feel a rush of blood surging all over my face and I won't feel better unless I talk to him, but talking to him just ruins everything. He owes me some money for electricity I don't know if I should contact him to get him to return it for me or not, I'm so confused still after two months of being broken up.

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