NVT

Day 6... Today was rough. I feel like everything I've known these past two years has just disappeared. I feel like ghosts are real, except they're alive and still able to think and feel. I see your "ghost" everywhere. Every room in my house reminds me of a memory to do with you. As I walk through the house, I can almost see the past versions of ourselves... cuddled by the fireplace in the winter, kissing on that couch, laughing by the window... Are you haunted by my ghost too? You surely must be, I can think of hundreds of reminders of me in your every day routine. Today was horrible. I almost caved and contacted you but I can't face your cold words anymore.

You tell me one week that you never want to be apart, then you seem to forget about me completely. I should hate you for treating me like this but I still just think about all the good times outweighing the bad times. The good times were great and the bad times were nothing. But the truth is that I tried and you didn't. You weren't willing to let go of your childish habits and in the end, you chose your friends over me. I just wish you wouldn't have denied it so much; we both knew it would always be them. But still I miss you more every day. But you know what? You're okay. I will be too. I just wish I knew how you could stop loving me over night. It hurts, baby.

Day 2: We broke up on June 5. I would usually be able to make it through the entire day, but I'd always end up contacting him before night. Then eventually I could go two days. But never longer than that. I've now made the decision to delete him from my life (on social networking sites, etc.) He no longer has access to what I am up to. I last contacted him on Friday morning, so it has been two days. I'm not doing well. I feel like I'm okay sometimes and then it hits me again and I get that sinking feeling in my chest. I can at least sleep now, but I'm haunted by dreams of us being happy and back to normal again, or otherwise getting back together. Then I wake up and realize that never seeing him again is a very high possibility. I know I did the right thing in cutting him out despite him wanting to be friends eventually, but now I feel like it will be hard to reach him after the 30 days if I choose to contact him... I can't do this. I have to but I can't. It hurts so much and he's okay with it? I can't stand the thought of him with someone else and time passing scares me like nothing else. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks... the longest time apart yet.