THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[deavyin]

I wish I was in your situation man. I don't think a last night of sex would be good for me. Of course it would never happen since she left me for someone else and is already boyfriend/girlfriend with him (in less than a months time).

 

I know it's still early, given that it's only been 7 days NC, but it's very hard. I'm sure it will get easier with time. Also, I am not out there dating right now. I'm working on myself and getting into much better shape and I can already tell girls are noticing me in a way they weren't when I was at 225 and had one hellacious beer gut (which is pretty much all gone now; i still have a little chub but it's not noticeable when I have my shirt on).

 

I can't be friends with my ex while she is with the guy she left me for. Also, the longer she is with him, the less of a chance we can ever be friends. Once they break that 3 months mark and have been together longer than we were; it's over. At that point it won't have been a mistake to her and there is no way I could be friends with someone I gave myself to who, ultimately, dropped me like a bad habit for someone else.

[Janeiac]

NC works!!!! Keep on keeping on!

 

My Ex came back and wants to try again. He saw what life is like without me, and I showed him I was perfectly capable of moving on without him. I really was in a much better place and feeling ok about the breakup. OK in the sense that I was no longer devastated and paralyzed (which I never showed to him anyway) and crying all the time. I lived my life and made my own plans.

 

NC is for yourself to heal and move on, but it's also the best way to have an ex come back if he or she is ever going to.

[Lavender25]

NC works!!!! Keep on keeping on!

 

My Ex came back and wants to try again. He saw what life is like without me, and I showed him I was perfectly capable of moving on without him. I really was in a much better place and feeling ok about the breakup. OK in the sense that I was no longer devastated and paralyzed (which I never showed to him anyway) and crying all the time. I lived my life and made my own plans.

 

NC is for yourself to heal and move on, but it's also the best way to have an ex come back if he or she is ever going to.

 

Janeiac, how long were you in NC and what did you do to keep yourself busy.

 

I'm tired of feeling this way. I wake up feeling all of this anxiety and tightness in my chest and just feel miserable. Then it usually takes me hours, until I have to get ready for work, to actually get off the couch or get out of bed.

 

I just want to feel better.

[LaceWing]

Day 15 -

 

Yesterday had the urge twice to text him to say what I think about him, and how much hurt he has caused me. But I consider my dignity and self-respect to be important....also he doesn't need it either. And part of me knows I hurt him too....so maybe I am getting what I deserve in part?

 

My feelings/thoughts change so much from one hour, from one day to the next, I can hardly comprehend which thoughts/opinion/feeling/perspective is the right one. So that is another reason on my list, as to why NC is necessary. I need to get my head straight....but also take a break from mentally/emotionally wearing myself out.

 

I previously went through 5 weeks of NC with this same person.....it was hell....I was so down, I could barely hold myself together, but I did. Then he got in touch....but now I am here again....this time it's easier because the worst part of the pain and hurt was experienced during those first 5 weeks. Now I feel I am just picking up where I left off anyway.

[LaceWing]

Day 1 (he broke NC yesterday asking how I was),

 

So back to square one. I feel a bit numb, still hurting slightly, and though I do sort of miss him, I need to heal and just be kind to myself and my feelings.

[r0ckox]

Day 40-something or 50ish?

Don't even know anymore.

 

You haven't tried to contact me in almost 2 weeks... I didn't call you back after you leaving me a VM about you "having to talk to me" - and I feel great about it.

I remember a few months ago I'd post about "Day 3. Day 6. Day 3 again..... day 1" and now I've made it to somewhere between 40-50.

 

Awesome.... just awesome.

[wcl]

not sure what day i am on.

been split for what, something like 10 11 weeks

it was terrible at the start, it still is.

but at the start i was more like a nervous person, anxious i guess, i couldnt get you out of my mind, felt all sorts of emotions, anger and hate included. i calmed down, and its leveled out to where i am now i guess.

i am plodding along.

its not easy, not having much work on, and alot of time by myself doesent help.

i dont think about of you as much, but when i do i get really sad.

i miss you more now than ever, staying NC is good for my healing, but knowing that my thoughts of you are going to get less and less, and having to rely on memories makes me really sad.

i have no idea about you, but it would be nice if you had some feelings of sadness, and do look back at all the amazing happy we times we had, but can still smile.

i do

[LaceWing]

Day 2...but this is not the first NC...my feelings/thoughts have stabilised. I realise a few things I was purposely ignoring within myself, not wanting to accept some responsibility. I know that I feel strongly about this man, maybe my feelings developed too quickly, however NC is the only way for me to go, until or unless things become clearer. I am prepared to walk away forever though, as generally I am far more comfortable and at east being single and feel no pressure. It is easier for me therefore to walk away, rather than fight...and I really don't feel like I should have to fight. Relationships don't come easy, but they shouldn't have you crying nearly every day of 2011 so far either!

 

I feel a lot better. Letting go of anger/victim mentality really helps ease and disperse pain. And it's true, no one has the power to emotionally hurt you unless you allow it.

[wcl]

Gona be a terrible night sleep tonight a think.

been a bad day today. its very strange i can be thinking of something, then suddenly my thought changes to her, and a wash of sadness comes over me, its really heavy, then as soon as it comes that sadness evens out, while still thinking of her.

it was still bright here at half nine, and i thought to my self, wow summer has arrived, and as soon as i said that to myself, i instantly thought of a summer without her and past summers and felt so low.

then while thinking of it still the sadness left.

i miss her and want her so bad, it is getting easier in one way, but i will always miss want and love her

[r0ckox]

Hey.......

 

Guess what?

 

It's day XX.

 

Awesome again.

[Janeiac]

Janeiac, how long were you in NC and what did you do to keep yourself busy.

 

I'm tired of feeling this way. I wake up feeling all of this anxiety and tightness in my chest and just feel miserable. Then it usually takes me hours, until I have to get ready for work, to actually get off the couch or get out of bed.

 

I just want to feel better.

 

Lavender25, we'd been dating almost two years, and were nearly completely NC for about 4-5 months (one huge fight on the phone and some brief tets during the NC) We made a couple f false starts on the reconciliation-- he tried to come back ithout making the changes I required. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, ut I am so glad I did because things are way better now.

To stay busy I watched vies, read, surfed the internet, read tons on here, and hung out with friends. I did have crying jags and periods of intense lonliness, but they came less frquently over time. Just focus on yourself and put your ex out of your mind whenver thoughts intrude. It's hard, but you can do it. I did it, and things worked out . Even if they hadn't, I'd still be ok on my own because I focused on healing myself.

[destiny0791]

Can I join? I broke NC this morning after 12 days to send him a birthday text (from skype as I've changed my number)... no reply.

 

So, Day 1 for me today.

 

Here's my story:

 

LDR for about 9 months (I rarely get the opportunity to see him), he lives on the other side of the country. We talk on yahoo every night. I had a holiday booked for us, and then, out of the blue, a month before we were due to go, he drops the bombshell that he has a girlfriend, and has for the last 3 months. I had no clue as we were STILL talking every night. I was devastated... he's 31, I'm 40.. she's 29 and lives near him, I don't, so can't compete. However, he still wants me to be around for him every day on yahoo. I've lost count of the amount of times I've walked away, only to come back because I'm missing him... then walked away again because I'm unhappy. Have spent ages listening to "I love you, I miss you, I need you", even though he has her and won't give her up. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and I know this... so I'm trying hard to walk away, and move on. There's no chance of reconciliation.

 

I would really appreciate some help and support from people who know what I'm going through, because I can't do this alone...

[Janeiac]

destiny, I know how hard it is. For your own sake, you must not let your ex use you to feel better himself while keeping you miserable.

 

If he really loves you, he will dump the other woman and do whatever it takes to be with you.

 

But why would you want him to? He's a known liar and a proven cheat. Get shut of him. You can do this. You will be so much happier freeing yourself to meet someone local who treats you well and generally cares about you. That can't happen while you remain hung up on your ex.

[destiny0791]

Janeiac, thank you. I know you're right... I've made a concerted effort to cut him out of my life (changed my mobile number, blocked and deleted him on yahoo etc) but I was unprepared for the mental torture that would follow. I thank God for this thread and the people here because I really believe it's the only thing that's going to give me the strength and motivation to move on, for good. I know he's missing me too but he's made his bed... he can damn well lie in it.

[destiny0791]

Day 1 (still)

 

Was feeling great this morning but then the day got steadily worse. Missing him so much. Ended up thinking, "screw it, I'd rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all"... and then I remembered that the only thing that would happen is I would walk away again, feeling used and unsatisfied. So the urge to contact him passed, and I felt strong again. Thank God.

 

I can't wait until I forget about this guy completely, I want that so badly.

[dolorosa]

Hello Everyone, This is my first post here but I have been reading some of your stories for one week, Unfortunately, I have begged, cried, called, emailed and even sent letters to try to get exboyfriend back. My story is not different than most of you, boyfriend of 9 months, both of us are single parents and live in different cities, althought we managed to see each other every weekend and had firm plans to move together this summer. Ex texted me one day to say he has problems with comminment after his ex wife cheated and he can t deal with me at the moment, he says he can't give me what i want, last week, he said the problems was that I was too needy, and now he says I do not know how to deal with arguments, some of this I accept but I believe he should have try to fix the problems we had.

 

So this is NC day 1 for me and really hope you guys can help me, I am determined to move on, since this break up has been the worst thing I ever experienced and my daughter is getting all the bad of me at the moment.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Day 40-something or 50ish?

Don't even know anymore.

 

You haven't tried to contact me in almost 2 weeks... I didn't call you back after you leaving me a VM about you "having to talk to me" - and I feel great about it.

I remember a few months ago I'd post about "Day 3. Day 6. Day 3 again..... day 1" and now I've made it to somewhere between 40-50.

 

Awesome.... just awesome.

You're doing well, baRx. Have read some of your posts and am proud of you.

Can I join? I broke NC this morning after 12 days to send him a birthday text (from skype as I've changed my number)... no reply.

 

So, Day 1 for me today.

....

he still wants me to be around for him every day on yahoo. I've lost count of the amount of times I've walked away, only to come back because I'm missing him... then walked away again because I'm unhappy. Have spent ages listening to "I love you, I miss you, I need you", even though he has her and won't give her up. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and I know this... so I'm trying hard to walk away, and move on. There's no chance of reconciliation.

 

I would really appreciate some help and support from people who know what I'm going through, because I can't do this alone...

Destiny,

Remain in strict NC with him. Delete him off yahoo, skype, Facebook, etc.

 

If he wants you, let him approach you first.

 

You'll get stronger every day you remain away from him.

Hello Everyone, This is my first post here but I have been reading some of your stories for one week, Unfortunately, I have begged, cried, called, emailed and even sent letters to try to get exboyfriend back.

 

My story is not different than most of you, boyfriend of 9 months, both of us are single parents and live in different cities, althought we managed to see each other every weekend and had firm plans to move together this summer. Ex texted me one day to say he has problems with comminment after his ex wife cheated and he can t deal with me at the moment, he says he can't give me what i want, last week, he said the problems was that I was too needy, and now he says I do not know how to deal with arguments, some of this I accept but I believe he should have try to fix the problems we had.

 

So this is NC day 1 for me and really hope you guys can help me, I am determined to move on, since this break up has been the worst thing I ever experienced

dolorosa,

You're doing the right things.

Remain in strict NC.

 

Great that you read many of the stories from here as others' experience can only help you.

[destiny0791]

Destiny,

Remain in strict NC with him. Delete him off yahoo, skype, Facebook, etc.

 

If he wants you, let him approach you first.

 

You'll get stronger every day you remain away from him.

 

Thanks Clarence, I will. And I sure hope so....

[destiny0791]

So this is NC day 1 for me and really hope you guys can help me, I am determined to move on, since this break up has been the worst thing I ever experienced

 

Girl, I hear ya. I feel exactly the same way. Hang in there... you can do this.

[dolorosa]

Thank you Clarence and Destiny, still going strong and half way the second day, I need to do his for myself and be the old me again.

 

Destiny, maybe we should give each other strenght since we both on day 2?

[destiny0791]

Destiny, maybe we should give each other strenght since we both on day 2?

 

Deal.

 

I am so angry today, and so full of hate.

 

I hate him for worming his way into my life when initially I wasn't interested at all. I hate him for making me feel like the only person who mattered to him. I hate him for lying to me about her, those 3 months. I hate him for not letting me leave before, all those times I tried (he was very clingy and demanding). I hate him for making me struggle at work. But most of all, I hate him for the pain he's causing me now, which is unlike any I've experienced before.

 

Don't get me wrong, I was not perfect in this relationship... far from it. In fact, I look back and cringe at some of the things I've said. But I was always there for him, supported him, never betrayed him. My biggest regret is that I gave him the time of day in the first place.

 

It's amazing how anger can make you feel like you're healing, even momentarily. If he's struggling even half as much as I am now, then that's punishment enough. Or so I tell myself...

[dolorosa]

Hey Destiny,

I am not angry, I am dissapointed, I have been very independent all my life and for the pat 6 weeks I have begged, cried, and begged so more. Relationships are hard work but if both person are commited, it should make things easier, the closure he gave me has changed 3 times in the past 6 weeks, now I do not know which one is the real reason of our breakup, but after reading so many stories here, I have decided that I do nto care anymore. Either he loves me and wants to fight for what we had or not, and he obviously does not. I am moving on, slowly and with the most horrible pain but I need to do it. Hope we can both come out of this stronger and lookign forward to a bright future.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Hey Destiny,

I am not angry, I am dissapointed, I have been very independent all my life and for the pat 6 weeks I have begged, cried, and begged so more. Relationships are hard work but if both person are commited, it should make things easier, the closure he gave me has changed 3 times in the past 6 weeks, now I do not know which one is the real reason of our breakup, but after reading so many stories here, I have decided that I do nto care anymore. Either he loves me and wants to fight for what we had or not, and he obviously does not. I am moving on, slowly and with the most horrible pain but I need to do it. Hope we can both come out of this stronger and lookign forward to a bright future.

Good that you're moving on and have seen the futility of begging, crying and trying to convince your EX to return...

 

But hey, we've all been there, done that, so it's not like we're unsympathetic.

[Moonchill]

Looks like my healing just took an U-turn.

I don't know why.. I was doing so good.. And now I've just got an Imisshim attack.

I feel empty. It doesn't go away.. No matter how much I go to the gym or hang out with friends..

I miss being loved.

 

A friend of mine made a stupid joke about my pathetic attemps to have relationships.

I can not let go of the thought he is actually right.. What if it's not him, it's me. I don't know what I keep doing wrong.

But the most relationships I have, they don't last long. I wish some of these men would just tell me the truth. So I can learn from it and be a better girlfriend next time

[dolorosa]

Moonchill, I feel exactly the same. Tonight I feel like texting him so bad, just spoke to my sister and she said I should not, I just needed soemone to open my eyes, and checking this site often is also helping me. I am a good person I know I deserve to be love, just do not know why I can't keep a relationship