THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Helpmetoheal]

Mrs Popsicle: I am dealing with the same thing here. We live 6 houses apart on the same street. If I happen to see him while I am coming or going I just ignore him, and keep driving. I don't know if he thinks I am being rude or not but he doesn't make any attempt to acknowledge me either! I really feel like I should move away but why would I uproot my kids and venture into unknown territory. I already feel like most of my life has been stolen from me. Any suggestions appreciated!

Well my NC isn't going very well, ex phoned me while I was shopping (though I was on the phone anyways so couldn't talk) then I bump into him in the supermarket!

For all those doing NC but have a high chance of meeting their ex, how do you handle it? We live in the same street so I imagine this is going to crop up a lot

[Janeiac]

Floridaman, I think I can safely say most women have moments when we do not desire sexual contact, husband/boyfriend or not. It is never a man's RIGHT to have access to our bodies. Him trying to assert such a "right" is repulsive. You must create a situation of intimacy, love, and sharing in which she may choose to share with you sexually.

[Mrs Popsicle]

Mrs Popsicle: I am dealing with the same thing here. We live 6 houses apart on the same street. If I happen to see him while I am coming or going I just ignore him, and keep driving. I don't know if he thinks I am being rude or not but he doesn't make any attempt to acknowledge me either! I really feel like I should move away but why would I uproot my kids and venture into unknown territory. I already feel like most of my life has been stolen from me. Any suggestions appreciated!

 

Hey Helpmetoheal

 

I see you have kids too, it makes things much more tricky in my opinion! I don't have the option to move until later this year when I will need a bigger house, besides I live right near the kids school, near to my university and I enjoy living here. We have split before, and I admit that knowing he could be out and about has made me feel like a prisoner in my own home-not his fault, but I just couldn't handle seeing him, though that feeling does start to fade. To be honest I don't know if I would have spoken to him or not yesterday, but my kids started speaking to him (and told him all about an outing with friends tomorrow, which he interrogated me about!)

 

I'm sorry I don't have any advice other than to say it does get easier over time! How long have you been doing NC? And how do you feel when you do see him? I'm not sure of your story, I'll have a read of your posts.

Take care

 

Mrs Popsicle

 

EDIT: Just realised how similar our situations are I'll reply on your original thread

[ClarenceRutherford]

Floridaman, I think I can safely say most women have moments when we do not desire sexual contact, husband/boyfriend or not. It is never a man's RIGHT to have access to our bodies. Him trying to assert such a "right" is repulsive. You must create a situation of intimacy, love, and sharing in which she may choose to share with you sexually.

Janie,

I've moved your response to my thread on this, to keep from diverting from the NC topic here.

 

[Helpmetoheal]

Day 5 or 6 of NC ~ IDK - still feeling pretty up and down. Saw you briefly yesterday as your step-dad was parked in front of your house. It hurts remembering that just a short time ago, he would have then stopped by my place to say hello to ME as well. Not having my own parents around is hard. Your parents were and are kind to me but I can't help but wonder how long it will be before they decide to break the ties too? I have front row seats to watch my old life crumble around me. And do you care? Maybe a little bit, but not enough.

[Janeiac]

Day 17

Lots of snow here, keeping me indoors more than I'd like but it's just too difficult to slog through it. My poor puppy is getting cabin fever. Lots to look forward to in the spring.

X's mom sent me email-- once on my birthday and again today. She says she misses talking to me. Phooey! Last time I responded to a message from her (with a phone call) she wound up crying to X that I'd harrassed her, and complained to X's sister that I'd tried to "involve" her in our troubles-- when I clearly told her I did NOT want her involved. So NO WAY am I even going to respond to her. NC is for his family too. I wonder if she will now complain to X that I'm not talking to her. (rolling my eyes).

[jonesyjakk]

Man...6 days of nc she texts this morning, she had all week to text me this why wait til now.......and what does it mean? she said hi everything ok, this is my new address, it's hard to find and parking is tough so if you want me to meet you somewhere to pick up your son let me know k. I didn't want to hear from her today, tomorrow would have been fine, why wait til 10 am sat morning to text me when its been all week nc. did she just suddenly think oh, i need to text him this? any contact from her almost ruins my day and i have been determined not to let that happen today. i am not contacting her back today, i am going 6 days without contacting her in any way....i will contact her in the morning and let her know first thing, but almost sounds like she doesn't want me to go to her new place, even though the last thing on my mind is going in there...hell no! i need to know where she lives incase there is a prob with my son.....NO STOP!!!! im over analysing again and thats whats f£££££££££d me up for 2 months......as it happens i have had a great day today.

 

Got up early and played football....lost 7 nil and almost broke my leg, the first won their cup game and are in the quarter finals and watched that, it was a cracker, went back to my mates house and had a laugh before coming home, hope to go up the pub later for a bit.

 

I know that i would have text her back today and she'd have not replied as there would be no reason too and i would have been waiting all day checking my phone.......for something that would not come so to some I may be childish for not replying to her yet but s£££w her, she messed my life up and messed my head for 2 months, so to hell with her she can wait around for a reply from me.

 

Im taking but a bit of power and she can see that i'm not wrapped around her little finger anymore.......some may disagree with me but i have made my choice to not reply tonight, she has no concerns for my feelings and could just have text me that tomorrow morning and left me be on my saturday.....to hell with her...i feel good for making 6 days nc. so tomorrow i will see her and man i've got to be happy.....i can't be short with her, i gotta be cool....its hard cos i love her so much still.........so not thinking about that, gonna enjoy my sat night even though wales got slammed in the 6 nations last night.....gutted.....look forward to having my boy tomorrow. to all of you struggling with nc, man day 2 was hard.......today has been easy, i think i could honestly say id be happy if i never saw my ex again......that's how i feel now, but i will go through an infinite amount of this pain and agony as long as i see my son.

 

To all the good mothers and fathers who have had their lives torn apart by a partner.....i bid you all great smiles and wish you all the greatest of happiness!

 

Jonesy

[Janeiac]

Jonsey, you are a good man and you are doing the right thing. You can only control your own self. You don't need to be contacting her, as you said, all you need is to know where her house is and how to reach her, because of your child. You have every right to reply to her, or not, on your own schedule, NOT hers.

Hang in there. One day I hope to meet a man as loving and devoted as you; and many women, I'm sure, would feel the same. Your happiness will come You will meet someone who appreciates you. Just take care of yourself right now, this is painful and it's normal to feel upset.

[jonesyjakk]

thank you janeiac. thank you.

[Jake_hope]

I forgot about this thread but remembered its content.

 

I am on Day 8 of NC- I've been writing down all my thoughts as of DAY 1 and I just remembered this thread and would love to share my experience and get some feedback and not feel so lonely.

 

Having read through this thread I realized in the first week we all go through similar phases. One moment I don't want to be with her the next planning on how to get her back.

 

We decided to take a one month break and contact each other on feb 28th to decide what to do next. We are in a long distance relationship she lives in Russia and I live in Boston MA, this whole thing started when I found out she let a 3rd party into our relationship. We fought for a period of a month, and before I could let it get out of control I remembered the NC challenge.

 

For the first 7 days of I've been planning on going to see her the first of April, which is two months from now. The past 7 days ive been keeping myself busy with hobbies, starting to work out, and not try to think about the bad things that happened between us. The Goal was to win her back, and to do that was to go NC so she naturally becomes nostalgic and give her the opportunity to sort out her feelings. Also I'm hoping she rebounds to this other guy during our break, this way she can sort out her feelings even more.

 

Then I was hoping to show up in Russia Unannounced and see what happens, this was the plan, this is how I've been coping during these past 7 days.

 

Today Day 8- when I woke up and checked her FB, I see alot of messages from that guy on her wall - my plan is going the way I want it to but it was easier said then done. It hurted despite my long term plan of getting her back. So I unfriended her on FB, so I dont have to put myself through any pain. But today I am having second thoughts about if I should go see her in Russia and try to fight for this relationship. I was so sure the past few days but today not so sure at all, I think the interaction between her and him today made me feel this way.

 

I am not sure what to do next - She said she loves me and doesn't like him, the only reason why she hangs out with him is because she misses me and is using him for the attention. Under these circumstances, it is what I used to determine whether I should fly to Russia and see her.

 

Another thing I'm considering is do not respond to her on the 28th as promised and show up in Russia two months from now. Or should I respond to her on the 28th and let her know I need more time to sort out my feelings, because I feel like the only way I can sort out my feelings right now is if I spoke to her in person this is how I've been feeling for 2-3 days now. Today I still feel those things but with the addition of maybe I should just never talk to her again and wait for her to come to me if she ever does.

[deecbee]

Going on the record that day 1 starts today. I do better with no contact when I post in here versus winging it alone. I'm going to start with a week of NC, (although I need more like a month)... smaller chunks seem more manageable right now.

[simplyme01]

Day 1 NC AGAIN!!! Well, I made it to I think day 11 & I broke it. Contacted him and we had back & forth text messages for 3 days. Some good, most not so good. I have without a doubt realized over the past month of being broken up that as much as I miss him, NC is healthier & easier than being in contact and not getting the responses you hope to get & seeing that he is not the person that I feel in love with & that I want him to be. One of the last text messages that I got from him said, I love you baby & I'm sorry. I guess walking away with that makes it a little easier for me. I know I HAVE TO DO THIS, I have to, it's the only way. It has really taken a toll on me, physically, emotionally, it's even affected my performance at work in a very negative way. It's been a month of much emotional turmoil & it is beyond time for me to get my act together & take care of me! This forum has helped me a lot already, even though I've had set backs. Just knowing so many other are feeling the same things, the ups & downs, the missing, the anger...etc. Then to see those that have really stuck with the NC & are taking care of themselves & healing. I think I am finally here, I guess that means I have made it to the ACCEPTANCE stage!! I am going to do this, there's no turning back now!!!!!

[gez2705]

Well tomorrow is five weeks Have just been out with some mates for a meal and a few drinks only shandy's my turn to drive I still do feel like going out and getting drunk something I used to enjoy LOL don't know if I'm growing up finally

They have all been taking the p**s out of me tonight because i've lost my voice bit of a god send for them proberbly I do jabber a bit

So how am I feeling, actually I feel really good there's still been no contact between me and C and feel that there never will be again but I have no real urge to contact her and have realized C is not on my mind all the time

Mornings when I first wake up are still the hardest time for me so I no longer lie in bed but get up and do something.

 

My councelling is going really well should have done it years ago been three times now I know thats not long but its a start and it seems to be working giving me a new perspective on my behaviour and how to change myself all or the better.

For the first time in a long time I can sit in my own home and be comfortable with myself and not start to get anxiouse about it

Asked tonite by my friends If I'm ready to date again after the break up with C to be honest I am not I just want to be on my own for a while and get to know me again I need to resolve some stuff and I can only do this on my own

I have also decided not to spend so much time on here I think its quite addictive actually but it has also helped me loads so I'm only going to post on here once a week from now on or if anything happens with C so it will only be once a week LOL

I also think I should be on the healing forum not on the getting back together forum be I will stop on this one because I started on it

 

Every day it gets easier I am so glad that C is also in NC with me ,she has made it so much easier for me so a big thank you to C for giving me time to heal

[ClarenceRutherford]

Mornings when I first wake up are still the hardest time for me so I no longer lie in bed but get up and do something.

I've done that.

 

Reminds me of that great Beach Boys song:

Help Me Rhonda.

 

"Since she put me down, I've been out doin' in my head.

I come in late at night and in the morning I just lay in bed.

...

She was gonna be my wife and I was gonna be her man.

But she let another guy come between us and it ruined our plans.

 

Rhonda you look so fine, and I know it wouldn't take much time for you to help me, Rhonda, help me get her out of my heart...."

[Janeiac]

Good luck, simplyme, and don't beat yourself up. You just needed another "look" at him, so to speak, and that's fine. NC is for yourself, to give yourself time to heal. Take care of yourself!

[Janeiac]

Day 18.

I don't even want X back. It still sucks to be treated so poorly. I need better filters!

Working on my own self.

[Moonchill]

Day 21

 

Feeling tired, same thing yesterday. I don't know why.. Tonight I'm going to the cinema to see the movie Black Swan. I'm very curious , read good reviews about it. The days fly by, it scares me.

But as the days go by it seems to get easier to stay nc. Missing him comes in waves...

I know I must fight my own apathy.. I'm considering to build up my condition with jogging or something..

[Jake_hope]

Day 9 - My Birthday.

 

Today is my birthday, she said she would write something for me on my birthday, its already 5 PM in Russia, and she hasn't emailed me at all. I know we're not suppose to contact each other for a month thats what I told her, but we agree'd she can at least email me today.

 

So far she has missed both new years (Jan 1st and Feb 3rd) I'm Asian we celebrate lunar New Year as well. It is said that what ever you do on New Years will represent what happens for the rest of the year. She wasn't there for my New Years and being traditional it was a sign that I was not going to be with her.

 

Today at 12:00 AM, when the clock hit my first hour of my birthday I sat there, sat there being lonely. I started to filter out my email and started to read stuff about us in the last couple months. I notice that I've been reaching out to her trying to let her know how I feel but she would just ignore my feelings. I feel this distance has really separated us but I never let myself face that fact completely because I am so in love with her. It wasn't until I found out about the other guy that everything makes sense.

 

Determining it was the distance that made us like this, I was planning on going to see her soon, but I realized why should I chase her? I mean I've done so much for her, been so good to her and this is how she treats me by lying and neglecting me. Maybe it wasn't on purpose but for the last 8 days my mindset was to go to Russia and see her and be with her. That mindset kept me motivated, today I am regretting that decision. I dont want to see her, I dont want to chase her, if she loves me she needs to come and make the first move. But now I feel horrible that my goal of seeing her in russia is not there anymore. My motivation in general has died, I dont want to do anything. I feel helpless, sad, and upset today; its my Birthday.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Day 21

 

Feeling tired, same thing yesterday. I don't know why.. Tonight I'm going to the cinema to see the movie Black Swan. I'm very curious , read good reviews about it. The days fly by, it scares me.

But as the days go by it seems to get easier to stay nc. Missing him comes in waves...

I know I must fight my own apathy.. I'm considering to build up my condition with jogging or something..

That's actually good, Moonchill, unless you're getting older like me (near 5-0) and want time to slow a little....

With the passing of time, so will pass your pain.

How old are you, if we can ask?

[Moonchill]

Everybody's getting older I am 21

 

You know, I just had this very depressing insight. I was the one that screwed it up The only thing he really did was showing me how he felt.. He needed space. I was the one that freaked out right away BIG TIME. Now I really feel regret. I feel regret that I misunderstood him so bad! He asked me to take a step back and I couldn't do it. I was all like "you're breaking up with me aren't you.. why not tell me straight forward" and all.. I was the one breaking it up right away because I can't handle the grey area... If you guys know what I mean.. It's so hard to take a step back when you're in love with someone...

 

Looking back I can conclude I moved way too fast.

I don't think it's an option he wants me back after my very emotional reaction to his request. It's stupid because after all my break-ups I come to the same conclusion: I fall in love and care about someone way too soon..

 

I just had to get his off my chest. I don't know what to do with it. I'd love to contact him.. I really feel we've got a lot to talk about. But it would hurt me so bad if I would spill it out and he would say "hmmm I'm not bothered with this at all.. I've moved on.. why are you still bothered with it? " or something.

 

*sigh* Letting go is so difficult

[anthony4]

I did exactly the same thing, panicked and broke with her. The grey area. Day 14 of no contact. Best to you Moonchill.

[Janeiac]

Happy birthday, Jake. The new year, and all other years, will be what you make of it. Take it as a sign that you are freed of someone who is holding you down with unhappiness, available now to live your own life. You deserve someone who makes you happy.

I know its hard-- all of us in the forum are having a hard time. Try to get out of the house and maybe have a meal with a frien or something. Enjoy your day, for YOU.

[Moonchill]

And how are you dealing with it, Anthony4?

Did you explain it to her or something. Or did you go NC very soon like me..

Atleast I'm not the only one .. Best to you too, thanks

[Janeiac]

In the past I struggled to make contact with a recently-broken-up-with ex, and it's never gone well. Never. I know the feeling of frustration, of believing if only I could say my piece the other person and I could come to some sort of understanding, and I'd feel better. It doesn't happen. If the other person is feeling crowded or pushed, you've already said too much. The hardest thing to do is to leave it alone, but it's still the best thing.

Let's find our own dignity and be ready for our own futures.

[anthony4]

And how are you dealing with it, Anthony4?

Did you explain it to her or something. Or did you go NC very soon like me..

Atleast I'm not the only one .. Best to you too, thanks

 

If you mean explain no contact, no. I think it's best to just let it work if that is in the cards. Mine was almost a two year thing, something had to happen, differences weren't being dealt with. I'm dealing with it day-by-day, and with the help of this forum. I have been bitter, it has come out in some of my posts and some people here have been patient with me trying to give me advice. The grey area for us was because she simply didn't want to talk about anything important, i was always having to read the situation from my perspective. You are SO not the only one.