THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[WhatSetsUs]

Day 24

 

I got to Day 24 with ease. This is by far the easiest period of NC I've ever had to do in the three breakups with my ex. However, I think I am going to break it tomorrow. I've come a long way since the breakup and I feel like I have all my thoughts laid out really well. Despite how well I'm doing in NC, I still love my ex and I still want to work things out with her. Something is telling me to just follow my heart. I know I am setting myself up for more potential heartbreak, but I feel like its worth the risk.

[Tricia23]

Day 56 Post Break up

 

Saw the ex for the first time on 1/2/11- Had a nice few hours with him. Talked alot, he showed a slight bit of affection. Left his house with him telling me to move on, and that if we were to ever talk again, it would take a long time. So I just picked up where I left off, tried to tell myself I have the strength, and went into strict NC.

 

Then out of the blue on 1/8/11- I recieved a text from him asking me to go out to dinner with him. I accepted. It was the most amazing night ever. At one point, I really felt like we never broke up. He was very affectionate, held doors open, helped me put on my coat, held my hand, and acted like my boyfriend. We then cuddled together after dinner, and he was just so incredibly sweet and caring. My heart was filled with joy. He said he wouldn't be a stranger, and that he was definitely going to ask me to go out again.

 

So Here I am 2 days after our dinner, and I'm kinda sad. We spoke once via text today, and it wasn't anything special. I don't know why I feel sad again. The day after our date, I was on Cloud 9. I smiled everytime I thought of him, or when he face popped in my head. It was just wonderful. I felt amazing.

 

I don't know why I'm sad right now. I think its because I'm confused about things with us. I don't really know where its going, or if anything is going to even happen with us. I really want it too, and I wanted to confront him on it, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to ruin anything.

 

I care about him so much. I just wish we something positive would happen with us. And I just want to stop being so sad. And I don't even know why I'm sad. =(

[The_Seeker]

Tomorrow shall be my 6 months of strict NC!

 

It gets better everyone.

 

Love yourself. Hug yourself.

[piruru]

Day 19

 

Ohhhhh my god. I think I pushed myself too hard today. I'm so tired and worn out. Feels like a burn out lol. The good kind though.

 

I started the day waking up early, going for a walk and going to a positive thinking class. I can't say that the class was of much benefit to me, since I was already well into my way of thinking positively again, but it helped in that going there was part of my recovery plan. So another tick off my list of "Things to do now that I'm single again" list.

 

One thing I learnt from the class is that inaction breeds negative thought, and that even if you feel fear (in my case, fear of being alone) one should actively pursue whatever goal it is you want to attain anyway. In my case, I've wanted to improve myself and do things for myself... even though I have to do them alone, I'm okay with that now.

 

I then went to court and sorted out a few things that I had to do. Paid the bills, acted responsibly instead of using the breakup as my excuse for inaction again.

 

Then drove my friend up to the scenic lookout. It was another hurdle that I wanted to overcome, since I am terrified of driving. It was so great. Taking risks really helps.

 

Lastly, I went home and had a long chat with my sharemate about life. Basically, everything that I had a problem with about myself, I have actively sought to change and/or improve it. Everything that he felt that I wasn't able to do... I'm going to do it all. I'm going to show him, even though he is no longer in my life and will not see it, that I am not just your average girl for whom nothing changes after all is said and done. I am going to prove that I am extraordinary and that it was his shame that he overlooked me. I don't care if he ever realises it or not, but that I will feel that I proven him wrong and still feel good deep down within my soul.

 

I honestly can say that I feel good about myself now. I don't need anyone's approval or validation. Did I mention that I cut my hair as well? Not one person has complimented me and yet I still feel so good about it and I love it. I am stronger than I thought I was and living without the ex has turned out not as dramatic as I thought it would be.

 

I've made changes to myself that I never imagined I would have been capable of doing, but I've done them. I've remodelled my life and my internal self. The ex, however, remains the same playboy he always has been.

 

He may have dumped me, but I feel like a winner here. Regardless how great his current relationship with his coworker is, I highly doubt that he feels as good about himself as I do right now.

 

I am so, so proud of myself. I feel good and I did it all by myself!

 

I win.

 

Also just want to acknowledge that I only have roughly one third of the NC challenge left to go. It has been hard work to carry out NC effectively (that is, in conjunction with looking after yourself) but it has been worth it. Whether I break NC or not, it doesn't matter so much anymore. I have achieved what I wanted out of NC. There's 11 days left to go but I am confident that I can make it through and get even better than where I am now.

[Ryankeith]

Piruru,

 

I am so happy that you are finally overcoming your sorrows and are on your way to becoming a better person! It gives me hope that I too someday will be able to make changes and become a happy person once again.

 

Two days ago, the ex and I had another argument and it ended with her saying that she seriously doesn't want to be a part of my life anymore. It really hurt to hear her say that. She is the only friend I have right now so losing her completely is difficult as it leaves me with no one to talk to about my problems.

 

On top of that, a job I have been trying really hard to get, that was located out of state, was officially denied to me last night. Yesterday was extremely hard in that I lost my love again, and didn't get the job I really wanted. Life seems so unfair sometimes. It feels like everything is going against me and nothing I do will swing in my favor. I pray that this is only temporary and that something else will present itself to me. I'm trying to take things one day at a time, because if I think about my future as a whole, it seems so overwhelming and I become severely anxious. I know there is something better for me out there.

[piruru]

Ryankeith,

 

LOL I typed out an epic reply to your post but accidentally deleted it. Oh well

 

You absolutely can be a happy person again. Sometimes it takes a good kick up the butt to get started (in my case, the ex got a new girlfriend one month after our BU) but once the ball gets rolling, it's hard to stop. No one can hold you down anymore.

 

You may think that she's the only friend you've got right now, but don't cling onto her for that reason. It would be better for you to just let her do whatever she wants to do and just focus on yourself. Once you accept that you're okay being alone and you're okay without her in your life, friends from out of nowhere will start coming out of the woodwork. Friends you didn't even know you had or friends you hadn't seen in forever. Not to mention the friends on ENA. You will find that you are not as alone as you thought you would be after all.

 

Lastly, I'm sorry about the job. Bad things always seem to happen to us when we're down, huh? It never ends. Some kind of giant evil plan to ruin us lol. But know that you will be okay, just as you have always been okay before and like many others before you. This is your chance to become a stronger and better person. It's all perspective, really. Sometimes you gotta hit rock bottom to move up. You don't want to be the same person she left behind so make changes. If you make changes, something is bound to change. Focus on all the opportunities that have opened up to you now. If we don't make changes, then nothing will change.

 

On the flip side, if you get stuck and keep wallowing in depression, she's going to be right in leaving you and she will never ever come back for anything. I mean, not setting you up for false hopes or anything, but if you still care about her, then I assume you'd still want to maximise any chances of being in her life.

[piruru]

Day 20

 

Good days and bad days. Today is one of those bad days. But I know where I went wrong.

 

Firstly, I got drunk. Getting drunk automatically makes me sad and depressed about everything. The first time I hooked up with the ex, I was drunk off my face. Drinking reminds me of him.

 

Secondly, I didn't do much for myself today. I had a quiet day at home and it didn't serve me well. I just went on ENA and some other random sites. Didn't help much at all. I just wallowed in my own self pity and feelings of sadness. If anything, I feel worse today than I have felt all week. I feel like a loser. I didn't go to the gym either so I think that contributed to my bad feelings too.

 

It pains me that he is out there being happy whilst I am still making occasional trips to the land of misery. I acknowledge that I still have feelings for him. But he no longer cares about me... so why should I care? I am doing myself a disservice by caring and not looking after myself and my wellbeing.

 

I need to keep busy. Busy helps me in so many ways.

 

I'm half drunk as I type this, so I really wanna call him and see him. I miss him so damn much. I acknowledge that I have those feelings but I am not going to act this time. Enough is enough. I've tried hard enough. I need to keep going.

 

The guy that I am sort of interested in called me today. I definitely think he might have slight feelings for me. He wanted to know what I was doing. He was sort of disappointed that I couldn't see him today because of my commitment with my sharemate.

 

I have these feelings where I want to be in a relationship... but I think it's not going to help anything. If anything, when the guy leaves me, I will be triple times as sad as I am now. It's pointless. I haven't learnt how to be on my own yet.

 

Anyhow, tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to make sure I feel good tomorrow.

 

I think I'm going to have to cut the ex out of my life completely and stop letting myself think about him. I end up seeing all his positives and forgetting his negatives, which is stupid. I also need to stop talking to other people about the ex. It's counter-productive. It just makes me miss him more and miss what we used to have.

 

I refuse to be the first to crack.

 

The other thing I need to improve on is accepting that he is never coming back into my life.

 

I will be okay. (Fake it 'til you make it!)

[Ryankeith]

Piruru,

 

Sorry to hear that you lost your 'Epic' post, I would love to have read it

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Sometimes I think I know what I have to do but for some reason I am too weak. I wish so badly that I could fast forward this portion of my life and go straight to the part where I can hopefully be a complete and happy person once again (even if it is by myself). I think one of the worst feelings is that I am at home alone feeling awful, while she is probably out there living her life and having fun like nothing even happened. If makes me feel like I'm strange for being so hurt when she clearly is not.

 

I know there are other jobs/opportunities out there for me, but this one was pouring salt onto an open wound. Just another thing to worry about or feel negative about. I honestly hope that through all of this I do not develop into a negative/bitter person. I don't want to have a negative outlook on life. I already feel as if I can trust no one ever again after being so horribly betrayed by the Ex.

 

It may be taking awhile, but I can feel myself slowly beginning to accept things for the way they are now. No more sitting in bed wishing/hoping that things would magically work out between us. I've developed this mentality, if it is supposed to be it will be. If it's not meant to be, then moving on will be for the better.

 

I have also began training my mind so that it's almost second nature that if she appears in my mind I do whatever it takes to force myself to think of something else. I have also completely cut out all secular music for 21 days and to be honest it has been very good. I didn't really realize how much any depressing type of music affected my mood. It has been great.

[JustOneSecond]

Day 6

 

Nearly a week. I feel pretty numb. Like I want to cry but I really cant. Been so tempted to unblock him so I can see how he's getting on, but I won't because I know I won't see anything helpful to me. I can actually feel ok when I'm busy in university with all my coursemates but I get so lonely and overthink things when I get back home. I really wish I was even busier sometimes just to keep me distracted. Im planning some weekends away for myself to give me something to look forward to.

[Starrgrl]

Nearly 1 and half months NC

 

Meh. Up and onwards

[piruru]

I have also began training my mind so that it's almost second nature that if she appears in my mind I do whatever it takes to force myself to think of something else.

 

This sounds like a great tactic lol. I think I will have to try doing that too.

 

As for everything else, it will get better. You're doing really well so far

 

Day 21

 

Okay so I spent the day in bed for a looooong time. Not proud of that. It tends to make me feel crappy about myself so I need to avoid doing that and get up early instead and DO things. If I sit around, I'm going to get all depressed and negative again.

 

I drove somewhere by myself again. Another part of my plan to become more independent and build up my self-esteem. Conquering my fears and all that. I also cleaned my house -- haha, I'd been procrastinating that for a while since I hadn't cleaned much after the BU. My thinking at that time was: no one is coming to see me, so why bother cleaning? Now I'm doing it because I want to do it for myself.

 

I also did a couple of beauty treatments "just for me." I remember with my ex, I was always making myself look better because I thought that he would dump me if I didn't. I always felt that I wasn't good enough. It ended up coming true but now I still keep up with those things. I just changed my focus to doing these things FOR MYSELF as opposed to doing things FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

 

At night, I met up with the guy that I thought I was interested in. Turns out, I'm not really that interested in him. He's not really what I'm looking for on so many levels but talking with him was fun. First of all, he has a job that requires flying around for weeks at a time and I know that I can't deal with that. I don't find him particularly physically attractive either, but I think that compared with my ex, I will never find anybody more attractive. The ex was like the guy from my teenage fantasies and I adored that about him. It made me feel good to be seen with him. I can't even imagine myself having sex with this new guy, to be honest. D:

 

Either way, I think he was sort of interested in me, but I don't know about now. I revealed to him a couple of details that I really shouldn't have and so I think I may have turned him off a little bit. But regardless, I don't want a real relationship so I think that if I get involved, it will only lead to trouble. Unfortunately, my self-control is a little crappy right now since I'm at a "vulnerable" point. Here's to hoping that I don't mess things up! I just want to be friends.

 

Anyhow, I made a date with him to go to a food festival tomorrow (he's a chef) so we'll see what happened. I just want to have fun, nothing major and no expectations! I can't see myself with this guy in the long term.

 

As for the ex, I thought about him somewhat but I keep telling myself that I hate his guts still. It makes things easier. It kills me a little bit that he is deliriously happy with his new girlfriend though, but I think that's just me being stupid. Who knows if they are happy or not?!?!?! Why am I comparing and why does it matter to me anyway?

 

Overall, a much better day today than yesterday because I was productive and did things that boosted my self esteem. The more I do these things, the more I feel that I don't need or want to contact the ex.

[Ryankeith]

Trying to take things one day at a time as usual. I don't know why I post on here because me and the ex communicate daily, so I really suck at NC. Even though I am accepting a little bit more every day that we aren't going to be together, there is something inside me that won't allow myself to completely let go of her (not talking at all).

 

I have felt better the last couple of days which has been great. Every time I wonder where she is or what she is doing, I tell myself that it doesn't matter because I am only in control of what I do. I can only feel what I feel and can only take responsibility for my actions. If she wants to be with someone other than me then that is her decision and there is nothing I can do about it. I think I struggled so much at the beginning because I wanted so bad to make her understand how I felt, or make her love me, or want to spend time with me. I have realized that I cannot force someone to feel anything towards me. And to even take it a step further, I should not hold it against her if her feelings have changed because she cannot help that either. The way she treats/talks to me is another story, but I honestly feel in my heart that she would not intentionally hurt me and that if she ever does it is because she could not help it. Our beautiful relationship together has ran its course and I've learned so much from it. For this I will always be greatful and would not trade our time together for anything! I hope she finds happiness somehow and knows that I will always love her and have a VERY special place for her in my heart.

 

Not being optimistic but realistic here, I don't know what the future holds for me or for the two of us. For all I know we could be soul mates and if we are meant to be together somewhere down the road it will happen. It feels amazing to atleast let go of the responsibility of our relationship failing at this point. I hope we can both find peace and happiness once again whether it be together or apart.

[iwannarun]

Day...4.

I realized that even though I miss him, I can't keep doing this to myself. I do want to talk to him, and I miss him a lottttt. But he isn't a part of my life anymore. No more. I have plenty of other friends to be there for me. I'm okay.

[WhatSetsUs]

Day 28

 

I'm basically at a month of NC and this hasn't been hard at all haha. Just proof that we get stronger after we experience heartbreak. I guess I'm not really using NC to heal or move on, but mainly to gather my thoughts and give my ex and I time apart so that I can talk to her and try to reconcile. I'm not ready to just walk away from this yet. If I do get shut down though, it will be the last time I talk to my ex. Its a little scary to think about haha.

[piruru]

Day 22

 

Woke up late and met up with the guy I've mentioned previously. I didn't want it to be a date, but inevitably, whenever a single guy and a single girl go out together, someone's going to think it's a date. He did. He never said it, but he totally did.

 

We had an alright time of sorts...I was super drunk after two beers so I needed to go home and sleep. Ended up going to his place and napping in his spare bedroom lol (my choice!)

 

In the morning when I woke up and left his place, he'd left a note by the door from the previous night, one of those "Thanks for today, blahblahblah" notes. He'd prepared some munchies for me because we'd sort of planned to eat together at night until I was too tired to function and slept the whole night. LOL.

 

In general, we don't really have much in common except our movie addiction (which is enough, I guess). He's a chef and I like eating, so I guess that's also great. I can't see myself in a long term relationship with him though. I feel sorry to him.

 

Ugh. I need to focus on the fact that I don't really like him all that much. If I get into a relationship with him now, it's only going to be because I'm lonely and sad. NOT because I want to be in a relationship with this guy and will be prepared to give up my singledom. I think I still have to work on being single for a while more.

 

Plus he's leaving for eight months in February. (Yeah, he's a chef AND he's in the military.) That would just be painful for me. I can't deal.

 

In regards to the ex, today was relatively good. But as usual, when I get drunk, I tend to get a bit depressed and so I missed him too much again. I think that may have tainted my enjoyment of the day.

 

Day 23

 

Woke up in someone's house. As I recollected myself, memories of the ex instantly flooded my mind. I took a moment to accept that the man that I loved (the man I loved before I went overseas) was dead. The guy that he is now is definitely not the guy he was in the beginning. Since I came back, he never had been that same guy. The one who made me coffee, the one who gave me the most heartwarming smiles, the one who used to cook curry for me, the one who used to give me random kisses whenever we were watching movies together. That man was dead.

 

The hardest thing that I have to accept now is that the man he is now is not the good person that the previous man was. I could trust this man at the beginning -- he was so genuine. The new one? I don't think so. I wouldn't trust him with my life.

 

Maybe it was just meant to be a fling. Maybe it wasn't meant to go any further than that. Maybe the moment it became a "relationship" that he started to pull away and he stopped loving me. I don't know anymore, I just know that a little piece of me still wants him back.

 

Anyhow, as I mentioned earlier, when I left this guy's house, I found that he'd left me a note and some food he'd made. It was nice. It was sweet. With the thoughts of the ex still fresh in my mind, it was impossible to see it as anything other than that.

 

I still have work to do to get over the ex.

[Auscheer]

Attempting NC as a way to allow space for my ex and I both to heal and maybe we will once more be in mental spaces that allow us to be together. Maybe we won't, but it's got to be better than pushing him, and dwelling on my loss.

 

This is a kind of day -1, I will be beginning NC tomorrow as I've already spoken to him today. We discussed whether he felt comfortable being friends. He wanted to wait and said maybe he'd be ready to see me in a week or so (we were together for two and a half years, have been broken up for two months, with a lot of begging, tormoil and pain in that time, only one hook up). I'm fairly proud that I just said, 'whatever he needed' but also let him know I do want him in my life, without seeming needy (or as much as I normally do). I think he still wants me in his life, but the way I have acted throughout the breakup has pushed him away. It has only been just over a week since I last came to him crying hysterically and begging him to take me back, and I know he is afraid it is coming every time we speak, because for a while there, it would come everytime we spoke. I want to prove to myself, and as a result, him, that I can be stable, that I can take back my life and that I can be a good part of his life, not just an emotional burden. I feel like this a good time to do it, because I can also see if he will contact me 'in a week or so' without me initiating contact. He also has a new 'crush', I guess is the best term, and though I'm not sure he'l act on it, this will give him the space to figure it out.

[Auscheer]

Forgot to mention that today I almost reminded him about the phone bill (his phone is still on my account) and his share of the gas bill from before he moved out. I told him what date he had to come pick up the rest of his furniture before (less than a month), so I will have no excuse to talk to him.

[natalia486]

It's been 6 months NC for me, I ran into him once and spoke to him, I also looked for him twice during a difficult time I had, but I didn't get a hold of him so I left it alone, that was before running into him in October when he said he would come over but never did. I have since then deleted my facebook account, and although during the holidays I was sad, I can say that everything is slowly sinking in, and time has away has surely helped. Although I love him still, I am not sure of what I want at this moment. I guess love has turned into disappointment, and thinking that I meant more to him that what I've seen. Maybe I didn't, at this point in time I am not even sure I want him to contact me. NC has really helped me. We live in the same city (very small city) and we live only a few blocks away and I have been avoiding places where I know we can see him. Coming to this site has been lots of help..I will continue to be NC, since he is the one that dropped me I do not plan to contact him ever again unless I run into him and I know that I will not approach him..In fact I'm not even sure of how I will feel about it. If they left you as much as you want to contact them dont. You'll just end up feeling stupid, believe me you will, I did even though I didn't reach him, but he didn't try to even find out what was my visit about.

[simplyme01]

DAY 1

 

Sunday morning & I am missing him. It's been a week to the day since I've seen him. We've been together a year & a half. Have broken up a few times, for the same reason, and have always gotten back together. This time, I'm not so sure we will. Even though I know in my heart it is for the best, that doesn't make it easier. Sunday mornings, he gets up, makes the coffee, gets the paper & we sit in bed together...drinking coffee & reading the paper. This morning, it's me. Our breakup was ugly. He hurt me & I said some REALLY mean things that I've apologized for but can never take back. Since last Sunday, Ive called him a few times, left messages, we talked (yelled) a couple times. I've sent a zillion text messages...one right after another, just pouring my heart our, pathetic. Yesterday I took a huge step...I blocked both of us from being able to contact the other via cell phone. This does make it so much easier. I am not tempted to send a text every time something comes to mind, & i don't keep looking at my phone for a call or text from him. I sent him 2 emails yesterday, with no response from him. None the less, my heart is beyond broken. I miss him so bad. I really think we're over. I know the best thing for both of us is NC. God help me...

[piruru]

Day 23 continued

 

Did the gardening, something I've been procrastinating for a while. The garden is kind of huge and the amount of stuff I have to do is not a one person job, so I recruited a couple of friends to help out. They don't drive so I also had to drive and pick them up, conquering my fear of driving yet again. In general, it was very productive. Yay for building up your self esteem!! I don't think I've ever felt better than I do right now. Everybody go build up your self esteem!!!

 

The guy who I am sort of seeing asked me out to see a movie on Tuesday too. I really think he is interested in me on a "more than just friends" level which makes me a bit uncomfortable, considering I haven't fully recovered yet. I like him as a friend though, so I didn't turn him down.

 

At the moment I really just want to build up my self esteem to the point where I feel that I can do almost anything. I just want to work on myself -- whatever else comes along with it is great. I don't care about relationships and men anymore. Screw it all.

 

I want to have a higher self esteem than that crappy guy who hurt me. I want to be so strong that the next time he sees me in this tiny little town, he'll realise that he hasn't even left a dent in my life that he will have to start questioning his own self importance.

 

Still have feelings that the ex is a giant jerk.

 

You know the one song I want to sing to my ex? Michelle Branch - Are You Happy Now. Perfect song for me and that guy.

 

Particularly the lines "Do you really have everything you want? You can't ever give something you ain't got, you can't run away from yourself." -- he's never going to find a perfect love for him, his "soulmate" or whatever he is searching for. He doesn't have what it takes -- heck, he doesn't even believe in working things out. No one is going to be "perfect" enough for him.

[Janeiac]

Day 1 of my accepting Superdave's challenge. Thanks, Superdave, for doing this! (BTW-- I knew a guy called Superdave in the SRNE MC club-- is that you???)

Even though it's been around two weeks since I've literally had no contact with my ex -- and I had already resolved to avoid contact at least for one month-- I only just found this thread today.

The first few days I was just a zombie. I know I'm handling this breakup much better than I have ever done in the past, however. I have learned to practice nonchalance-- another great thread on here that turned out to be something I was alreading doing for myself-- and the results were that I avoided having the crying jags and the meltdowns and trying to obsessively call him and beg him to come back to me. In fact, I'd been practicing nonchalacne throughout the relationship and it helped me tremendously to avoid drama, screaming, fighting, and tears. But I'm still sad and hurting and lonely, and even though my head knows he wasn't right for me, and I technically initiated the breakup and had been considering doing it for some time, my heart still aches for him. I have still cried, although I've done it alone in my bed and not all over him. I haven't nagged, whined, nor demanded anything-- not until the very end when I caught him cheating on me emotionally and he tried to deny it. At that time, I demanded that he choose her or me.

He chose her. That stings.

I feel like I've had a dagger shoved into my chest and there it remains. Part of the pain is in the shabby way he treated me. I know I deserve better than that, and not only did he show me he wasn't respecting me, I couldn't respect myself if I allowed it to continue.

I put him out of my mind when thoughts arise; I don't obsess over him, I don't look at pictures, I don't romanticize our past times together, and I don't sit around praying for him to just love me, as much as I wish it. I've known for some time that no one can change another person, and I'm letting him go.

I find other things to occupy my thoughts-- this forum is great-- and watching movies and fun cop shows on TV. I have a puppy, and I've been taking her for daily long walks, up and down the snow-covered hills on the golf course next door,and getting great workouts! I took the sudden loss of appetite I've experienced as a great opportunity to lose the weight I've gained. I really hate being this overweight, and I'm eager to get back into great shape as I used to be. I'm doing that for myself. I can feel I've already lost a noticeable amount of weight, and while it's not enough, I'm heading in the right direction and I'm better than I was.

I've made my plans for my birthday party so I won't be sitting home alone on that day.

I have a lot to look forward to and much for which I am grateful. I won't be sad about him forever, and now I am free to find someone who truly loves me and with whom I can be happy.

[gez2705]

Well here we go again another post.

 

Its been 14 days yes a whole two weeks since me and my ex have had any contact the longest period of no communication since the day we met.

I know I am doing NC for me to help me move on and better myself.

But I am also doing it for my ex girlfriend so she also has a period of time to either miss me or to her help move on herself.

Neither she can do with me in her face txting her calling her etc

I'm giving her all the space she requires either way I'm a winner she comes back I'm a double winner cos I'm a better person and I have a relationship with her as well.

(hate calling my ex her or she so from now on going to call her C its much nicer)

If C never comes back to me I know I have done the right thing walked away with my dignity intact and become a better person as well so I win in that respect as well.

I have taken a big step today I know I have issues with my anger never been violent but seem to lose my temper very quickly over the smallest thing and don't know

why so today have been in touch with a counceller who's speciallity is anger managment and have my first meeting an assessment with him tomorrow I'm rather scared to tell you the truth .

I don't know what to expect but I know its a positive move .

I also ordered some books from Amazon a while ago about step children and how to interact with them etc C has two children and I found it very hard to interact with them on occasions I read one book cover to cover (why did I not do this as soon as I met C one book I've read has been so insightful it should be required reading for any person taking on some other persons children )

 

What really annoyes me is that I may never be able to tell C what I have done and am doing to improve myself and how I know I will come through this a much better person and she will never know.

I now thats a contradiction because NC is for me not for her LOL

[WhatSetsUs]

Day 29

 

I'm feeling pretty down all of a sudden. My brother just left to go back to college so now the person that I've spent the most time with since I've been home is gone. Most of my friends have also gone back to school so for this last week that I'm home it'll be pretty lonely. I am missing my ex more than usual, but tomorrow I do think I am going to break NC. No more waiting around and just hoping for something to happen, why not just get out there and give it a try.

[Auscheer]

DAY 1

 

Okay this is the beginning. We have maybe only not spoken (yes, initiated by me 99.5 per cent of the time) a handful of days during the two months we've been broken up. If I make it through the month, hell, if I make it through the week it will be the longest we haven't spoken since the day we met almost three years ago. Which is scary, because I believe we have a future together still, I just need to give myself and him some space, but it is also how it's meant to be. If we don't ever get back together ... we aren't supposed to be talking all the time. I need to learn to get by without him. So.

 

I slept in and had a pretty awful dream I found out my ex (let's call him S) had reignited contact with his high-school girlfriend, the ex before me that he was heartbroken over. I ran to confront him and was so upset I think I was crying in my sleep. When I did he denied it, told me he didn't want to do this anymore and that I'm the only one he loves. I woke up as I was crying on his lap and saying 'why are you doing this to me?' He has a new love interest at the moment, so it's pretty easy to analyse that dream haha. Especially considering early in our relationship I was always paranoid he wasn't over her. Early in our relationship he wasn't over her ... it makes me worried that he will do the same thing he did with me and jump into a relationship with this new girl. When I woke up I thought he had really told me he wanted to get back together. Took a bit to sink in and I started the day bawling my eyes out and feeling sorry for myself.

 

I wasted a lot of the day and cried maybe three or four times, which isn't that bad for me. I'm in a bit of a rut with this. I did talk to my roomate for a long time, watched some hilarious TV, and did some productive work and washing. I got good career news, which has given me a project to focus on for the next few days at least, and did brighten my mood. I'm feeling down again because it's night time and I now have to sleep with my light on every night, and I usually cry as I'm trying to sleep. I'm not good at sleeping by myself, never have been. But I know I'll be going to stay with a friend whose dad has passed away tomorrow so not only will I be able to spend some time with her, it will put my stupid, inconsequential problems in perspective.

 

Just generally as part of my NC I have decided not to block FB, not even on chat. He hasn't had to initiate contact in so long, that I'm really doubtful he will. At least for a while. And because I've been so horrible and pushy, trying to get back together almost every day, I want him to know I have the chance to talk to him but am choosing to give him space. So if he feels ready to come to me, it will be because he wants to, and while I wouldn't ignore it, I would be polite and nonchalant and casual. However it's only day one and knowing me this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm a bit of a stalker so I will keep checking his profile etc, because it's somehow calming to know what he's doing, and that he's okay. Once I start to get back on track maybe it would be healthier to stop doing that, but for now I don't think I can go that cold turkey.

 

I miss him incredibly and just want him here with me. The dream this morning really shook me because in the half-sleep moments where I thought that had actually happened I was so happy. He says he still loves me but it's too late to go back and it can't work out. I don't know a way around that thinking so all I can do is leave it and hope I heal a bit, hope he misses me and remembers the good times, hope he doesn't start a relationship with this other girl ... here goes.

[simplyme01]

Day 2

 

This isn't easy at all. My heart aches. The best thing that I did was to block "both of us" from being able to contact the other via text message or phone call. This helps so much. Otherwise, I don't know I would be able to not send a text message. Right now, I feel an emptiness. Like a part of me is missing. 2 things that continue to go through my mind, what is he doing? And, is he thinking about or missing me? Those 2 questions are weighing heavy. I know I hurt him with the horrible things that I said, after he hurt me. And then the crazy text messages I couldn't stop sending for 2 days. I don't know if he'll ever come back. The fact of the matter is...I'm not so sure that I really want him back. I do love him, tons. But I don't think things will change & I think we are in 2 different places when it comes to a relationship & what's important to make it work. I feel like "if" we ever did get back together, it would be a matter of time before we are here again. So, I think for me...I need to just get over him and move on. Not hope that he comes around, wants to get back together & we'll live happily ever after. In the mean time, I do miss him & the so many wonderful times that we shared