THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[MeticulousMan]

Day 25, a bit of confusion here as I suppose I am truly starting to accept it, and maybe she was right actually, it has given me a kick to get my act together, be a more confident person and to focus on my university work instead of not taking it seriously.

 

Maybe in a few months if she hasn't gotten in contact I'll write her a letter, not sure what I'll say but probably something along the lines of that I hope she didn't think that by me going NC I don't care about her, it's the opposite and to tell her how the break-up might actually have been the right decision as it spurred me on to become a better person. We will see whether or not I write to her, I just hope I can take NC one day at a time like I have been, and I hope everyone on here gets a happy outcome, NC is very good for you in the right circumstances, so keep yourself going strong! : )

[marsbars]

Day 9

Got an email from a mutual friend yesterday saying that she saw my ex on Friday night and he is not doing so well. He's seeking counselling in Jan. Seeing his name made my heart skip. I replied to her this morning letting her know that he requested to cut ties and that I was respecting it for him but more importantly for me. And that cutting ties means cutting ties. I asked her not to bring him up to me (and not to share anything about me with him ). I want to deal with my own emotions and I can't worry about him. I'm starting to be as selfish as he's been and it feels good.

She agreed. She said that cutting ties will make it feel more real. I wanted to ask her: for me? for him?

Hitting the double digits tomorrow...an accomplishment in itself.

[kennyc90]

Day 48

 

I didn't post yesterday so I will post now. Yesterday I felt like crap. I was thinking too much. Sucks when I have those days.

[Bobbadoo]

day 34:

 

Getting those weekend blues but got through it with by being with family. She sent me a useless email the other day, probably trying to reach out to me so we can become friends but thats not what I want so I did not respond. Makes me feel better knowing I'm on her mind so continuing NC to keep that uncertainty in her alive.

[Starrgrl]

Two weeks NC

 

I'm eager to beat my 118 days of NC record this time lmfao. Going to Fiji tmrw. Can I say a yessssssss? I'll be just fine. Can't wait for 2011! Start of sth new

[Glowguy]

Day 3

 

Made it another day. It's getting harder rather than easier. Nights are the absolute worst for me. I seem to do fine throughout the day but towards the end I just run out of things to do and my mind starts wandering back to the relationship. I'm noticing couples every time I go outside and it's tough realizing I just don't have that anymore. I hope I can find someone better for me but I have plenty of work to do before I'm in a place to open myself up again. I haven't been able to go longer than a half hour without thinking about her yet. My emotions are bouncing between anger, anxiety, and despair. I keep second guessing the decision and wondering what would have happened if I did things differently

 

I know she wants to see me over the holidays and suggested I bring some of her stuff, but I know that's a terrible idea. Part of me really wants to do it. The other part thinks is pointless and will just set me back. Thanks for the support everyone. We can do this!

[kennyc90]

Day 49

 

It's officially been 7 weeks since I last saw her and tried to text her. Wow 7 weeks ago was the day I accidentally saw her. These weekends are really tough. It seems like days are getting harder and harder. Is it because of the holiday season? She's probably talking to her new boyfriend as we speak. Heck, I don't even know if they are official. Since I found out that they were talking again, I took a step back from healing but at the same time I'm healing faster. Somehow I'm accepting the fact that she likes this guy a lot and I can't really do anything about it. I won't view him as competition. The best thing I can do is to just work on myself. Earlier today, I added her brother on facebook. I saw her profile but there is no way I will add her as a friend. At least not yet, I'm definitely not ready yet. I need more time, more time to heal, for her to forget the negative thoughts about me. Time is a great medicine to heal. I still love her with all my heart. It's been 6 months since I last kissed her. Ugh I need to stop thinking about that. I love you so much, I hope you feel it.

[marsbars]

Day 10 I have asked mutual friends not to give me updates on him anymore. Moving on but still trying to figure out how we got to this place?? Does he still love me? Does he have regrets? Will he contact me at xmas?

[Calblee]

kenny - you are doing well. i have been following your updates since the day i joined ENA. You sound like a really nice and sweet chap and i hope you find someone else better.

 

also, where i come from, i had my first breakup while i was in army conscription. it took me a long time to get over it (1 year) because in the army, there was nothing else better to look at and i constantly think about her in the down time. however, i did spend all my book out of camp time to find new hobby.

 

i took french language classes and started gymming daily. also took to new sports. in the end, i moved on while i started to find happiness and excitement in my own life again.

 

you can do it bro!

[perio]

Just over 3 months

 

I am doing well. I don't have the viseral feelings anymore when I think of her. I remain concerned and still try to make sense of things in her last two letters and our last.conversation. I realize.this is my final stage of letting go and I'm almost there. I am now employing some techniques to end my lingering thoughts about my ex so that I think of her no more. I will list the books I have read and these techniques on this thread and in a separate "resource thread" so that.others might find them helpful.

 

I am in a relationship at this time and its going very well. I am building on my already existing positive and true feelings. We have been friends for years and it kind of just fell into place. She is an amazing woman. I don't know where it is going but I am allowing it to progress. I am committed to leave my ex to her own path. I wish her all the.best and hope she can enjoy her sister for as.long as possible. There is no doubt that my new relationship has been key in my processing. I would not have entered into a new relationship with anyone else. This just happened to be a unique situation. I dint know what the.future will hold but things do get better.

[piruru]

Day 6

Didn't have time to think about the ex that much(too busy). It feels much better to be productive. Focusing my energies, the ones that I had previously devoted to maintaining the relationship, on doing things that benefit me has been very helpful. I am feeling good about myself again. I sometimes catch myself smiling again too -- something i thought wouldn't happen for a while. Unfortunately at the end of the day, I kinda let myself down and bought 2 tickets to see a movie. I don't have a date so I am hoping beyond hope that by then ex and I would be friendly again. Stupid, I know. I am determined not to be affected by whether the ex is going to want to be friends or not. I thought a little about our relationship/him throughout the day but did not allow myself to dwell and stop improving myself. All in all, a progressive day.

[iwannarun]

I'm not sure what day it is...Day 9 maybe? It's been 2 weeks since I've initiated any kind of contact with him. It's difficult, but I'm doing it. I'm not moving on, but I'm doing ok!

[Glowguy]

Day 4

 

Strange but I feel totally fine right now. I came home from work and took a short nap and felt great afterward. I have no idea why. Earlier in the day I was a wreck. I had to drive my car to the corner of the parking lot at work because I thought I was going to lose it. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack.

 

I remember thinking about her while I was drifting off and how stubborn she was. There is no way she is coming back because she would never ever admit being wrong or accept any of the blame for us not working. Maybe I came to a place of acceptance and realized that I don't need her to define my happiness. Well whatever it is I'm glad to finally feel okay even if it's just for a moment.

[kennyc90]

kenny - you are doing well. i have been following your updates since the day i joined ENA. You sound like a really nice and sweet chap and i hope you find someone else better.

 

also, where i come from, i had my first breakup while i was in army conscription. it took me a long time to get over it (1 year) because in the army, there was nothing else better to look at and i constantly think about her in the down time. however, i did spend all my book out of camp time to find new hobby.

 

i took french language classes and started gymming daily. also took to new sports. in the end, i moved on while i started to find happiness and excitement in my own life again.

 

you can do it bro!

 

Thanks bro I will take your advice!

[kennyc90]

Day 50

 

Wow I'm getting old lol jk. Today really wasn't all that great. Well, I watched the movie "TRON" which was pretty awesome. I like futuristic, fantasy movies like that. I dressed up nice to go to the movie theaters. Women were checking me out because I saw them. But yeah. I'm really tired today. Tomorrow will be a long work day since I have to stay on the ship. For some reason, the weather here in San Diego isn't very cheery. It's been raining a lot. Umm I also went to the track to do some high intensity interval training. My legs are sore lol. My abs will be sore tomorrow as well.

 

I'm thinking about her a lot lately. Sometimes I wish that I just didn't care. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart. I love her so much. 50 days just isn't enough time, enough space between me and her. I'm slowly moving into the phase where I want to experience some fun out there, that includes having flings with other women. I always think about it too. Whatever I guess.. I'm letting myself open from now on. I won't feel guilty if I slept with another woman. I need to enjoy my own sex life too as she's probably enjoying it with her new partner. I guess whatever happens, happens. All you beautiful women out there, go ahead and have me. I promise you will love what you see my physique has totally changed. Man my ex is missing out.

[iwannarun]

Day 10:

It feels like so much longer since I've spoken to him. Granted, we haven't had a REAL conversation in more than 3 weeks...I really miss him a lot right now. I know I will be plenty busy the next 2 weeks, and that keeps me going. But gosh I miss him so much. I've just got to keep going, I know. I'm happy when I'm with my friends. So I need to be with them more!

[Glowguy]

Day 5

 

Right after I posted yesterday I saw that I had a missed call. It was from the ex. I'm glad I didn't see it ringing because I would have been very tempted to answer it. She didn't leave a voice mail so I have no idea what she was calling about. It's probably for the best. It did set me back a little just seeing that she called and I was really curious. I almost reached out to her right before since I came accross something that I knew she would be interested in. I kept myself in check but I really felt like a terrible person for not making an attempt to talk to her. I felt so guilty and selfish. I can't be there for her in that way anymore and I know I'll just end up getting hurt.

 

I realize that I have a lot of bitterness and resentment toward her and as much as I hate to admit, it's the only thing keeping me from contacting her. I know now that I just didn't trust her. She was so defensive and just didn't care how I felt. At the end, she was hiding things - she put new passwords on her phone and email, deleted all the texts between her and her guy friends, and went to see her most recent ex twice. I wanted to believe her so badly and I ignored the times she disrespected me. I'm just going to assume she's involved with her friend. All the evidence points to it and it will help me move on.

 

At least tomorrow will be easy. No pressure to contact since I'll be on a plane all day.

[piruru]

I just realised I mislabelled my previous post and forgot to post yesterday. Ah well.

 

Day 9

NC is getting harder. Busy working all day. It successfully distracted me from thinking about the ex most of the time. I ended up having to drive past his house at night though and I saw that his car wasn't in the driveway. It made me wonder what he was up to but then I realised that that is not my job anymore. I should not be worrying or thinking about what he's doing -- he probably doesn't give a damn about me.

 

I keep hoping that he will contact me on my birthday (tomorrow). I want to kill that hope, but it's not easy.

 

Day 10

My birthday. Friends have been saying happy birthday all over the place but I can't find it in myself to be happy. As of 4pm, I have done nothing all day so far except sleep. Sleep is where I can still be with my ex, still see him and talk to him. Bad idea, I know. I cried a little when I woke up and the sun was shining ... it was hard to avoid the reality. Knowing that made my heart hurt all over again. I've gotten most of myself back (probably 60% okay) but my chest feels so hollow, like there's a hole in there. Not my whole body like it was initially, now it is just my chest. I acknowledge that this is a problem that will require time and giving myself TLC to fill up. I don't want to fill it up with rubbish anymore. I don't want to fill it with things that don't fit anymore and by trying to force it to fit, I ruin everything.

 

The ex has made no moves to contact me, and probably won't contact me. He probably won't even contact me during the holidays to wish me a "Merry Christmas" or "happy new year" or anything like that. He is so cold. In a way it is a good thing though, as I am so not ready to have anything to do with him. Talking with him will only tear the wound in my heart right back open... and I've done so much work to get it to this point that I do not want to sabotage my recovery in any way.

[perio]

89 days

 

I had a dream about her last night, one of only two since the break up. The first was about 3 weeks after and it was simply a warm beautiful embrace. Last nights dream was in a social setting. I don't remember exactly what happened because I deliberately did not think about it afterward, maybe I should have. I really hope she is doing well. My emotions are a little high because of the season but are in check. They actually are not negative but continplative in nature and reflective. I am so fortunate to have all that all that I have in my life and to have had a wonder relationship with her. I am ready now to speak with her should she reach out and fill me in on how things are going. I have always had good relationships with my exes and I hope I can with her as well. Time will tell.

[lostgirlaus]

I have no idea what day I'm at anymore...

 

I broke up with him 7 weeks ago, and in that time I broke NC twice. I never really felt bad about breaking NC because I wasn't doing anything stupid like begging and asking him to come back. I was straight forward with what I wanted which was my money back which he owed me. I messaged him again today reminding him that he had said he'd pay me today and that I expected it in my account by the end of the day.

 

For the past few days I can't help but miss him so much. It was this time last year we first started talking, it's the holiday season and I feel so alone. In a week it would have been our 1 year. We would have been going away for our anniversary. Instead I'm going with a girl friend.

 

Sighh I hate this and I miss him so much

[kennyc90]

Day 51

 

Yesterday it was my duty day. It went smooth and no problems. I had a good shift and I got plenty of sleep.

[kennyc90]

Day 52

 

I got off early from work today. It was nice for a change. Umm pretty much the highlight of my day was I had an amazing workout today! Man it felt great. But yeah other than that, looking forward to tomorrow. I'm planning on gift wrapping tomorrow lol I haven't even done that yet. I'm also planning on baking cookies. But yeah today wasn't too bad of a day. I just can't wait until I see my parents. It's been 1 year since I last saw them. It's been 1 year since I've taken leave in the military. I can't wait this time... I miss you guys.

[piruru]

Day 11

 

It gets harder everyday, that's for sure. I woke up early and went on a roadtrip to socialise with some friends. I didn't think about the ex at all. But during the roadtrip, I fell asleep and lo and behold, the ex turns up in my dream. I remembered how happy I was around him, how secure about myself and our relationship I felt at the beginning. I missed that feeling. The happiness without pressure. In pressuring him, I pressured myself and our relationship. It was never strong enough to withhold that pressure. It was so natural to start with... at which point did our relationship start becoming unnatural? We both felt it, but I didn't act. He did however and I resent him for it. That's not right.

 

My feelings fluctuated throughout the day between missing him so much that it was hard to breathe, to hating him for leaving me and thinking that he is a rubbish guy anyway. I'm not entirely sure where I stand anymore. I want to call him so badly, but I realise it's not going to change anything. He probably wouldn't appreciate me bothering him either.

 

I think I may contact him after the new year though. IDK.

 

I think at night I always tend to get a bit depressed. I miss him so much. I realise I am a mess now, and that I just cannot be in a relationship with anybody because of it. Somehow I keep trying to justify that if only he would accept me as a friend, I would be content with my unrequited romance. I don't know why, but I feel like I would be okay with living in pain. I am so messed up. Ugh. Back to working on myself.

[chocmole]

It had to happen sooner or later. I broke NC last night because his cell phone is under my name and he hasn't been paying his bills. I texted him asking him when he was free next week to get on a conference call with me and the cell phone company to transfer the account to his name. He said that was a good idea and asked how I have been. I shouldn't have responded but I did. Then we exchanged a few texts in which he told me he's been sick and that he has a test today. It made me wish I was there to take care of him. Sigh. I'm not as over it as I thought.

[Glowguy]

Crap. I broke NC too. I caved and sent her an email for the holidays. I just wished her a happy holiday, told her I missed her, and discussed something I've been reading and asked for her address so I could mail her the rest of her stuff. I steered clear of any relationship discussion. I guess I wanted to her to know I was thinking about her and I don't expect any response (and haven't gotten any). I have been checking my email pretty frequently so I am hoping she says something. It's tough this time of year. Happy holidays everyone. I hope we all find someone special in the new year. I'll probably try this again when I get back to CA after the holidays.