MeticulousMan

Need to vent a little, i'm not angry i just need to write this down somewhere, and ENA is the perfect place : ) Day...let me add this up now, I stopped counting a week or so ago It's day 38 of NC, and I feel quite good in general because I have been working on myself for around 3 weeks now, and I feel like i've actually made some progress in my confidence and my shyness, Id be the first to admit I'm not cured, far from it! But I am happy to be making progress. Anyway I guess it must be boredom or something, because I was really considering for a while today that I should try to get in touch with my ex, be friends or something just so I can speak to her again. It sucks I suppose to know that I'm still not as far moved on as I want to be , but I don't know what else I can do. I blocked her on facebook etc., we are long distance, opposite ends of the country so very very unlikely we'd run into one another. I have her mobile number and address and if i wanted to i could always get in touch, but I'm strong enough to keep myself going with the notion that if she wanted me back she will be the one to break nc, as one of my close friends said the night that i broke up with my ex, if i leave her alone and she comes back by myself, then that's the only way i'll know for sure she comes back out of love for me... Oh well, that's kind of a sad thought in a way...if she dosen't come back it is sad i mean, but I know it's for the best : ) Maybe I just need to find something to occupy my time a bit better, i'm gonna try that, if you read this then I hope things work out for you in the best way possible!

Day 25, a bit of confusion here as I suppose I am truly starting to accept it, and maybe she was right actually, it has given me a kick to get my act together, be a more confident person and to focus on my university work instead of not taking it seriously. Maybe in a few months if she hasn't gotten in contact I'll write her a letter, not sure what I'll say but probably something along the lines of that I hope she didn't think that by me going NC I don't care about her, it's the opposite and to tell her how the break-up might actually have been the right decision as it spurred me on to become a better person. We will see whether or not I write to her, I just hope I can take NC one day at a time like I have been, and I hope everyone on here gets a happy outcome, NC is very good for you in the right circumstances, so keep yourself going strong! : )

Today has been probably the hardest day yet, I ended up watching 500 Days of Summer to try and make myself feel a bit better but it made me feel worse, hey ho. I want to post on the blog site we both use but I'm scared you'll take that as a step i've moved on, or worse, you'll take it as a step I haven't and feel better about it. I wish you had tried to work through with me what upset you, instead of just running away at the first signs of trouble. I guess I feel good in some ways as I know I didn't do anything major like cheat on you, but at the same time i feel worse since if it was a big thing i'd have more chance of getting you back, or so it feels. Like i said when i told you i couldn't be friends, I wish you all the best and i meant it, maybe you have realised you aren't as mature about relationships as you are about most other things. Maybe we just didn't click in person, but after 3 dates of which 2 were pretty amazing i don't quite know what changed your mind. Maybe you did find someone else, and good luck with that, but i'm better. Shame you lost that, but other girls have shown an interest, so I'm going to find a way to give them their chance before I put any more effort into giving you any more ammunition to shoot me down with. (writing this made me feel better already, thanks op!)